Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

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I feel so weird right now. It's like.. it's like I'm depressed and hopeful at the same time. One minute it's a bit more depression, the next minute it's a bit more hope.

edit: Everything's back to normal. Hope's gone.
 
Been off of my meds now for few months and just recently got my insurance back. I don't think I'll be able to see my original therapist unfortunately. This time I think I will just go the therapy route and skip meds this time. Also found out my dad's dad passed away 6 months ago found out through a ancestry website.
 
I need to go refill my meds, so it at least looks like I'm taking them to disability.

I do plan to take them, but my prescription hasn't been renewed in a few months and I'm supposed to be taking 'em. I'll make it a goal starting when I get home.
 
Lost my ex a couple months ago and pushed away my 2 best friends yesterday. I don't really feel like I have anyone anymore. I guess it's fine. A big chunk of my life I spent as a hermit not really needing to socialize with people. I hope with time, this need to have a lover/companion slips away
 
Sorry to hear that. Hopefully you'll find someone and comfort.

I'm still looking for my first real girlfriend and I'm coming close to thirty. It's hard. I feel lonely all the time, and have little luck dating. I get jealous of all of my friends.
 
It's been a very complicated month. I've found myself a fuck buddy, which at first was remarkably confusing. I had never had sex before, I'd never really even established myself as gay before (at least in my head) and doing all of this at my mid-age brought forth some emotions that I wasn't prepared to deal with. It led to some early freak outs which he's been remarkably patient with.

But affection has been growing between the two of us, if not feelings. I'm not sure yet. We're taking things one step at a time. I do know that I'm enjoying spending time with him outside of just the sex. He's coming over tonight and I want to play for him the sketches of the song I've been working on.

(He also has a fucking amazing hot tub. I don't want to say that I'm fucking him for the hot tub because I'm not but it's an amazing perk.)
 
Watched the VICE documentary of Japan's suicide forest.

Was oddly relaxing.

A few pages back I read a story of a gaffer who went there, that hit me hard.
 
Watched the VICE documentary of Japan's suicide forest.

Was oddly relaxing.

A few pages back I read a story of a gaffer who went there, that hit me hard.
Is that on HBO?
Really missing my Mom.
I'm sorry for your loss.

I've been angry everyday since Wednesday. When I say angry, I mean generally, not because of certain events. I've been trying not to take it out on anyone. I'm not use to such anger. For most of my life I funneled my emotions into sadness. While I'm not being destructive, I'm not constructive either.
 
Has she passed? I'm missing my oldest brother(suicide) and my best friend(heart condition). They both flood my thoughts constantly.

Yeah, she passed a couple of months ago. It's been hard, because she was everything to me. My best friend, my confidante, my concert buddy.

I looked after her for several years, and based my life around her.

Sorry for your losses.

Is that on HBO?

I'm sorry for your loss.

I've been angry everyday since Wednesday. When I say angry, I mean generally, not because of certain events. I've been trying not to take it out on anyone. I'm not use to such anger. For most of my life I funneled my emotions into sadness. While I'm not being destructive, I'm not constructive either.

Thanks
 
Not sure if this is the right thread but I would like to share something I have been struggling with for a long time.

I am fairly certain I have body dysmorphia. Mind you I have never been officially diagnosed. I constantly worry about how I'm perceived by others in terms of physical appearance. On some level, I do know that appearance isn't everything but I can't help but to compare myself to others who I see as beautiful, attractive, and most of all worthy of love.

There's definitely a broken part of me that sincerely believes I am unlovable because I don't meet these standards of beauty. I'm very self-conscious when I was younger I had to have surgery on my legs which resulted in 2 roughly 4 inch scars on each heel. To me and my other flaws please hold me back from a normal life. I haven't dated much because I'm so preoccupied doubt over my appearance.

To counteract these feelings, I have been trying to make self-improvements. I have been committed to working out everyday. I have improved my overall diet, started doing yoga (DDP and regular) Insanity: Max 30, walking 3 mile a day and recently start C25k program. While this has been a slow process I feel supported by friends and family alike in these efforts. Yet I feel as though I'm imposter, a liar, I can't be honest with them about just how important it is for me to succeed at this and give myself hope that I can attain (some) level of beauty.

