Support NeoGAF

[teezzy]

Like any proud American capitalistic pig daddy worth his (or her) salt in 2020, I noticed that Season One of Clarissa Explains It All on DVD was like $5 on Amazon recently so I scooped it up without a second notice. It came in the mail today.

You guys remember this ish? Clarissa explained it all throughout a large majority of my childhood and then some. After that, I knew her as Sabrina the Teenage Witch. The real Sabrina with the wise-cracking cat, Salem. Not that Netflix show... I never got around to watching that.

This got me thinking, brehs. I wonder if Melissa Joan Hart was still hot in 2020. She is 44 now after all. Would I still let her Explain my All and then some?

You bet your Graham Cracker encrusted buttocks I would! Come here thicc Republican rich white mommy lemme play with your butt flaps. I just wanna suckle that pale neck until it's stupid!

I started going even further down the rabbit hole. What was my new sweetie MILF QUEEN up to these days?

Well.. turns out she just directed a Christmas movie starring Mario Lopez!

Feliz Navi-DAD!!! Get it?!!! He's a DILF!!

But wait, there's more! Looks like Melissa Joan Hart has had a looong streak of Made For TV Christmas movies...

https://ew.com/tv/melissa-joan-hart-lifetime-christmas-movies-stupid-questions/

And in many of them, she's starring opposite Mario Lopez. Theyre about to Nog some Eggs brehhz

She even has one with BBC Master Lord URKEL!!!

Are your chestnuts roasting over an open fire yet?! BECAUSE I KNOW MINE ARE!!!

This one even has Mario Lopez's brother or something...

With that said, she's lookin' good fam on that real-real

With that said, I'm gonna watch at least one of these. Maybe a couple. I'm thirsty for some of that Melissa Joan naughty nogg. BOUT TO MAKE MARIO LOPEZ WATCH AND JERK HIS CANDY CANE IN THE CORNER OF SHAME

Ferguson frickin' wishes

Heck yeah

Merry Christmas everyone. Feliz NaviDAD to you all

 

[Calcium]

I worry about you sometimes.

 

[Maiden Voyage]

 

[quickwhips]

I was more into the christina Ricci as a kid. But sure I'm with you teezzy .

 

[Soltype]

She was on nick arcade once and she couldn't do the sonic challenge, she's dead to me.

 

[quickwhips]

Saw them in concert like 6 times. It's one of my wife's favorite bands. Hung out at electric factory when they played with Chantal claret.
She let me grab her boobs while she sang but she let everyone do that.

 

[teezzy]

Dear lord, my childhood.

Guess I gotta track these down on DVD too

 

[BlackOlivesMatter]

No

 

[triplestation]

hells yea buffy the vampire slayer was the shit

 

[pauljeremiah]

 

[teezzy]

Howdy K1Expwy

Merry Christmas, dude!

 

[MiyazakiHatesKojima]

Isn't that the slut from Sabrina: The Teenage Bitch?

 

[quickwhips]

Howdy K1Expwy

Merry Christmas, dude!

Do you own all those on dvd?

 

[teezzy]

Isn't that the slut from Sabrina: The Teenage Bitch?

 

[BlackOlivesMatter]

No fetish threads

 

[teezzy]

Do you own all those on dvd?

Just Clarissa season 1. I'd love to get my hands on Sabrina also.

I'm actually watching Holiday in Handcuffs rn. I'd tell you how I obtained it, but Evilore might beat me up.





So far, it's fairly pleasant and non-intrusive. I like this sorta fluffy melodramatic stuff tbh.

 

[teezzy]

lmao this just got a genuine belly laugh outta me 16 minutes in. im down

 

[G-Bus]

Failure of a thread. Can't just toss out THICC and MILF then post a bunch of fuckin PG disney shit.

Where them titties man. Let's see that booty hole

 

[ZehDon]

You know, maybe the internet was a mistake...

 

[It's Jeff]

I've never felt as passionate about anything as you do about this.

 

[teezzy]

Failure of a thread.

 

[BlackOlivesMatter]

Merry Thiccmas idiots

 

[Woo-Fu]

The first step is admitting you have a problem.

 

[Papa]

Eh, she never did much for me

 

[FreedomOfSpeech]

Clarissa can explain this wood.

Btw what's the name of that show where the girl could stop time by putting her fingers together?

 

[Goro Majima]

She’s good looking but I’m not seeing a lot of thicc here. I was expecting Jodie Sweetin levels of thicc.

Candace Cameron Bure is still better looking.

 

[teezzy]

Here is one of the special features on the Clarissa DVD box set. I miss MTV Cribs, and actually caring about celebrities.

