Support NeoGAF

[BladeWorker]

I think you're putting the cart before the horse if you're this worried about finances in a relationship. Stability is attractive. Being able to take someone out and show them a good time is attractive. Whether or not someone is a gold digger, well you'll have to date them more than once to find out typically. What else is there to say.

I would add that there's a stark difference between going through a rough time, and sitting in your parents' basement staring at the TV you still haven't paid off playing on your iPhone your parents subsidize and eating potato chips your parents bought and NOT sending out your resume anywhere, to anyone.

Financial success is often taken as a subconscious proxy for work ethic and ambition. Both attributes suggest to relationship-seeking women that the men who hold these attributes seek value in their lives and are not afraid of putting in effort for something that they perceive to be worth it.

So: Do you have to be the primary breadwinner? No. Do you have to demonstrate that you do your fair share? Absolutely. Will it hinder your relationship if there is a huge disparity in disposable income? Not going to lie: yes it will. But it doesn't necessarily mean the end of something good. The pair just has to find a way to work around the issue and find a balance that works.

 

[Black-Box]

A lot of us have hairy arms but I'm lucky enough that they're not too dark. Sounds like you're being shallow, are you afraid of how you'll be perceived by being with her or something? Otherwise why does she need to fit such a mold.

hers are sadly very dark, well I've never had a gf, so I guess I am still trying to get the perfect girl, but shes a nerd, she loves doctor who, get artist, fun to be around....shes always hitting me...maybe its a sign?

I guess that is true, which is weird because I try not to judge from the outside, because the outside can always change, but it might also be because we are in the same program together, so we would be pretty much spend almost every day together at school.

 

[RawPower]

I would add that there's a stark difference between going through a rough time, and sitting in your parents' basement staring at the TV you still haven't paid off playing on your iPhone your parents subsidize and eating potato chips your parents bought and NOT sending out your resume anywhere, to anyone.

Financial success is often taken as a subconscious proxy for work ethic and ambition. Both attributes suggest to relationship-seeking women that the men who hold these attributes seek value in their lives and are not afraid of putting in effort for something that they perceive to be worth it.

So: Do you have to be the primary breadwinner? No. Do you have to demonstrate that you do your fair share? Absolutely. Will it hinder your relationship if there is a huge disparity in disposable income? Not going to lie: yes it will. But it doesn't necessarily mean the end of something good. The pair just has to find a way to work around the issue and find a balance that works.

Haha don't worry, I'm not a deadbeat. It's just that I'm having a lot of problems finding a job because of my aforementioned social disabilities. I'm also focusing more on school than a job, at the moment. But yes, an equal (or near equal) balance is what I would want. Thanks for clearing all of that up.

 

[OrangeGrayBlue]

I have a question for lady gaf. How does one socialize with the female gender at a college party, and still come off as sexually charged w/o being creepy?

Too many times have I gone to a party, made girls laugh, and been seen as nothing but friend material, or somebody to laugh at while drunk. I mean, what does it take for you girls to take me seriously!

I guess my main party method is to show up, drink a few beers, and just jump into conversations. I'm complimentary, goofy, and I'd say I'm coming across as confident as well.

I'm not a member of girl-gaf, but that's your problem. A "goofy" guy does not turn most girls on. When a girl says she wants a guy with a sense of humor it doesn't mean you have to act like Jim Carrey. It just means don't be a pile of sawdust.

 

[Devolution]

The guy I'm into right now is King Goofy so uh...

 

[Timedog]

The guy I'm into right now is King Goofy so uh...

I CAN SEE YOU!

 

[Homeboyd]

u 2 r cute

 

[SteveWinwood]

I'm not a member of girl-gaf, but that's your problem. A "goofy" guy does not turn most girls on. When a girl says she wants a guy with a sense of humor it doesn't mean you have to act like Jim Carrey. It just means don't be a pile of sawdust.

That's a bunch of crock.

