Mike Works presents: Let's not mess with other threads ever again

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Jessica Beil, realizing the stupidity of her plan to seduce Superman after watching his sperm create small craters wherever it hit, decided to run for cover. Idiotically, Biel climbed into the suit of lead armor and jumped into the lake.

Superman folded his arms as he stood next to the sexy starlet. Jessica Alba laughed as she watched Jessica Biel sink into the depths of the lake. That lake which served as the final resting place for many young actresses. Little did she know that wasn't the last she would see of Zombie Jessica Biel.

Then Jessica noticed a hotdog sandwiched between the cotton of her pretty pink panties and the wirey tuffet of pubes that covered her unfortunately assymetrical lady-bacon. Jessica wasn't quite sure where the hot dog came from. Nor did she know how her younger brother's severed head found its way into her fridge. Nor, after seeing the head, was she still sure it was a hot dog. But it tasted good all the same. To Superman, that is.

--------

Iwata laughed. After all, who wouldn't laugh at the ridiculous, yet oddly sexy, scene that was occurring before his very eyes. Having secretly hidden cameras within Wiis, he had every location on earth monitored from his personal space station which Earthlings had, for centuries, been calling: 'The Sun'.

--------

The next morning, an argument loosely relating to the string of Hollywood actress disappearances broke out in the solemn annals of the White House.

"You forgot my line of coke, you jerk!" came a voice down the hall. "How am I supposed to eat like a cannibal if I'm not high as a kite?"

"You should of thought of that before you ate that busload of Mexican tourists you son of a bitch," retorted the president of the United States.

"Yeah well hindsight is twenty-twenty, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback. . . is it even Monday morning, I would be able to tell if I could feel my dick still?", said Toaster in his familiar barely-intelligable manner.

"It is monday morning and it's time to get to work finding these missing white bitches", barked the Commander in Chief. Wasting no time, the President picked up a phone and dialed a number very quickly while using his spare hand to shield his sore anus from Toaster, who was eyeing it hungrily. "GET ME STEVEN SEAGAL!" shouted the president on the phone as he rubbed his anal fissures.

--------

Jessica had a cold. (And a penis, but that's another story.) The only cure for her common cold was the blood of an orphan. They had already run out from the last kidnapped child but Superman was more than willing to go get more, even creating more orphans along the way. Having that idea in mind, he set off in a journey.

Superman traveled across many lands until he came to the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, a place with a peculiar but quite fitting name. Strangely enough, it was a rather pleasing, if not unfamiliar, aroma that met Superman's heroic nostrils upon arrival. After all Superman did grow up on a farm, so being knee deep in manure was not exactly a new experience for the man of steel. Having landed, Superman quickly examined his surroundings and said, "What a load of shit. Nobody will care if I slaughter the adults of this town and harvest their children."

"S-s-superman?" said a little boy with eyes wide as saucer plates, unknowingly clinging to Superman's cape as the hero turned around. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?
"Why don't you have a closer look" Grinned Superman. and the little boy obeyed.

--------

"This is Stephen Seagal, what's the situation?" And those were his last ever words as Chuck Norris, having just finished counting to infinity for the third time, roundhouse kicked him sending him flying into the horizon.

The president had checked everywhere - under the bed, behind the fridge, in the garbage - but he was nowhere to be found. "Hello? Hello!?! Damn it, he's gone!" cursed the President.

--------

As fate would have it, Chuck's roundhouse kick sent Mr. Seagal careening for miles and he landed on the headfirst into a soft brown pile of "dirt" on the Island of Elegant Feces. As Stephen was blowing out his nose to clear out the "dirt" dug deep in his nostrils, he realized he was finally outmatched against the sexy glistening pecs of Chuck Norris. His only hope out of his current predicament is to play against Chuck's massive ego. Stephen challenged Chuck to a match of chess boxing. Chuck feeling victory at hand heartily accepted. As the match went on, Stephen and Chuck realized something : They were in love. With themselves. And so they decided to go to the store to buy some toasters. Little did they know that the toaster was watching them.

As soon as Chuck noticed this, and being himself a hebephile, he decided to travel back in time to meet his teenager version and seduce himself. though little did he realise he could not occupy the same space in time, and on entering his younger self, his penis exploded in his younger selfs ass and created a black hole. Fortunately, the sucking power of the black hole was enough to bring them both to orgasm repeatedly for the next 10 years. Within the confines of this love ladened vortex, the balance of evolution was toppled to its side. Suddenly a cascade of intoxicated stars emerged from the distant possibly nonexistant horizon as in a nearby cold little planet a pack of wolves danced shouting "Oh listen to them, the children of the night what sweet music they make". This marked a turning point in the love life of Chuck.

--------

At the bottom of the lake, a hand emerged from the mud. Tacgnol, who had previously been banished to the lake by Longcat, had grown strong over time by devouring the souls of the stars which had been drowned and was emerging from the lake, ready to attack his oppresors once more.

--------

At the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, Superman realized that all the orphans were actually skrulls in disguise and Lex Luthor had taken all their tears. Because he could cure cancer but he wants people to pay obscene amounts of money for it.

He knew of only one whose tears were even purer than those of orphans. Superman groaned as he knew what he must do, what he HAD to do, and that was...

...to make Chuck Norris cry.

---------
Meanwhile, back at the volcano, Jessica's cold was getting worse; She began to constantly blow her nose and any man who knew how to use a computer while concerned citizens video taped this symptom to gain better understanding of her illness (and make money on the internetz).
Click to expand...
.
 
Jessica Beil, realizing the stupidity of her plan to seduce Superman after watching his sperm create small craters wherever it hit, decided to run for cover. Idiotically, Biel climbed into the suit of lead armor and jumped into the lake.

Superman folded his arms as he stood next to the sexy starlet. Jessica Alba laughed as she watched Jessica Biel sink into the depths of the lake. That lake which served as the final resting place for many young actresses. Little did she know that wasn't the last she would see of Zombie Jessica Biel.

Then Jessica noticed a hotdog sandwiched between the cotton of her pretty pink panties and the wirey tuffet of pubes that covered her unfortunately assymetrical lady-bacon. Jessica wasn't quite sure where the hot dog came from. Nor did she know how her younger brother's severed head found its way into her fridge. Nor, after seeing the head, was she still sure it was a hot dog. But it tasted good all the same. To Superman, that is.

--------

Iwata laughed. After all, who wouldn't laugh at the ridiculous, yet oddly sexy, scene that was occurring before his very eyes. Having secretly hidden cameras within Wiis, he had every location on earth monitored from his personal space station which Earthlings had, for centuries, been calling: 'The Sun'.

--------

The next morning, an argument loosely relating to the string of Hollywood actress disappearances broke out in the solemn annals of the White House.

"You forgot my line of coke, you jerk!" came a voice down the hall. "How am I supposed to eat like a cannibal if I'm not high as a kite?"

"You should of thought of that before you ate that busload of Mexican tourists you son of a bitch," retorted the president of the United States.

"Yeah well hindsight is twenty-twenty, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback. . . is it even Monday morning, I would be able to tell if I could feel my dick still?", said Toaster in his familiar barely-intelligable manner.

"It is monday morning and it's time to get to work finding these missing white bitches", barked the Commander in Chief. Wasting no time, the President picked up a phone and dialed a number very quickly while using his spare hand to shield his sore anus from Toaster, who was eyeing it hungrily. "GET ME STEVEN SEAGAL!" shouted the president on the phone as he rubbed his anal fissures.

--------

Jessica had a cold. (And a penis, but that's another story.) The only cure for her common cold was the blood of an orphan. They had already run out from the last kidnapped child but Superman was more than willing to go get more, even creating more orphans along the way. Having that idea in mind, he set off in a journey.

Superman traveled across many lands until he came to the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, a place with a peculiar but quite fitting name. Strangely enough, it was a rather pleasing, if not unfamiliar, aroma that met Superman's heroic nostrils upon arrival. After all Superman did grow up on a farm, so being knee deep in manure was not exactly a new experience for the man of steel. Having landed, Superman quickly examined his surroundings and said, "What a load of shit. Nobody will care if I slaughter the adults of this town and harvest their children."

"S-s-superman?" said a little boy with eyes wide as saucer plates, unknowingly clinging to Superman's cape as the hero turned around. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?
"Why don't you have a closer look" Grinned Superman. and the little boy obeyed.

--------

"This is Stephen Seagal, what's the situation?" And those were his last ever words as Chuck Norris, having just finished counting to infinity for the third time, roundhouse kicked him sending him flying into the horizon.

The president had checked everywhere - under the bed, behind the fridge, in the garbage - but he was nowhere to be found. "Hello? Hello!?! Damn it, he's gone!" cursed the President.

--------

As fate would have it, Chuck's roundhouse kick sent Mr. Seagal careening for miles and he landed on the headfirst into a soft brown pile of "dirt" on the Island of Elegant Feces. As Stephen was blowing out his nose to clear out the "dirt" dug deep in his nostrils, he realized he was finally outmatched against the sexy glistening pecs of Chuck Norris. His only hope out of his current predicament is to play against Chuck's massive ego. Stephen challenged Chuck to a match of chess boxing. Chuck feeling victory at hand heartily accepted. As the match went on, Stephen and Chuck realized something : They were in love. With themselves. And so they decided to go to the store to buy some toasters. Little did they know that the toaster was watching them.

As soon as Chuck noticed this, and being himself a hebephile, he decided to travel back in time to meet his teenager version and seduce himself. though little did he realise he could not occupy the same space in time, and on entering his younger self, his penis exploded in his younger selfs ass and created a black hole. Fortunately, the sucking power of the black hole was enough to bring them both to orgasm repeatedly for the next 10 years. Within the confines of this love ladened vortex, the balance of evolution was toppled to its side. Suddenly a cascade of intoxicated stars emerged from the distant possibly nonexistant horizon as in a nearby cold little planet a pack of wolves danced shouting "Oh listen to them, the children of the night what sweet music they make". This marked a turning point in the love life of Chuck.

--------

At the bottom of the lake, a hand emerged from the mud. Tacgnol, who had previously been banished to the lake by Longcat, had grown strong over time by devouring the souls of the stars which had been drowned and was emerging from the lake.Ready to attack his oppresors once more.

--------

At the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, Superman realized that all the orphans were actually skrulls in disguise and Lex Luthor had taken all their tears. Because he could cure cancer but he wants people to pay obscene amounts of money for it.

He knew of only one whose tears were even purer than those of orphans. Superman groaned as he knew what he must do, what he HAD to do, and that was...

...to furiously masturbate on their faces.

---------
Meanwhile, back at the volcano, Jessica's cold was getting worse; She began to constantly blow her nose and any man who knew how to use a computer while concerned citizens video taped this symptom to gain better understanding of her illness (and make money on the internetz).
Click to expand...
.
 
Jessica Beil, realizing the stupidity of her plan to seduce Superman after watching his sperm create small craters wherever it hit, decided to run for cover. Idiotically, Biel climbed into the suit of lead armor and jumped into the lake.

