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[Sylas]

Ahhh shit. My medication stopped working. Does anyone else have experience with this? I typically have a pretty high tolerance--but the dosage I was on was doing me just fine until about 2 weeks ago.

Since then I've been noticing a mounting increase in anxiety and my bipolar symptoms returning but was largely in denial about it because... well, I was medicated and it had been working! Why would these things come back?

Last night I had a fullblown panic attack and nearly shut down, and I'm exhausted from it today, but I've called my doctor. Hopefully she can just increase my dosage without asking me to come in because fuck I don't wanna wait until she has an opening to start feeling stable again.

 

[Kipp]

I've been on one hell of a downward spiral lately...
I'm becoming more and more depressed, more and more isolated, enjoying things less and less, and finding life more and more meaningless.
Don't even know how to change the trajectory I'm on...

 

[Piano]

Ahhh shit. My medication stopped working. Does anyone else have experience with this? I typically have a pretty high tolerance--but the dosage I was on was doing me just fine until about 2 weeks ago.

Since then I've been noticing a mounting increase in anxiety and my bipolar symptoms returning but was largely in denial about it because... well, I was medicated and it had been working! Why would these things come back?

Last night I had a fullblown panic attack and nearly shut down, and I'm exhausted from it today, but I've called my doctor. Hopefully she can just increase my dosage without asking me to come in because fuck I don't wanna wait until she has an opening to start feeling stable again.

There are a multitude of reasons medication can become less effective over time, whether through straight chemistry, a change in our psychological circumstances / symtpoms or some combination of both. Are you receiving any psychological treatment outside of medication, Sylas? When we better understand our psychological circumstances our psychiatric medications can be more accurately targeted and, in the end, more effective.

In the mean time, try leaving your doctor a message communicating that it's an emergency and see what she advises. Changes in medication should not be made without the supervision of a medical professional.

I've been on one hell of a downward spiral lately...
I'm becoming more and more depressed, more and more isolated, enjoying things less and less, and finding life more and more meaningless.
Don't even know how to change the trajectory I'm on...

Please seek therapy, Kipp, I think it could be a tremendously helpful resource and can give us tools for changing our trajectory. I'm sorry to hear things have been slipping recently.

<3

 

[jb1234]

I've been on one hell of a downward spiral lately...
I'm becoming more and more depressed, more and more isolated, enjoying things less and less, and finding life more and more meaningless.
Don't even know how to change the trajectory I'm on...

I'm in really bad shape right now, otherwise I'd call you. I'm thinking about you, though.

 

[Mr. F]

Hi. I pop in now and again, but was wondering if anyone had advice for this specific situation.

I was laid off last week, and have four weeks more or less to find another job before my severance runs out. This is uncomfortable because what was already a stressful situation feels even more pressured.

When searching for tips or advice on how people with anxiety or depression have handled being laid off/rebounding, it's always framed as the depression being a consequence of getting laid off as opposed to a pre-existing condition.

Anyone have a similar experience or any advice on how to cope? I've found myself in a big slump since being let go, and am getting down on myself for already having wasted a week. Motivation to get started is really hard to come by and I find myself completely overwhelmed with where to begin. I'm scared of slipping into old habits since a full time job that I liked was really good scaffolding for structuring my day to day life.

 

[Rainy]

Haha today I got so depressed. I feel like I have nothing to be depressed about either! I'm just weird I guess.

 

[Astral Dog]

Today I learned I'm mediocre. I had a feeling. Not a whole lot of people take me serious. My college friends nickname for me was noon sauce because I want good at anything.

And I know my coworkers talk shut about me. The only people who like me are management because I'm a subseviant bitch.

please dont talk like that, there are far worse things than being "mediocre"

 

[Kipp]

Kipp, I think it could be a tremendously helpful resource and can give us tools for changing our trajectory. I'm sorry to hear things have been slipping recently.

<3

I think I may have posted about it, but I actually did have my first therapy appointment a couple weeks ago.
...Unfortunately, the guy turned out to be a total joke. The guy was seriously laughably bad. At least for me, he was. He must work for some people, but for me he was just terrible. After that experience, I need to give myself a bit of time before I try again. For some reason I just can't jump right back in and pay another $100-ish to take my chances with another therapist.

I'm in really bad shape right now, otherwise I'd call you. I'm thinking about you, though.

Thanks, JB. We'll talk soon. I hope you start feeling better as well.

