I'm so incredibly tired. I had a minor breakdown today which ruined one of the few days this Easter I had when I planned to just relax. I haven't really discussed my challenges in this thread, and I'm not really planning to, not right now. I just decided to vent it out. I don't even care if it's on the net and public, right now. I'm too frustrated to care about how pathetic it might be. So as a result of that breakdown, I'm struggling to sleep. I keep getting plagued by negative thoughts, making sleep difficult. I put some music in the background to distract me, but it's not helping. I usually have trouble sleeping, ever since I was a kid, pre-school even, but never for this particular reason.
I'm tired. Tired of feeling like shit. Tired of nothing going my way. Tired of being afraid of upsetting the people in my life, and doubly tired of feeling reliant on them for my well being.
Speaking of FaceBook, several times, most recently just now, I've had the idea to just write-up everything bad. Just get it out there, just so I can stop being the only one carrying all this crap around. But that's probably not a good idea for various reasons.
I find it's best to engage with Facebook as little as possible; if I browse I get drowned in others' curated slices of life that make them seem as happy and successful as possible, and if I post I curate my own life and get attached to needing approval of what I posted or attention.
I'm sorry you're having a difficult time of it, Sesha. I hope you're able to find solace soon. Let us know if there's anything we can do.
Out of curiosity, what's everyone's experience with medications? One of my biggest fears of being medicated are side effects. I'm kind of a hypochondriac. Then again, my other big fear is being too crazy to properly function(a possibility) so at a bit of a loss.
Medications have saved my life. Full stop. They can't fix everything, but they can help us lift some of the difficult emotions so that we can get to work on what needs to be done.
My first post in this thread. Been suffering from depression for as far back as I can remember. Sometimes I go months were I am fine, then out of the blue I will be miserable for a week or two where I simply wont talk to anybody at work or at home.
I have major self esteem issues. I only look in the mirror when I shave because I hate the way I look. I am always comparing myself to other and pointing out how much better they are than me. I have been married since 2002 and have two kids but and I often wonder they see in me. Overall I am doing okay in life, I have a family, a house, two cars, and we go on vacations but I still consider myself a complete failure because of my career which is pretty much working at a bank and sitting at a desk all day. I pretty much hate myself most of the time.
I have been going to counseling and my physicist makes valid point when I speak to her but I am having a hard time believing any of it. I may have to take meds but in the past they have not done a thing for me.
Do you have any sense of what happens that triggers that week or two of misery, Ensoul?
I held out the faintest glimmer of hope all those years. The tiny points of light kept me going through the blackness. slowly, more of those tiny points appeared (seen the end of "True Detective"??? Such a good show!). And here I am now, back in the world, better than ever.
Keep that little bit of hope.
-Pete
I'm so glad to hear that things are looking up, Bagels. I continue to hope for the best for you and your family
Glad to hear you're doing well, Bagels. I hope everyone in this thread will one day have similar results. And good luck with the interview.
I just got back from my interview. I actually think it went reasonably well, even if I did have a few awkward moments here and there. Well enough, in fact, that now I'm scared I'll actually get the job, which is even more of a nightmare for someone with my mental state.
That's great, Steamlord!
One step at a time. The interview was an accomplishment in itself. Now it's just a matter of taking things one step at a time.
Has anyone skipped over psychotherapy and gone straight to a psychiatrist instead? I feel like I've had consistently bad luck with therapists--with some that I'm pretty sure should not be allowed to practice anything that has any basis in other people's health--and don't want to drag it out for years before I get help with (biological) issues that wouldn't be fixed by talking about it.
I would say it's worth pursuing both simultaenously, Necromanti. Has there been any common thread around why you haven't gelled with the therapists you've seen?
We are very much alike in that regard and it does feel like part of who you are. From what I was told the meds help you fight through those feelings but they are not a magic bullet to make all your depression/anxiety go away.
What I am getting from all this is no matter how much meds or theory a person does nothing will change unless the person starts changing their thinking.
Well, the idea is that most types of therapy, like CBT or DBT, will, over time, change the way we think. After all, we cannot change the way we think simply by brute force; it's a matter of relearning, or retraining our brain.
I don't know what to do, I feel like my body and my life are completely falling apart. I go to therapy, but I don't feel like it does much. I'm calling my doctor again tomorrow, because I don't think my medicine is right.
I'm sorry that things are tough right now, Hylian. Why do you feel that therapy doesn't do much? Have you discussed your dissatisfaction with your therapist?
Anxiety is a killer. I have to find a new place to live, find a summer job, and study for finals while doing my current school work. It feels like there's too many stressors, and not the ones I like dealing with(social stuff). I'll have to do these things and at least I've been proactive at trying to find a place, but I get nervous once places start calling back and I can't make the appointment times due to having classes.
Feeling a little bit of tightness in my chest, so I'm going to go exercise for a bit at the pool. I'll try reflecting and clearing my mind in the sauna.
I feel you, Wolf Dawgz. The end of the semester is just a stressful, stressful time, and on top of it I, too, have been looking for a place to live and until recently was looking for employment (got hired, but that just replaced the job hunting anxiety with anxiety about the new job!). I try to remind myself that, by hook or by crook, in a few weeks it'll be over. Nothing can stop the passage of time, and we usually find a good route through these stressful situations.
Definitely exercise is a good bet, as are relaxation techniques. I also find it helpful to organize my work as much as possible - to plan which days I'll do which assignments and things so that I the work has an end point each day.
Yep but I stopped that since I slept pretty badly with theses and the effects while existing, weren't that great. My doctor knows about that but doesn't seem to be against my decision.
Anyway since that post, I saw him one more time and he said that he thinks the main problem with me is that I cause to myself "sabotage" when it comes to interact with others people. Which can makes social interactions really awkward and I think he's right but how to stop that, I don't know
Well, Blackquill, it's a matter of investigating our methods of thought and learning to "retrain" our thought patterns, usually through continued therapy. Has your therapist offered any guidance on how you can work on these things?
In December/January time I went to a group CBT sessions. There were 6 of them in total, it seemed pretty basic and introductory. Each session we would have home works or assignments. I didn't talk unless I was specifically asked to, I find it hard to talk in front of others.
When the last session ended they said some of us they would be calling to follow up on how we felt about the sessions. Somehow I just knew I would be one of them, considering I was probably easily the quietest person in the group.
Funnily enough I actually quite enjoyed the sessions, I like the structure and going out somewhere and being around other people even though I find it hard to be apart of it.
Anyway I told the lady on the phone I thought the group was well run and informative but hadn't really helped me because I just find it so hard to be comfortable around other people.
Anyway she recommended I do 1 on 1 CBT sessions which I agreed too because what have I got to lose.
So tomorrow I go to my first 1 on 1 session, I'm nervous about it but I'm going to try my best to open up. I want to he better, I want to be happy.
I'm glad you're making steps toward recovery, StrongBelwas. I hope your 1 on 1 session goes well!
Good news! I got the job in New Hampshire that I've been trying for for a long time (and I've been trying to move out of state for years as well)!
This is relevant to my mental health since I'll finally have good health care and will finally get a therapist. Also, I'll be working only 40 hour weeks and only one job, so I won't be stretching myself so thin like I have been for the past year and a half. And also I'll be living somewhere that I'm assuming I'll enjoy quite a bit more than here and hope to really grow into the community there which is my top priority in life and seems more likely to happen in a smaller town.
So yeah! Everything's coming up Kipp!
That's wonderful to hear, Kipp! I've only spent a few days here and there in NH but enjoyed what I saw while I was there. I hope your transition goes as smoothly as possible.
<3