Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

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I'm doing great. Going to school, have a job, have a girlfriend, my life is just awesome!

I feel that's what everyone wants me to say, all the time. Except I fucking hate school, my job sucks, and I don't have a girlfriend. So much bullshit day in and day out. Oh, and
khboRiF.jpg
my bookshelf just decided to break apart (and slice my right pinky open in the process). My life is fucking awesome.

So sick of this shit. Can't wait until I'm dead.
 
On another note, how does ASMR work for people with Anxiety/Depression? Any success? How often do you use it?
It doesn't help me sleep but it can relax me and make me sleepy when I'm not trying. I usually don't listen to the 'whispering' ASMR that so many people on GAF recommend but rather more 'soft spoken' dialogue. For example, think of golf announcers when the player is concentrating.

Might as well take this opportunity to say I took 10mg of Ambien (two 5mg tablets) an hour ago and surprise, it's barely doing anything for me. Am I this bad with anxiety and insomnia? I practically need to knock my self out with a hammer at this point.
 
So I'm in bed on my phone half asleep but can't quite get over then edge to sleepyville, so here are mikedips half coherant unfiltered thoughts as he drifts off to sleep.
Freewrite time again I guess.

Yesterday was incredible. Why? You guys. What could have easily been a day of complete isolation instead became a great day with friends. Chatting in chat in the morning with colin lion swe and filler, playing cards vs humanity with nith, bagels, Cooper, fillere and colin followed by a game of dominion.

Meeting new people in chat and really feeling like we make a difference. Having an incredible conversation with bagels and Cooper about everything and nothing in mumble, with topics ranging from brain science to chocolate bar dildos (butterfinger). Texting the amazing Cooper about allergies and pink eye (which she does not have!)

Then comes late night chat with jb and penguin. Always a blast. then some conversion with Windam on steam before bed. Sorry I left so abruptly man, I sorta passed out.

Mix in interacting here in the thread... The whole thing is just incredible. And you know what the crazy thing is? This day was still missing some very important people to me. After all this, there could have been more.

I just don't know how to express how amazing this all is. I have true friends here and that means the world to me. Thankyou. Really, thank you. I appreciate you all so much.

/hug, <3, >3, <23

I'm tired and am gonna try to sleep again. I will leave you with these words of wisdom : fuck startrek. Fuck star wars. Fuck battlestar.All hail stargate the best thing with star in its name.
 
Bagels, I feel your pain. I woke up this morning and realised I had lemons disease. The apple in my breakfast tasted awfully like a lemon. I can't imagine what it must be like for it to be limes. :(
 
Attention! This is a public service announcement!

My initial idea with the Raspberry Pi was to replace my (at the time) old and power hungry subsonic server. But the open-jdk proved to be far too unoptimized to accomplish this. However things changed this morning when Oracles armv6 optimized version of java landed in the repos.

TLDR: I'm selfish and the mumble needs a new home.
 
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh

I hate the fact that my down moods are no longer just feelings and are actually accompanied by physical pain.
 
It hit me out of nowhere again. I miss her, the last person I liked. It feels like a truck just hit me. This has been happening lately. I've been moving on from her over the past year. She's completely out my life and I don't think about her much anymore. But every now and then I'll just suddenly really start missing her. Nothing seems to trigger it. It just happens. It's incredibly intense and crippling.

How do I make it go away?
 
I've been safely lurking for awhile but I have a question (hope that's all right): does anyone find that the change of seasons hits them harder than it seems to affect others? I've been solid after making some changes but something about the weather turning is pushing me down and making me a little blue. Is this something others tend to experience as well?

Sunny days help my mood, cloudy days equal downer days for me... so yeah.
 
Bagels, I feel your pain. I woke up this morning and realised I had lemons disease. The apple in my breakfast tasted awfully like a lemon. I can't imagine what it must be like for it to be limes. :(

Can we all just take a moment to appreciate what it means to have appropriate citrus representation in our lives? And then if we could all just take two or three moments to appreciate me...

I can try to set up a mumble server again, Swe. I just worry about the crappiness of my connection.
 
Today is the worst fucking day. The worst part is my closest friends went home for the weekend so I have no one to talk to except my regular friends, who I'm not comfortable opening up to. So I'm just getting drunk and listening to angsty music.

When most of your problems aren't your own, you're me.
 