 

[RoyaleDuke]

Sure, I don't mind. I have severe scoliosis (55 degrees) and some other stuff too... but my upper body has always been the worst of it.
Anyway, I've had surgery reccomended for it a couple of times throughout the years but I never went through with it because frankly, surgery scares the crap out of me.
A while ago I decided I no longer wanted to put up with it and now here I am.
The recovery time should take about three months and I have a pretty bitchin new scar.
Maybe I'll get a tattoo of a zipper along the cut.

I know how you feel. I have pets these days so I pretty much have to get out of bed every day, but I used to stay in bed a lot back when I had zero responsibilities.
The worst part is when people just don't understand what you're going through and don't want to either.
A couple of years ago when my dad was moving homes one of his friends actually got mad at me when I wasn't helping out much and when I explained why he responded with something along the lines of "yeah well sometimes my back hurts too and I just put up with it and so should you. You're young so it can't be too bad lol".
I seriously wanted to kill him there and then.

A lot of people give the same kind of response when you tell them you're depressed. Instead of maybe assuming you're not bullshiting them and trying to emphasise they'll respond with something along the lines of "Yeah sometimes I feel bad too" or "shucks, get over it brah".
That shit gets me so mad.

Eddit: Oh, recovery time is anywhere between 3 to 12 months apparently. Not sure how I got that confused.
With my luck it's probably going to be closer to 12. Fuck.

Damn, scoliosis is no joke. I hope you have a speedy recovery and that the procedure goes well, I will keep you in my prayers for sure man. (Sorry, I am slightly religious).

Speaking of people saying get over it, that shit incenses me, it is so easy to handwave something away when you have no concept of what it feels like to have those diseases day in and day out, no rest, no respite. What's worse for me is that I can't really take any of the RA/Fibro drugs because they will react with all the drugs my Psychologist has me taking. On top of that, in the past when I've tried several drugs meant for my condition they almost killed me.

The worst though is that sometimes I regret ever trying weed, it is truly horrible that you find something that works, but the greatest tragedy of all is not being able to afford that which enables you to have some semblance of a life.

I've been in some much pain the last couple weeks, and then everything else going on too it feels like too much.

 

[The_Kid]

I'm mentally exhausted more and more it seems. Life just seems like tedium the more I think about it. I feel trapped, like I'm doomed to be stuck in this mediocre life in Minnesota suburbia. I can't enjoy anything since the beginning of the year. I've picked up a game maybe once or twice but can't bother to finish anything. I didn't even watch E3 even though I was home, just sort of stared at the ceiling and slept. I used to not sleep the night before because of how excited I was and now... it seems pointless.

I go to Comic Con once every year, sort of like my one vacation of the year. I see friends I haven't seen in a year (live in separate states), go to some panels, see a new city, etc. And every year since the initial trip I cling to it more and more, stressing about not going, worrying I'll miss it. I didn't really know fully why before. My other friends had an attitude where it wasn't the end of the world for them, but for me it was. I had a realization that the trip is the only time I feel like I'm not trapped in some mediocrity. I hate my state, I hate my school, my job... Maybe for them it's just a trip, since they have other things going on, other friends and the like. I just come home and feel so empty because I don't feel like I have anything else to look forward to in life. It isn't even the trip itself, it's just the tease of something different, where I feel like actually doing something. I'm just rambling now but I needed to vent.

I'm seeing a therapist next month so maybe that will help. I just keep coming back to an actor we discussed in high school, George Sanders, who killed himself because of depression and boredom. I dunno, I never plan out suicide, just think about dying know and then. I get heavy emotional mood swings and panic attacks sometimes and things seem worse until I calm down. I sometimes worry years down the road I would actually do something if I had the guts.

 

[Xe4]

I seem to find it impossible to forgive myself. I've never done anything bad, never killed anyone or raped anyone or anything like that. Shit I've never even done something like cheat on someone.

But when I think back on the dumb shit I did, it feels like it's impossibile to forgive myself, even when those who I've hurt have forgiven me.

I can't help feel like what I've done has made me an asshole for the rest of my life, that what I've done is irredemable, and no matter what I do or who I help I'll still just be a fucking jerk. A jerk who's tried to make up for his mistakes, but a jerk nonetheless.

Sorry for the rant. I try to be positive here, cause the board needs it, but sometimes I need to vent : )
Stay strong guys <3

 

[TheAutomator]

What I've noticed is, living like a basement dweller and playing videogames or watching movies all day can cause mental problems. Humans have to take a break, have some fresh air, maybe go outside and do something else. Shutting yourself in and playing games ad nauseum can cause problems because brains are in constant need for a change of atmosphere. I wish companies would have more awareness for this problem and put warnings against it.