There is still a lingering doubt that I will always be this person and it scares me completely.

I hope one day I can see myself as a whole person and not be so invested in such shallow thoughts.

Sorry for the rambling just needed to share. Lurking in this thread has helped me greatly but I think it is long past time that I open up and be honest.
 
Why is it that waking up is the worst? After a nap or a nights sleep, I just get hit worh everything and feel so alone and hopeless, even if I felt great before falling asleep. It takes me an hour or 2 to snap out of that too.
 
Why is it that waking up is the worst? After a nap or a nights sleep, I just get hit worh everything and feel so alone and hopeless, even if I felt great before falling asleep. It takes me an hour or 2 to snap out of that too.

You're not alone. I'm the same way. I wake up okay, then it hits me.

Going to sleep is my favourite thing to do. Well, sleeping in general.
 
Hi everyone! Just delurking to check in. Still using that homeopathic stuff I mentioned earlier. It makes feeling positive things easier than feeling negative ones without overwriting the things I would normally feel or without drastically changing my personality, which are problems I have definitely had when using prescription MH-related medications in the past. Normally I feel like homeopathy is hogwash and even if it is just placebo effect helping me up, oh well.

My dad is doing better, even though he's gotten turned into a medical case study due to having something fairly rare (but well documented and treatable) happen to him.

@melonrabbit - I have a little dysmorphia as well. Looking in mirrors is sickening about 90% of the time. Taking better care of myself really helps, I can easily see and feel it when I drop 10lbs (or gain it, ugh). I hope it helps you as well, patience is the key for seeing things from long-term lifestyle changes and for those changes to become the new "normal". I also have recently realized that everyone around me only cares about how they look and how they are perceived by people around them! As long as I'm not overly slobby and decently covered, literally nobody else cares what I look like because of the natural self-centeredness of humans! Eye-opening experience. I wish I could find the words to explain it better. Also, I find that scars are dead sexy. Especially ones that you didn't get for being an idiot. Hopefully when you're ready to find a romantic partner, they'll agree.

@OCDChewie - have you done any grief counseling or looked for a support group yet? There are online ones, too. The loss of your mother is still recent and may be too raw yet, but it might help some. It has been about 15 years since I lost my grandmother, and 10 since grandfather passed, and I still get "those" dreams, and the gut-punch after I wake up.

@jb - I'm happy for you and jealous of your hot tub benefits. I'm sure both the fucking and the hot tub have been beneficial in pain management? The fact you're considering playing for him is amazing to me, given your previous posts.
 
I just got info that my (former) crush had her baby. Even though I thought I was over it and knew it from the beginning, I've been shaking the whole day. Just as the last two weeks were actually getting better - bam, suckerpunch again.
 
I just got info that my (former) crush had her baby. Even though I thought I was over it and knew it from the beginning, I've been shaking the whole day. Just as the last two weeks were actually getting better - bam, suckerpunch again.

You should be happy for her.
 
My loneliness has reached a new low. I feel absolutely terrible. I feel ill. On dating sites, people either ghost me right away, or at some later point. But they always do. And I'm not even looking for dates only; I also want to find friends. In real life, I find it hard to approach people. And if I manage to do it, and if we actually have a conversation (two big ifs), at some point they either lose interest, or they go away to talk to someone else for a while but then simply forget about me. I can't deal with this anymore. I feel so weak, so depleted. Both physically and mentally. I don't feel like doing anything. Don't want to work on my university assignments. Don't want to play video games. Don't feel like doing anything at all. I stay in bed as long as I can. And then I spend the entire day just killing time until I can go to bed again. Rinse and repeat the next day. At this point, I think I would actually pay someone to give me a hug. I think I'd do that. But then I'd realize they actually don't give a shit about me, so I'd feel even worse. Wanna know how long it's been since the last time someone hugged me? Well I can't tell you. I don't know. Years. Many, many years.
I've gone through so many changes over the course of the last few months, I became a so much better person, all of which is reflected on my dating profiles. Still nothing. I'm alone every single day, morning to evening. Don't feel like leaving the apartment anymore. It only leads to pain. I went to a club on Friday. I did talk to a few people, but ultimately I ended up sitting alone in a corner. People had formed small circles everywhere, and I didn't dare to barge in. Snuck away without saying goodbye to anyone and cried at home. I should go there again. I should try again to integrate myself. Maybe someone remembers me, maybe they'd talk to me. But what if not? I can't deal with this.
Had an amazing (online) and deep conversation with a girl recently. We had so much fun. And at some point, she actually suggested to meet up. She seriously did. I cannot even describe my happiness back then. My first date. My first date ever, in my entire life. Not just with anyone, but with a person I felt like I had a real connection to. And then she ghosted me. Like all the others. No, she didn't just honestly tell me she lost interest and the reason she did, but she simply stopped responding. People don't even say "no" to me. I'm not even worth the time to reject. People just ignore me. Now as I'm writing this, I'm crying again. I can't deal with this. Always alone.
What am I supposed to to? I failed at finding friends online. I failed at finding friends offline. And trying to do so hurt so much. I don't want to try anymore.
 
