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LadyGAF Advises ManGAF
- Thread starter Mineshaft_Gap
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shanshan310 said:
BladeWorker said:
Oh my guy friends wouldn't do that to me! They're also pretty much all taken, but more importantly, those aren't the sort of friends I have
. I am ordinarily a bashful dude, I still haven't tried picking up a girl yet - I was planning on making the effort for the first time at my party, because I could use the excuse "hey, it's my birthday".
TurboLibre
Member
Zoe said:
A stutter doesn't necessarily mean they're not confident, and even if it shows they're a little nervous, so what? It's a natural response, why judge them based off it? The fact they're talking to you is already showing a level of confidence, so it's a bit ridiculous to analyze their mannerisms. And what exactly are these guys going to "win" here?
BladeWorker
Member
It's not an excuse on your birthday - it's a pickup line!Kinitari said:Oh my guy friends wouldn't do that to me! They're also pretty much all taken, but more importantly, those aren't the sort of friends I have
Ask things of them like it would totally make your day if the girl agreed. Laugh and walk away if they don't, dive in if they do!
TurboLibre
Member
Finaika said:
Sex isn't a prize to be "won".
Etrian Oddity
Member
Tell that to the immature girls who think their vajayjay has the value of gold and diamonds.Tkawsome said:
TurboLibre
Member
Etrian Oddity said:Tell that to the immature girls who think their vajayjay has the value of gold and diamonds.
I have, and I will.
Seriously though, that sense of entitlement is why I find the dating scene so aggravating.
Atramental
Banned
subversus said:
Atramental
Banned
Or it could be that she's not confident enough to shut you down to your face.Ezalc said:
I know I would feel uneasy if I had to say "no thanks, I'm not interested" to some girl.
Sleep Arrest
Banned
I really, really need help with this one. I've been dating my girlfriend for 2 months now, I live with her. There isnt a day we aren't together. We both love it. I'm madly in love with her (obviously), and she tells me this too.
Here is my issue . IT'S ALWAYS ME. I'm always the one to initiate our sex, initiate the phrase "I love you", initate even our hugs and kisses, hand holding, EVERYTHING and I've brought it up to her and she said she is working on it , but if I didn't initiate these things it would have never been said from her. It's frustrating me to the point of tears - it makes me feel less loved, as if I love her more. She claims this just isn't the case, but our sex and me always sayin "I love you" first is so frustrating.
She tells me, and I quote "I incision myself being your perfect girlfriend, always telling you I love you, how good you look, how delicious you smell, and so on but I say these things in my head and they never come out".
I've asked her how many times she has said "I love you" in her head but hasnt told me, and she says "too many to count" ...
Even writing this is making me tear up. I'm not be typical man, I wear my emotion on my sleeve and I do everything for this woman. She has issues expressin herself.
My instinct is to just wait it out, it should get better... But one day, recently, I went all day not saying this, and not making any sexual advances or kisses , and she didn't initiate anything. I cried myself to sleep.
I can't sleep with a day like that.
Sorry ladyGAF, it's a loaded situation. I do know she is emotionally damaged from her last abusive relationship, I'd just like some advice on the situation, because I have no friends to talk to about this. Foreveralone.jpg
Here is my issue . IT'S ALWAYS ME. I'm always the one to initiate our sex, initiate the phrase "I love you", initate even our hugs and kisses, hand holding, EVERYTHING and I've brought it up to her and she said she is working on it , but if I didn't initiate these things it would have never been said from her. It's frustrating me to the point of tears - it makes me feel less loved, as if I love her more. She claims this just isn't the case, but our sex and me always sayin "I love you" first is so frustrating.
She tells me, and I quote "I incision myself being your perfect girlfriend, always telling you I love you, how good you look, how delicious you smell, and so on but I say these things in my head and they never come out".
I've asked her how many times she has said "I love you" in her head but hasnt told me, and she says "too many to count" ...
Even writing this is making me tear up. I'm not be typical man, I wear my emotion on my sleeve and I do everything for this woman. She has issues expressin herself.