 

[Sectorseven]

What I've noticed is, living like a basement dweller and playing videogames or watching movies all day can cause mental problems. Humans have to take a break, have some fresh air, maybe go outside and do something else. Shutting yourself in and playing games ad nauseum can cause problems because brains are in constant need for a change of atmosphere. I wish companies would have more awareness for this problem and put warnings against it.

Some do. World of Warcraft has loading screens that sometimes remind you to take breaks. I think MGS4 install screens also brought it up. Admittedly though, it almost felt tongue in cheek.

 

[half a moon]

That feel of missing the call that you've been waiting for beside the phone for a week...
I only have a small window tomorrow.

 

[Booker Dewitt]

God what a awful phone call.

Felt like a idiot talking to a person about applying for a job when I had only a vague idea of it (heard of it from a friend who knew jack about it, and their website was a one page spread that was purely consumer facing). The main stickler seemed to be me not having a car. More and more, not having a car is really screwing me. But I can't afford a car unless I get a job that will require a car to get there.

Had a plan to clean up my place tonight after work, but I think I'm gonna do little more than vaccum my ceiling fan and get drunk.

 

[BadTaste]

Met a girl back in May and we met for a second time last night, we hit it off well but I was being my usual awkward self and she noted that I seemed stressed out to which I denied. I've known her for years and I honestly like her, but since last night she isn't really talking probably because I'm a boring weirdo. It's too soon to ask if she wants to meet regularly I think but I wouldn't mind it. I don't have many friends and this is the first girl in my life since 4-5 years ago. No doubt I'm overthinking things. Everyday for the past few months I mutter "kill myself", it comes out of nowhere it just slips out. I used to be on fluoxetine 40mg and it did absolutely nothing for me. I know how I'd kill myself I've set everything up in the past to see if it would work, it's always in that back of my mind to just off myself. I can't be bothered taking to a professional anymore I just feel so pathetic and coming off as a big sad sap.

 

[melonrabbit]

Posted a page or so back about my dysmorphia. Just when I think it is getting somewhat better I hit another wall and fall apart. A friend (one I'm strongly considering limiting contact with) told me to my face that I would always be ugly to matter what I did i.e. work my butt off to get in shape like have been doing for the last few months.

This my greatest fear.

Right now, I can't love myself as I am so I know no one else will be able too.

 

[Sadsic]

my mom died today.... dont know how to feel... i feel numb.

 

[User 479360]

my mom died today.... dont know how to feel... i feel numb.

I'm sorry, man. I know how that feels, and what it's like afterwards. I'm still trying to come to terms with the loss of my mom and get used to life without her. I don't want it, don't like it and hate it.

I just wish that I could talk to her again.

If you need to talk, want to vent or just want someone to lean on, send me a message at anytime.

My condolences to you and yours.

 

[Sadsic]

ok the dam burst while listening to mazzy star... i miss my mom so bad right now

 

[User 479360]

My Mom was my best friend and my confidante. She was more of a friend than a mother in some ways, but struck a good balance between the two when she needed to. We got along really well, loved each other and I respected the heck out of her. She was truly amazing.

I've never cared about anyone in this world nearly as much as I cared about her. With my issues, I thought I'd be in a mental institution by now. I'm not, but maybe in the future, because I honestly don't know if it's fully hit me yet.

I think I mourned for her while she was still alive, if that makes sense. I kind of thought something was coming, but was scared to death of it -- so badly that I couldn't get out of bed some days.

When she was sick, I looked after her daily during the last year, and visited her whenever she was in the hospital. I feel bad that the last time I talked to her, I told her I'd be in to see her the next day, but didn't go in because I wasn't feeling up to it. We got the call that night. I'd been in almost every day for a month, but missed just the odd one because it was a lot for me.

I take solace in knowing that I stepped up and looked after her, but don't know how I will be able to live the rest of my life without her. I feel empty, and it's weird. I think about her constantly.

I am able to have good days, but even when I'm doing something I like or at a cool event, I'll start thinking about her and my eyes will well up with tears.

I haven't bawled a lot, but that may come. I did break down and the dam burst when I went to see her in hospital afterwards and saw what remained. It was very hard. I held it in while my Dad was in the room, but asked for time alone and said my goodbyes -- whatever good that did. I hope she heard them somehow.

I feel like I'm not grieving properly, or showing I cared enough.

 

[Sadsic]

This is what broke me...