Superman folded his arms as he stood next to the sexy starlet. Jessica Alba laughed as she watched Jessica Biel sink into the depths of the lake. That lake which served as the final resting place for many young actresses. Little did she know that wasn't the last she would see of Zombie Jessica Biel.

Then Jessica noticed a hotdog sandwiched between the cotton of her pretty pink panties and the wirey tuffet of pubes that covered her unfortunately assymetrical lady-bacon. Jessica wasn't quite sure where the hot dog came from. Nor did she know how her younger brother's severed head found its way into her fridge. Nor, after seeing the head, was she still sure it was a hot dog. But it tasted good all the same. To Superman, that is.

--------

Iwata laughed. After all, who wouldn't laugh at the ridiculous, yet oddly sexy, scene that was occurring before his very eyes. Having secretly hidden cameras within Wiis, he had every location on earth monitored from his personal space station which Earthlings had, for centuries, been calling: 'The Sun'.

--------

The next morning, an argument loosely relating to the string of Hollywood actress disappearances broke out in the solemn annals of the White House.

"You forgot my line of coke, you jerk!" came a voice down the hall. "How am I supposed to eat like a cannibal if I'm not high as a kite?"

"You should of thought of that before you ate that busload of Mexican tourists you son of a bitch," retorted the president of the United States.

"Yeah well hindsight is twenty-twenty, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback. . . is it even Monday morning, I would be able to tell if I could feel my dick still?", said Toaster in his familiar barely-intelligable manner.

"It is monday morning and it's time to get to work finding these missing white bitches", barked the Commander in Chief. Wasting no time, the President picked up a phone and dialed a number very quickly while using his spare hand to shield his sore anus from Toaster, who was eyeing it hungrily. "GET ME STEVEN SEAGAL!" shouted the president on the phone as he rubbed his anal fissures.

--------

Jessica had a cold. (And a penis, but that's another story.) The only cure for her common cold was the blood of an orphan. They had already run out from the last kidnapped child but Superman was more than willing to go get more, even creating more orphans along the way. Having that idea in mind, he set off in a journey.

Superman traveled across many lands until he came to the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, a place with a peculiar but quite fitting name. Strangely enough, it was a rather pleasing, if not unfamiliar, aroma that met Superman's heroic nostrils upon arrival. After all Superman did grow up on a farm, so being knee deep in manure was not exactly a new experience for the man of steel. Having landed, Superman quickly examined his surroundings and said, "What a load of shit. Nobody will care if I slaughter the adults of this town and harvest their children."

"S-s-superman?" said a little boy with eyes wide as saucer plates, unknowingly clinging to Superman's cape as the hero turned around. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?
"Why don't you have a closer look" Grinned Superman. and the little boy obeyed.

--------

"This is Stephen Seagal, what's the situation?" And those were his last ever words as Chuck Norris, having just finished counting to infinity for the third time, roundhouse kicked him sending him flying into the horizon.

The president had checked everywhere - under the bed, behind the fridge, in the garbage - but he was nowhere to be found. "Hello? Hello!?! Damn it, he's gone!" cursed the President.

--------

As fate would have it, Chuck's roundhouse kick sent Mr. Seagal careening for miles and he landed on the headfirst into a soft brown pile of "dirt" on the Island of Elegant Feces. As Stephen was blowing out his nose to clear out the "dirt" dug deep in his nostrils, he realized he was finally outmatched against the sexy glistening pecs of Chuck Norris. His only hope out of his current predicament is to play against Chuck's massive ego. Stephen challenged Chuck to a match of chess boxing. Chuck feeling victory at hand heartily accepted. As the match went on, Stephen and Chuck realized something : They were in love. With themselves. And so they decided to go to the store to buy some toasters. Little did they know that the toaster was watching them.

As soon as Chuck noticed this, and being himself a hebephile, he decided to travel back in time to meet his teenager version and seduce himself. though little did he realise he could not occupy the same space in time, and on entering his younger self, his penis exploded in his younger selfs ass and created a black hole. Fortunately, the sucking power of the black hole was enough to bring them both to orgasm repeatedly for the next 10 years. Within the confines of this love ladened vortex, the balance of evolution was toppled to its side. Suddenly a cascade of intoxicated stars emerged from the distant possibly nonexistant horizon as in a nearby cold little planet a pack of wolves danced shouting "Oh listen to them, the children of the night what sweet music they make". This marked a turning point in the love life of Chuck.

--------

At the bottom of the lake, a hand emerged from the mud. Tacgnol, who had previously been banished to the lake by Longcat, had grown strong over time by devouring the souls of the stars which had been drowned and was emerging from the lake.Ready to attack his oppresors once more.

--------

At the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, Superman realized that all the orphans were actually skrulls in disguise and Lex Luthor had taken all their tears. Because he could cure cancer but he wants people to pay obscene amounts of money for it.

He knew of only one whose tears were even purer than those of orphans. Superman groaned as he knew what he must do, what he HAD to do, and that was...

...to furiously masturbate on their faces.

---------
Meanwhile, back at the volcano, Jessica's cold was getting worse; She began to constantly blow her nose and any man who knew how to use a computer while concerned citizens video taped this symptom to gain better understanding of her illness (and make money on the internetz). Marty, the man dressed as a pirate, whipped out his parachute pants and began to hum the theme song to JAG.
Click to expand...

.
 
HALP! We got a story disconnect here. People are changing and ignoring other people's submissions.

(STEALTH EDITS FTW!)
 
Beavertown said:
pictures were great, but the story is an epic unfunny, trying to be funny piece of shit.. you guys should be ashamed
Click to expand...

I wholeheartedly blame the 12 year old who introduced Chuck Norris into the storyline. I mean seriously, come on.
 
Baker said:
I wholeheartedly blame the 12 year old who introduced Chuck Norris into the storyline. I mean seriously, come on.
Click to expand...
I tried to cut him out in the last bit because it was just embarrassing. I didn't want the story to go down the road of trying to make Chuck Norris cry.
 
The following story is retarded and not worth reading. Jessica Beil, realizing the stupidity of her plan to seduce Superman after watching his sperm create small craters wherever it hit, decided to run for cover. Idiotically, Biel climbed into the suit of lead armor and jumped into the lake.

Superman folded his arms as he stood next to the sexy starlet. Jessica Alba laughed as she watched Jessica Biel sink into the depths of the lake. That lake which served as the final resting place for many young actresses. Little did she know that wasn't the last she would see of Zombie Jessica Biel.

Then Jessica noticed a hotdog sandwiched between the cotton of her pretty pink panties and the wirey tuffet of pubes that covered her unfortunately assymetrical lady-bacon. Jessica wasn't quite sure where the hot dog came from. Nor did she know how her younger brother's severed head found its way into her fridge. Nor, after seeing the head, was she still sure it was a hot dog. But it tasted good all the same. To Superman, that is.

--------

Iwata laughed. After all, who wouldn't laugh at the ridiculous, yet oddly sexy, scene that was occurring before his very eyes. Having secretly hidden cameras within Wiis, he had every location on earth monitored from his personal space station which Earthlings had, for centuries, been calling: 'The Sun'.

--------

The next morning, an argument loosely relating to the string of Hollywood actress disappearances broke out in the solemn annals of the White House.

"You forgot my line of coke, you jerk!" came a voice down the hall. "How am I supposed to eat like a cannibal if I'm not high as a kite?"

"You should of thought of that before you ate that busload of Mexican tourists you son of a bitch," retorted the president of the United States.

"Yeah well hindsight is twenty-twenty, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback. . . is it even Monday morning, I would be able to tell if I could feel my dick still?", said Toaster in his familiar barely-intelligable manner.

"It is monday morning and it's time to get to work finding these missing white bitches", barked the Commander in Chief. Wasting no time, the President picked up a phone and dialed a number very quickly while using his spare hand to shield his sore anus from Toaster, who was eyeing it hungrily. "GET ME STEVEN SEAGAL!" shouted the president on the phone as he rubbed his anal fissures.

--------

Jessica had a cold. (And a penis, but that's another story.) The only cure for her common cold was the blood of an orphan. They had already run out from the last kidnapped child but Superman was more than willing to go get more, even creating more orphans along the way. Having that idea in mind, he set off in a journey.

Superman traveled across many lands until he came to the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, a place with a peculiar but quite fitting name. Strangely enough, it was a rather pleasing, if not unfamiliar, aroma that met Superman's heroic nostrils upon arrival. After all Superman did grow up on a farm, so being knee deep in manure was not exactly a new experience for the man of steel. Having landed, Superman quickly examined his surroundings and said, "What a load of shit. Nobody will care if I slaughter the adults of this town and harvest their children."

"S-s-superman?" said a little boy with eyes wide as saucer plates, unknowingly clinging to Superman's cape as the hero turned around. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?
"Why don't you have a closer look" Grinned Superman. and the little boy obeyed.

--------

"This is Stephen Seagal, what's the situation?" And those were his last ever words as Chuck Norris, having just finished counting to infinity for the third time, roundhouse kicked him sending him flying into the horizon.

The president had checked everywhere - under the bed, behind the fridge, in the garbage - but he was nowhere to be found. "Hello? Hello!?! Damn it, he's gone!" cursed the President.

--------

As fate would have it, Chuck's roundhouse kick sent Mr. Seagal careening for miles and he landed on the headfirst into a soft brown pile of "dirt" on the Island of Elegant Feces. As Stephen was blowing out his nose to clear out the "dirt" dug deep in his nostrils, he realized he was finally outmatched against the sexy glistening pecs of Chuck Norris. His only hope out of his current predicament is to play against Chuck's massive ego. Stephen challenged Chuck to a match of chess boxing. Chuck feeling victory at hand heartily accepted. As the match went on, Stephen and Chuck realized something : They were in love. With themselves. And so they decided to go to the store to buy some toasters. Little did they know that the toaster was watching them.

As soon as Chuck noticed this, and being himself a hebephile, he decided to travel back in time to meet his teenager version and seduce himself. though little did he realise he could not occupy the same space in time, and on entering his younger self, his penis exploded in his younger selfs ass and created a black hole. Fortunately, the sucking power of the black hole was enough to bring them both to orgasm repeatedly for the next 10 years. Within the confines of this love ladened vortex, the balance of evolution was toppled to its side. Suddenly a cascade of intoxicated stars emerged from the distant possibly nonexistant horizon as in a nearby cold little planet a pack of wolves danced shouting "Oh listen to them, the children of the night what sweet music they make". This marked a turning point in the love life of Chuck.

--------

At the bottom of the lake, a hand emerged from the mud. Tacgnol, who had previously been banished to the lake by Longcat, had grown strong over time by devouring the souls of the stars which had been drowned and was emerging from the lake.Ready to attack his oppresors once more.

--------

At the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, Superman realized that all the orphans were actually skrulls in disguise and Lex Luthor had taken all their tears. Because he could cure cancer but he wants people to pay obscene amounts of money for it.