My instinct is to just wait it out, it should get better... But one day, recently, I went all day not saying this, and not making any sexual advances or kisses , and she didn't initiate anything. I cried myself to sleep.
I can't sleep with a day like that.
Sorry ladyGAF, it's a loaded situation. I do know she is emotionally damaged from her last abusive relationship, I'd just like some advice on the situation, because I have no friends to talk to about this. Foreveralone.jpg
Worst case scenario is she is lying and just doesn't feel as much love to you as you do for her. HOWEVER, I think she's just one of those types (prude?) who don't like to initiate certain types of emotional dialog.
Wait it out some more I guess, but if there's absolutely NOTHING coming in return from her, I would bring it up with her again. I know this is advice from LadyGAF to ManGAF, but brother to brother, I feel your pain.
Wait it out some more I guess, but if there's absolutely NOTHING coming in return from her, I would bring it up with her again. I know this is advice from LadyGAF to ManGAF, but brother to brother, I feel your pain.
I'd say move out but stay close and give her space. Let her become more intimate if she wants, and if she never does, then you aren't put in clingy/user position because you have your own separate life.
Just be like "I need my own place of course. I don't like sponging off of you." See how it plays. See if she'll help you find a place close by.
Plus if she was in an abusive relationship... if sex was an issue, sex and intimacy like that will take time. Eeesh...
Just be like "I need my own place of course. I don't like sponging off of you." See how it plays. See if she'll help you find a place close by.
Plus if she was in an abusive relationship... if sex was an issue, sex and intimacy like that will take time. Eeesh...
Devo gave me her two cents in IRC about this, but i figure more opinions are good...
I've been going on and off with this girl for the past year. It's either been hot and heavy or friend zoned. We've hooked up a few times and we see each other regularly, just us two for coffee/drinks/dinner or shows. I figured she wanted to take things slow so we did.
Shit kinda went weird when she said something along the lines of "met this really cool girl, she'd be perfect for you (not to shit on myself or anything), but I don't think I'll introduce her to you". She said that.
anyways. Now even before that incident, I've fallen for her. She's quite an amazing woman. Very smart, a complete dork, she's a game designer like myself and we get along better than I honestly have ever gotten along with anyone...
I just go back and forth feeling like she's trying to get her cake and eat it too with me. That if I were to tell her how I honestly felt for her she would run to the hills because she does sometimes come across as someone who wants to not be tied down, but if the right guy came along she would go for it...
maybe im not making any sense, but i just got home and im dead tired...berate me or just tell me what to do. I'm all ears...
I've been going on and off with this girl for the past year. It's either been hot and heavy or friend zoned. We've hooked up a few times and we see each other regularly, just us two for coffee/drinks/dinner or shows. I figured she wanted to take things slow so we did.
Shit kinda went weird when she said something along the lines of "met this really cool girl, she'd be perfect for you (not to shit on myself or anything), but I don't think I'll introduce her to you". She said that.
anyways. Now even before that incident, I've fallen for her. She's quite an amazing woman. Very smart, a complete dork, she's a game designer like myself and we get along better than I honestly have ever gotten along with anyone...
I just go back and forth feeling like she's trying to get her cake and eat it too with me. That if I were to tell her how I honestly felt for her she would run to the hills because she does sometimes come across as someone who wants to not be tied down, but if the right guy came along she would go for it...
maybe im not making any sense, but i just got home and im dead tired...berate me or just tell me what to do. I'm all ears...
electroshockwave
Member
I'm not sure how to even respond to the latter two bolded parts without making you cry again...Sleep Arrest said:
You've been going out for two months and you live together, said "I love you" and you spend all your time together? It sounds like you're moving way too fast. She probably feels overwhelmed and there's a possibility that she does not completely reciprocate your feelings. Or maybe she just isn't very good at expressing her feelings, which would be unusual for a girl but not worth crying over. You need to spend some time apart so that she doesn't feel smothered and can appreciate the time you do have together. You need to think about why you're so needy. And find some friends, that seems like it may be part of why you spend all your time together and are rushing into things so quickly.