 

[chiimisu]

Yet another failure.
It's so hard to let dreams go, but it seems like it's only way for me to stay sane.
I'm so tired of trying so hard and receiving nothing but humiliation in return.
The second I stepped into the threshold of my house I instantly turned into a crying mess.
There go my dreams of going to Japan/receiving art education/not being poor as fuck I guess.
Fuck fuck fuck

 

[RoyaleDuke]

Yeah so my mom and dads kind of friends(not really, it is hard to explain but they are horrible people) found out that I was having mental problems and they asked about it one night. I told them one of my diagnoses was that I have aspergers, a form of autism.

The dude straight up asked if burgers came out of my ass.

He's a fucking asshat.

In other news, schizophrenia, ocd, and autism added to my labels, which I already have MDD.

On top of fibromyalgia and SRA. Poverty. Fuck, things are bad. The voices are getting worse, and so are the hallucinations.

 

[Ambitious]

Literally thousands of people of all genders, ages and orientations around me, partying and having fun in any imaginable way. And there I was, completely alone as always, sitting on the curb, watching them pass by, barely able to hold my tears back.

I'm not gonna post here for a while.

 

[njean777]

Well I have been on remeron for the last month and a half and I think it is helping. No bad dreams, just fatigue.

But the reason I started on it is due to a girl that destroyed me (so many lies, it would just be too much for me to type it all out). I still love her and hope the best for her (as that was how I was raised) even though I know she is spiraling out of control (drugs). I just have no want for sex, love, or anything right now and am basically dead inside. I drink everyday and honestly it has been the only thing that has helped other than the remeron. It helps me cry from my anger. I would rather cry instead of hurting anybody, as I have done that in the past and it doesn't help at all, not to mention it isn't fair to the other person in the slightest.

 

[Xe4]

Yet another failure.
It's so hard to let dreams go, but it seems like it's only way for me to stay sane.
I'm so tired of trying so hard and receiving nothing but humiliation in return.
The second I stepped into the threshold of my house I instantly turned into a crying mess.
There go my dreams of going to Japan/receiving art education/not being poor as fuck I guess.
Fuck fuck fuck

I know what you mean. Realizing that what you've wanted your entire life is slipping away is a tough deal. But it's still good to dream. It doesn't matter what really, trying for something, whether you think you're gonna reach it or not helps a lot. Hell it's the only thing that keeps me together sometimes.

It doesn't nessesarilly have to be the big dreams you have. I went from wanting to be an exo planet reasearcher, which I see now as less attainable than I thought, to having any job of the sort, while having a wife and kids. Having a hopeful future is great when you have a not so good present, as long as looking for the future doesn't become your present. Living in the moment has its benifits as well, and it's good to try to strike a balance between the two.

Yeah so my mom and dads kind of friends(not really, it is hard to explain but they are horrible people) found out that I was having mental problems and they asked about it one night. I told them one of my diagnoses was that I have aspergers, a form of autism.

The dude straight up asked if burgers came out of my ass.

He's a fucking asshat.

In other news, schizophrenia, ocd, and autism added to my labels, which I already have MDD.

On top of fibromyalgia and SRA. Poverty. Fuck, things are bad. The voices are getting worse, and so are the hallucinations.

Wow, it sucks your dad is friends with that guy, he sounds like a total jerk.

I'm super sorry about the new diagnostics, looking at your posts over time in this thread has shown me that you're an amazingly strong person for what has happened to you in this thread.

Are you on medication for your new found diagnoses. Specifically for schizophrenia, medication can help a bunch with the positive symptoms such as voices and hallucinations.

Either way I really hope you have the best time possible under your circumstances, you deserve it. Feel free to PM me any time to talk, or rant, or yell at, or anything. <3

Literally thousands of people of all genders, ages and orientations around me, partying and having fun in any imaginable way. And there I was, completely alone as always, sitting on the curb, watching them pass by, barely able to hold my tears back.

I'm not gonna post here for a while.

: ( we're gonna miss you. Feel free to PM me if you want, and I really hope you sort things out and find someone truly amazing.

Well I have been on remeron for the last month and a half and I think it is helping. No bad dreams, just fatigue.

But the reason I started on it is due to a girl that destroyed me (so many lies, it would just be too much for me to type it all out). I still love her and hope the best for her (as that was how I was raised) even though I know she is spiraling out of control (drugs). I just have no want for sex, love, or anything right now and am basically dead inside. I drink everyday and honestly it has been the only thing that has helped other than the remeron. It helps me cry from my anger. I would rather cry instead of hurting anybody, as I have done that in the past and it doesn't help at all, not to mention it isn't fair to the other person in the slightest.