Original air date: 2001

I was 10 and she was 25

 

[Neil Young]

I couldn't NOT look at her droopy fucked out eye though. A couple of girls with goofy eyes threads popping up (Queens Gambit girl). Who's next Shannen Doherty?

 

[GreyHorace]

She was so hot in Sabrina.

But she's actually still quite attractive in her middle age. Bet you most GAFFERs still would.

 

[Coolwhhip]

 

[teezzy]

Had a fair amount of fun with Handcuffed for the Holidays tbh. Some unexpected genuine belly laughs and there was a part where

Spoiler

Mario Lopez defended Melissa Joan Hart's passion and talent for art to her parents who want her to go to law school as they're exchanging gifts around the tree which legiterally made me feel a bit of a cry coming. I never cry though for whatever reason so I obviously didn't.

Fun movie, even if it is Hallmark Channel schlock. A few jokes feel like they'd never fly in 2020 tbh. 2007 was edgy af bro. I wasn't expecting that .

Round two: THE SANTA CON starring Sabrina the Teenage Witch and Urkel

 

[Lionel Richie]

I absolutely love this thread, thank you OP

 

[Tschumi]

Search "Milf" in the Japanese section of pornhub and you'll soon be set to rights Tezzysaurus

 

[MiyazakiHatesKojima]

I absolutely love this thread, thank you OP

STFU, pro-vaxxer.

 

[Goro Majima]

She was so hot in Sabrina.

But she's actually still quite attractive in her middle age. Bet you most GAFFERs still would.

Guys that "would" is about the lowest bar imaginable for these kinds of things though.

My question is "Is Melissa Joan Hart so hot that she deserves her own thread?"

I think that answer is a resounding "No!"

 

[teezzy]

I absolutely love this thread, thank you OP

Thanks Lionel, I hope you and your family have an awesome Christmas!

 

[Lionel Richie]

Thanks Lionel, I hope you and your family have an awesome Christmas!

I wish the same for you my man <3

AND for you too MiyazakiHatesKojima you beautiful conspiracy theory nut

 

[Stiflers Mom]

teezzy is like the 90ies decided to come to visit earth again and chose him as their avatar.

 

[Greasy Caveman]

I'll keep this short, you're weak, you're out of control and you've become an embarrassment to yourself and everyone around you.

 

[teezzy]

I'll keep this short, you're weak, you're out of control and you've become an embarrassment to yourself and everyone around you.

Have a Merry Christmas, dude. I hope whatever it is which is causing you to not enjoy such lighthearted fun as this thread is intended to be is something which you learn to overcome shortly.

 

[Stiflers Mom]

I'll keep this short, you're weak, you're out of control and you've become an embarrassment to yourself and everyone around you.

LOL, as if someone is interested in your Neo Member opinion here.

 

[teezzy]

LOL, as if someone is interested in your Neo Member opinion here.

Greasy Caveman is quoting Paulie Walnuts from the Sopranos

"I'll keep this short and sweet. You're weak. You're outta control. And you've become an embarrassment to yourself and everybody else. "

I wonder what is play is here. Maybe it's brap. lmao

 

[NecrosaroIII]

She reminds me of my aunt

 

[Dacon]

I STG did Trump himself write the OP lmfao

 

[Stiflers Mom]

She reminds me of my aunt

 

[teezzy]

Apart from the goofy cornball twist at the end, I gotta say I had fun with this too. A few decent jokes and harmless fun throughout. Melissa Joan Hart lookin' older here. Hard not to enjoy a movie though that features Urkel, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, the son from 7th Heaven and Cliff from Cheers.

Wish MJH was in here more.

Pretty decent overall.

Up next...

 

[teezzy]

Lmfao bros I totally confused Dean Cain for Mario Lopez

Best Superman?

BEST SUPERMAN

 

[Stiflers Mom]

Lmfao bros I totally confused Dean Cain for Mario Lopez

Best Superman?

BEST SUPERMAN

Off course your best Superman is 90ies Superman.

 

[teezzy]

Broadcasting Christmas is easily the worst of the three movies thus far. I'd say Handcuffed for the Holidays actually had a funny, if unrealistic, premise and some darn good laughs throughout. The Santa Con was interesting enough and I was fully engaged from beginning to end.

Broadcasting Christmas is watchable and not much else. Anyone who has seen enough movies would've predicted the ending coming from a mile away - but wow look, Dean Cain!

I'm going to try and squeeze in the others before the holiday's end. This was generic af, fam. The last two were much more fun overall, and I don't have a lot of hope for, "Christmas Reservations" or "A Very Merry Toy Store" lmfao

 

[Liamario]

Melissa Joan Hart has never been attractive or funny. Sorry OP, go have a wank.