P.S Don't ever tell your friends about crying yourself to sleep.
shanshan310
Member
Sleep Arrest said:
I actually have had the same problem, first with me not initiating anything and then my partner not replying when I told him I loved him.
On the initiating part: I was really shy. A lot of the time I would be mentally pleading that he would kiss me, but at the same time be way too embarrassed to try it on my own. I was partly afraid of rejection, and partly really nervous because I wasn't very experienced and didn't want it to show. Telling my partner things like how attractive also felt a little awkward to say, even though I really meant it. I was afraid he'd laugh at me... (He did
). These things get easier with time. I take a long time to open up to people, I'm guessing your gf does too. Wait it out, she'll get there.On the I love you part: It really sucks when you don't get a response. It sort of feels like rejection. I told my boyfriend this, and his response was "You say it too much, I don't want it to become a throw away term. It means something special, and I want it to keep being important". I understand his point, but it still makes me sad. I can't help you so much with this because it's still a bit of a problem for me too
I've just learnt not to say it so much = less chance of not getting a reply. Its still early days for you though. Maybe she's too embarrassed to say something so important, even if she means it.Napoleonthechimp
Member
Often guys won't make the move because they think they'll ruin their chances but the reality is the exact opposite. You define the parameters of the interaction and continue to lead from there.
What those parameters are and how you go about it is entirely up to you.
If your sense of self is determined by what other people think of you then you make them your master and you their slave. Treat a girl as your equal and not as your superior. If she does not live up to the standards that you have defined for yourself then she is not for you.
What those parameters are and how you go about it is entirely up to you.
If your sense of self is determined by what other people think of you then you make them your master and you their slave. Treat a girl as your equal and not as your superior. If she does not live up to the standards that you have defined for yourself then she is not for you.
BladeWorker
Member
The bold part sounds about right.wenis said:
Here's my take:
She's playing you hot and cold and the drama must be irritating to live, because it's irritating to read about.
You don't have to go full-boar and lay your emotions out on the table, but a direct "look, lady, I like you, let's stop playing these games or just back off for real this time" is warranted. Be prepared: you have to follow through with that promise, once made.
If she runs for the hills, sorry dude - but games take too much energy away from the fun parts of a relationship, however committed (or not) it may be.
Oh I wasn't correcting him, we were just talking about etiquette. It had nothing to do with anything he did.jaxword said:Yeah, don't do that. Don't correct people unless they are super close to you and can accept criticism without getting offended. People, and I mean this for men and women, like to FEEL GOOD about themselves around you, not feel bad.
If you want a woman to like you, she has to like being around you. What woman wants to be around someone who makes them feel bad about themselves (unless they have self-esteem issues, which is another topic altogether)?
I'm ugly as hell but I still manage to get dates with girls I have no business dating and are out of my league. Now remember I'm not saying I'm a relationship expert or a long-term marriage counselor adviser by a long shot, I'm just a regular college guy and I screw up all the time.
You just need to make people want to be around you, and that means making them feel good.
Try it. Try complimenting people out of the blue. Don't make it obvious or awkward. Do male or female. Like...well, since you mentioned poker, maybe practice casually going "Haha, man that was some good bluffing" or whatever. It really doesn't matter what you say, the fact is that it has to be positive and MAKE THEM FEEL GOOD.
I guess I have trouble finding common ground with people? I don't know, I don't find it difficult to talk to groups of people but you get me down to 1 person and I am just lost, I can't carry a conversation to save my life.
Also the whole saying nice things thing, I'm not too good at that either. I can't complement people without it being blatantly awkward/fake unless it's honest. How do people do this really? I can't tell someone a white lie or a complement they don't exactly deserve. Maybe I'm awkward.
Prax
Member
2 months seems pretty fast to me to be moving in and be madly in love and all that stuff! I guess you are the type that likes to put everything of yourself into a relationship at the beginning.Sleep Arrest said:
She sounds like she's very shy and has trouble initiating because out of some fear of rejection. But like other have said, it could be that she's also overwhelmed by how fast everything is going, just as you are becoming overwhelmed by your own feelings. You should just slow it down for your own good as well. It's emotionally draining to be giving your all and not getting back what you expect. Your neediness is kind of concerning, but I hope it's only due to you putting so much in and not getting so much back. Perhaps if you slowed it down a few notches, you wouldn't feel so burned. But it's good you acknowledge her past relationship may be affecting how she acts in relationships.