Have you considered talking to someone to up your dose of Remeron, or adding/trying another antidepressant? Another one may affect you in a more positive manner. It's certainly something to try.

Try to be careful with the alchol intake. Self medication can sometimes help with immediate symptoms, but often it comes with huge, huge, drawbacks compared to other methods.

With respect to the girl, I'm super sorry that happened to you. People like that suck, and you deserve better than them, regardless of what you think of them. It sucks what she did to you, but it's important to know that that feeling will recede with time, even if it never fully goes away.

What had helped me when I feel dead inside is trying to help others. Honestly for a while it kind of became an obsession, because I could help others feel better which made me feel ever so better. I don't know if any of my advice will help, but I figured it couldn't hurt. Feel free to PM me any time if you want to talk or whatever.

Stay strong guys : )

 

[Bagels]

my mom died today.... dont know how to feel... i feel numb.

I'm so sorry, Sadsic. Mess age me any time if you need to talk, ok?

 

[RoyaleDuke]

Well, had the worst day of my life today.

Basically, got in a fight with my dad's shitty friends because they were picking on me and justifying the murder of all those people in orlando. "bad things happen so what," the whole political thing got brought up by them, and I just expressed I was tired of seeing people die for no damn reason. I'm tired of people using my religion as a way to spread hate, just as the wrong people have done for thousands of years.

They fucking laughed at me, and one of them started praying to God once .I started mentioning the fact we have issues with Homophobia, Institutionalized racism, and gun fetishism in our society. Stricter laws must be made, things have to change.

These people lie and cheat my parents, they barely support their kids and mentally abuse them, they are scum, and we helped their fucking poopdick of a son over here because(and I found this out later) he fucked over a drug dealer in oklahoma and that is why he had to escape to Colorado. We moved to Greeley 5 years ago, and the last 15 years of my life have been absolute shit for everyone, not just me.

My parents are taking their side, they said that if they said anything stupid today at the party we were invited to, they would take my side and tell them to fuck off.

They didn't, just like all the other times these fucking parasitic wastes of human skin disrepected my family, my father, me, and all I did to that dickless motherfucker was try to be his friend and he was a complete asshole. He can't even fucking read! his mom takes care of his kids, he spends all his money on booze and drugs for his fucking girlfriend.

The kids barely have anything.

I ended up just fucking losing it, I had had enough of their bullshit and I've been nice for 5 long fucking years and I am not gonna be pushed around any goddamn more. FUCK them, fuck them straight to hell. A bunch of ungrateful, ignorant, disgusting backwards cousin marrying motherfuckers from Oklahoma.

This wasn't the only thing though, these assholes got together and staged an intervention because they think just because I smoke a little weed, don't have a job, and I am pursuing creating my novel and short stories along with game development with a friend of mine. They told me to give up on all of that and get a job at a gas station because they don't feel I support my family enough, that i need to just get over my problems.

And you know what else? My dad equated being Gay to being a Pedophile. His whole life he preached to me about love and tolerance and God making you just the way you are, and now he hates muslims, mexicans, and apparently thinks being Gay or trans is a choice and a mental disease and a sin.

I love my father, I do. But I just can't get over this shit. Even my mom was taken aback.

I can't take it anymore, my own parents won't stand up for me.

No one believes in me. I have no support and I am just watching everything burn down around me and the one fucking time I stand up for myself and my parents were going to, and they fucking lied and I should have known better. I should have. I wanted to believe just for once... just this one time they would have my back.

They didn't.

 

[chiimisu]

I know what you mean. Realizing that what you've wanted your entire life is slipping away is a tough deal. But it's still good to dream. It doesn't matter what really, trying for something, whether you think you're gonna reach it or not helps a lot. Hell it's the only thing that keeps me together sometimes.

It doesn't nessesarilly have to be the big dreams you have. I went from wanting to be an exo planet reasearcher, which I see now as less attainable than I thought, to having any job of the sort, while having a wife and kids. Having a hopeful future is great when you have a not so good present, as long as looking for the future doesn't become your present. Living in the moment has its benifits as well, and it's good to try to strike a balance between the two.

Thank you.
It's hard to settle for the less when anything I heard since the early childhood is how talented I am and how bright my future is. Yet, even though the remains of those abilities are still with me, I have to live the worse life than the most. I guess I have to accept that life isn't fair and move on.

Still can't get over yesterday's phone call to my mother. I'm "selfish" by... feeling bad when thing I was preparing for for about half a year didn't work out. And venting a bit about that to her. And wanting some compassion. And not asking ONCE how she's doing. Fucking great. My chest hurts.