He knew of only one whose tears were even purer than those of orphans. Superman groaned as he knew what he must do, what he HAD to do, and that was...

...to furiously masturbate on their faces.

---------
Meanwhile, back at the volcano, Jessica's cold was getting worse; She began to constantly blow her nose and any man who knew how to use a computer while concerned citizens video taped this symptom to gain better understanding of her illness (and make money on the internetz). Marty, the man dressed as a pirate, whipped out his parachute pants and began to hum the theme song to JAG.
Click to expand...

.
 
worldrunover said:
The following story is retarded and not worth reading, but you know you'll keep reading because you can not disobey the laws of GAF. Jessica Biel, realizing the stupidity of her plan to seduce Superman after watching his sperm create small craters wherever it hit, decided to run for cover. Idiotically, Biel climbed into the suit of lead armor and jumped into the lake.

Superman folded his arms as he stood next to the sexy starlet. Jessica Alba laughed as she watched Jessica Biel sink into the depths of the lake. That lake which served as the final resting place for many young actresses. Little did she know that wasn't the last she would see of Zombie Jessica Biel.

Then Jessica noticed a hotdog sandwiched between the cotton of her pretty pink panties and the wirey tuffet of pubes that covered her unfortunately asymmetrical lady-bacon. Jessica wasn't quite sure where the hot dog came from. Nor did she know how her younger brother's severed head found its way into her fridge. Nor, after seeing the head, was she still sure it was a hot dog. But it tasted good all the same. To Superman, that is.

--------

Iwata laughed. After all, who wouldn't laugh at the ridiculous, yet oddly sexy, scene that was occurring before his very eyes. Having secretly hidden cameras within Wiis, he had every location on earth monitored from his personal space station which Earthlings had, for centuries, been calling: 'The Sun'.

--------

The next morning, an argument loosely relating to the string of Hollywood actress disappearances broke out in the solemn annals of the White House.

"You forgot my line of coke, you jerk!" came a voice down the hall. "How am I supposed to eat like a cannibal if I'm not high as a kite?"

"You should of thought of that before you ate that busload of Mexican tourists you son of a bitch," retorted the president of the United States.

"Yeah well hindsight is twenty-twenty, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback. . . is it even Monday morning, I would be able to tell if I could feel my dick still?", said Toaster in his familiar barely-intelligible manner.

"It is Monday morning and it's time to get to work finding these missing white bitches", barked the Commander in Chief. Wasting no time, the President picked up a phone and dialed a number very quickly while using his spare hand to shield his sore anus from Toaster, who was eyeing it hungrily. "GET ME STEVEN SEAGAL!" shouted the president on the phone as he rubbed his anal fissures.

--------

Jessica had a cold. (And a penis, but that's another story.) The only cure for her common cold was the blood of an orphan. They had already run out from the last kidnapped child but Superman was more than willing to go get more, even creating more orphans along the way. Having that idea in mind, he set off in a journey.

Superman traveled across many lands until he came to the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, a place with a peculiar but quite fitting name. Strangely enough, it was a rather pleasing, if not unfamiliar, aroma that met Superman's heroic nostrils upon arrival. After all Superman did grow up on a farm, so being knee deep in manure was not exactly a new experience for the man of steel. Having landed, Superman quickly examined his surroundings and said, "What a load of shit. Nobody will care if I slaughter the adults of this town and harvest their children."

"S-s-superman?" said a little boy with eyes wide as saucer plates, unknowingly clinging to Superman's cape as the hero turned around. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?
"Why don't you have a closer look" Grinned Superman. and the little boy obeyed.

--------

"This is Steven Seagal, what's the situation?" And those were his last ever words as Chuck Norris, having just finished counting to infinity for the third time, roundhouse kicked him sending him flying into the horizon.

The president had checked everywhere - under the bed, behind the fridge, in the garbage - but he was nowhere to be found. "Hello? Hello!?! Damn it, he's gone!" cursed the President.

--------

As fate would have it, Chuck's roundhouse kick sent Mr. Seagal careening for miles and he landed on the headfirst into a soft brown pile of "dirt" on the Island of Elegant Feces. As Steven was blowing out his nose to clear out the "dirt" dug deep in his nostrils, he realized he was finally outmatched against the sexy glistening pecs of Chuck Norris. His only hope out of his current predicament is to play against Chuck's massive ego. Steven challenged Chuck to a match of chess boxing. Chuck feeling victory at hand heartily accepted. As the match went on, Steven and Chuck realized something : They were in love. With themselves. And so they decided to go to the store to buy some toasters. Little did they know that the toaster was watching them.

As soon as Chuck noticed this, and being himself a hebephile, he decided to travel back in time to meet his teenager version and seduce himself. though little did he realize he could not occupy the same space in time, and on entering his younger self, his penis exploded in his younger self's ass and created a black hole. Fortunately, the sucking power of the black hole was enough to bring them both to orgasm repeatedly for the next 10 years. Within the confines of this love ladened vortex, the balance of evolution was toppled to its side. Suddenly a cascade of intoxicated stars emerged from the distant possibly nonexistent horizon as in a nearby cold little planet a pack of wolves danced shouting "Oh listen to them, the children of the night what sweet music they make". This marked a turning point in the love life of Chuck.

--------

At the bottom of the lake, a hand emerged from the mud. Tacgnol, who had previously been banished to the lake by Longcat, had grown strong over time by devouring the souls of the stars which had been drowned and was emerging from the lake. Ready to attack his oppressors once more.

--------

At the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, Superman realized that all the orphans were actually skrulls in disguise and Lex Luthor had taken all their tears. Because he could cure cancer but he wants people to pay obscene amounts of money for it.

He knew of only one whose tears were even purer than those of orphans. Superman groaned as he knew what he must do, what he HAD to do, and that was...

...to furiously masturbate on their faces.

---------
Meanwhile, back at the volcano, Jessica's cold was getting worse; She began to constantly blow her nose and any man who knew how to use a computer while concerned citizens video taped this symptom to gain better understanding of her illness (and make money on the internetz). Marty, the man dressed as a pirate, whipped out his parachute pants and began to hum the theme song to JAG.
Click to expand...
.
 
President-elect Hillary Clinton picked the sealed folder off her desk and read the bold letters stamped in red ink; The following story is retarded and not worth reading, but you know you'll keep reading because you can not disobey the laws of GAF.

Jessica Beil, realizing the stupidity of her plan to seduce Superman after watching his sperm create small craters wherever it hit, decided to run for cover. Idiotically, Biel climbed into the suit of lead armor and jumped into the lake.

Superman folded his arms as he stood next to the sexy starlet. Jessica Alba laughed as she watched Jessica Biel sink into the depths of the lake. That lake which served as the final resting place for many young actresses. Little did she know that wasn't the last she would see of Zombie Jessica Biel.

Then Jessica noticed a hotdog sandwiched between the cotton of her pretty pink panties and the wirey tuffet of pubes that covered her unfortunately assymetrical lady-bacon. Jessica wasn't quite sure where the hot dog came from. Nor did she know how her younger brother's severed head found its way into her fridge. Nor, after seeing the head, was she still sure it was a hot dog. But it tasted good all the same. To Superman, that is.

--------

Iwata laughed. After all, who wouldn't laugh at the ridiculous, yet oddly sexy, scene that was occurring before his very eyes. Having secretly hidden cameras within Wiis, he had every location on earth monitored from his personal space station which Earthlings had, for centuries, been calling: 'The Sun'.

--------

The next morning, an argument loosely relating to the string of Hollywood actress disappearances broke out in the solemn annals of the White House.

"You forgot my line of coke, you jerk!" came a voice down the hall. "How am I supposed to eat like a cannibal if I'm not high as a kite?"

"You should of thought of that before you ate that busload of Mexican tourists you son of a bitch," retorted the president of the United States.

"Yeah well hindsight is twenty-twenty, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback. . . is it even Monday morning, I would be able to tell if I could feel my dick still?", said Toaster in his familiar barely-intelligable manner.

"It is monday morning and it's time to get to work finding these missing white bitches", barked the Commander in Chief. Wasting no time, the President picked up a phone and dialed a number very quickly while using his spare hand to shield his sore anus from Toaster, who was eyeing it hungrily. "GET ME STEVEN SEAGAL!" shouted the president on the phone as he rubbed his anal fissures.

--------

Jessica had a cold. (And a penis, but that's another story.) The only cure for her common cold was the blood of an orphan. They had already run out from the last kidnapped child but Superman was more than willing to go get more, even creating more orphans along the way. Having that idea in mind, he set off in a journey.

Superman traveled across many lands until he came to the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, a place with a peculiar but quite fitting name. Strangely enough, it was a rather pleasing, if not unfamiliar, aroma that met Superman's heroic nostrils upon arrival. After all Superman did grow up on a farm, so being knee deep in manure was not exactly a new experience for the man of steel. Having landed, Superman quickly examined his surroundings and said, "What a load of shit. Nobody will care if I slaughter the adults of this town and harvest their children."

"S-s-superman?" said a little boy with eyes wide as saucer plates, unknowingly clinging to Superman's cape as the hero turned around. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?
"Why don't you have a closer look" Grinned Superman. and the little boy obeyed.

--------

"This is Stephen Seagal, what's the situation?" And those were his last ever words as Chuck Norris, having just finished counting to infinity for the third time, roundhouse kicked him sending him flying into the horizon.

The president had checked everywhere - under the bed, behind the fridge, in the garbage - but he was nowhere to be found. "Hello? Hello!?! Damn it, he's gone!" cursed the President.

--------

As fate would have it, Chuck's roundhouse kick sent Mr. Seagal careening for miles and he landed on the headfirst into a soft brown pile of "dirt" on the Island of Elegant Feces. As Stephen was blowing out his nose to clear out the "dirt" dug deep in his nostrils, he realized he was finally outmatched against the sexy glistening pecs of Chuck Norris. His only hope out of his current predicament is to play against Chuck's massive ego. Stephen challenged Chuck to a match of chess boxing. Chuck feeling victory at hand heartily accepted. As the match went on, Stephen and Chuck realized something : They were in love. With themselves. And so they decided to go to the store to buy some toasters. Little did they know that the toaster was watching them.

As soon as Chuck noticed this, and being himself a hebephile, he decided to travel back in time to meet his teenager version and seduce himself. though little did he realize he could not occupy the same space in time, and on entering his younger self, his penis exploded in his younger selfs ass and created a black hole. Fortunately, the sucking power of the black hole was enough to bring them both to orgasm repeatedly for the next 10 years. Within the confines of this love ladened vortex, the balance of evolution was toppled to its side. Suddenly a cascade of intoxicated stars emerged from the distant possibly nonexistant horizon as in a nearby cold little planet a pack of wolves danced shouting "Oh listen to them, the children of the night what sweet music they make". This marked a turning point in the love life of Chuck.

--------

At the bottom of the lake, a hand emerged from the mud. Tacgnol, who had previously been banished to the lake by Longcat, had grown strong over time by devouring the souls of the stars which had been drowned and was emerging from the lake.Ready to attack his oppressors once more.