Were I you, I'd start acting more coy (lol) and playing more games (not the mean type of mind games, but the cute kinds). Like at first telling her to kiss me, tell her to tell me how she feels about me.. then go onto leaning in for a kiss and having her finish the action. Then just move onto presenting your cheek slightly for her to kiss your face and so on. You can even play stupid word games just to give her expression practice ("I schlub you, what do you think?" "Tell me how hot I am" "Look, I got you cookies! What do you think?!").
My guess is that she will eventually feel comfortable enough to do it on her own, but she just needs some "welcoming" cues so that she feels secure that she won't be rejected for her advances. I feel it will get better as she feels more secure. I know it might be weird for you to be trying these things too, but.. you may as well! XD
Well, I'd probably just bite the bullet and tell her something like "Listen, you're really the only girl I'm interested in at the moment." And see how she reacts to that.wenis said:
Could be that she's not interested in a serious relationship at the moment, but it's something you need to know so you can either continue your friends-with-benefits thing with her or stop seeing her for your own emotional well-being.
brucewaynegretzky
Member
Asked out a girl for the first time today in over six years. She acted really surprised and told me to message her about a day. I think she's gonna bail now. Felt good to finally get that first one down though. It does sting though. I'm not used to the current object of my affection turning me down... I'm gonna e-mail her tonight and see if she wants to meet up later this week. Fingers crossed. Hopefully she's just surprised that it was me because she thought I was still with my gf.
scar tissue
Banned
shanshan310 said:
Well, that just about wraps it up for me (not that I didn't know before). Dying alone and a virgin thanks to social anxiety.jaxword said:
jts
...hate me...
How can this one girl be nice and friendly with me for months, and then one/two weeks after we last spoke, I ask her what's she's up to for the weekend and she doesn't reply. I wait for the w/e to end and text her again. Then again 2 days later. Nothing.
I was given the silent treatment out of nowhere! I don't necessarily want something with her, but I do like her and I'm certainly sad that this is happening. I wanted us to be at least friends but even that is at risk
What can motivate a girl to do this? She got a bf? Or a date? Fine! Honest. She didn't want to get along with me for the weekend? Fine too, but why don't she just tell me that?
It hurts to be straight ignored with no apparent reason.
I certainly won't text her again but I think I'll give her a couple more days and then I'll try to call. I normally wouldn't do this but I really dig her and I think she's nice, I'm just confused by all this.
I was given the silent treatment out of nowhere! I don't necessarily want something with her, but I do like her and I'm certainly sad that this is happening. I wanted us to be at least friends but even that is at risk
What can motivate a girl to do this? She got a bf? Or a date? Fine! Honest. She didn't want to get along with me for the weekend? Fine too, but why don't she just tell me that?
It hurts to be straight ignored with no apparent reason.
I certainly won't text her again but I think I'll give her a couple more days and then I'll try to call. I normally wouldn't do this but I really dig her and I think she's nice, I'm just confused by all this.
Atramental
Banned
It's a bit of a cliche GAF response but... she most likely found new dick.jts said:How can this one girl be nice and friendly with me for months, and then one/two weeks after we last spoke, I ask her what's she's up to for the weekend and she doesn't reply. I wait for the w/e to end and text her again. Then again 2 days later. Nothing.
I was given the silent treatment out of nowhere! I don't necessarily want something with her, but I do like her and I'm certainly sad that this is happening. I wanted us to be at least friends but even that is at risk
What can motivate a girl to do this? She got a bf? Or a date? Fine! Honest. She didn't want to get along with me for the weekend? Fine too, but why don't she just tell me that?
It hurts to be straight ignored with no apparent reason.
No. Just wait a couple more days and if she doesn't call or text you back then forget her. Move on.
jts
...hate me...
