I would have known I was gay at like 3 years old if I'd been aware that it was a thing. It's funny how most of the things I like about guys, physically, were locked in that early. I was all about those lean ripped torsos and toned arms, lol. I've been told my attractions were "conditioned by media" or whatever because my tastes are sort of stereotypical (I'm all about athletic hunks if you haven't noticed), but I'm not sure that's true. I didn't really watch TV, and never used the internet, until I was in my teens. And when I did, I zeroed right in on what I liked. It felt like discovering things I would have been into anyway, if I'd just found out earlier.
I always had mostly male friends, but I was never attracted to any of them. My social life didn't help me figure out my sexuality at all. The signs were still there, though. I felt platonic attraction to girls (I especially liked goths), but they didn't turn me on. I never wanted a girlfriend, and for a long time I didn't even consider that boyfriends were an option. I liked superhero comic art because the guys were so fit, unf. At some point I discovered gay fanfics (my phone keeps trying to change this word to "fabrics." Gay fabrics, rofl), which were my first exposure to gay sex. That's how I figured out some of what I liked without any actual experience. Later I found porn, but the selection was bad in those days, or at least I wasn't aware of how to find the good stuff. I would go onto these sites that were probably filled with viruses. They had page after page of little thumbnails you could click and download 5 or 6 tiny clips of full videos. That sustained me for probably a couple of years.
The modern porn landscape is so much better than what I had when I was growing up. Seriously, I envy today's gay youth. Everything's so convenient and accessible, it's amazing. Tumblr is a godsend. HD streaming is actually possible now. Praise Jesus for Sean Cody and Corbin Fisher.
Porn aside, you can go on Youtube and find many dozens of LGBT people your own age vlogging about their life. Instant access to people just like you, imagine that. It's goddamned paradise compared to what I had to put up with. I might post like a thirsty tween sometimes, but I don't ever take any of this for granted.
This is amazing. I love it.
