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WCW Thunder 8/16/2000
TO THE BACK. Nash is getting some water when Rick Steiner says that Scott should be the number one contender. Nash offers Rick a match and if Rick wins, Scott can be the number one contender. The Canadian secret service accompanies Team Canada in their limo. Cat and Ms. Jones confronts them and books them in a match against the MIA. Pierre totally has fat kid shorts on and adjust his shirt like the fat guy who broke the plastic chair. What I'm saying is HE'S FAT!
Kronik vs Four Jobbers
Crush has a what feels like an hour long promo before the match. They say they will beat their four opponents in under 2 minutes. One dude I thought was Chris Daniels cosplaying as Scotty Too Hottie. And another who kind looked like Vic Grimes and Supreme. And then a guy in the most unflattering purple tights imaginable. Kronik win with 17 seconds left on the clock. The Harris Brothers cut an awful promo on the ThunderVision and ride away into the sunset. I wish it had been forever, but I'm not that lucky.
Show run down. MIA vs Team Canada, a one on one interview with Jeff Jarrett, Nash vs Rick Steiner for the number on contendership, the Filthy Animals will defend their titles, and the match of the Millennium: Mean Gene vs Mark Madden.
TO THE BACK. Mike Sanders talks to the Filthy Animals about how he went to the Power Plant with the NBT guys. He wants to join a group. Konnan isn't into it. Vampiro is mad and throws a shovel through a bathroom stall. Muta makes a bunch of weird Muta noises.
David Flair has come to the ring. He's very excited and brings Stacy Kiebler to the ring. David is about to ask Stacy to marry him with the MIA hit the ring to interrupt. What. They hold her in the corner while AWOL beats the shit out of David. I guess this is pay back for what he did to Gunns on Nitro. Stacy didn't even seem to care very much. But she did dig in his pocket to take the ring and walked off.
TO THE BACK. Paula is with the MIA. Yes, it was revenge for Gunns. Hugh compares Team Canada to gremlins after midnight. Hugh is still wearing his FUBAR shirt. Bischoff hasn't even been in the company for two months. Crowbar checks on Daffney to make sure she's okay. She's over David, but someone has delivered chocolates to her.
The Filthy Animals vs Jindrak/O'Haire WCW Tag Team Championships
Tony calls Mike Sanders "Mark" Sanders. Mike Sanders might be lamer than Disco. Konnan and Stevie Ray on color. Crazy double hip toss to Juvi. Tygress joins the booth. 5 person announce team. WCW really loved having tons of people at the booth every show. I'm not sure I've seen a show that didn't have at least one match with a guest commentator. And that is in addition to the 3 man team. Seanton Bomb, but Disco distract the ref. Mike Sanders pepper sprays him and Konnan. The Natural Born Thrillers attack. Well, they aren't officially the NBT yet. And Meat wasn't there.
TO THE BACK. Gene asks Norman for some tips. Norman wants out of the hardcore division, but he'll give Gene some tips. Gene is thinking a pile driver or frankensteiner. 3 Count is practicing their new song. Tank comes in listening to the new song and thinks it sucks. They need to get back in the studio.
The Demon vs The Great Muta
Where did Muta's awesome entrance gear go? He was wearing it in the back when he was making weird Muta sounds. Tenay says that Muta has been successful "here in the States". They show was in Canada. Demon's cod piece is excellent. Vampiro walks down while Demon is in a half crab. Muta hits Demon with the kendo stick right in front of the ref. The ref actually bumped into it. Then Muta throws it over the top rope while the ref is looking right at him. "The ref didn't see it." Stevie Ray knows that's bullshit and questions it a few times. Muta gets out of the Love Gun with the green mist. Stevie Ray calls the cobra clutch as the Japanese name, which stuns Tony. Moonsault for the win. After the match, Vamp beats on Demon while Muta tries to eat one of the ropes. Vamp says he's got big plans for Sting at Fall Brawl.
TO THE BACK. Someone is knocking on Rick's door. Apparently someone is teasing him. Paula is with Mark Madden. If you speed up Mark Madden just slightly, he sounds and looks just like Comic Book Guy.
Team Canada vs MIA
I like Stevie shitting constantly on everyone. He's like the black and awesome Michael Cole. Lance makes Hugh tap out to the Maple Leaf. Post match, Lance won't release the hold while the crowd cheers him on. Cat comes down with a chair to break it up, but Lance lets go before he can use it. Lance ambushes Cat as soon as he turns around.
Cat is still in the ring. He challenges Lance to a match right now. Lance agrees, but only if Cat puts up his commissionership. Cat agrees and bans Team Canada from the ring.