--------

At the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, Superman realized that all the orphans were actually skrulls in disguise and Lex Luthor had taken all their tears. Because he could cure cancer but he wants people to pay obscene amounts of money for it.

He knew of only one whose tears were even purer than those of orphans. Superman groaned as he knew what he must do, what he HAD to do, and that was...

...to furiously masturbate on their faces.

---------
Meanwhile, back at the volcano, Jessica's cold was getting worse; She began to constantly blow her nose and any man who knew how to use a computer while concerned citizens video taped this symptom to gain better understanding of her illness (and make money on the internetz). Marty, the man dressed as a pirate, whipped out his parachute pants and began to hum the theme song to JAG.
Click to expand...
.
 
BobFromPikeCreek said:
I tried to cut him out in the last bit because it was just embarrassing. I didn't want the story to go down the road of trying to make Chuck Norris cry.
Click to expand...
You could have always said that something happened before he tried.

Make shit up, man. Chuck Norris can cry. Maybe it was a Chuck Frederick Norris from Boston rather than Chuck The Norris from Texas

But now that he's in it I'd rather not set the precedent of deleting parts of the story.
 
The dirty work was done and both of those main party candidates were "taken care of." President-elect Hillary Clinton picked the sealed folder off her desk and read the bold letters stamped in red ink; The following story is retarded and not worth reading, but you know you'll keep reading because you can not disobey the laws of GAF.

Jessica Beil, realizing the stupidity of her plan to seduce Superman after watching his sperm create small craters wherever it hit, decided to run for cover. Idiotically, Biel climbed into the suit of lead armor and jumped into the lake.

Superman folded his arms as he stood next to the sexy starlet. Jessica Alba laughed as she watched Jessica Biel sink into the depths of the lake. That lake which served as the final resting place for many young actresses. Little did she know that wasn't the last she would see of Zombie Jessica Biel.

Then Jessica noticed a hotdog sandwiched between the cotton of her pretty pink panties and the wirey tuffet of pubes that covered her unfortunately assymetrical lady-bacon. Jessica wasn't quite sure where the hot dog came from. Nor did she know how her younger brother's severed head found its way into her fridge. Nor, after seeing the head, was she still sure it was a hot dog. But it tasted good all the same. To Superman, that is.

--------

Iwata laughed. After all, who wouldn't laugh at the ridiculous, yet oddly sexy, scene that was occurring before his very eyes. Having secretly hidden cameras within Wiis, he had every location on earth monitored from his personal space station which Earthlings had, for centuries, been calling: 'The Sun'.

--------

The next morning, an argument loosely relating to the string of Hollywood actress disappearances broke out in the solemn annals of the White House.

"You forgot my line of coke, you jerk!" came a voice down the hall. "How am I supposed to eat like a cannibal if I'm not high as a kite?"

"You should of thought of that before you ate that busload of Mexican tourists you son of a bitch," retorted the president of the United States.

"Yeah well hindsight is twenty-twenty, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback. . . is it even Monday morning, I would be able to tell if I could feel my dick still?", said Toaster in his familiar barely-intelligable manner.

"It is monday morning and it's time to get to work finding these missing white bitches", barked the Commander in Chief. Wasting no time, the President picked up a phone and dialed a number very quickly while using his spare hand to shield his sore anus from Toaster, who was eyeing it hungrily. "GET ME STEVEN SEAGAL!" shouted the president on the phone as he rubbed his anal fissures.

--------

Jessica had a cold. (And a penis, but that's another story.) The only cure for her common cold was the blood of an orphan. They had already run out from the last kidnapped child but Superman was more than willing to go get more, even creating more orphans along the way. Having that idea in mind, he set off in a journey.

Superman traveled across many lands until he came to the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, a place with a peculiar but quite fitting name. Strangely enough, it was a rather pleasing, if not unfamiliar, aroma that met Superman's heroic nostrils upon arrival. After all Superman did grow up on a farm, so being knee deep in manure was not exactly a new experience for the man of steel. Having landed, Superman quickly examined his surroundings and said, "What a load of shit. Nobody will care if I slaughter the adults of this town and harvest their children."

"S-s-superman?" said a little boy with eyes wide as saucer plates, unknowingly clinging to Superman's cape as the hero turned around. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?
"Why don't you have a closer look" Grinned Superman. and the little boy obeyed.

--------

"This is Stephen Seagal, what's the situation?" And those were his last ever words as Chuck Norris, having just finished counting to infinity for the third time, roundhouse kicked him sending him flying into the horizon.

The president had checked everywhere - under the bed, behind the fridge, in the garbage - but he was nowhere to be found. "Hello? Hello!?! Damn it, he's gone!" cursed the President.

--------

As fate would have it, Chuck's roundhouse kick sent Mr. Seagal careening for miles and he landed on the headfirst into a soft brown pile of "dirt" on the Island of Elegant Feces. As Stephen was blowing out his nose to clear out the "dirt" dug deep in his nostrils, he realized he was finally outmatched against the sexy glistening pecs of Chuck Norris. His only hope out of his current predicament is to play against Chuck's massive ego. Stephen challenged Chuck to a match of chess boxing. Chuck feeling victory at hand heartily accepted. As the match went on, Stephen and Chuck realized something : They were in love. With themselves. And so they decided to go to the store to buy some toasters. Little did they know that the toaster was watching them.

As soon as Chuck noticed this, and being himself a hebephile, he decided to travel back in time to meet his teenager version and seduce himself. though little did he realize he could not occupy the same space in time, and on entering his younger self, his penis exploded in his younger selfs ass and created a black hole. Fortunately, the sucking power of the black hole was enough to bring them both to orgasm repeatedly for the next 10 years. Within the confines of this love ladened vortex, the balance of evolution was toppled to its side. Suddenly a cascade of intoxicated stars emerged from the distant possibly nonexistant horizon as in a nearby cold little planet a pack of wolves danced shouting "Oh listen to them, the children of the night what sweet music they make". This marked a turning point in the love life of Chuck.

--------

At the bottom of the lake, a hand emerged from the mud. Tacgnol, who had previously been banished to the lake by Longcat, had grown strong over time by devouring the souls of the stars which had been drowned and was emerging from the lake.Ready to attack his oppressors once more.

--------

At the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, Superman realized that all the orphans were actually skrulls in disguise and Lex Luthor had taken all their tears. Because he could cure cancer but he wants people to pay obscene amounts of money for it.

He knew of only one whose tears were even purer than those of orphans. Superman groaned as he knew what he must do, what he HAD to do, and that was...

...to furiously masturbate on their faces.

---------
Meanwhile, back at the volcano, Jessica's cold was getting worse; She began to constantly blow her nose and any man who knew how to use a computer while concerned citizens video taped this symptom to gain better understanding of her illness (and make money on the internetz). Marty, the man dressed as a pirate, whipped out his parachute pants and began to hum the theme song to JAG.
Click to expand...

.
 
The dirty work was done and both of those main party candidates were "taken care of." President-elect Hillary Clinton picked the sealed folder off her desk and read the bold letters stamped in red ink; The following story is retarded and not worth reading, but you know you'll keep reading because you can not disobey the laws of GAF. Without hesitation, President Clinton ripped the presidential seal and allowed her cleft chin to drop as she began to read the single most shocking piece of completely factual literature ever put to paper.

--------

Jessica Beil, realizing the stupidity of her plan to seduce Superman after watching his sperm create small craters wherever it hit, decided to run for cover. Idiotically, Biel climbed into the suit of lead armor and jumped into the lake.

Superman folded his arms as he stood next to the sexy starlet. Jessica Alba laughed as she watched Jessica Biel sink into the depths of the lake. That lake which served as the final resting place for many young actresses. Little did she know that wasn't the last she would see of Zombie Jessica Biel.

Then Jessica noticed a hotdog sandwiched between the cotton of her pretty pink panties and the wirey tuffet of pubes that covered her unfortunately assymetrical lady-bacon. Jessica wasn't quite sure where the hot dog came from. Nor did she know how her younger brother's severed head found its way into her fridge. Nor, after seeing the head, was she still sure it was a hot dog. But it tasted good all the same. To Superman, that is.

--------

Iwata laughed. After all, who wouldn't laugh at the ridiculous, yet oddly sexy, scene that was occurring before his very eyes. Having secretly hidden cameras within Wiis, he had every location on earth monitored from his personal space station which Earthlings had, for centuries, been calling: 'The Sun'.

--------

The next morning, an argument loosely relating to the string of Hollywood actress disappearances broke out in the solemn annals of the White House.

"You forgot my line of coke, you jerk!" came a voice down the hall. "How am I supposed to eat like a cannibal if I'm not high as a kite?"

"You should of thought of that before you ate that busload of Mexican tourists you son of a bitch," retorted the president of the United States.

"Yeah well hindsight is twenty-twenty, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback. . . is it even Monday morning, I would be able to tell if I could feel my dick still?", said Toaster in his familiar barely-intelligable manner.

"It is monday morning and it's time to get to work finding these missing white bitches", barked the Commander in Chief. Wasting no time, the President picked up a phone and dialed a number very quickly while using his spare hand to shield his sore anus from Toaster, who was eyeing it hungrily. "GET ME STEVEN SEAGAL!" shouted the president on the phone as he rubbed his anal fissures.

--------

Jessica had a cold. (And a penis, but that's another story.) The only cure for her common cold was the blood of an orphan. They had already run out from the last kidnapped child but Superman was more than willing to go get more, even creating more orphans along the way. Having that idea in mind, he set off in a journey.

Superman traveled across many lands until he came to the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, a place with a peculiar but quite fitting name. Strangely enough, it was a rather pleasing, if not unfamiliar, aroma that met Superman's heroic nostrils upon arrival. After all Superman did grow up on a farm, so being knee deep in manure was not exactly a new experience for the man of steel. Having landed, Superman quickly examined his surroundings and said, "What a load of shit. Nobody will care if I slaughter the adults of this town and harvest their children."

"S-s-superman?" said a little boy with eyes wide as saucer plates, unknowingly clinging to Superman's cape as the hero turned around. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?
"Why don't you have a closer look" Grinned Superman. and the little boy obeyed.

--------

"This is Stephen Seagal, what's the situation?" And those were his last ever words as Chuck Norris, having just finished counting to infinity for the third time, roundhouse kicked him sending him flying into the horizon.

The president had checked everywhere - under the bed, behind the fridge, in the garbage - but he was nowhere to be found. "Hello? Hello!?! Damn it, he's gone!" cursed the President.

--------

As fate would have it, Chuck's roundhouse kick sent Mr. Seagal careening for miles and he landed on the headfirst into a soft brown pile of "dirt" on the Island of Elegant Feces. As Stephen was blowing out his nose to clear out the "dirt" dug deep in his nostrils, he realized he was finally outmatched against the sexy glistening pecs of Chuck Norris. His only hope out of his current predicament is to play against Chuck's massive ego. Stephen challenged Chuck to a match of chess boxing. Chuck feeling victory at hand heartily accepted. As the match went on, Stephen and Chuck realized something : They were in love. With themselves. And so they decided to go to the store to buy some toasters. Little did they know that the toaster was watching them.