I just don't get why people aren't honest about stuff like that. I wouldn't mind at all and even if she thought I did, well, make up an excuse dammit but say something. It's just so rude to leave someone talking alone.Atramental said:
I'm probably in denial that she isn't as nice as she seemed.
You see, the way I see it is like this: if I decide right now to forget her, nothing will ever happen. I'll probably never see her or speak to her again.Atramental said:
And although I'm not needy of this girl, I dig her and I'd like to figure out why this sudden change of behavior. So I'd take one final chance to communicate with her.
shanshan310
Member
I say give her a call in a few days. Maybe there's something wrong with her phone, maybe she hasn't had time to check it. If you are worried about being rude by calling, she is being ruder by not giving you a response.
You can be shy in conversation and still comfortable with yourself, if you know what I mean. Confidence to me isn't being about to saunter over to strange ladies and instantly knowing what to say, meanwhile being the loudest guy in the room. I am ridiculously shy. but I know who I am, I know what I stand for and I know what I want in life. Be confident in that, and the rest will follow.
EDIT: If you're worried you don't have the confidence, you can always try for the "brooding" look. Some girls are really into that.
scar tissue said:
You can be shy in conversation and still comfortable with yourself, if you know what I mean. Confidence to me isn't being about to saunter over to strange ladies and instantly knowing what to say, meanwhile being the loudest guy in the room. I am ridiculously shy. but I know who I am, I know what I stand for and I know what I want in life. Be confident in that, and the rest will follow.
EDIT: If you're worried you don't have the confidence, you can always try for the "brooding" look. Some girls are really into that.
bggrthnjsus
Member
i am good at dancing, and i do not have a pussy printing press what gives
edit: crap i just realized how old the op was lol
edit: crap i just realized how old the op was lol
Moppet13 said:
scar tissue said:
Naw, you guys will be fine. The first step is to acknowledge that awkwardness. And then conquer it.
You both have a similar issue: you don't realize the value of superficial statements. THEY'RE NOT LIES. You don't have to gushingly praise anyone and be fake, just say positive things. Always say positive things.
Here's one example: we all, men and women, know we're going to get ugly and fat and unattractive eventually. But if you go around telling people that, even if it's true, they'll think you a negative person and thus not feel good around you.
This applies to men AND women. Don't think of women as women. Think of women as people. And people don't want to be insulted or depressed or hurt. They want to feel good, like we all do, blissfully denying the inevitability of our old age and death.
I suggest both of you try this, both for your male and female companions. ONLY say positive things. Even if it's not about them, maybe it's about the world, the economy, the office, the school, the latest tv show, it doesn't matter.
Try for one week to ONLY find positive things to say. Even if it's just "You know, things will probably get better, I have a good feeling about X."
If you can do it for one week, you've already found common ground to talk to people: it doesn't matter what it is, ALL people want to have their days improved a bit.
Work on THAT first, don't even worry about flirting or women for now.
scar tissue
Banned
Yeah, the standards are just ridiculously different for men and women in those regards.shanshan310 said:
A shy girl is cute. A shy guy is awkward and weird. I've met plenty of girls who were way shyer/less confident than me (some even to the extent that they have severe problems with their daily lives) and who still had no problem with guys.
Obviously, that's kinda frustrating, and I do tend to show that frustration, which isn't helping at all.
Dunno, that's kinda what I've been going for since my teenage years (or rather, that's just how I am). I keep hearing some girls are into that but somehow I've never met one.
That actually seems like a good idea, thanks! I've been told I tend to make a lot of negative/snarky/sarcastic comments (even though they're always true, lol). Trying to change that might be a good start. It's just really deeply rooted behavior, it's who I am and have always been: a sarcastic bastard. It's gonna be hard work, but from now on I will really cut back on the snarky remarks.jaxword said:
Do this only to learn how. It's great to learn how to be fun and lift the energy in a room. Just don't adopt this as a life philosophy.jaxword said:
I have a friend who used to be quite a loner. He changed the way he dressed, and became very good at putting on a sunny disposition. He is now really good talking to strangers and it's good for his career path, but he has managed to alienate most of his friends because of how shallow and fake his happiness seems. It's actually made it harder for him to relate to other people.
