Let's talk about catcalling
- Thread starter pashmilla
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Sorry, meant human condition.
cryptosporidium
Member
so is catcalling more of american thing? Ive never witnessed it, nor have i heard from any of my female friends about it? maybe it more common in an urban city like Van then out here
It happens everywhere. Everywhere. You just haven't noticed it.
Messofanego
Banned
I predicted this response
But to answer your question it happens everywhere. Even all the quietest of rural areas. You're just unaware of it.
Which couples do you know that were introduced because one approached the other in public?
Aizen.S.Kennedy
Banned
John Blade
Member
Just reading the reply give me a good idea of be careful of how I say it to the ladies as it might not sound right if I say it in an odd way.
Still, for those asking why would I even think about this, it will come down to the situation. I know for myself, I don't really talk to random people on the street unless if I need to be excuse myself or if they can move a bit to walk by. Just not the person who can talk to random person. Only one time I manage to talk to a lady on the street and compliment her as she was waiting at the bus stop when I have some errand to do for work at the time. I have bunch of Tulip Bouquet for work and just give her one tulip when I compliment her and continue my way to work as I don't have the time to stop for long (don't want to go too much of my work life here but was in a production schedule for a short which I join to help with as an editor).
Still, for those asking why would I even think about this, it will come down to the situation. I know for myself, I don't really talk to random people on the street unless if I need to be excuse myself or if they can move a bit to walk by. Just not the person who can talk to random person. Only one time I manage to talk to a lady on the street and compliment her as she was waiting at the bus stop when I have some errand to do for work at the time. I have bunch of Tulip Bouquet for work and just give her one tulip when I compliment her and continue my way to work as I don't have the time to stop for long (don't want to go too much of my work life here but was in a production schedule for a short which I join to help with as an editor).
In Chile happens everywhere, construction workers are famous by that here.
Wolf whistling, catcalling, even people stopping their cars to honk at girls.
I guess in more reserved cultures it isn't as massive, at least here it isn't widely accepted and is generally condemned by society, but not actively discouraged.
There's a common denominator at least in my local catcalling and derivatives, the dudes do it in a protected environment when they can hide or escape quickly if confronted (Say, a car, a scaffold, in a big group where the girl would obviously be scared to confront, etc).
I've also been catcalled but hey, it was two times in my 33 years, a drop in the ocean compared to the things girls have to experience in their lifetimes.
Let me clarify, in the middle of the street.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
Agree with the majority of what has been said here.
Just wanted to mention one thing I've witnessed (sadly multiple times) which makes my skin crawl. That is, dudes telling girls to smile. "You have a pretty face, you should smile more", "smile, it's not so bad", "smile for me". I would not be able to survive in this world as a woman if I was subjected to shit like that.
Wanting to approach women to tell them that they are beautiful or ask how their day is going is similarly creepy to me. I don't care how your parents met.
Just wanted to mention one thing I've witnessed (sadly multiple times) which makes my skin crawl. That is, dudes telling girls to smile. "You have a pretty face, you should smile more", "smile, it's not so bad", "smile for me". I would not be able to survive in this world as a woman if I was subjected to shit like that.
Wanting to approach women to tell them that they are beautiful or ask how their day is going is similarly creepy to me. I don't care how your parents met.
Shit like this really disgusts me.
I am a man but not the type of men who thinks its OK to treat women disrespectfully. In my entire 31 years of existence, I've always treated all females I've encountered with respect and dignity.
I was raised by my parents to treat everyone the same exact way I would like to be treated, with respect and dignity.
I've actually defended females who have been disrespected and not been treated with dignity by other dudes.
Females are NOT objects, they are human beings just like men and deserve the utmost respect and dignity.
I really wish there's more men who treats women with respect and dignity.
I am a man but not the type of men who thinks its OK to treat women disrespectfully. In my entire 31 years of existence, I've always treated all females I've encountered with respect and dignity.
I was raised by my parents to treat everyone the same exact way I would like to be treated, with respect and dignity.
I've actually defended females who have been disrespected and not been treated with dignity by other dudes.
Females are NOT objects, they are human beings just like men and deserve the utmost respect and dignity.
I really wish there's more men who treats women with respect and dignity.
I always say "you first" and keep walking away. I've heard it all and the responses don't bother me. Of course if we're the only two people in a dark alley I'd reduce confrontation. Not that I spend my time in dark alleys.
Messofanego
Banned
It's to such an extent that there are campaigns based around stopping people to demand women to smile.
Pancake Mix
Copied someone else's pancake recipe
I'm not sure why my fellow men do it...not only is it harassment, but think about it..it never works. By catcalling, all you're doing is broadcasting that you can't behave with courtesy to women, and that you can't keep it together. Keep it inside your mind.
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
I always found it a particularly trashy thing to do.
Gentleman Jack
Member
Give me this week's lotto numbers please.