 

[Kisaya]

I'm not a member of girl-gaf, but that's your problem. A "goofy" guy does not turn most girls on. When a girl says she wants a guy with a sense of humor it doesn't mean you have to act like Jim Carrey. It just means don't be a pile of sawdust.

I actually really like goofy guys, but if they're corny and don't have good jokes *cringe*, then no lol.

 

[Aegus]

So LadyGaf, I kinda messed up the asking out part with a fairly nice friend of mine. basically blurted out that I wanted to take her to dinner in an incoherant ramble. She said "yeah yeah cool lets do that next week or whatever".

So tried to arrange a dinner for next week but didn't get any replies at all. So I feel like I've ruined the friendship I had with this girl and her yeah yeah lets go out was just a "oh god get this creep off the phone" tactic.

Now I think I may have scared her by suddenly asking her out with no warning and putting her on the spot to give an answer so to speak. So I've decided to apologise to her about that. Two girls I've been speaking to about it agree I should do this.

That's the first part of my apology, then 2nd part is me saying that I don't regret that I did ask her out. I've been meaning to ask her since July but didn't want to mess up the work banter we had (we worked in the same team at the time). And then I got anxious that I'd never get round to asking this year as well. This is the part I'm unsure whether to talk about.

So either she'll think I'm a desperate creep or possibly give me another chance.

 

[Master Z]

I'm not a member of girl-gaf, but that's your problem. A "goofy" guy does not turn most girls on. When a girl says she wants a guy with a sense of humor it doesn't mean you have to act like Jim Carrey. It just means don't be a pile of sawdust.

In my experience and observations (as a male) it's a balancing act. Over the top goofy rarely ever attracts anything more than the friendzone. Also if you're considered hot, a heart throb or whatever you can get away with more. Though in general I find that woman are more attracted to clever and witty than goofy.

 

[windowlurker]

I've been trying to tell myself that, but I have no idea what the hell I can do to escape the "friendzone". Sometimes, I feel like I am just a "second class" citizen in her eyes.

I was in the "friendzone" for two cold years, and If you wait and prevail she will see it. Just got to show signs and whatnot.

 

[Liquid_015]

I was in the "friendzone" for two cold years, and If you wait and prevail she will see it. Just got to show signs and whatnot.

Yeah, that's what I am hoping for. We've known each other for approximately 9 months - give or take...

 

[fierrotlepou]

Is it possible that because of your flirting being too subtle that women think you're not interested in them? I've thought about this...

I have no problem getting girls, but I wonder if it's permitted to be a bit more to the point. Girls are all different of course.

 

[windowlurker]

Yeah, that's what I am hoping for. We've known each other for approximately 9 months - give or take...

Those love signs might freak her the hell out though, course you already know that being you're still in the "friendzone". Break or lose it though, someday you'll move on from that "friendzone".

 

[RawPower]

Doesn't wit come naturally? Is it really something that can be learned?

 

[Count Dookkake]

Well hooray for better timing!

Approach her when you're in a "safe zone" for both of you - somewhere public but secluded enough that you can have a private conversation. Out for a walk in a park, something something.

Speak casually, but honestly, about the past - some fun time that you shared together or something. Continue:

And, now it seems you're both single.

And, you're both cool people. So, why don't you get to know each other - like a date or something - as your present cool selves?

Make a suggestion as to time and place - something that would be different than the standard coffee, but not so innovative that you're "married" to it, so to speak. Then go for it! If she says no, well, then you'll just have to keep looking for those other perfect people, because surely one of them will appreciate your thought.

Good luck, Count!

Thanks for the suggestions. Things are going alright. Will see what this week brings. I've given myself a time limit.

Any other ladies care to advise?

 

[PflargBlarg]

I don't even know if I need advice on this or not but holy shit I have done fucked up hardcore.

One of my friends broke up with her bf about a year ago and it was a really bad breakup. It still bothers her a lot. She has a new bf now but it's really not working for her. Anyway, her best friend was there for all the stuff that led to the breakup but ended up taking the guy's side on the situation and now they are really quite the opposite of best friends.