As soon as Chuck noticed this, and being himself a hebephile, he decided to travel back in time to meet his teenager version and seduce himself. though little did he realize he could not occupy the same space in time, and on entering his younger self, his penis exploded in his younger selfs ass and created a black hole. Fortunately, the sucking power of the black hole was enough to bring them both to orgasm repeatedly for the next 10 years. Within the confines of this love ladened vortex, the balance of evolution was toppled to its side. Suddenly a cascade of intoxicated stars emerged from the distant possibly nonexistant horizon as in a nearby cold little planet a pack of wolves danced shouting "Oh listen to them, the children of the night what sweet music they make". This marked a turning point in the love life of Chuck.

--------

At the bottom of the lake, a hand emerged from the mud. Tacgnol, who had previously been banished to the lake by Longcat, had grown strong over time by devouring the souls of the stars which had been drowned and was emerging from the lake.Ready to attack his oppressors once more.

--------

At the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, Superman realized that all the orphans were actually skrulls in disguise and Lex Luthor had taken all their tears. Because he could cure cancer but he wants people to pay obscene amounts of money for it.

He knew of only one whose tears were even purer than those of orphans. Superman groaned as he knew what he must do, what he HAD to do, and that was...

...to furiously masturbate on their faces.

---------
Meanwhile, back at the volcano, Jessica's cold was getting worse; She began to constantly blow her nose and any man who knew how to use a computer while concerned citizens video taped this symptom to gain better understanding of her illness (and make money on the internetz). Marty, the man dressed as a pirate, whipped out his parachute pants and began to hum the theme song to JAG.
Click to expand...
.
 
Mike Works said:
The dirty work was done and both of those main party candidates were "taken care of." It wasn't hard really, it took little persuasion to convince "ToxicAdam," to run at Obama with a knife in a wild craze only capable of those from the internetz. "God bless Gore." President-elect Hillary Clinton picked the sealed folder off her desk and read the bold letters stamped in red ink; The following story is retarded and not worth reading, but you know you'll keep reading because you can not disobey the laws of GAF. Without hesitation, President Clinton ripped the presidential seal and allowed her cleft chin to drop as she began to read the single most shocking piece of completely factual literature ever put to paper.

--------

Jessica Biel, realizing the stupidity of her plan to seduce Superman after watching his sperm create small craters wherever it hit, decided to run for cover. Idiotically, Biel climbed into the suit of lead armor and jumped into the lake.

Superman folded his arms as he stood next to the sexy starlet. Jessica Alba laughed as she watched Jessica Biel sink into the depths of the lake. That lake which served as the final resting place for many young actresses. Little did she know that wasn't the last she would see of Zombie Jessica Biel.

Then Jessica noticed a hotdog sandwiched between the cotton of her pretty pink panties and the wirey tuffet of pubes that covered her unfortunately asymmetrical lady-bacon. Jessica wasn't quite sure where the hot dog came from. Nor did she know how her younger brother's severed head found its way into her fridge. Nor, after seeing the head, was she still sure it was a hot dog. But it tasted good all the same. To Superman, that is.

--------

Iwata laughed. After all, who wouldn't laugh at the ridiculous, yet oddly sexy, scene that was occurring before his very eyes. Having secretly hidden cameras within Wiis, he had every location on earth monitored from his personal space station which Earthlings had, for centuries, been calling: 'The Sun'.

--------

The next morning, an argument loosely relating to the string of Hollywood actress disappearances broke out in the solemn annals of the White House.

"You forgot my line of coke, you jerk!" came a voice down the hall. "How am I supposed to eat like a cannibal if I'm not high as a kite?"

"You should of thought of that before you ate that busload of Mexican tourists you son of a bitch," retorted the president of the United States.

"Yeah well hindsight is twenty-twenty, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback. . . is it even Monday morning, I would be able to tell if I could feel my dick still?", said Toaster in his familiar barely-intelligible manner.

"It is Monday morning and it's time to get to work finding these missing white bitches", barked the Commander in Chief. Wasting no time, the President picked up a phone and dialed a number very quickly while using his spare hand to shield his sore anus from Toaster, who was eyeing it hungrily. "GET ME STEVEN SEAGAL!" shouted the president on the phone as he rubbed his anal fissures.

--------

Jessica had a cold. (And a penis, but that's another story.) The only cure for her common cold was the blood of an orphan. They had already run out from the last kidnapped child but Superman was more than willing to go get more, even creating more orphans along the way. Having that idea in mind, he set off in a journey.

Superman traveled across many lands until he came to the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, a place with a peculiar but quite fitting name. Strangely enough, it was a rather pleasing, if not unfamiliar, aroma that met Superman's heroic nostrils upon arrival. After all Superman did grow up on a farm, so being knee deep in manure was not exactly a new experience for the man of steel. Having landed, Superman quickly examined his surroundings and said, "What a load of shit. Nobody will care if I slaughter the adults of this town and harvest their children."

"S-s-superman?" said a little boy with eyes wide as saucer plates, unknowingly clinging to Superman's cape as the hero turned around. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?
"Why don't you have a closer look" Grinned Superman. and the little boy obeyed.

--------

"This is Steven Seagal, what's the situation?" And those were his last ever words as Chuck Norris, having just finished counting to infinity for the third time, roundhouse kicked him sending him flying into the horizon.

The president had checked everywhere - under the bed, behind the fridge, in the garbage - but he was nowhere to be found. "Hello? Hello!?! Damn it, he's gone!" cursed the President.

--------

As fate would have it, Chuck's roundhouse kick sent Mr. Seagal careening for miles and he landed on the headfirst into a soft brown pile of "dirt" on the Island of Elegant Feces. As Steven was blowing out his nose to clear out the "dirt" dug deep in his nostrils, he realized he was finally outmatched against the sexy glistening pecs of Chuck Norris. His only hope out of his current predicament is to play against Chuck's massive ego. Steven challenged Chuck to a match of chess boxing. Chuck feeling victory at hand heartily accepted. As the match went on, Steven and Chuck realized something : They were in love. With themselves. And so they decided to go to the store to buy some toasters. Little did they know that the toaster was watching them.

As soon as Chuck noticed this, and being himself a hebephile, he decided to travel back in time to meet his teenager version and seduce himself. though little did he realize he could not occupy the same space in time, and on entering his younger self, his penis exploded in his younger self's ass and created a black hole. Fortunately, the sucking power of the black hole was enough to bring them both to orgasm repeatedly for the next 10 years. Within the confines of this love ladened vortex, the balance of evolution was toppled to its side. Suddenly a cascade of intoxicated stars emerged from the distant possibly nonexistent horizon as in a nearby cold little planet a pack of wolves danced shouting "Oh listen to them, the children of the night what sweet music they make". This marked a turning point in the love life of Chuck.

--------

At the bottom of the lake, a hand emerged from the mud. Tacgnol, who had previously been banished to the lake by Longcat, had grown strong over time by devouring the souls of the stars which had been drowned and was emerging from the lake. Ready to attack his oppressors once more.

--------

At the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, Superman realized that all the orphans were actually skrulls in disguise and Lex Luthor had taken all their tears. Because he could cure cancer but he wants people to pay obscene amounts of money for it.

He knew of only one whose tears were even purer than those of orphans. Superman groaned as he knew what he must do, what he HAD to do, and that was...

...to furiously masturbate on their faces.

---------
Meanwhile, back at the volcano, Jessica's cold was getting worse; She began to constantly blow her nose and any man who knew how to use a computer while concerned citizens video taped this symptom to gain better understanding of her illness (and make money on the internetz). Marty, the man dressed as a pirate, whipped out his parachute pants and began to hum the theme song to JAG.
Click to expand...
.
 
The dirty work was done and both of those main party candidates were "taken care of." It wasn't hard really, it took little persuasion to convince "ToxicAdam," to run at Obama with a knife in a wild craze only capable of those from the internetz. "God bless Gore." President-elect Hillary Clinton picked the sealed folder off her desk and read the bold letters stamped in red ink; The following story is retarded and not worth reading, but you know you'll keep reading because you can not disobey the laws of GAF. Without hesitation, President Clinton ripped the presidential seal and allowed her cleft chin to drop as she began to read the single most shocking piece of completely factual literature ever put to paper.

--------

It all began on March 12, 2012; the day Brandon Routh revealed to the world his incredibly ironic super powers.

Jessica Biel, realizing the stupidity of her plan to seduce Superman after watching his sperm create small craters wherever it hit, decided to run for cover. Idiotically, Biel climbed into the suit of lead armor and jumped into the lake.

Superman folded his arms as he stood next to the sexy starlet. Jessica Alba laughed as she watched Jessica Biel sink into the depths of the lake. That lake which served as the final resting place for many young actresses. Little did she know that wasn't the last she would see of Zombie Jessica Biel.

Then Jessica noticed a hotdog sandwiched between the cotton of her pretty pink panties and the wirey tuffet of pubes that covered her unfortunately asymmetrical lady-bacon. Jessica wasn't quite sure where the hot dog came from. Nor did she know how her younger brother's severed head found its way into her fridge. Nor, after seeing the head, was she still sure it was a hot dog. But it tasted good all the same. To Superman, that is.

--------

Iwata laughed. After all, who wouldn't laugh at the ridiculous, yet oddly sexy, scene that was occurring before his very eyes. Having secretly hidden cameras within Wiis, he had every location on earth monitored from his personal space station which Earthlings had, for centuries, been calling: 'The Sun'.

--------

The next morning, an argument loosely relating to the string of Hollywood actress disappearances broke out in the solemn annals of the White House.

"You forgot my line of coke, you jerk!" came a voice down the hall. "How am I supposed to eat like a cannibal if I'm not high as a kite?"

"You should of thought of that before you ate that busload of Mexican tourists you son of a bitch," retorted the president of the United States.

"Yeah well hindsight is twenty-twenty, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback. . . is it even Monday morning, I would be able to tell if I could feel my dick still?", said Toaster in his familiar barely-intelligible manner.

"It is Monday morning and it's time to get to work finding these missing white bitches", barked the Commander in Chief. Wasting no time, the President picked up a phone and dialed a number very quickly while using his spare hand to shield his sore anus from Toaster, who was eyeing it hungrily. "GET ME STEVEN SEAGAL!" shouted the president on the phone as he rubbed his anal fissures.

--------

Jessica had a cold. (And a penis, but that's another story.) The only cure for her common cold was the blood of an orphan. They had already run out from the last kidnapped child but Superman was more than willing to go get more, even creating more orphans along the way. Having that idea in mind, he set off in a journey.

Superman traveled across many lands until he came to the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, a place with a peculiar but quite fitting name. Strangely enough, it was a rather pleasing, if not unfamiliar, aroma that met Superman's heroic nostrils upon arrival. After all Superman did grow up on a farm, so being knee deep in manure was not exactly a new experience for the man of steel. Having landed, Superman quickly examined his surroundings and said, "What a load of shit. Nobody will care if I slaughter the adults of this town and harvest their children."

