You know, for a guy with as much on his resume as you, you're sure as hell not bringing your A-game to your online profile. Snappy one-liners? Nowhere to be found. You're competing for attention in a haystack of ...hay. Be the needle! Shiny and sharp! Go! Go! Go!
More specific advice:
Put your summary in complete sentences. Save the point form for actual lists (e.g. "your favourites");
Lose the navel-gazing "is this enough of a summary?" after 75 characters. It's not enough of a summary, that much is obvious;
Don't immediately advertise that you're really good at sarcasm. It's hard to come across effectively as sarcastic without sounding a) condescending b) depressed or c) both, when the person you're trying to advertise to doesn't know you;
Cooking: you're "generally acknowledged"? What's your signature dish? Make a play with this: <people who don't have to like what you cook> have said that they <liked this dish that you made>, among others, and you would relish an opportunity to demonstrate just how good it is on a date;
Private things: If you want to save the reveal of private information for after you've come to know someone at least a little bit, say so. It's cool. It's a pretty stupid question to have on a dating profile site anyway;
Favourites: Simply executed. Again, could use more character in the expression but otherwise fairly tight and demonstrate a variety of interests; and,
SHOW YOUR FLAVOUR. You list off the things that are important to you and cool to you like they're some sort of checklist. Imagine you're at a coffee shop and someone three seats over is getting so animated and excited talking about something that they almost knock their coffee over. Those are the kinds of things you have to put on your profile. Not to the point of total geek-out - that's intimidating - but enough that a girl out there can read what you write and think, "hey, that guy really really LOVES x. And I love x. And, he seems sane. This is awesome!"
The combination of more flavour and colour to your profile will help you stand out. I think it's great that you're not too heavy on the innuendo and that you come across as a smart guy who's re-discovering what's important to him - but I might also suggest that you find a way to describe why you're on OKC. If you're interesting and charismatic and good with words, what in blazes are you doing single? Have you just not yet found someone equally awesome to share your life with? Hey, that's cool - work that in to your profile somewhere. Maybe at the you're "good at cooking" part.
That done, start messaging more girls. Remark on something you found interesting on their profile and an interest that you think you share - and, if she reaches the same conclusion, to fire a message back your way, and you can meet up for ...some innovative first-meeting thing.
In all - yours is an inoffensive, and decently foundational profile, but you're not standing out. Stand out! Because you can!