You should be happy for her.

I am and I try, but we barely spoke the last months. She obviously had other things on her mind but I tried to keep up with her pregnancy every couple of weeks, but she never was particulary responsive. It just pains me every time I see her on WA and think its maybe better to cut her out of my life because it keeps opening old wounds for me.
 
I'm actually feeling a little better today.
The pain isn't too bad when I don't forget my meds and move as little as possible.. it's the moving that hurts.
I'm much more clear headed and my mood swings seem to be under control today too. Which is great because I've been pretty out of it for the past week. pretty sure I've said some stupid shit on neogaf even but whatever.

Also, having someone do all my housekeeping is pretty neat even if it makes me feel even more useless than usual.
 
Just wanted to thank everyone who shares their issues in this thread. It makes me feel a lot less alone in my problems with treatment resistant and social anxiety.

Such a frustrating part of myself. Been through so many different medications and other methods like rTMS. Got a lot worse recently and ended up checking myself into the hospital for suicide watch for 2 days. Now living back home with my parents for the summer who are luckily very loving and supportive of everything, don't know what I would do without them.

And I've seen a very prominent psychiatrist in and he recommended a lot of different treatment options. This gives me some hope, but going through different medication options is such a painfully long process.
 
Is it bad when you take your meds at 8PM and then at 12PM the next day? I have an irregular work schedule and the time I tend to take my meds differs from day to day. Always in the evening, but usually a few hours apart.
 

Thank you for your kind words, Teriyaki. I feel better this morning, especially after being able to write out all of my feelings. I definitely need to take better care of myself and be supportive of the progress I have achieved thus far and see more of the positives rather than focusing on the negatives. Anyway, I appreciate you taking the time to read my post - it really means a lot to me.
 
What happens when you go to a psych hospital? I'm seriously contemplating it because I just can't anymore right now. My father constantly threatens to hurt me, I'm being out of their home. My wife is further distancing herself from me and I still have no job or money. I need to leave this state and start over its too much hurt here. I don't know anything about psych hospitals. Would I be able to leave on my own? Will they evaluate me and give me medication?
 
Is it bad when you take your meds at 8PM and then at 12PM the next day? I have an irregular work schedule and the time I tend to take my meds differs from day to day. Always in the evening, but usually a few hours apart.
You will be fine. As long as you take it some time that day, you are good to go - it doesn't have to be spaced perfectly. You want it in your system consistently, as antidepressants work over time (which is why doubling up if you miss a dose doesn't really change much).

What happens when you go to a psych hospital? I'm seriously contemplating it because I just can't anymore right now. My father constantly threatens to hurt me, I'm being out of their home. My wife is further distancing herself from me and I still have no job or money. I need to leave this state and start over its too much hurt here. I don't know anything about psych hospitals. Would I be able to leave on my own? Will they evaluate me and give me medication?
You are free to check yourself in and out, as long as it's determined that you are not at risk of harming yourself or others.

You will be evaluated and committed, if so you choose. Medication is typically prescribed after an observation period, but it can happen pretty quickly depending on your evaluation.

Please do not be afraid of checking yourself in!
 