There is nothing more brooding than Communism.shanshan310 said:
But seriously, what does that even look like? I already sit in my room alone in the dark all day what else do you want?
Maybe I came across as a sort of misanthrope anti social hate monger. Thinking positively isn't much of an issue for me I am a gambler after all. I think I am just generally poor at talking to people 1 on 1. Like I said, I simply can't carry a conversation with someone I just met for the life of me. Clearly I need one of those Ehow guides.jaxword said:
Edit: oh wait, thinking positively and saying positive things are kind of different I guess. Maybe I should try saying nice things more often.
MutantCyborg
Member
Sorry for posting in two threads with the same question, but I am taking a girl to the movies this weekend. The problem is I haven't been to the movies in about 6 years, She has told me specifically that she does not want to see a scary movie. My second thought was to see a comedy, which I'm sure she will enjoy, but what movie should I go to? I've been so out of the loop of recent movies, I don't know of any good movies that are in theaters right now.
shanshan310
Member
MutantCyborg said:
Is thriller okay? I've heard A LOT of good things about contagion.
Is Sci-Fi okay? I've heard many good things about in time (Its got Justin Timberlake and that girl from Mean Girls in it, so she might not mind it even if she's not into Sci-Fi).
Romantic movies? Midnight in Paris got good reviews (but its got Owen Wilson in it, so it depends if you like his kind of humour).
I actually don't know what else is out right now.
Take her out to a meal after the movie!
I reckon a comedy would be the safest bet as you both will probably enjoy it; not sure if it is still in your cinemas but 50-50 was a brilliant heart-warmer.MutantCyborg said:
Crazy Stupid Love is another; stars Steve Carrell and is fairly entertaining from what I've heard.
Oh yep, as shanshan recommended - definitely take her out to a meal afterwards / before the movie depending on your timings. Always a nice opportunity to round off the evening.
BladeWorker
Member
Sit in a bar alone with a drink and that sad/angry, pouty, forlorn look all over you.Moppet13 said:
Basically, what you imagine a guy who wants to be rescued from his own misery would look like.
Or, you could just emulate Josh Hartnett, who in his younger days did the brooding look very well.
Douche McBaggins The 3rd
Junior Member
Atramental said:
I think the picture you are looking for is this.
Atramental
Banned
Douche McBaggins The 3rd said:
I figure this would be a good place to ask since it involves a girl.
I have this friend from high school who still wants to keep in contact with me but only via written letters every now and then and I don't really understand why.
We sort of flirted with the idea of going out with each other back in high school but my impression of her was that she never really liked me in that way. I was also very shy, so I wasn't willing to risk our friendship over what I interpreted as disinterest. Plus, there were a lot of other girls who did openly flirt with me and wanted to date me in high school so from my perspective it didn't make sense to pursue this one girl who seemed like she didn't like me. Thus, I was pretty much resigned to staying just friends until she dropped the, "you're the one I really wanted to go to prom with," on me shortly after we graduated. I never asked her too much about it because she started dating the guy she did go to prom with plus I was living on the other side of the country by then with no plans of going back.
She insists on staying in contact with me because of how much I mean to her blah blah blah but we literally haven't seen each other since junior year of high school (about 10 years now since I left). To me, this means we aren't *really* friends anymore.
The reason why this is even an issue is because my wife frowns on the fact that I am still in contact with this girl. It's not the fact that she's a girl so much as it is the fact that when this girl sends me letters, they very much resemble love letters (it's her "style"). She freaking signs the letters, "love always, [her name] xoxoxo." I don't think there is anything going on because she's married too but I will admit our relationship is a little weird. When she found out my wife is Asian she asked me, "is she like me?" I don't know how to interpret her actions. I'm leaning towards cutting contact with her to avoid the possibility of any weird drama but I also don't want to be unnecessarily cold with her if her intentions are indeed innocent.