LegendofDragoonLives
Member
Walking up to someone and telling them asking how their day is creepy? What the fuck is wrong with you? What is creepy about striking up conversation? People should not be obnoxious and most importantly piss off when the person you strike a convo isn't interested though. I really hope you're a girl that's just been burned by annoying assholes which makes your comment completely makes sense, because I wouldn't be able to handle the level of cringe if you respond with I'm a guy...
The smile thing is a cheesy thing guys think of, but yeah it's pretty damn lame. Then again, not everyone is great at talking at people. But you might be right that that part is a bit creepy. -_-
Your best bet is not to get advice from gaf overall on this, in particular the guy or girl I just quoted above yours. Clearly what you've done works for you and your fam, regardless of what internet relationship experts here think.
I've been cat called a few times as a guy but never had a problem with it. I ran with UA anti cloth 2 weeks ago and for the first time didn't wear my shorts on top of the tight leggings. A car stopped in the middle of the read and honked the horn for 3-5 seconds. I turned around to look at them and laughed, then she drove off. The main point here is the cheeks are in top form ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), though it's back to wearing shorts as usual. :S But yeah, I get why it's annoying from women's POV since it happens a ton more and some people are just obnoxious assholes when they do it. Never done it myself nor have I ever seen someone do it and actually do it successfully... so I don't know if it's shooting the shit if you're with your friends or people think it works.. :\ I don't really see the upside in cat calling tbh.. It doesn't even work on top of being annoying.
Jeronimo Jones
Member
I've heard it's often more a show of "power" than an attempt at actually engaging a woman in a conversation that's going to go anywhere. I can believe that because it can't be a very successful tactic.
It's harassment and it's disgusting.
It's harassment and it's disgusting.
eot
Banned
You've been everywhere, I take it?
Sorry to make you cringe, but I'm a guy.
I think men who approach women out of nowhere with no reason for talking to them other than that they think she's cute and want to ask them 'how their day is going' are creepy. There is a time and a place to approach other people to talk to them. Given that this thread is about catcalling, this is being framed as a conversation about approaching women in the street or in public places, not bars/clubs or social events etc. I think guys who approach women in the street are creepy.
As a guy, I am suspicious of any stranger who approaches me, more so if they just want to ask 'how my day is going'. I would assume that person is trying to con me or distract me while their friend steals my wallet. If someone is asking for directions or for the time, that's fine. One of my least favourite experiences is when I'm on a bus or train and the person sitting next to me tries to start a conversation. These people are usually crazy.
I can only imagine how much more worrying these kinds of situations must be for women when there's an added level of sexual attraction involved. Where there's a higher chance that the person approaching them might wish to abduct them, rape them or murder them. Disregarding any kind of danger aspect, it must be annoying to be approached only because a person finds you attractive.
NorthAndSouth
Member
I've always hated having random guys/ men tell me to smile. No, I am not a doll for you to look at. Its not like someone is automatically glaring, are more "bitchy", like a "man" or are somehow less of a person just because they're not constantly showing teeth towards everyone they meet. Some people are naturally peppy others are more reserved. It is not rocket science.
Also catcalling is so abhorrent, I don't understand why some men feel the need to do it. A girl is not going to give you the time of day by you harassing her, and it's not flattering at all. Compliments are always nice, but gross sexual objectification is disgusting by any standard. The only reason why I can think that someone would even stoop so low is to gain some sort of sick satisfaction in watching others in discomfort, especially someone they feel can't talk back.
I'm surprised to see so many reasonable reactions here on Gaf though. Usually in my experience anytime issues surrounding feminism are brought up on the internet it just quickly becomes a cesspool.
Also catcalling is so abhorrent, I don't understand why some men feel the need to do it. A girl is not going to give you the time of day by you harassing her, and it's not flattering at all. Compliments are always nice, but gross sexual objectification is disgusting by any standard. The only reason why I can think that someone would even stoop so low is to gain some sort of sick satisfaction in watching others in discomfort, especially someone they feel can't talk back.
I'm surprised to see so many reasonable reactions here on Gaf though. Usually in my experience anytime issues surrounding feminism are brought up on the internet it just quickly becomes a cesspool.
I feel like this mentality is a little much. Context and approach make a SIGNIFCANT difference. There is no blanket rule. I don't catcall, harass women, etc but in my single years I have approached strangers in public in a correct manner, sparked up a conversation and got a date or more. Obviously if the person isn't interested when talking to them or if they are trying to leave you shouldn't pursue but the kind of people that ignore those obvious signs will ignore them even in the "appropriate" setting.
I think the lesson is treat women with respect. Don't whistle at them like an animal but there is nothing wrong with showing interest in someone outside of a bar scene and communicating to them like a normal human being. It may be hit or miss but all these people avoiding this because they think it's creepy are going to the extreme and dooming themselves to being swiped left on a dating app.
I'm sorry I usually agree with you but this seems like an insane opinion to me.