I'm constantly self aware of my ankles in my shoes. Don't even know why. It's like I keep thinking being able to move the back of my foot around in my shoes is not normal. Sometimes I even try to tighten the shoelaces. It started about three days ago and since you basically wear shoes most of the day, it's a very annoying obsession/thought. Every time I think about it, I start to focus on every single step I take and how my ankle moves and feels while doing so. I even have this feeling my ankle is on the verge of slipping out of my shoe.

Doesn't make sense and I know it's just classic OCD... but damn it is very easy to get obsessed about.
 
Anyone find themselves having to dissociate from loved ones' problems for the sake of their own mental health and sanity? Like, I've got my own shit to deal with, and I'm finally doing something with my life that means something to me and requires a great deal of my mental attention. And I've got a 29 year old sister who has somewhat severe mental health and emotional issues, is on-and-off suicidal, has borderline-psychotic tantrums, is extremely codependent with my parents and my mom in particular...disturbingly so for a 29 year old woman...refuses to seek real treatment for her problems and always comes up with excuses as to why she can't or won't, and is likely going to send my parents to an early grave with the stress she's giving them. And my parents just give in to her bullshit and do virtually nothing but enable her despite praying that she'll one day "just change". And to top it off my dad has major health problems (recently diagnosed Parkinsons being one of them) but doesn't seem to be doing everything he should be to take care of himself, not to mention completely and utterly failing at properly dealing with my sister and the resultant stress.

I want to be there for them for emotional support, and I've always kind of been the 'neutral' one in the family as the only one who's never had a terrible relationship with anyone else and the only one who's never been a source of utter chaos for the family, but they all have a habit of just dumping their problems on one another without taking the proper steps to deal with them, and the stress from just thinking about all their problems makes me sick to my stomach sometimes. All I really can do to deal with it is just stop talking to them, try to stop thinking about them and adopt a "fuck'em, they're on their own" mentality. But of course that comes with its own guilt.

And it's always been like this. It's no wonder I just like being alone and avoid relationships and will probably never have a family of my own.
 
I spend a great deal of time trying to pretend that people don't hate me for being gay because let's face it, that's not something I should have to think about it. But sometimes, it's unavoidable and it stabs me right in the core of my identity. I just can't deal today, with anything. I am completely undone.
 
What happens when you go to a psych hospital? I'm seriously contemplating it because I just can't anymore right now. My father constantly threatens to hurt me, I'm being out of their home. My wife is further distancing herself from me and I still have no job or money. I need to leave this state and start over its too much hurt here. I don't know anything about psych hospitals. Would I be able to leave on my own? Will they evaluate me and give me medication?

Hey NN, here's a post I made previously in this thread about inpatient treatment. Let me know if you have any further questions.

I hope for the best for you and for everyone in the thread. I hope to start contributing more again soon, but anxiety has had the best of me these past two weeks in anticipation of a big trip I'll be taking over the next 3 weeks. I love travel, but I also hate, hate, hate travel.

<3
 
Here is a really stupid question. I got propranolol prescribed because reasons and I was wondering if that shit could kill me, like my heart won't stop beating or anything? My doctor said I should take 20mg per day during a few months, won't my body become really addicted to it? What happens when I stop taking it?
 
Here is a really stupid question. I got propranolol prescribed because reasons and I was wondering if that shit could kill me, like my heart won't stop beating or anything? My doctor said I should take 20mg per day during a few months, won't my body become really addicted to it? What happens when I stop taking it?

As far as I know propanolol is a very safe and well understood drug. I've taken it with no issues whatsoever. Any medication of any sort that you take regularly for a prolonged period of time should be tapered off to mitigate possible withdrawal symptoms, but I've never heard of propanolol being especially bad in that regard.
 
So I decided that I'm gonna start seeing a therapist/psychologist about my depression and just some of my emotional/anger problems in general. I've never seen one before, so I'm a bit nervous lol
 
I'm been feeling pretty anhedonic lately. If I can manage to force myself to watch a movie or listen to music or play a game or something it just feels like I'm killing time, not like I'm getting anything out of it. And I just don't feel like doing any of those things in the first place. But then when I'm not doing anything I just feel empty.
 