Went to an event at a club last night (british sci-fi costume contest, trivia, burlesque) and they were both there. I was hanging out with my friend for all the actual show part but when that was over and it was just dancing time...well her ex-best friend is really cute and I sort of lost my head and forgot about the consequences and danced with her for the next 3 hours or so.

My friend and I are very close to each other, and have told each other things that no one else knows. I can't say that I've ever had a closer friend, and dancing with that girl is pretty much the worst possible thing I could have ever done. She's let me know how much I hurt her by ditching her for one of the people she dislikes the most. I feel like a complete shitbag and I didn't sleep at all last night.

I think I've severely damaged a friendship for a chance at a girl that probably won't even work out. Especially since if I ever did go out with her, that would be like apocalypse level damage, and our friendship would probably be over for good.

 

[Roger Danish]

What's the consensus on guys using emoticons (i.e., in text messages, online dating, etc.)? Some girls I've talked to said they interpret it as being flirty, while others see it as somewhat immature. Thoughts?

 

[noah111]

What's the consensus on guys using emoticons (i.e., in text messages, online dating, etc.)? Some girls I've talked to said they interpret it as being flirty, while others see it as somewhat immature. Thoughts?

It has its place, just don't over user it.

 

[Devolution]

- old friend has recently become single

- had the hots for her years ago, but we were both involved with others

- went our separate ways, but a few months ago we started hanging out occasionally via mutual friends

- she is more or less perfect for me (yes, I know that there are many "perfect" partners)

- What is best tactic/timeline to approach? I don't normally try to initiate with friends and I would prefer not to eff this up. I am willing to go as fast or slow as recommended.

Go out for coffee or something and just talk about how you see things going.

Doesn't wit come naturally? Is it really something that can be learned?

Being more well read can help someone with their wit and sarcasm.

I don't even know if I need advice on this or not but holy shit I have done fucked up hardcore.

One of my friends broke up with her bf about a year ago and it was a really bad breakup. It still bothers her a lot. She has a new bf now but it's really not working for her. Anyway, her best friend was there for all the stuff that led to the breakup but ended up taking the guy's side on the situation and now they are really quite the opposite of best friends.

Went to an event at a club last night (british sci-fi costume contest, trivia, burlesque) and they were both there. I was hanging out with my friend for all the actual show part but when that was over and it was just dancing time...well her ex-best friend is really cute and I sort of lost my head and forgot about the consequences and danced with her for the next 3 hours or so.

My friend and I are very close to each other, and have told each other things that no one else knows. I can't say that I've ever had a closer friend, and dancing with that girl is pretty much the worst possible thing I could have ever done. She's let me know how much I hurt her by ditching her for one of the people she dislikes the most. I feel like a complete shitbag and I didn't sleep at all last night.

I think I've severely damaged a friendship for a chance at a girl that probably won't even work out. Especially since if I ever did go out with her, that would be like apocalypse level damage, and our friendship would probably be over for good.

Have you tried apologizing yet? Part of being a very close good friend is that you hash shit out when someone fucks up, not just throw the friendship away.

What's the consensus on guys using emoticons (i.e., in text messages, online dating, etc.)? Some girls I've talked to said they interpret it as being flirty, while others see it as somewhat immature. Thoughts?

I don't see emoticons as immature, especially a properly timed one. I think it gets to be too much though, such as when someone uses them and lol (and all its variations) too much. To me it's better to appear too friendly than cold and aloof.

 

[cuevas. PhD.]

How much manscaping do you ladies prefer?

 

[Devolution]

How much manscaping do you ladies prefer?

No hair on the back or balls. Trim everywhere else there is a copious amount.

 

[Mineshaft_Gap]

No hair on the back or balls. Trim everywhere else there is a copious amount.

I would add shoulders to this list if applicable but I don't know if you are counting that as back.

I actually have a question for guys (and other women). I just started the Nuvaring the other day. Guys, if you've ever been with a girl who's had one could you feel it? Ladies, how confident are you in its effectiveness. Did you notice any positive or negative side effects? Can you take it out during actual intercourse or do you need to leave it in always.