Well, I had my interview in the Twin Cities today... it went well. Not perfect, but well. I will hear back from them around the 8th. but for now, I'm just replaying the interview in my head and thinking about better ways I could have aapproached answers.
 
Comfort bunny makes me extremely hungry. Rabbit with a nice mint sauce... man.
 
I usually don't post this kind of stuff because I feel like its not worthy. But I can't help it right now. I feel like everything in my life is crumbling down and fast. Nothing is working out for me right now, personal life, professional life. Even my family life feels like soon it will give out.

Personal side, I have a few great friends but one i put above the rest because she is my longest friend going on 11 years. On Thursday I was so frustrated by how shes been treated me that i yelled at her. normally i would apologize and we move on, but this time it just felt different, to the point that i fear i lost her forever. Sometimes she treats me like I'm not even around, she will rant about something for 45 minutes and ill listen to it all, but when i have a problem she brushes it aside and give me a 6 word response. She did it twice in one week and I just couldn't take it and yelled at her. I feel terrible about that and I can't shake the feeling.

that problem and my life problems set off a chain reaction, where i just feel useless and stupid. It didn't help that a week earlier my ex girlfriend decided that i was the cause for all her life problems and low self esteem and pretty much told me that because i didn't love her i would never find love or happiness. A week later I feel like its absolutely true. I don't know what to do anymore and it scares me.

sorry for the rant, i just couldn't keep it in anymore.
 
Might be an obvious question, but have you gone to the doctor about this?

Well, I do go to a psychiatrist every 3 months because I'm on an anti-depressant and my next appointment is in October. I'll be sure to bring it up when I see him, but I don't think I've brought it up to him ever because this is a fairly recent issue I've been having. I have had these auditory "illusions" before but I thought they were actually legitimate things people were saying. Not until recently did I realize that people probably don't give a shit about me and how I look.

I'd advise you see a doctor immediately. Auditory hallucinations are very serious and can be signs of a whole variety of different issues.

Please keep us posted on your situation!

Well, I know I already have depression and GAD. I take an anti-depressant that helps out with my anxiety also. I'm not exactly having auditory hallucinations but more-so illusions. I hear bits and pieces of speech and then my mind automatically fills in the missing pieces of information. I'm going to my psych in a couple weeks so I'll bring it up to him and let you guys know what the deal is.

I used to hear people calling out my name. Not at complex as yours, but they where caused by anxiety.

Yeah, this is certainly anxiety driven in my situation. When my anxiety is lower (like when I'm at home) I don't have this problem. I live with 5 people so I think I'd have the same issue if it wasn't driven by anxiety.

It doesn't help me sleep but it can relax me and make me sleepy when I'm not trying. I usually don't listen to the 'whispering' ASMR that so many people on GAF recommend but rather more 'soft spoken' dialogue. For example, think of golf announcers when the player is concentrating.

In my experience, I do best with visual ASMR. A lot of the popular YouTube videos don't do anything for me. I kinda get relaxed, I guess. I do feel the tingles in my head but it isn't giving me any kind of lasting effect, like if I fall asleep or something I'll wake up feeling just as anxious or sometimes worse.

On another note, I didn't realize the thread even existed. I'm gonna post here now because its great knowing I'm not the only one on GAF dealing with some shit.
 
I woke up today feeling sad. I finished a series on netflix last night and the ending made me feel sad, even though the ending was upbeat and happy. Idk I guess it made me feel lonely. And I hate that it was a fucking show that is ruining my day goddamnit.

Either way I just don't feel in control of my life anymore. It sucks. I don't know how to gain it back. I feel anxious and it's awful because I was on medications for it before but they didn't do much for me besides make me unable to focus and made me gain weight so I don't want to do that again right now.

This semester has started off wonderfully. So much work and I just feel so stupid, like I can do the work sometimes, but I just, idk.

My self esteem is extremely low right now.
 
Reading Sam Harris got me into mindfulness and he recently put out some guided mediations. It's all secular and the benefits have been empirically verified. (No cult hats required).

Get zen son
 
Reading Sam Harris got me into mindfulness and he recently put out some guided mediations. It's all secular and the benefits have been empirically verified. (No cult hats required).

Get zen son
Thanks for the link. There was an article in The Atlantic that spoke about mindfulness meditation, but like many people, I'm not entirely sure what meditation actually looks like. I just started Ian Gawler's book on the subject, but as somebody who digests a lot of information through podcasts, having audio instruction is a great help.
 