My loneliness has reached a new low. I feel absolutely terrible. I feel ill. On dating sites, people either ghost me right away, or at some later point. But they always do. And I'm not even looking for dates only; I also want to find friends. In real life, I find it hard to approach people. And if I manage to do it, and if we actually have a conversation (two big ifs), at some point they either lose interest, or they go away to talk to someone else for a while but then simply forget about me. I can't deal with this anymore. I feel so weak, so depleted. Both physically and mentally. I don't feel like doing anything. Don't want to work on my university assignments. Don't want to play video games. Don't feel like doing anything at all. I stay in bed as long as I can. And then I spend the entire day just killing time until I can go to bed again. Rinse and repeat the next day. At this point, I think I would actually pay someone to give me a hug. I think I'd do that. But then I'd realize they actually don't give a shit about me, so I'd feel even worse. Wanna know how long it's been since the last time someone hugged me? Well I can't tell you. I don't know. Years. Many, many years.
I've gone through so many changes over the course of the last few months, I became a so much better person, all of which is reflected on my dating profiles. Still nothing. I'm alone every single day, morning to evening. Don't feel like leaving the apartment anymore. It only leads to pain. I went to a club on Friday. I did talk to a few people, but ultimately I ended up sitting alone in a corner. People had formed small circles everywhere, and I didn't dare to barge in. Snuck away without saying goodbye to anyone and cried at home. I should go there again. I should try again to integrate myself. Maybe someone remembers me, maybe they'd talk to me. But what if not? I can't deal with this.
Had an amazing (online) and deep conversation with a girl recently. We had so much fun. And at some point, she actually suggested to meet up. She seriously did. I cannot even describe my happiness back then. My first date. My first date ever, in my entire life. Not just with anyone, but with a person I felt like I had a real connection to. And then she ghosted me. Like all the others. No, she didn't just honestly tell me she lost interest and the reason she did, but she simply stopped responding. People don't even say "no" to me. I'm not even worth the time to reject. People just ignore me. Now as I'm writing this, I'm crying again. I can't deal with this. Always alone.
What am I supposed to to? I failed at finding friends online. I failed at finding friends offline. And trying to do so hurt so much. I don't want to try anymore.

She replied! And she still wants to meet, though she had to postpone the date. I had almost given up hope. I'm so happy right now..
 
She replied! And she still wants to meet, though she had to postpone the date. I had almost given up hope. I'm so happy right now..

I'm happy for you Ambitious, and wish you the best of luck. Still, I advise caution. Too become so overly invested in another and so reliant on them can lead to a serious low if things fall through. I would just hate for something to happen and for you to take a bigger hit than needed.
 
I'm happy for you Ambitious, and wish you the best of luck. Still, I advise caution. Too become so overly invested in another and so reliant on them can lead to a serious low if things fall through. I would just hate for something to happen and for you to take a bigger hit than needed.

Yes, I'm really scared that this might happen. I would be devastated.
 
Today I learned I'm mediocre. I had a feeling. Not a whole lot of people take me serious. My college friends nickname for me was noon sauce because I want good at anything.

And I know my coworkers talk shut about me. The only people who like me are management because I'm a subseviant bitch.
 
Today I learned I'm mediocre. I had a feeling. Not a whole lot of people take me serious. My college friends nickname for me was noon sauce because I want good at anything.

And I know my coworkers talk shut about me. The only people who like me are management because I'm a subseviant bitch.

You're not mediocre. Management like you, and 9/10 that means you're good at your job.
 
I wish I could permanently erase certain memories. Not anything that happened in my life that ultimately shaped who I am, but like, dumb shit that just makes me upset.

I stupidly watched one of those PSA "shock" ads warning against the dangers of speeding. I won't describe what happened-- just that it involved little kids and horrible imagery. I can never get that ad out of my head, and it decides to pop up in my brain whenever the fuck it wants. Even as I write this, my eyes are stinging.

Then there was a graphic, awful article I happened upon on Reddit. Something about a baby. I think about it now and then, and it just crushes me.

Having kids was the best thing I've ever done. It's also been the hardest on me emotionally. Depression and OCD don't help, either. When I read something sad or see something scary that involves little children, it stays, and hits like a dump truck every time it sneaks back into my thoughts. I wish I could pluck those images out.
 