"S-s-superman?" said a little boy with eyes wide as saucer plates, unknowingly clinging to Superman's cape as the hero turned around. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?
"Why don't you have a closer look" Grinned Superman. and the little boy obeyed.

--------

"This is Steven Seagal, what's the situation?" And those were his last ever words as Chuck Norris, having just finished counting to infinity for the third time, roundhouse kicked him sending him flying into the horizon.

The president had checked everywhere - under the bed, behind the fridge, in the garbage - but he was nowhere to be found. "Hello? Hello!?! Damn it, he's gone!" cursed the President.

--------

As fate would have it, Chuck's roundhouse kick sent Mr. Seagal careening for miles and he landed on the headfirst into a soft brown pile of "dirt" on the Island of Elegant Feces. As Steven was blowing out his nose to clear out the "dirt" dug deep in his nostrils, he realized he was finally outmatched against the sexy glistening pecs of Chuck Norris. His only hope out of his current predicament is to play against Chuck's massive ego. Steven challenged Chuck to a match of chess boxing. Chuck feeling victory at hand heartily accepted. As the match went on, Steven and Chuck realized something : They were in love. With themselves. And so they decided to go to the store to buy some toasters. Little did they know that the toaster was watching them.

As soon as Chuck noticed this, and being himself a hebephile, he decided to travel back in time to meet his teenager version and seduce himself. though little did he realize he could not occupy the same space in time, and on entering his younger self, his penis exploded in his younger self's ass and created a black hole. Fortunately, the sucking power of the black hole was enough to bring them both to orgasm repeatedly for the next 10 years. Within the confines of this love ladened vortex, the balance of evolution was toppled to its side. Suddenly a cascade of intoxicated stars emerged from the distant possibly nonexistent horizon as in a nearby cold little planet a pack of wolves danced shouting "Oh listen to them, the children of the night what sweet music they make". This marked a turning point in the love life of Chuck.

--------

At the bottom of the lake, a hand emerged from the mud. Tacgnol, who had previously been banished to the lake by Longcat, had grown strong over time by devouring the souls of the stars which had been drowned and was emerging from the lake. Ready to attack his oppressors once more.

--------

At the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, Superman realized that all the orphans were actually skrulls in disguise and Lex Luthor had taken all their tears. Because he could cure cancer but he wants people to pay obscene amounts of money for it.

He knew of only one whose tears were even purer than those of orphans. Superman groaned as he knew what he must do, what he HAD to do, and that was...

...to furiously masturbate on their faces.

---------
Meanwhile, back at the volcano, Jessica's cold was getting worse; She began to constantly blow her nose and any man who knew how to use a computer while concerned citizens video taped this symptom to gain better understanding of her illness (and make money on the internetz). Marty, the man dressed as a pirate, whipped out his parachute pants and began to hum the theme song to JAG.
Click to expand...
.
 
chubigans said:
Is it tomorrow yet? :p

I liked the picture themes better IMO.
Click to expand...
I don't want to get too off topic with this, but I'm not doing a drawing (nor a writing) theme every day.

Something I really want to do with this thread is create consistent variety. That's why I went with a writing theme today. Tomorrow is going to be a (digital) picture related theme. There's a good chance Friday will be a video related theme.

Unfortunately, not everyone has access to paint/photoshop, a digital camera, and/or a webcam. And if they do, they still might not want to draw, edit, take a picture or video. That's the one advantage of the writing based days, everyone can participate (if they want to).

But if you don't want to, that's totally cool. Odds are there probably won't be a single poster on GAF who will want to do every single task I throw up, and that's okay.

If you don't want to add to today's story, there's no worry at all, you can just read the thread or not, and hopefully tomorrow's task will suit you better!
 
The dirty work was done and both of those main party candidates were "taken care of." It wasn't hard really, it took little persuasion to convince "ToxicAdam," to run at Obama with a knife in a wild craze only capable of those from the internetz. "God bless Gore." President-elect Hillary Clinton picked the sealed folder off her desk and read the bold letters stamped in red ink; The following story is retarded and not worth reading, but you know you'll keep reading because you can not disobey the laws of GAF. Without hesitation, President Clinton ripped the presidential seal and allowed her cleft chin to drop as she began to read the single most shocking piece of completely factual literature ever put to paper.

--------

It all began on March 12, 2012; the day Brandon Routh revealed to the world his incredibly ironic super powers.

Jessica Biel, realizing the stupidity of her plan to seduce Superman after watching his sperm create small craters wherever it hit, decided to run for cover. Idiotically, Biel climbed into the suit of lead armor and jumped into the lake.

Superman folded his arms as he stood next to the sexy starlet. Jessica Alba laughed as she watched Jessica Biel sink into the depths of the lake. That lake which served as the final resting place for many young actresses. Little did she know that wasn't the last she would see of Zombie Jessica Biel.

Then Jessica noticed a hotdog sandwiched between the cotton of her pretty pink panties and the wirey tuffet of pubes that covered her unfortunately asymmetrical lady-bacon. Jessica wasn't quite sure where the hot dog came from. Nor did she know how her younger brother's severed head found its way into her fridge. Nor, after seeing the head, was she still sure it was a hot dog. But it tasted good all the same. To Superman, that is.

--------

Iwata laughed. After all, who wouldn't laugh at the ridiculous, yet oddly sexy, scene that was occurring before his very eyes. Having secretly hidden cameras within Wiis, he had every location on earth monitored from his personal space station which Earthlings had, for centuries, been calling: 'The Sun'.

--------

The next morning, an argument loosely relating to the string of Hollywood actress disappearances broke out in the solemn annals of the White House.

"You forgot my line of coke, you jerk!" came a voice down the hall. "How am I supposed to eat like a cannibal if I'm not high as a kite?"

"You should of thought of that before you ate that busload of Mexican tourists you son of a bitch," retorted the president of the United States.

"Yeah well hindsight is twenty-twenty, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback. . . is it even Monday morning, I would be able to tell if I could feel my dick still?", said Toaster in his familiar barely-intelligible manner.

"It is Monday morning and it's time to get to work finding these missing white bitches", barked the Commander in Chief. Wasting no time, the President picked up a phone and dialed a number very quickly while using his spare hand to shield his sore anus from Toaster, who was eyeing it hungrily. "GET ME STEVEN SEAGAL!" shouted the president on the phone as he rubbed his anal fissures.

--------

Jessica had a cold. (And a penis, but that's another story.) The only cure for her common cold was the blood of an orphan. They had already run out from the last kidnapped child but Superman was more than willing to go get more, even creating more orphans along the way. Having that idea in mind, he set off in a journey.

Superman traveled across many lands until he came to the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, a place with a peculiar but quite fitting name. Strangely enough, it was a rather pleasing, if not unfamiliar, aroma that met Superman's heroic nostrils upon arrival. After all Superman did grow up on a farm, so being knee deep in manure was not exactly a new experience for the man of steel. Having landed, Superman quickly examined his surroundings and said, "What a load of shit. Nobody will care if I slaughter the adults of this town and harvest their children."

"S-s-superman?" said a little boy with eyes wide as saucer plates, unknowingly clinging to Superman's cape as the hero turned around. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?
"Why don't you have a closer look" Grinned Superman. and the little boy obeyed.

--------

"This is Steven Seagal, what's the situation?" And those were his last ever words as Chuck Norris, having just finished counting to infinity for the third time, roundhouse kicked him sending him flying into the horizon.

-------

The president of America's Phillipino eunich drug dealer was missing. The president had checked everywhere - under the bed, behind the fridge, in the garbage - but he was nowhere to be found. "Hello? Hello!?! Damn it, he's gone!" cursed the President.

--------

As fate would have it, Chuck's roundhouse kick sent Mr. Seagal careening for miles and he landed on the headfirst into a soft brown pile of "dirt" on the Island of Elegant Feces. As Steven was blowing out his nose to clear out the "dirt" dug deep in his nostrils, he realized he was finally outmatched against the sexy glistening pecs of Chuck Norris. His only hope out of his current predicament is to play against Chuck's massive ego. Steven challenged Chuck to a match of chess boxing. Chuck feeling victory at hand heartily accepted. As the match went on, Steven and Chuck realized something : They were in love. With themselves. And so they decided to go to the store to buy some toasters. Little did they know that the toaster was watching them.

As soon as Chuck noticed this, and being himself a hebephile, he decided to travel back in time to meet his teenager version and seduce himself. though little did he realize he could not occupy the same space in time, and on entering his younger self, his penis exploded in his younger self's ass and created a black hole. Fortunately, the sucking power of the black hole was enough to bring them both to orgasm repeatedly for the next 10 years. Within the confines of this love ladened vortex, the balance of evolution was toppled to its side. Suddenly a cascade of intoxicated stars emerged from the distant possibly nonexistent horizon as in a nearby cold little planet a pack of wolves danced shouting "Oh listen to them, the children of the night what sweet music they make". This marked a turning point in the love life of Chuck.

--------

At the bottom of the lake, a hand emerged from the mud. Tacgnol, who had previously been banished to the lake by Longcat, had grown strong over time by devouring the souls of the stars which had been drowned and was emerging from the lake. Ready to attack his oppressors once more.

--------

At the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, Superman realized that all the orphans were actually skrulls in disguise and Lex Luthor had taken all their tears. Because he could cure cancer but he wants people to pay obscene amounts of money for it.

He knew of only one whose tears were even purer than those of orphans. Superman groaned as he knew what he must do, what he HAD to do, and that was...

...to furiously masturbate on their faces.

---------
Meanwhile, back at the volcano, Jessica's cold was getting worse; She began to constantly blow her nose and any man who knew how to use a computer while concerned citizens video taped this symptom to gain better understanding of her illness (and make money on the internetz). Marty, the man dressed as a pirate, whipped out his parachute pants and began to hum the theme song to JAG.
Click to expand...

.
 
The dirty work was done and both of those main party candidates were "taken care of." It wasn't hard really, it took little persuasion to convince "ToxicAdam," to run at Obama with a knife in a wild craze only capable of those from the internetz. "God bless Gore." President-elect Hillary Clinton picked the sealed folder off her desk and read the bold letters stamped in red ink; The following story is retarded and not worth reading, but you know you'll keep reading because you can not disobey the laws of GAF. Without hesitation, President Clinton ripped the presidential seal and allowed her cleft chin to drop as she began to read the single most shocking piece of completely factual literature ever put to paper.

--------

It all began on March 12, 2012; the day Brandon Routh revealed to the world his incredibly ironic super powers. It was a brisk morning in Michigan at the site of the newest Planet Hollywood opening.

Jessica Biel, realizing the stupidity of her plan to seduce Superman after watching his sperm create small craters wherever it hit, decided to run for cover. Idiotically, Biel climbed into the suit of lead armor and jumped into the lake.