I woke up today feeling sad. I finished a series on netflix last night and the ending made me feel sad, even though the ending was upbeat and happy. Idk I guess it made me feel lonely. And I hate that it was a fucking show that is ruining my day goddamnit.

Either way I just don't feel in control of my life anymore. It sucks. I don't know how to gain it back. I feel anxious and it's awful because I was on medications for it before but they didn't do much for me besides make me unable to focus and made me gain weight so I don't want to do that again right now.

This semester has started off wonderfully. So much work and I just feel so stupid, like I can do the work sometimes, but I just, idk.

My self esteem is extremely low right now.

Haha, I've been there with the TV shows. You enjoy it so much, and it serves as a nice distraction. Then once its over, you're left wondering what to do (or watch) next. I make lists and add to them for that little issue!

I've never been on meds for my anxiety, although I think that will be changing soon. But there are a variety of different meds to help with that. I think it would be worth being prescribed something else, if it is making everyday life really difficult for you. Definitely worth looking into what therapy options your school has too, with all the tuition you presumably pay, it makes sense to make the most of the facilities right? Especially if it will help get your mind on track.
 
I know I should be reaching out....Every time mentally I think "this isn't important, man/woman it out"
Then it ends up being worse...
 
I know I should be reaching out....Every time mentally I think "this isn't important, man/woman it out"
Then it ends up being worse...

Yep, that kind of thinking will make you feel worse. Having negative feelings, then feeling back for having them, bad cycle. If it's an issue that is making your present time difficult to get through, then it is very much a valid problem. Holding things in never does any good, all that does is result in you feeling worse, and being trapped inside your own head. I done that for too long.
 
Haha, I've been there with the TV shows. You enjoy it so much, and it serves as a nice distraction. Then once its over, you're left wondering what to do (or watch) next. I make lists and add to them for that little issue!

I've never been on meds for my anxiety, although I think that will be changing soon. But there are a variety of different meds to help with that. I think it would be worth being prescribed something else, if it is making everyday life really difficult for you. Definitely worth looking into what therapy options your school has too, with all the tuition you presumably pay, it makes sense to make the most of the facilities right? Especially if it will help get your mind on track.

It's not like the show is over! All the seasons were on netflix and the new season started this month on tv. Just liked having more episodes to watch, especially since the latter half of the last season on netflix got so good. The main issue was the damn last two episodes really touched upon what's been bothering me: loneliness, and having someone to care for and about and getting the same in return. And a bunch of weird cliched stuff that really hit home.

Yeah I need to make another appointment with my doctor and see what to do. And yeah I completely forgot about school therapy stuff, since I live at home, I kinda just go to class and come home since a lot of the stuff I don't need, or didn't need at least. I gotta check them out soon.

I think one of my bigger issues is I may just have problems focusing and paying attention to things, so I guess that's another thing I should take care of too...
 
I'd be better off dead. At least then I wouldn't have to put up with the crap and shit talk (directed at me) that I do. No one would miss me either. Maybe I'll just jump in front of the train tomorrow before or after work. It'd be for the best.
 
I'd be better off dead. At least then I wouldn't have to put up with the crap and shit talk (directed at me) that I do. No one would miss me either. Maybe I'll just jump in front of the train tomorrow before or after work. It'd be for the best.

Windam, no. :(

Do you want to talk? Quite a few of us are in irc right now.
 
After three weeks of waiting for an appointment, I got to see my primary care provider Friday, which was about as productive as you can expect when modern medicine just laughs at you. She hemmed and hawed, looked appropriately sympathetic, pulled out the prescription pad and tossed a few new things at me. I'm a drug company's wet dream. They don't care about developing cures for these chronic illnesses when they can make fortunes developing drugs that supposedly manage them instead. They don't. The side effects are often worse than the benefits and any relief (if at all) is short-lived but people take them anyway because desperate hope often overrides common sense. Of course, like a dutiful soldier, I took the drugs and nothing. Except side effects, naturally.