My psychiatrist says that if I continue to stagnate, he'll recommend putting me on Zoloft, which I definitely won't be looking forward to. I have a difficult time as it is having a sex drive and I'm afraid the zoloft will completely take it away. Not looking forward to having to watch my weight more carefully either. Still it's 90 days away, maybe I'll be good enough by then I won't have to be on it.

I could spend the rest of my life on Wellburin and be fine with it. I couldn't say the same for Zoloft though.


Today I learned I'm mediocre. I had a feeling. Not a whole lot of people take me serious. My college friends nickname for me was noon sauce because I want good at anything.

And I know my coworkers talk shut about me. The only people who like me are management because I'm a subseviant bitch.

I know it can be hard, but try not to think like that. You are assuredly good at some things, everyone is, you just may not appriciate or know what you are good at. Try not let what other people think of you, or your perception of what they think get you down.

For instance you're good at your job, which is something not a lot of people say. Management likes you cause you put in the work, not because you're subservient.

I think you're an awesome person, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Stay strong : )

I wish I could permanently erase certain memories. Not anything that happened in my life that ultimately shaped who I am, but like, dumb shit that just makes me upset.

I stupidly watched one of those PSA "shock" ads warning against the dangers of speeding. I won't describe what happened-- just that it involved little kids and horrible imagery. I can never get that ad out of my head, and it decides to pop up in my brain whenever the fuck it wants. Even as I write this, my eyes are stinging.

Then there was a graphic, awful article I happened upon on Reddit. Something about a baby. I think about it now and then, and it just crushes me.

Having kids was the best thing I've ever done. It's also been the hardest on me emotionally. Depression and OCD don't help, either. When I read something sad or see something scary that involves little children, it stays, and hits like a dump truck every time it sneaks back into my thoughts. I wish I could pluck those images out.

I know what you mean. I don't have OCD but my depression is caused in large part by thoughts that keep recirculating in my head. The worst part is it feels like I can feel what is happening, and that doesn't help at all.

The same dozen or so events and memories come back time and time again and make me feel awful. Shit, I'll think of things that happened, yet I wasn't there. Those bug me the most, because I have nothing to compare against, so my brain naturally makes the worst scenarios.

Hold in there : )
 
My psychiatrist says that if I continue to stagnate, he'll recommend putting me on Zoloft, which I definitely won't be looking forward to. I have a difficult time as if is having a sex drive and I'm afraid the zoloft will completely take it away. Not looking forward to having to watch my weight more carefully either. Still it's 90 days away, maybe I'll be good enough by then I won't have to be on it.

I could spend the rest of my life on Wellburin and be fine with it. I couldn't say the same for Zoloft though.
For what it's worth, I've been on zoloft for almost a year and a half (most of the time between 100-150mg) and it didn't have any effect on my weight as I've been able to stay fit, and it didn't have much of an effect on libido or 'function'. Maybe a tiny bit at 100mg, somewhat at 150, and fairly significant at 200, but I haven't needed that much either and the zoloft seemed to help me quite a bit at even 50mg.

I've been back down to 50mg for a few months now maintaining where the higher dosage brought me.
 
For what it's worth, I've been on zoloft for almost a year and a half (most of the time between 100-150mg) and it didn't have any effect on my weight as I've been able to stay fit, and it didn't have much of an effect on libido or 'function'. Maybe a tiny bit at 100mg, somewhat at 150, and fairly significant at 200, but I haven't needed that much either and the zoloft seemed to help me quite a bit at even 50mg.

I've been back down to 50mg for a few months now maintaining where the higher dosage brought me.

Thanks for the comment : ) honestly I'm probably making it out in my head to be worse than it is. Still, I'll give it a try if that's what my doctor recommends, because above all I want to get better.
 
Hi everyone! Just delurking to check in. Still using that homeopathic stuff I mentioned earlier. It makes feeling positive things easier than feeling negative ones without overwriting the things I would normally feel or without drastically changing my personality, which are problems I have definitely had when using prescription MH-related medications in the past. Normally I feel like homeopathy is hogwash and even if it is just placebo effect helping me up, oh well.

My dad is doing better, even though he's gotten turned into a medical case study due to having something fairly rare (but well documented and treatable) happen to him.