 

[Devolution]

I would add shoulders to this list if applicable but I don't know if you are counting that as back.

I actually have a question for guys (and other women). I just started the Nuvaring the other day. Guys, if you've ever been with a girl who's had one could you feel it? Ladies, how confident are you in its effectiveness. Did you notice any positive or negative side effects? Can you take it out during actual intercourse or do you need to leave it in always.

You're only supposed to take it out the week you have a period. Then reinsert a new one when your cycle starts up again.

 

[SMT]

Friend's Situation: Hey, my friend just visited this girl who works at a nightclub as a server, she'd been inviting him for a few months now. When my friend went she said 'oh, so you finally came' and they had a brief convo, then she had to get back to work. He didn't close, so no number for him.

He has her on Facebook though, and he wants to send her a message so they can meet and do something together, he told me she's not a drinker, so he would like to know how he can go over the situation. I told him it's not cool to ask a girl on a date over facebook or a text message, better to call or do it face to face.

What can we do to help my friend out?

------------------------------

My Situation:

I talked to this girl in class briefly (didn't close either), thinking of asking her out directly, I want to take her to a Zoo, but the problem is, I don't have a driver's license, only a learner's permit (20 years old bra). So I can't drive her anywhere, is a cab okay, or is it overkill? Can I take her for some drinks first then take her to the Zoo, and make it look like I'm conscientious?

I might take her to the theater too, any other suggestions?

Should I just pull out the date card after during our second meeting?

She gives me butterflies, the sweetest feeling I've ever known, I want to show that I can treat her right.

 

[Devolution]

Friend's Situation: Hey, my friend just visited this girl who works at a nightclub as a server, she'd been inviting him for a few months now. When my friend went she said 'oh, so you finally came' and they had a brief convo, then she had to get back to work. He didn't close, so no number for him.

He has her on Facebook though, and he wants to send her a message so they can meet and do something together, he told me she's not a drinker, so he would like to know how he can go over the situation. I told him it's not cool to ask a girl on a date over facebook or a text message, better to call or do it face to face.

What can we do to help my friend out?

Go with him to the nightclub and encourage him to ask her to her face.

My Situation:

I talked to this girl in class briefly (didn't close either), thinking of asking her out directly, I want to take her to a Zoo, but the problem is, I don't have a driver's license, only a learner's permit (20 years old bra). So I can't drive her anywhere, is a cab okay, or is it overkill? Can I take her for some drinks first then take her to the Zoo, and make it look like I'm conscientious?

I might take her to the theater too, any other suggestions?

Should I just pull out the date card after during our second meeting?

She gives me butterflies, the sweetest feeling I've ever known, I want to show that I can treat her right.

No good public transit around there?

 

[SMT]

Go with him to the nightclub and encourage him to ask her to her face.




No good public transit around there?

Friend's Situation: I'll try and force him to do so, I had him go up to her and talk to her, I think he can do it, I mean he did take a big leap, he has guts.

My Situation: Really, you think she would oblige to a crowded bus type transportation? How should I let her know I'm going to take her via bus? (How should I break it to her?)
I've had girls tell me: ''Awesome, so when you gonna pick me up?''. Don't know how to deal.

 

[PflargBlarg]

Go out for coffee or something and just talk about how you see things going.




Being more well read can help someone with their wit and sarcasm.




Have you tried apologizing yet? Part of being a very close good friend is that you hash shit out when someone fucks up, not just throw the friendship away.




I don't see emoticons as immature, especially a properly timed one. I think it gets to be too much though, such as when someone uses them and lol (and all its variations) too much. To me it's better to appear too friendly than cold and aloof.

Mobile website quoting doesn't work very well. Anyway, yes I did try to apologize. She's thrown away the friendship now. I suspect its going to be a long while until she even talks to me again.
I've talked to other people about this and I think she's being pretty unreasonable. What I did was inconsiderate but it shouldn't be enough to decimate what was a close friendship in one shot. I don't blame her though, she hasn't had the opportunity to be in a reasonable frame of mind in a long time.