Superman folded his arms as he stood next to the sexy starlet. Jessica Alba laughed as she watched Jessica Biel sink into the depths of the lake. That lake which served as the final resting place for many young actresses. Little did she know that wasn't the last she would see of Zombie Jessica Biel.

Then Jessica noticed a hotdog sandwiched between the cotton of her pretty pink panties and the wirey tuffet of pubes that covered her unfortunately asymmetrical lady-bacon. Jessica wasn't quite sure where the hot dog came from. Nor did she know how her younger brother's severed head found its way into her fridge. Nor, after seeing the head, was she still sure it was a hot dog. But it tasted good all the same. To Superman, that is.

--------

Iwata laughed. After all, who wouldn't laugh at the ridiculous, yet oddly sexy, scene that was occurring before his very eyes. Having secretly hidden cameras within Wiis, he had every location on earth monitored from his personal space station which Earthlings had, for centuries, been calling: 'The Sun'.

--------

The next morning, an argument loosely relating to the string of Hollywood actress disappearances broke out in the solemn annals of the White House.

"You forgot my line of coke, you jerk!" came a voice down the hall. "How am I supposed to eat like a cannibal if I'm not high as a kite?"

"You should of thought of that before you ate that busload of Mexican tourists you son of a bitch," retorted the president of the United States.

"Yeah well hindsight is twenty-twenty, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback. . . is it even Monday morning, I would be able to tell if I could feel my dick still?", said Toaster in his familiar barely-intelligible manner.

"It is Monday morning and it's time to get to work finding these missing white bitches", barked the Commander in Chief. Wasting no time, the President picked up a phone and dialed a number very quickly while using his spare hand to shield his sore anus from Toaster, who was eyeing it hungrily. "GET ME STEVEN SEAGAL!" shouted the president on the phone as he rubbed his anal fissures.

--------

Jessica had a cold. (And a penis, but that's another story.) The only cure for her common cold was the blood of an orphan. They had already run out from the last kidnapped child but Superman was more than willing to go get more, even creating more orphans along the way. Having that idea in mind, he set off in a journey.

Superman traveled across many lands until he came to the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, a place with a peculiar but quite fitting name. Strangely enough, it was a rather pleasing, if not unfamiliar, aroma that met Superman's heroic nostrils upon arrival. After all Superman did grow up on a farm, so being knee deep in manure was not exactly a new experience for the man of steel. Having landed, Superman quickly examined his surroundings and said, "What a load of shit. Nobody will care if I slaughter the adults of this town and harvest their children."

"S-s-superman?" said a little boy with eyes wide as saucer plates, unknowingly clinging to Superman's cape as the hero turned around. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?
"Why don't you have a closer look" Grinned Superman. and the little boy obeyed.

--------

"This is Steven Seagal, what's the situation?" And those were his last ever words as Chuck Norris, having just finished counting to infinity for the third time, roundhouse kicked him sending him flying into the horizon.

-------

The president of America's Phillipino eunich drug dealer was missing. The president had checked everywhere - under the bed, behind the fridge, in the garbage - but he was nowhere to be found. "Hello? Hello!?! Damn it, he's gone!" cursed the President.

--------

As fate would have it, Chuck's roundhouse kick sent Mr. Seagal careening for miles and he landed on the headfirst into a soft brown pile of "dirt" on the Island of Elegant Feces. As Steven was blowing out his nose to clear out the "dirt" dug deep in his nostrils, he realized he was finally outmatched against the sexy glistening pecs of Chuck Norris. His only hope out of his current predicament is to play against Chuck's massive ego. Steven challenged Chuck to a match of chess boxing. Chuck feeling victory at hand heartily accepted. As the match went on, Steven and Chuck realized something : They were in love. With themselves. And so they decided to go to the store to buy some toasters. Little did they know that the toaster was watching them.

As soon as Chuck noticed this, and being himself a hebephile, he decided to travel back in time to meet his teenager version and seduce himself. though little did he realize he could not occupy the same space in time, and on entering his younger self, his penis exploded in his younger self's ass and created a black hole. Fortunately, the sucking power of the black hole was enough to bring them both to orgasm repeatedly for the next 10 years. Within the confines of this love ladened vortex, the balance of evolution was toppled to its side. Suddenly a cascade of intoxicated stars emerged from the distant possibly nonexistent horizon as in a nearby cold little planet a pack of wolves danced shouting "Oh listen to them, the children of the night what sweet music they make". This marked a turning point in the love life of Chuck.

--------

At the bottom of the lake, a hand emerged from the mud. Tacgnol, who had previously been banished to the lake by Longcat, had grown strong over time by devouring the souls of the stars which had been drowned and was emerging from the lake. Ready to attack his oppressors once more.

--------

At the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, Superman realized that all the orphans were actually skrulls in disguise and Lex Luthor had taken all their tears. Because he could cure cancer but he wants people to pay obscene amounts of money for it.

He knew of only one whose tears were even purer than those of orphans. Superman groaned as he knew what he must do, what he HAD to do, and that was...

...to furiously masturbate on their faces.

---------
Meanwhile, back at the volcano, Jessica's cold was getting worse; She began to constantly blow her nose and any man who knew how to use a computer while concerned citizens video taped this symptom to gain better understanding of her illness (and make money on the internetz). Marty, the man dressed as a pirate, whipped out his parachute pants and began to hum the theme song to JAG.
Click to expand...
.
 
The dirty work was done and both of those main party candidates were "taken care of." It wasn't hard really, it took little persuasion to convince "ToxicAdam," to run at Obama with a knife in a wild craze only capable of those from the internetz. "God bless Gore." President-elect Hillary Clinton picked the sealed folder off her desk and read the bold letters stamped in red ink; The following story is retarded and not worth reading, but you know you'll keep reading because you can not disobey the laws of GAF. Without hesitation, President Clinton ripped the presidential seal and allowed her cleft chin to drop as she began to read the single most shocking piece of completely factual literature ever put to paper.

--------

It all began on March 12, 2012; the day Brandon Routh revealed to the world his incredibly ironic super powers. It was a brisk morning in Michigan at the site of the newest Planet Hollywood opening.

Jessica Biel, realizing the stupidity of her plan to seduce Superman after watching his sperm create small craters wherever it hit, decided to run for cover. Idiotically, Biel climbed into the suit of lead armor and jumped into the lake.

Superman folded his arms as he stood next to the sexy starlet. Jessica Alba laughed as she watched Jessica Biel sink into the depths of the lake. That lake which served as the final resting place for many young actresses. Little did she know that wasn't the last she would see of Zombie Jessica Biel.

Then Jessica noticed a hotdog sandwiched between the cotton of her pretty pink panties and the wirey tuffet of pubes that covered her unfortunately asymmetrical lady-bacon. Jessica wasn't quite sure where the hot dog came from. Nor did she know how her younger brother's severed head found its way into her fridge. Nor, after seeing the head, was she still sure it was a hot dog. But it tasted good all the same. To Superman, that is.

--------

Iwata laughed. After all, who wouldn't laugh at the ridiculous, yet oddly sexy, scene that was occurring before his very eyes. Having secretly hidden cameras within Wiis, he had every location on earth monitored from his personal space station which Earthlings had, for centuries, been calling: 'The Sun'.

--------

The next morning, an argument loosely relating to the string of Hollywood actress disappearances broke out in the solemn annals of the White House.

"You forgot my line of coke, you jerk!" came a voice down the hall. "How am I supposed to eat like a cannibal if I'm not high as a kite?"

"You should of thought of that before you ate that busload of Mexican tourists you son of a bitch," retorted the president of the United States.

"Yeah well hindsight is twenty-twenty, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback. . . is it even Monday morning, I would be able to tell if I could feel my dick still?", said Toaster in his familiar barely-intelligible manner.

"It is Monday morning and it's time to get to work finding these missing white bitches", barked the Commander in Chief. Wasting no time, the President picked up a phone and dialed a number very quickly while using his spare hand to shield his sore anus from Toaster, who was eyeing it hungrily. "GET ME STEVEN SEAGAL!" shouted the president on the phone as he rubbed his anal fissures.

--------

Jessica had a cold. (And a penis, but that's another story.) The only cure for her common cold was the blood of an orphan. They had already run out from the last kidnapped child but Superman was more than willing to go get more, even creating more orphans along the way. Having that idea in mind, he set off in a journey.

Superman traveled across many lands until he came to the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, a place with a peculiar but quite fitting name. Strangely enough, it was a rather pleasing, if not unfamiliar, aroma that met Superman's heroic nostrils upon arrival. After all Superman did grow up on a farm, so being knee deep in manure was not exactly a new experience for the man of steel. Having landed, Superman quickly examined his surroundings and said, "What a load of shit. Nobody will care if I slaughter the adults of this town and harvest their children."

"S-s-superman?" said a little boy with eyes wide as saucer plates, unknowingly clinging to Superman's cape as the hero turned around. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?
"Why don't you have a closer look" Grinned Superman. and the little boy obeyed. Superman then smashed the kid's face into his knee, laughing heartily as onlookers gasped in horror.

--------

"This is Steven Seagal, what's the situation?" And those were his last ever words as Chuck Norris, having just finished counting to infinity for the third time, roundhouse kicked him sending him flying into the horizon.

-------

The president of America's Phillipino eunich drug dealer was missing. The president had checked everywhere - under the bed, behind the fridge, in the garbage - but he was nowhere to be found. "Hello? Hello!?! Damn it, he's gone!" cursed the President.

--------

As fate would have it, Chuck's roundhouse kick sent Mr. Seagal careening for miles and he landed on the headfirst into a soft brown pile of "dirt" on the Island of Elegant Feces. As Steven was blowing out his nose to clear out the "dirt" dug deep in his nostrils, he realized he was finally outmatched against the sexy glistening pecs of Chuck Norris. His only hope out of his current predicament is to play against Chuck's massive ego. Steven challenged Chuck to a match of chess boxing. Chuck feeling victory at hand heartily accepted. As the match went on, Steven and Chuck realized something : They were in love. With themselves. And so they decided to go to the store to buy some toasters. Little did they know that the toaster was watching them.

As soon as Chuck noticed this, and being himself a hebephile, he decided to travel back in time to meet his teenager version and seduce himself. though little did he realize he could not occupy the same space in time, and on entering his younger self, his penis exploded in his younger self's ass and created a black hole. Fortunately, the sucking power of the black hole was enough to bring them both to orgasm repeatedly for the next 10 years. Within the confines of this love ladened vortex, the balance of evolution was toppled to its side. Suddenly a cascade of intoxicated stars emerged from the distant possibly nonexistent horizon as in a nearby cold little planet a pack of wolves danced shouting "Oh listen to them, the children of the night what sweet music they make". This marked a turning point in the love life of Chuck.

--------

At the bottom of the lake, a hand emerged from the mud. Tacgnol, who had previously been banished to the lake by Longcat, had grown strong over time by devouring the souls of the stars which had been drowned and was emerging from the lake. Ready to attack his oppressors once more.