@melonrabbit - I have a little dysmorphia as well. Looking in mirrors is sickening about 90% of the time. Taking better care of myself really helps, I can easily see and feel it when I drop 10lbs (or gain it, ugh). I hope it helps you as well, patience is the key for seeing things from long-term lifestyle changes and for those changes to become the new "normal". I also have recently realized that everyone around me only cares about how they look and how they are perceived by people around them! As long as I'm not overly slobby and decently covered, literally nobody else cares what I look like because of the natural self-centeredness of humans! Eye-opening experience. I wish I could find the words to explain it better. Also, I find that scars are dead sexy. Especially ones that you didn't get for being an idiot. Hopefully when you're ready to find a romantic partner, they'll agree.

@OCDChewie - have you done any grief counseling or looked for a support group yet? There are online ones, too. The loss of your mother is still recent and may be too raw yet, but it might help some. It has been about 15 years since I lost my grandmother, and 10 since grandfather passed, and I still get "those" dreams, and the gut-punch after I wake up.

@jb - I'm happy for you and jealous of your hot tub benefits. I'm sure both the fucking and the hot tub have been beneficial in pain management? The fact you're considering playing for him is amazing to me, given your previous posts.

No, not yet. I've looked into it a bit, but I kind of see it as a farce because nobody really knows what happens after we die and I need absolutes to feel better. My sibling is going soon, though.
 
Any extroverts here struggle with social anxiety? It puts such a damper on social interactions. I'm probably the flakiest person I've ever known (and my friends call me out on this too) because I'll excitedly make plans, then when the date gets closer my social anxiety will kick in and I'll cancel. But the thing is, I will 100% feel better if I go and interact with friends than if I don't. It'd be nice to see if others struggle with the same thing.

edit: idk if this is the right thread to post it in, since its about depression, sorry if its not.
 
Any extroverts here struggle with social anxiety? It puts such a damper on social interactions. I'm probably the flakiest person I've ever known (and my friends call me out on this too) because I'll excitedly make plans, then when the date gets closer my social anxiety will kick in and I'll cancel. But the thing is, I will 100% feel better if I go and interact with friends than if I don't. It'd be nice to see if others struggle with the same thing.

edit: idk if this is the right thread to post it in, since its about depression, sorry if its not.

The thread is about mental health, and this is definitely a mental health issue :)
 
Any extroverts here struggle with social anxiety? It puts such a damper on social interactions. I'm probably the flakiest person I've ever known (and my friends call me out on this too) because I'll excitedly make plans, then when the date gets closer my social anxiety will kick in and I'll cancel. But the thing is, I will 100% feel better if I go and interact with friends than if I don't. It'd be nice to see if others struggle with the same thing.

edit: idk if this is the right thread to post it in, since its about depression, sorry if its not.
It is a mental health problems thread, no focus on depression in particular, although I do believe that's the most common one, supposed to affect at least 1/4th the entire population at some point through their lives.

I'm much, much more introverted than most everyone I know, but I can fake extrovert in public. I need to (and do) go out and interact with people in normal situations for exposure therapy, since I've become agoraphobic ever since I started to have anxiety attacks about 8 years ago. I never feel 100% better for having gone out, because I'll spend a lot of time analyzing every tiny detail and kicking myself over saying something stupid. (However, that's not the focus of exposure, which is just being able to reinforce yourself with the idea that you can go outside and do stuff without the sky falling. In that regard it has been a big win for me so far.)

BUT, even though our situations and approches vary wildly, I totally get you on being perceived as a "flake" due to last minute anxiety/other health problems kicking in. I've lost a lot of people/friends/family because of a combination of that and the fact I seem to be missing some crucial social filters. It is really hard for other people to understand when you look totally healthy on the outside but you just can't handle leaving the house right now. Even though I have puked, fainted, and seized in front of other people over that stress, they still abandon me because I'm just not functional enough.

I mean, in that case, they probably weren't worth having around, but that doesn't stop shit from hurting.
 
Thank you for this thread.

I'm at work at the moment and can't check out the resources in the OP right now. But I haven't been in threads like these before and reading the OP itself was kind of re-assuring.

It's a great thing you're doing.
 
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