I have an intense hatred of doctors, who have largely treated me like shit for a decade. It took me four years to get a diagnosis and the entire time, I was convinced I was going to die. I know more about this illness than they do. They claim it isn't progressive. My body (and the bodies of so many others I've talked to) claims otherwise. It started out with some light shoulder pain, 2002. A few months later, it gravitated to my back. Next, it attacked my fingers, making it nearly impossible for me to type out the papers I needed to graduate. More symptoms started to pop up, hip pain, shoulder pain, leg pain, foot pain, hand pain, chest pain, TMJ, overly sensitive skin (can't wear blankets anymore), irritable bowel, electrical impulse sensations in muscles, debilitating fatigue, cognitive lapses, weight gain. The list goes on. These all waxed and waned, gradually intensified and now I'm here, about to crack like an egg because I can't fucking take it anymore. Throw your useless drugs at me, you assholes. Tell me I'm a basket case. Let me know solemnly that there's nothing more you can do and escort me out. You hate feeling like a failure so treat me like one instead.

My life is meaningless. I wake up, do what I can to distract myself from the pain and go to bed. I used to be a productive member of society, sharing the gift of music with a grateful audience. I miss that so much. It makes me cry every day, thinking about that loss and so many others. My body is a prison, preventing me from following my dreams, spending time with the people I care about or the simple, often taken for granted ability to open the fucking door and step outside. The future isn't talked about. What happens when I'm no longer able to care for myself (already nearly impossible)? Disability doesn't come close to covering my expenses. My family can't take care of me forever. It's a dead-end. I don't plan for the future, I certainly don't live for the present so I stay in the past, remembering with fondness my school years, when I was relevant, one rehearsal after another, one recital after another, when it was more fun being at work than on summer break. I transport myself there and refuse to leave.

I've had it. I'm throwing in the towel. There's no fight here that's worth the effort, no prize at the end. It's just more of this, only worse. I only regret the grief of others. I knew from the beginning that bringing more people into my life would inevitably mean hurting them but I did it anyway. I was lonely. I was selfish. If you have established any sort of connection with me at all, I ask that you move on. I can bring you nothing but pain. There's only one way this can end and it should have been done a long time ago.

What other choice do I have?
 
...I can bring you nothing but pain...

Absolutely not true man. I swear to god, the people in this community, YOU INCLUDED, really really help me. Make me feel great. Literally the complete opposite of pain dude.

I always had anxiety. I used to have to take tums every time I would leave the house. I would get physically sick to my stomach at the thought of having to go out. And if it was with people I didn't know? Or a place I didn't know? Well then I would be mentally preparing for a week, and be a wreck that entire fucking day.

But I really think I'm getting better. And I blame you and everyone else in here for that. Today I had to go to a bachelor party where I only knew one person. Spent all day with them, paintball, dinner, strip club. I was obviously socially awkward, thats just me... but anxiety? None today! I felt normal and it felt amazing.

MikeDip does not talk to a group of guys he doesn't know. He would be too terrified to open his mouth. MikeDip doesn't leave the house without a bag of tums in his pocket. MikeDip doesn't talk to strippers and maintain a nice conversation. But today MikeDip did all of those things! I am proud of myself, but much more than that, I am extremely grateful that you people got me into this position. I have no doubts this is all due to all of the talking and stuff I do with all of you, in the thread, in the chat, in the mumble.

So thank you. This includes you jb, thank you.

(I'm still sorta drunkish, ignore something if I fucked it up)
 
Had a long talk with jb, which we frankly both needed. He said it was okay to mention here. I wanted people to know he's a little more okay now and we're talking about some treatment options at the hospital out here, which has an incredible center for fibromyalgia. He definitely appreciated the concern people showed.

I'll echo a bit of what Mike said so well in saying that jb talked to me about what was going on and I ended up talking to him about all my crap. Somehow we both took a lot of strength both from try to help each other, obviously, but also just from suffering together and sharing that struggle. Even if you feel like all you do is post in here to talk about what is going on with you and why you're so down, there's actually a lot that other people can get from that. It's something I want to think more about.


To switch gears completely, in the interest of providing some balance to the sciencey blather we sometimes get up to in here, I thought I'd take a moment for some religious gobbledygook.

Patron Saints of the Mentally Ill/Against Mental Illness

What is a patron saint?

Wikipedia sums it up pretty nicely:

"A patron saint is a saint who is regarded as the tutelary spirit or heavenly advocate of a nation, place, craft, activity, class, clan, family, or person. Patron saints, having already transcended to the metaphysical, are believed to be able to intercede effectively for the needs of their special charges."

So the idea is basically that you pray to the saints to talk to the big guy for you and throw you a bone.