So is it even worth it to stay in contact with this girl given that my wife eyes this girl with some suspicion? Her husband might view me with some suspicion as well for all I know because I don't think most people stay in contact this way (most people just use FB and don't actually spend much time talking to each other).
My wife is biased, but are there any non-biased female insights into what this girl might be thinking?
I have this friend from high school who still wants to keep in contact with me but only via written letters every now and then and I don't really understand why.
We sort of flirted with the idea of going out with each other back in high school but my impression of her was that she never really liked me in that way. I was also very shy, so I wasn't willing to risk our friendship over what I interpreted as disinterest. Plus, there were a lot of other girls who did openly flirt with me and wanted to date me in high school so from my perspective it didn't make sense to pursue this one girl who seemed like she didn't like me. Thus, I was pretty much resigned to staying just friends until she dropped the, "you're the one I really wanted to go to prom with," on me shortly after we graduated. I never asked her too much about it because she started dating the guy she did go to prom with plus I was living on the other side of the country by then with no plans of going back.
She insists on staying in contact with me because of how much I mean to her blah blah blah but we literally haven't seen each other since junior year of high school (about 10 years now since I left). To me, this means we aren't *really* friends anymore.
The reason why this is even an issue is because my wife frowns on the fact that I am still in contact with this girl. It's not the fact that she's a girl so much as it is the fact that when this girl sends me letters, they very much resemble love letters (it's her "style"). She freaking signs the letters, "love always, [her name] xoxoxo." I don't think there is anything going on because she's married too but I will admit our relationship is a little weird. When she found out my wife is Asian she asked me, "is she like me?" I don't know how to interpret her actions. I'm leaning towards cutting contact with her to avoid the possibility of any weird drama but I also don't want to be unnecessarily cold with her if her intentions are indeed innocent.
So is it even worth it to stay in contact with this girl given that my wife eyes this girl with some suspicion? Her husband might view me with some suspicion as well for all I know because I don't think most people stay in contact this way (most people just use FB and don't actually spend much time talking to each other).
My wife is biased, but are there any non-biased female insights into what this girl might be thinking?
shanshan310
Member
hm...
Well, I like writing letters more, because I find it feels very personal. Which is partly why I think this is weird. I think the fact that A. you don't really consider her a friend anymore, combined with B. your wife being uncomfortable with it is reason enough to stop contacting her, or at least stop with the letters. Do you write back? If your friendship with this girl is really important to you there are other ways you can keep in contact. But writing cutesy love letters when the both of you are married? I can see why your wife would be upset. Why risk the quality of your relationship over some girl you haven't seen since high school? Whatever you do though, don't let her contact your wife. Things might get nasty.
EDIT: Her intentions may not be anything in the realm of physical cheating, but I think in signing off with the "love always" she might be trying to assert a claim over you, as if she wants to prove that you must love her more than your wife (Especially if she's known you for longer). If she hasn't seen you since then she probably thinks of you as being the same. She's stuck in the past, and is trying to get another chance at winning your love that she missed out on in high school. Then again, I might be completely off. But having seen similar things happen this was the case (I guess that makes me a bit biased as well...). My apologies if I'm wrong.
Well, I like writing letters more, because I find it feels very personal. Which is partly why I think this is weird. I think the fact that A. you don't really consider her a friend anymore, combined with B. your wife being uncomfortable with it is reason enough to stop contacting her, or at least stop with the letters. Do you write back? If your friendship with this girl is really important to you there are other ways you can keep in contact. But writing cutesy love letters when the both of you are married? I can see why your wife would be upset. Why risk the quality of your relationship over some girl you haven't seen since high school? Whatever you do though, don't let her contact your wife. Things might get nasty.
EDIT: Her intentions may not be anything in the realm of physical cheating, but I think in signing off with the "love always" she might be trying to assert a claim over you, as if she wants to prove that you must love her more than your wife (Especially if she's known you for longer). If she hasn't seen you since then she probably thinks of you as being the same. She's stuck in the past, and is trying to get another chance at winning your love that she missed out on in high school. Then again, I might be completely off. But having seen similar things happen this was the case (I guess that makes me a bit biased as well...). My apologies if I'm wrong.
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