 

[User 479360]

I just feel lost, purposeless, defeated and empty. I have little going for me, don't fit into this type of society and am the black sheep.

Sleeping is the only thing I truly enjoy doing.

 

[Rainy]

I'm way too emotionally sensitive.

Say one of my favorite sports teams loses, okay I'm sad for a little while. But say my father slights me in some way, and I get really sad. Or if someone decides to not pay attention to me once or twice I just get sad. Idk I know these are normal things to feel emotion towards but I feel like once one bad thing happens to me, my mind starts this downward spiral that makes everything 100x worse. I'm in a really bad place right now.

 

[jb1234]

It all hurts. I want to die.

 

[NegroNinja]

Just feeling like shit lately. My failed marriage, no family or friends, and my social awkwardness all come together to make me not feel alive or human. Not to mention I'm a fatass who is too self conscious to go to the gym. I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[Ledhead]

Just feeling like shit lately. My failed marriage, no family or friends, and my social awkwardness all come together to make me not feel alive or human. Not to mention I'm a fatass who is too self conscious to go to the gym. I don't know what to do anymore.

I can only address the gym thing. I go a lot now, sometimes 6-7 times a week. I see people of all sizes and all ages working out in various ways. I have never once in my couple of years going seen someone mocked for their size or inexperience. I think you would be surprised as to how welcoming a lot of people at most gyms are. I encourage you to at least try. You owe it to yourself to be healthy and happy.

 

[Lelcar]

my mom died today.... dont know how to feel... i feel numb.

Oh my god I'm so sorry, I was raised only by my mother so this is terrifying to hear. I am so sorry.

And to everybody else, I have clinical depression too, I've had it for years, but i was only officially diagnosed this year after a bunch of collapsing relationships in my life induced a long spiralling panic attack and inner pain. Anyway, to everyone that's depressed, just try to keep going. Focus on something anything happy, don't hurt yourself. Easier said than done, but your lives are precious.

 

[EverythingShiny]

I'm way too emotionally sensitive.

Say one of my favorite sports teams loses, okay I'm sad for a little while. But say my father slights me in some way, and I get really sad. Or if someone decides to not pay attention to me once or twice I just get sad. Idk I know these are normal things to feel emotion towards but I feel like once one bad thing happens to me, my mind starts this downward spiral that makes everything 100x worse. I'm in a really bad place right now.

I'm so sorry and I completely understand where you're coming from. You're aware of it which is huge. I've spent a lot of time and effort (and money on therapists!) working on this issue over the years and at least being aware of it is a big step. When you start feeling yourself going down that spiral, remember that we're our own worst critics and you're assigning a whole lot of weight to something that probably isn't even about you. Hang in there - if you work hard at it, you *can* stop yourself from spiraling. Catching it is the first step!

I can only address the gym thing. I go a lot now, sometimes 6-7 times a week. I see people of all sizes and all ages working out in various ways. I have never once in my couple of years going seen someone mocked for their size or inexperience. I think you would be surprised as to how welcoming a lot of people at most gyms are. I encourage you to at least try. You owe it to yourself to be healthy and happy.

Seconding this - I don't go to the gym anywhere this often (1-2 times a week) and this is so true. I've not see a single person mocked and I've also seen all types at the gym (including a 75+ y/o woman who wears jeans when she exercises - she's being active, which is awesome!) As Ledhead says, people are pretty welcoming. And most of the time, they're pretty absorbed in whatever exercises they're doing, anyway.

 

[TheLegendOfMart]

Apparently I'm depressed. I am partially deaf which I inherited biologically from birth. I've been having dizzyness, nausea and sleeping problems which I've been seeing my doctor for.

He keeps trying to pump me full of anti depressants, I tried some but they made me feel really weird and anxious.

I don't know a lot about depression but I don't 'feel' depressed. I wouldn't say I'm happy but I guess I feel 'fine'.

All I can describe my sensation is feeling drunk without the buzz but I am tee-total/sober and I have what I call brain fog, I have trouble concentrating and feel really dizzy if I turn my head too fast and I stumble a lot. I also feel drained of energy.

It's annoying because I've seen 2 different doctors and they all think it is depression but would that affect my balance and concentration?

 

[azyless]

Apparently I'm depressed. I am partially deaf which I inherited biologically from birth. I've been having dizzyness, nausea and sleeping problems which I've been seeing my doctor for.

He keeps trying to pump me full of anti depressants, I tried some but they made me feel really weird and anxious.