Lance Storm vs The Cat Canadian Championship/Commissionership
This sounds like booking yourself into a corner. Cat hits the Feliner. The ref makes an extremely slow count because Pierre completely missed his cue to break up the pin. DQ win for Cat in about 2 minutes. Cat says he's going to get Lance on Nitro.
TO THE BACK. Paula is with Rick Steiner. A piece of the set falls down and Rick freaks out at the crew.
Mark Madden vs Mean Gene Okerlund Street Fight
"Hold up there, Big Man. We've got a very short evening ahead of us, so you can BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS!" Gene calls for a pose down. Then he calls for Mark to take his shirt off. Forearm shiver sends Madden down. Madden is fighting in Gene's guard. He's got a rape choke!
If Madden can pass guard, there is a good chance he could finish this in the first round. He has a perfect opportunity to reign down some hammer fists. Who trained this guy? Greg Jackson wouldn't stand for that shit. Maybe he was injured during the training camp and it is leaving him a bit tentative in the ring? Gene looks to be bidding his time and looking for an opportunity for a triangle or gogoplata. Norman comes out, but Pierre takes him out. Vito makes a save. Big right hand. HE ROCKED HIM! Madden recovered, but he's weary. Madden is going for a Vader Bomb. Paula Poundstone rolls Gene out of the way and punches Madden in the dick. Gene wins. AND IT IS ALLLLLL OVERRRR! Fucking WCW. Gene is totally drilling that YAK.
TO THE BACK. Vito talks to the Cat and wants a match with Pierre.
TO THE INTERVIEW.
Tony interviewed Jeff Jarrett on a beach. Jeff talks about the change of wrestling over the past 10 years. He laments the death of the territories and how the young guys don't really get a chance to learn how to work. Tony actually says "work rate". Tony asks if Jeff feels leaving the WWF at the start of their prosperity was the right decision. The start? October 1999 was the start of WWF's prosperity? Lol. Tony says that Jeff vs Booker at NBR was the match of the year. Jeff says it wasn't, nor was it the best match in his career. This was weird. It was about how Jeff thinks the company should be run and how the constant regime changes are killing the company, but they're finally on the right track. Much less shooty and annoying than the previous Thunder interviews.
TO THE BACK. Kidman thanks Vito for saving him over and over since Billy is a creepy cunt who keeps sticking his giant nose into places where it doesn't belong. I can say he has a giant nose because I'm a Jew, too. SUCK IT KIDMAN.
Alevai eize kelev ya'anos et ima shelha ve otha gam!
Carl Outlette vs Big Vito
Carl has such a weird body. Actually, so does Vito. But nowhere near the oddness of Pierre. I think the weird Sabu genie pants he wore made him look shorter and fatter. They just throw bombs on each other for 2-3 minutes and Vito hits his spinning DDT for the win. Poor Carl. They bring him in to be in Team Canada only to have him lose his title in the first defense, mess up his intro, he misses his cue during his run in, and then loses to Vito in 2 minutes. Why even bother to bring him in? It's been two shows and he's clearly a joke. Reno comes to the ring and fights with Vito. The ref stays in the ring and this is now a match I think.
Vito vs Reno?
Maybe. Reno rolls the dice. He gets a chair and Kidman flies down to drop kick it. Now they brawl. "Suckas gots ta know, leave those women alone!" The rest of the NBT hit the ring and Kidman fights them off on his own until they gang up on him. The Filthy Animals hit the ring. The ref is STILL in the ring, the bell hasn't been signaled, no announcement of a winner or loser has been made. Kidman, the Animals, and Vito stand tall. But then the rest of Team Canada also come to ringside. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?! Mike Awesome hits the ring. The ref is still in the ring. After the break, the groups are still out and there was a stand off on heel and face lines. I guess the Animals are faces?
TO THE BACK. Rick Steiner is on the phone when Goldberg attacks him with a pipe. Stevie Ray was trying to find out what is going to happen with Rick as he was loaded into the ambulance.
Kevin Nash comes to the ring. His hair is particularly luxurious tonight. God damn. Big Sexy, indeed. Nash says he's the next champ, which brings out Booker. I saw The Outsiders vs Harlem Heat at a house show in 1996. Booker was fucking hilarious. Since it was in Central Indiana, Heat were the heels and Book stooged around as good as anyone ever. It was awesome. The have a respectful talk and a handshake. But then Nash SWERVES Booker and lays him out. Nash hits the jackknife and stands over the champ to end the show.