Patron saints are associated with certain Christian denominations, mainly Catholicism (which is the perspective I'll take, since it's the one I'm familiar with), the Orthodox Church, and Anglicanism, and to a variable degree, with other Protestant denominations (Calvinists: no, Lutherans: to a much lesser degree, etc. Check local listings.).

There are patron saints for just about anything you can imagine - baking (St. Peter is one, much to my joy), sick horses (Hippolytus of Rome), lost causes (Jude Thaddeus), New Zealand (Mary and Joseph, which is a tad lame), etc. There are often multiple patron saints for things. There are over a dozen for the mentally ill or AGAINST mental illness. Here are a few!


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Raphael the Archangel is maybe the top choice for the mentally ill/against mental illness. He's one of three archangels mentioned by name in the bible and one of seven who stand before God's throne, so it seems like he'd have to shout less to be heard.

Note that angels never were actual people, so their grasp on what mental illness means may not be the best.

Also patron of: against insanity, against bodily ills, doctors, nurses, guardian angels (wut.), sick people, young people, curiously the town of Dubuque, Iowa


saint-christina-the-astonishing-01.jpg


Christina the Astonishing was an orphan who could levitate, and was thought to be either given to visions of God or simply insane. Patron of psychiatrists, mental health caregivers, therapists, lunatics; against insanity, madness, mental illness.


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Saint Drogo is notable for being the patron of the mentally ill, but also unattractive people and coffee house owners. Surely, somewhere in Seattle there's some poor person who needs St. Drogo.

Also patron of: sheep (?), cattle, against broken bones, against hernias, the deaf, mutes, sick people.

A personal favorite. I mean he gets coffee houses, unattractive people, AND sheep? The combination makes my imagination go wild.


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Saint Giles gets special mention for being my confirmation saint! I'm quite happy with that decision, made as a surly teenager (I liked that he lived as a hermit, honestly). Once shot with an arrow (in the hand, according to this image), which is cool.

Patron of: the mentally ill, the crippled, beggars, hermits, forests, horses, lepers, cancer patients, blacksmiths

Just excellent overall coverage, really.


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Saint Margaret of Cortona is a farmer's daughter whose mother died (a running theme with patrons of the mentally ill, it seems) when she was young. Unlike poor St. Drogo, she was a bit of a looker, and seemed to get around a bit for a saint, before settling down and getting all saintly.

Coverage against insanity and mental illness, against sexual temptation (may not be the kind of thing you're looking for, to be honest), patron of reformed prostitutes and, crucially, hobos.


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Job - a big win for mental illness, honestly. Specific coverage against depression (and ulcers).


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Saint Benedict Joseph Labre - a one-two patronage punch for bachelors and the mentally ill. Occasionally able to fly, too!


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Saint Bibiana - a good one to know. Covers the mentally ill, single ladies and is invoked against hangovers.


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Saint Dymphna - one of the big ones for mental illness. Also covers family happiness, loss of parents, psychiatrists, neurological disorders, mental asylums. According to the artistic representation here, kind of smoking for a saint, too.

Prayer to Saint Dymphna

O God, we humbly beseech You through Your servant, St Dymphna, who sealed with her blood the love she bore You, to grant relief to those who suffer from mental afflictions and nervous disorders, especially *NAME*.

Saint Dymphna, helper of the mentally afflicted, pray for us!


Other patron saints of the mentally ill.


As a Catholic, I wanted to just slip in this early bid for canonization as...


Patron saint of depression-GAF. Also: the handsome, cat owners, people wearing their pants on their head, beards, vowels, Moxie, the Ys games, the incurably sexy, against ketchup on hotdogs, against people who like the Lord of the Rings, against Lyme disease (but is admittedly not very good in that regard). I'm not so much ready to talk to God for you as I am to accept your cash donations.

For D&D and/or Catholic rolplaying, use Charisma modifier +10.

Prayer to St. Bagels:

Most venerated, beloved St. Bagels - wow, you're looking good. Just really a handsome dude. I don't know how you do it.
By your immense wisdom, well-maintained beard, and just all around kick-ass-itude, you know, could you, like, ask God to help out the GAF mental health community, if it isn't too much trouble? Especially *NAME* Love that guy/girl! Right?!
Keep being awesome, St. Bagels! And I'm sorry if I ever called you gay in the IRC channel.
Amen


I'm going to hell. :(
 
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