You certainly have the right to walk up and say, "Hey, I'd love to take you out to dinner sometime, if you are interested" Just as they have the right to ignore you or tell you to fuck off.
This happens all the time in bars, at parties, and even on the street. It's a natural thing.
Hell, we even have a gaffer who got asked out on the bus after the lady was reading over his shoulder.
It's less "I find them attractive", and more like "I want to have dirty, nasty, sex with that woman"
AnathemicOne
Banned
Is it? The public street is just one environment out of many and intuitively doesn't seem ideal to strike random conversation with strangers. People travel the streets on foot, car, bike, etc. to get from Point A to Point B not to wander off and look for people to talk to.
cryptosporidium
Member
Going through a bit of this thread, people saying how are they are supposed to get girls if they can't hollar at them is weird to me.
If I want to talk so some pretty girl at the bar I go up and talk to her, not yell, whistle, or say something abrupt from afar. I cant see being that as something many women find appealing. Others are seemingly against talking to strangers too here, but thats always been fine to me at least. Anytime I make eyecontact with a dude ill give the nod or with a girl i might just smile. If im at a bus stop i might spark up a convo with the person next to me or something. If someone isnt interested tho, you just leave em alone, thats common courtesy right there
If I want to talk so some pretty girl at the bar I go up and talk to her, not yell, whistle, or say something abrupt from afar. I cant see being that as something many women find appealing. Others are seemingly against talking to strangers too here, but thats always been fine to me at least. Anytime I make eyecontact with a dude ill give the nod or with a girl i might just smile. If im at a bus stop i might spark up a convo with the person next to me or something. If someone isnt interested tho, you just leave em alone, thats common courtesy right there
There are opportunities to strike up a conversation anywhere. Walking next to someone and bumping into them on accident to apologize and notice a magazine they are holding can lead to a short convo, long convo, date, anything. I have had people start up a convo with me because they like my shoes or shirt. Waiting in line at a food truck can be a place to meet someone. People are focused too much on the place. Everyone doesn't go to the bar or club to meet their future SO and they still manage to find someone. It's not about the where, just the how. Be cool, read the signs, don't over do it and know when to walk away or continue. I have had more success making friends and hooking up with people I find in everyday life then the club girls. In fact I haven't found too many "I met my wife at the club" stories. Mine never lasted long.
Boy Wander
Member
I don't get the mind set and I can't imagine that it has ever gotten a result.
blame space
Banned
i wish it was easier to know whether or not someone is repulsed by you.
Most women are upset about the frequency and poor approach. I don't think many single women would be against a guy they might be interested in approaching them on the street politely. The problem is most of their interactions are catcalls, hey babys and come over here. They aren't convinced a good interaction will happen all that often and they are right.
hydrophilic attack
Member
if someone gives you a good slap that probably means they are repulsed
or that you have an interesting sex life
Laevateinn
Member
I think this works both ways actually. Have had this happen to me at stoplight summer situations. Yes, it's weird.
Depends. If you're really staring at every pretty woman walking down the street, it can turn creepy fast. You're probably far from the only one doing it to them. That can get annoying/creepy.
Yeah - I hadn't actually thought about that. It's a good point.
Often I'm just curious if the other person is doing it back to me because they might want to catch my eye.
It's not like i'm egregious with it - I'm not winking and making kissing motions but I can imagine there might be a bit of weirdness if someone is not expecting some random dude walking to be looking straight at their eyes.
If GAF can be considered any different, it's where everyone's usually on their best behavior during these topics
*Iwatalaugh
AnathemicOne
Banned
Well that's the thing, context is key. Unfortunatly the reality is that the majority of catcalling is done upon public streets to which people are right to be annoyed by/wary of. It's not that much of a leap in thought to conclude that attempts to strike up conversation on the public street would be looked upon questionably, whatever your intentions.
Absolutely not, if anything its extremely prevalent in latino cultures (South/Center America, Southern Europe).
excelsiorlef
Member
Well I mean a guy has the right to say a lot of things to me. Doesnt mean they should.
Literally running up to someone unsolicited on the street and saying "I want to take you out to dinner" is pretty weird sorry.
It's funny you compare it to casual social locations though like bars and parties or after a clear social cue like your bus example as if that's the same as a randon sidewalk.
I would think looking them in the eye is exactly how to show them you ARENT a creep, if you catch my drift
My opinion may be informed by the fact that i am a cigarette smoker. I have had great random conversations outside of work with random people while we smoke.
I have never asked someone in that situation out, but I could see it happening.
And yes your example seems like it would be odd, but I think it would be okay, a little strange, but still okay, if I walked up to a woman on the street and said "you are stunning and i love your style and i was wondering if you had any interest in dinner". Some people would even call it romantic
Dash_Riprock
Member
I wonder if AllGamer learned anything or if he's back on Reddit/4chan bitching about GAF...
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