 

[crossfaded]

There is hope!

Edit: There is no hope.

 

[Professor Beef]

I don't think that really counts.

 

[Devolution]

There is hope!

Please don't shit up the thread with successful fictional characters.

 

[coriander]

How do I get a girl to give me a toot? I do everything to please her yet still no bj..

Edit: nvm I'll just ask her thanks

 

[cuevas. PhD.]

There is hope!

 

[coriander]

Btw we should start a mangaf advises ladygaf

 

[grap3fruitman]

So yesterday I blew off two separate women. One was having a moving away get-together at a bar to which I couldn't attend because my brother took my car to work. I was also supposed to go salsa dancing with another girl somewhere and I didn't feel up to it despite her offering to pick me up. I went to bed at 7PM instead of doing either. I'm not that interested in either girl but I still feel bad for not going out with either and just because I don't get out enough to begin with. =\

 

[Professor Beef]

Btw we should start a mangaf advises ladygaf

There already is one. It's just dead at the moment.

 

[OrangeGrayBlue]

The guy I'm into right now is King Goofy so uh...

How would you describe "goofy"?

 

[toastyToast]

Btw we should start a mangaf advises ladygaf

there's a thread already

 

[Devolution]

How would you describe "goofy"?

Off the wall random humor.

Btw we should start a mangaf advises ladygaf

Here. Have fun with the first couple of pages.

 

[exhume]

I'm not a member of girl-gaf, but that's your problem. A "goofy" guy does not turn most girls on. When a girl says she wants a guy with a sense of humor it doesn't mean you have to act like Jim Carrey. It just means don't be a pile of sawdust.

Yeah, this. Spoken humour = usually great; slapstick, impressions, wild gesticulating = cringe.
Also do you look the girl in the eye right after you make a joke to see her reaction? I know a guy who does this, and it's well creepy.

What's the consensus on guys using emoticons (i.e., in text messages, online dating, etc.)? Some girls I've talked to said they interpret it as being flirty, while others see it as somewhat immature. Thoughts?

Tone is pretty important in a text message as it's really easy to come across as blunt or disinterested. Depends on the girl of course, if she's using emoticons that's generally a good sign that she doesn't mind seeing others use them too.

 

[OrangeGrayBlue]

Off the wall random humor.

My idea of "goofy" is the guy who makes up for his lack of dancing ability by doing "funny" dance moves like the Q-tip or the shopping cart. I hope you don't go for things like that :/

Yeah, this. Spoken humour = usually great; slapstick, impressions, wild gesticulating = cringe.
Also do you look the girl in the eye right after you make a joke to see her reaction? I know a guy who does this, and it's well creepy.

When I'm saying something with the intention of getting a laugh, I've actually noticed that I have a tendency to look at nothing in particular as I say it or just stare at some object nearby. I think it's because I'm worried that I'll see a "yeeeah... ok" look on their faces afterward but it seems to work out well because it gives the impression that I'm just making some off the cuff remark. Generally, though, doing anything in a social situation that makes the other participant(s) feel obligated in some way is bad. For instance, the guy who stares at you after telling a joke makes you feel obligated to laugh. A guy who doesn't shut up makes you feel obligated to listen. A guy who doesn't say much of anything makes you feel obligated to talk, etc etc. Anything that makes the other person feel like their reactions or interactions with someone aren't coming naturally and are moreso the result of having to actively adapt to that person's personality will work against them. The more that one can cater to someone's conversational style, the more they will be liked. Of course, if you feel like it's becoming an effort to uphold the conversation or keep it from becoming awkard then you may not think highly of them afterward, but that's much better than the inverse of you being enamored with them whilst they leave the conversation thinking you're a chore to interact with.

 

[Ezalc]

Man dancing is awesome, I'm not even good at it but I really enjoy doing it and I have contemplated taking classes because that's how much I enjoy it. I think doing the "funny" dance moves only works well if you're on a date or if you're with friends, otherwise it doesn't work out.