I don't know a lot about depression but I don't 'feel' depressed. I wouldn't say I'm happy but I guess I feel 'fine'.

All I can describe my sensation is feeling drunk without the buzz but I am tee-total/sober and I have what I call brain fog, I have trouble concentrating and feel really dizzy if I turn my head too fast and I stumble a lot. I also feel drained of energy.

It's annoying because I've seen 2 different doctors and they all think it is depression but would that affect my balance and concentration?

Have you talked about it with your psychiatrist ? I'd say something's wrong with the dosage maybe ? When I started with anti-depressants and mood stabilizers I started with really small doses and went from there gradually. At some point I was taking too much and experienced awful akathisia, but I went back to a lower dose for a while and everything's been fine ever since.
Or maybe try a different medication ? I hear side effects can be absolutely terrible for some people, luckily I haven't experienced much of it.

 

[How About No]

Sadsic really sorry to hear about your mom. Stay strong dude

Literally thousands of people of all genders, ages and orientations around me, partying and having fun in any imaginable way. And there I was, completely alone as always, sitting on the curb, watching them pass by, barely able to hold my tears back.

I'm not gonna post here for a while.

Eh thousands having fun means billions not, right? Go fish out a few from those billions and make your own fun with them

Well, had the worst day of my life today.

Well...um, first I will admit you are in a toxic situation, and while I don't want you to do anything brash, I'd make moving out a goal. But definitely look into getting at least part time, maybe at at that gas station before leaving. Save up a lil bit and get a small cheap apartment, even if you gotta get roomies to split the bills. You don't need to even move far, maybe the other end of town.

Also as someone with creative pursuits myself (story/game design), don't be afraid if a job is gonna eat up your time. In fact, if your tasks are especially menial, make it a thoughtful brainstorm time! For example I can think of new story beats or song passages whist puttin' shit on shelves, its great

And I'm sorry to say I don't have any experience with fibromyalga or how bad you have it, but I did find a neat WebMD article about strategies to work with employers:

http://www.m.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/fibromyalgia-work-and-disability

If you're gonna work at a place like a convenience store I think that would be like the baseline of physical labor. Worst you'd have to do is stand all your shift but you'll get sitting breaks. Also may need to work some freight but you'd get a cart or dolly I'd imagine.

 

[TheLegendOfMart]

Have you talked about it with your psychiatrist ? I'd say something's wrong with the dosage maybe ? When I started with anti-depressants and mood stabilizers I started with really small doses and went from there gradually. At some point I was taking too much and experienced awful akathisia, but I went back to a lower dose for a while and everything's been fine ever since.
Or maybe try a different medication ? I hear side effects can be absolutely terrible for some people, luckily I haven't experienced much of it.

I don't believe I am depressed though. I just wondered if anyone else had problems with dizzyness, etc.. linked with their depression.

The dose I had was 10mg which I think is the lowest. It's not an experience I want to have again. I felt really anxious and I woke up with my legs jiggling, it was horrible.

 

[njean777]

I know what you mean. Realizing that what you've wanted your entire life is slipping away is a tough deal. But it's still good to dream. It doesn't matter what really, trying for something, whether you think you're gonna reach it or not helps a lot. Hell it's the only thing that keeps me together sometimes.

It doesn't nessesarilly have to be the big dreams you have. I went from wanting to be an exo planet reasearcher, which I see now as less attainable than I thought, to having any job of the sort, while having a wife and kids. Having a hopeful future is great when you have a not so good present, as long as looking for the future doesn't become your present. Living in the moment has its benifits as well, and it's good to try to strike a balance between the two.



Wow, it sucks your dad is friends with that guy, he sounds like a total jerk.

I'm super sorry about the new diagnostics, looking at your posts over time in this thread has shown me that you're an amazingly strong person for what has happened to you in this thread.

Are you on medication for your new found diagnoses. Specifically for schizophrenia, medication can help a bunch with the positive symptoms such as voices and hallucinations.

Either way I really hope you have the best time possible under your circumstances, you deserve it. Feel free to PM me any time to talk, or rant, or yell at, or anything. <3



: ( we're gonna miss you. Feel free to PM me if you want, and I really hope you sort things out and find someone truly amazing.



Have you considered talking to someone to up your dose of Remeron, or adding/trying another antidepressant? Another one may affect you in a more positive manner. It's certainly something to try.

Try to be careful with the alchol intake. Self medication can sometimes help with immediate symptoms, but often it comes with huge, huge, drawbacks compared to other methods.