 

[OrangeGrayBlue]

Man dancing is awesome, I'm not even good at it but I really enjoy doing it and I have contemplated taking classes because that's how much I enjoy it. I think doing the "funny" dance moves only works well if you're on a date or if you're with friends, otherwise it doesn't work out.

Agreed, although I certainly wouldn't do it in the first two or three dates. If you're with a group of friends and you have no romantic intentions for the evening then by all means release all your inhibitions. If you're trying to impress a girl I think you should do it by actually being able to dance rather than showing how free-spirited and spontaneous you are by facetiously performing dance moves that she first saw being done over a decade ago during her middle school spring dances by 13 year old boys.

 

[Ezalc]

Agreed, although I certainly wouldn't do it in the first two or three dates. If you're with a group of friends and you have no romantic intentions for the evening then by all means release all your inhibitions. If you're trying to impress a girl I think you should do it by actually being able to dance rather than showing how free-spirited and spontaneous you are by facetiously performing dance moves that she first saw being done over a decade ago during her middle school spring dances by 13 year old boys.

I think it depends on the girl for the most part, but yeah I agree. I think a good idea is that if you can at least somewhat dance you can do so competently in the beginning but after a while if the two of you are having fun you can both start to do silly stuff.

 

[Timedog]

The zany, wacky, animated type guys that I know don't have problems with women (maybe they did before they hit their 20's), but they're also all pretty well-adjusted people. Some women I think actually prefer that type of thing, although I'm sure they're in the minority.

And all of a sudden this turned into manGAF advises manGAF...I'M OUTTA HERE

 

[RawPower]

As a 25 year old (26 next month), am I already close (or getting close) to creepy old man territory? Sorry if this is a dumb question. I just feel like time is quickly running out for me.

 

[Opiate]

As a 25 year old (26 next month), am I already close (or getting close) to creepy old man territory? Sorry if this is a dumb question. I just feel like time is quickly running out for me.

Most definitely not. Unless you are specifically looking to date an 18 year old, that is.

This constant reference to dancing implies a much different social life than I have experienced. Not that I never dance -- I do, and I enjoy it -- but I'm not sure where you guys are going where dancing is a regular part of a social life.

Then again, the last three girlfriends I've had are a biologist (current), lawyer, and biochemical engineer. We weren't exactly part of the "clubbing" scene. I'd say I have occasion to dance perhaps 1-2 times per year.

 

[Peace Tea]

-Moving back to my hometown in two-or-so months, after basically being gone for 2.5 years

-Was so homesick that I commuted an hour there, just for work.

-Just recently texted an ex-female co-worker (from hometown) in regards to a fellow co-worker I had a thing for

-She says said girl never expressed an interest in me, but will ask.

-My drunk ass says 'go for it'. Get a reply in the morning, "doesn't remember who you are"

-My feeling is 'well, its been well over two years. Plus I never made a move or even attempted having a friendship, since I lived an hour away, so what did you expect?'

-I shop at that retail store all the time, so I'm going to bump into this girl eventually. Maybe LadyGAF can provide me with an alternative option (?), since my current and only one is (and was, before these txts) to: Tell her in advance that I'll be going in to talk to her, walk in and have a ten minute conversation, then ask her out for her lunch break, get rejected (I now include rejected because of lines 4 & 5).

-I definitely feel like its very awkward to just wave and say hi, given that now she knows all of this, and will remember my face when she sees me.

 

[cuevas. PhD.]

Most definitely not. Unless you are specifically looking to date an 18 year old, that is.

This constant reference to dancing implies a much different social life than I have experienced. Not that I never dance -- I do, and I enjoy it -- but I'm not sure where you guys are going where dancing is a regular part of a social life.

Then again, the last three girlfriends I've had are a biologist (current), lawyer, and biochemical engineer. We weren't exactly part of the "clubbing" scene. I'd say I have occasion to dance perhaps 1-2 times per year.

Anywhere with music? Bar, clubs, house parties...