With respect to the girl, I'm super sorry that happened to you. People like that suck, and you deserve better than them, regardless of what you think of them. It sucks what she did to you, but it's important to know that that feeling will recede with time, even if it never fully goes away.

What had helped me when I feel dead inside is trying to help others. Honestly for a while it kind of became an obsession, because I could help others feel better which made me feel ever so better. I don't know if any of my advice will help, but I figured it couldn't hurt. Feel free to PM me any time if you want to talk or whatever.

Stay strong guys : )

I have been on other SSRI's and the side effects were terrible. Been on Zoloft, and Paxil and both made me have nightmares and made me feel suicidal. They took a genetic test on me and it showed that I should not be given SSRI's at all. So he decided to try the remeron, and it does help, but the fatigue is normal supposedly. I will PM you eventually with the details of what happened between her and me, but right now I am busy. I am also taking deplin. This girl did a number on me, and I hope to recover one day. It just is hard right now and I know that only time will help. The biggest issue is she is a co-worker so it is a shit show.

 

[melonrabbit]

Doing a little better. Started running more. Made life plans. Still feel numb to a lot of things in real life, but my head isn't as foggy. Like I'm not working against myself at the moment.

 

[cryptic]

I found an apartment.
I met a girl and we get along fairly well, but she gets along fairly well with everything.
Do you ever tell yourself this is the last time you'll try, if they leave, if you say goodbye?
Don't want to meet new people anymore.
She only matters at my distance.
I'm being kind, love has to be free, or it costs at least your stability.
I won't see her as anymore than a friend, as that's all I want in the end.
Looking for work and I'm too afraid to fail again.
I'm confined to the restaurant industry as a cook and it has destroyed me.
I only want one more year of life.
My medicine didn't work yesterday and I almost destroyed everything I wrote, everything that came from me seemed so disgustingand I had such extreme sadness and pain, feeling like I couldn't go on.
I fell asleep somehow and I woke up and started to fix what I wrote.
It's intended to be a satire of love of some sort, and coming from me, that's the joke.
Hope I can finish it.
It was my second attempt at a book and it sucks mostly but I need it as it explains how I feel, from someone else's perspective, and a fictional person, an idea, matters much more than me.

 

[Baldwin_the_First]

I don't believe I am depressed though. I just wondered if anyone else had problems with dizzyness, etc.. linked with their depression.

The dose I had was 10mg which I think is the lowest. It's not an experience I want to have again. I felt really anxious and I woke up with my legs jiggling, it was horrible.

I just started taking antidepressants for the first time 2 weeks and 3 days ago (fluoxetine). The first 2 weeks were on 10mg and now I just started taking 20mg. Had a few episodes of diziness/lightheadedness too on 10mg when I had just started, and one that was kinda severe at the point where I had to stop moving and sit down right after I woke up.

It's much better now, except small stomach pain and some short episodes of blurry background or lightheadedness episodes, It's been way more tolerable than I would have thought at first when it started happening. The thought of feeling better is what drives me to keep up with it even if the episodes are to get intense sometimes, but don't get me wrong, if it is intolerable you should definitely talk about it to your psychiatrist or doctor. There are many different antidepressants and if one doesn't fit you, II'm sure another will.

 

[RoyaleDuke]

Just got back from 8+ mental hold.

Never want to do that again. Ever. Fuck those people.

 

[NegroNinja]

I can only address the gym thing. I go a lot now, sometimes 6-7 times a week. I see people of all sizes and all ages working out in various ways. I have never once in my couple of years going seen someone mocked for their size or inexperience. I think you would be surprised as to how welcoming a lot of people at most gyms are. I encourage you to at least try. You owe it to yourself to be healthy and happy.

Thanks I plan on just forcing myself to go anyway next week.
Can anyone tell me on average how much a psychiatrist costs in Baltimore? I'm broke right now and I think this is the next step for me as far as my problems.

 

[TheAutomator]

Feeling like shit right now. Deep in my memories but trying not to dwell in them. I wish I wasn't so sensitive.

 

[User 479360]

Family get together for Father's Day. Of course, my Mom isn't here like she normally would have been, so it's hard.

Why can other people smoke like chimneys and live forever with no issues? What did we do to deserve it?

 

[TheAutomator]

Family get together for Father's Day. Of course, my Mom isn't here like she normally would have been, so it's hard.

Why can other people smoke like chimneys and live forever with no issues? What did we do to deserve it?

Well, my father has been smoking for 20 years and he's suffering because of it. I reckon most people who smoke will have serious issues after 10 years or so. Smoking is terrible for everyone.