--------

At the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, Superman realized that all the orphans were actually skrulls in disguise and Lex Luthor had taken all their tears. Because he could cure cancer but he wants people to pay obscene amounts of money for it.

He knew of only one whose tears were even purer than those of orphans. Superman groaned as he knew what he must do, what he HAD to do, and that was...

...to furiously masturbate on their faces.

---------
Meanwhile, back at the volcano, Jessica's cold was getting worse; She began to constantly blow her nose and any man who knew how to use a computer while concerned citizens video taped this symptom to gain better understanding of her illness (and make money on the internetz). Marty, the man dressed as a pirate, whipped out his parachute pants and began to hum the theme song to JAG.
 
The dirty work was done and both of those main party candidates were "taken care of." It wasn't hard really, it took little persuasion to convince "ToxicAdam," to run at Obama with a knife in a wild craze only capable of those from the internetz. "God bless Gore." President-elect Hillary Clinton picked the sealed folder off her desk and read the bold letters stamped in red ink; The following story is retarded and not worth reading, but you know you'll keep reading because you can not disobey the laws of GAF. Without hesitation, President Clinton ripped the presidential seal and allowed her cleft chin to drop as she began to read the single most shocking piece of completely factual literature ever put to paper.

--------

It all began on March 12, 2012; the day Brandon Routh revealed to the world his incredibly ironic super powers. It was a brisk morning in Michigan at the site of the newest Planet Hollywood opening.

Jessica Biel, realizing the stupidity of her plan to seduce Superman after watching his sperm create small craters wherever it hit, decided to run for cover. Idiotically, Biel climbed into the suit of lead armor and jumped into the lake.

Superman folded his arms as he stood next to the sexy starlet. Jessica Alba laughed as she watched Jessica Biel sink into the depths of the lake. That lake which served as the final resting place for many young actresses. Little did she know that wasn't the last she would see of Zombie Jessica Biel.

Then Jessica noticed a hotdog sandwiched between the cotton of her pretty pink panties and the wirey tuffet of pubes that covered her unfortunately asymmetrical lady-bacon. Jessica wasn't quite sure where the hot dog came from. Nor did she know how her younger brother's severed head found its way into her fridge. Nor, after seeing the head, was she still sure it was a hot dog. But it tasted good all the same. To Superman, that is.

--------

Iwata laughed. After all, who wouldn't laugh at the ridiculous, yet oddly sexy, scene that was occurring before his very eyes. Having secretly hidden cameras within Wiis, he had every location on earth monitored from his personal space station which Earthlings had, for centuries, been calling: 'The Sun'.

--------

The next morning, an argument loosely relating to the string of Hollywood actress disappearances broke out in the solemn annals of the White House.

"You forgot my line of coke, you jerk!" came a voice down the hall. "How am I supposed to eat like a cannibal if I'm not high as a kite?"

"You should of thought of that before you ate that busload of Mexican tourists you son of a bitch," retorted the president of the United States.

"Yeah well hindsight is twenty-twenty, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback. . . is it even Monday morning, I would be able to tell if I could feel my dick still?", said Toaster in his familiar barely-intelligible manner.

"It is Monday morning and it's time to get to work finding these missing white bitches", barked the Commander in Chief. Wasting no time, the President picked up a phone and dialed a number very quickly while using his spare hand to shield his sore anus from Toaster, who was eyeing it hungrily. "GET ME STEVEN SEAGAL!" shouted the president on the phone as he rubbed his anal fissures.

--------

Jessica had a cold. (And a penis, but that's another story.) The only cure for her common cold was the blood of an orphan. They had already run out from the last kidnapped child but Superman was more than willing to go get more, even creating more orphans along the way. Having that idea in mind, he set off in a journey.

Superman traveled across many lands until he came to the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, a place with a peculiar but quite fitting name. Strangely enough, it was a rather pleasing, if not unfamiliar, aroma that met Superman's heroic nostrils upon arrival. After all Superman did grow up on a farm, so being knee deep in manure was not exactly a new experience for the man of steel. Having landed, Superman quickly examined his surroundings and said, "What a load of shit. Nobody will care if I slaughter the adults of this town and harvest their children."

"S-s-superman?" said a little boy with eyes wide as saucer plates, unknowingly clinging to Superman's cape as the hero turned around. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?
"Why don't you have a closer look" Grinned Superman. and the little boy obeyed. Superman then smashed the kid's face into his knee, laughing heartily as onlookers gasped in horror.

--------

"This is Steven Seagal, what's the situation?" And those were his last ever words as Chuck Norris, having just finished counting to infinity for the third time, roundhouse kicked him sending him flying into the horizon.

-------

The president of America's Phillipino eunich drug dealer was missing. The president had checked everywhere - under the bed, behind the fridge, in the garbage - but he was nowhere to be found. "Hello? Hello!?! Damn it, he's gone!" cursed the President.

--------

As fate would have it, Chuck's roundhouse kick sent Mr. Seagal careening for miles and he landed on the headfirst into a soft brown pile of "dirt" on the Island of Elegant Feces. As Steven was blowing out his nose to clear out the "dirt" dug deep in his nostrils, he realized he was finally outmatched against the sexy glistening pecs of Chuck Norris. His only hope out of his current predicament is to play against Chuck's massive ego. Steven challenged Chuck to a match of chess boxing. Chuck feeling victory at hand heartily accepted. As the match went on, Steven and Chuck realized something : They were in love. With themselves. And so they decided to go to the store to buy some toasters. Little did they know that the toaster was watching them.

As soon as Chuck noticed this, and being himself a hebephile, he decided to travel back in time to meet his teenager version and seduce himself. though little did he realize he could not occupy the same space in time, and on entering his younger self, his penis exploded in his younger self's ass and created a black hole. Fortunately, the sucking power of the black hole was enough to bring them both to orgasm repeatedly for the next 10 years. Within the confines of this love ladened vortex, the balance of evolution was toppled to its side. Suddenly a cascade of intoxicated stars emerged from the distant possibly nonexistent horizon as in a nearby cold little planet a pack of wolves danced shouting "Oh listen to them, the children of the night what sweet music they make". This marked a turning point in the love life of Chuck.

--------

At the bottom of the lake, a hand emerged from the mud. Tacgnol, who had previously been banished to the lake by Longcat, had grown strong over time by devouring the souls of the stars which had been drowned and was emerging from the lake. Ready to attack his oppressors once more.

--------

At the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, Superman realized that all the orphans were actually skrulls in disguise and Lex Luthor had taken all their tears. Because he could cure cancer but he wants people to pay obscene amounts of money for it.

He knew of only one whose tears were even purer than those of orphans. Superman groaned as he knew what he must do, what he HAD to do, and that was...

...to furiously masturbate on their faces.

---------
Meanwhile, back at the volcano, Jessica's cold was getting worse; She began to constantly blow her nose and any man who knew how to use a computer while concerned citizens video taped this symptom to gain better understanding of her illness (and make money on the internetz). Marty, the man dressed as a pirate, whipped out his parachute pants and began to hum the theme song to...



OMFG PEOPLE ARE DYING!!! THE PLANTS ARE ATTACKING!!! THE BEES! NOT THE BEES!!! THEY'RE IN MY EYES!!! MY EYESS!!!!! UUAGGAGUGAUHUAA!!!

tn2_m_night_shyamalan_3.jpg
 
The dirty work was done and both of those main party candidates were "taken care of." It wasn't hard really, it took little persuasion to convince "ToxicAdam," to run at Obama with a knife in a wild craze only capable of those from the internetz. "God bless Gore." President-elect Hillary Clinton picked the sealed folder off her desk and read the bold letters stamped in red ink; The following story is retarded and not worth reading, but you know you'll keep reading because you can not disobey the laws of GAF. Without hesitation, President Clinton ripped the presidential seal and allowed her cleft chin to drop as she began to read the single most shocking piece of completely factual literature ever put to paper.

--------

It all began on March 12, 2012; the day Brandon Routh revealed to the world his incredibly ironic super powers. It was a brisk morning in Michigan at the site of the newest Planet Hollywood opening. Realizing that he had little time left until the 12:00 self-imposed deadline, Routh courageously warded off his adorning fans efforts of flirtation by masturbating onto the sidewalk.

Jessica Biel, realizing the stupidity of her plan to seduce Superman after watching his sperm create small craters wherever it hit, decided to run for cover. Idiotically, Biel climbed into the suit of lead armor and jumped into the lake.

Superman folded his arms as he stood next to the sexy starlet. Jessica Alba laughed as she watched Jessica Biel sink into the depths of the lake. That lake which served as the final resting place for many young actresses. Little did she know that wasn't the last she would see of Zombie Jessica Biel.

Then Jessica noticed a hotdog sandwiched between the cotton of her pretty pink panties and the wirey tuffet of pubes that covered her unfortunately asymmetrical lady-bacon. Jessica wasn't quite sure where the hot dog came from. Nor did she know how her younger brother's severed head found its way into her fridge. Nor, after seeing the head, was she still sure it was a hot dog. But it tasted good all the same. To Superman, that is.

--------

Iwata laughed. After all, who wouldn't laugh at the ridiculous, yet oddly sexy, scene that was occurring before his very eyes. Having secretly hidden cameras within Wiis, he had every location on earth monitored from his personal space station which Earthlings had, for centuries, been calling: 'The Sun'.

--------

The next morning, an argument loosely relating to the string of Hollywood actress disappearances broke out in the solemn annals of the White House.

"You forgot my line of coke, you jerk!" came a voice down the hall. "How am I supposed to eat like a cannibal if I'm not high as a kite?"

"You should of thought of that before you ate that busload of Mexican tourists you son of a bitch," retorted the president of the United States.

"Yeah well hindsight is twenty-twenty, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback. . . is it even Monday morning, I would be able to tell if I could feel my dick still?", said Toaster in his familiar barely-intelligible manner.

"It is Monday morning and it's time to get to work finding these missing white bitches", barked the Commander in Chief. Wasting no time, the President picked up a phone and dialed a number very quickly while using his spare hand to shield his sore anus from Toaster, who was eyeing it hungrily. "GET ME STEVEN SEAGAL!" shouted the president on the phone as he rubbed his anal fissures.

--------

Jessica had a cold. (And a penis, but that's another story.) The only cure for her common cold was the blood of an orphan. They had already run out from the last kidnapped child but Superman was more than willing to go get more, even creating more orphans along the way. Having that idea in mind, he set off in a journey.

Superman traveled across many lands until he came to the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, a place with a peculiar but quite fitting name. Strangely enough, it was a rather pleasing, if not unfamiliar, aroma that met Superman's heroic nostrils upon arrival. After all Superman did grow up on a farm, so being knee deep in manure was not exactly a new experience for the man of steel. Having landed, Superman quickly examined his surroundings and said, "What a load of shit. Nobody will care if I slaughter the adults of this town and harvest their children."

"S-s-superman?" said a little boy with eyes wide as saucer plates, unknowingly clinging to Superman's cape as the hero turned around. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?
"Why don't you have a closer look" Grinned Superman. and the little boy obeyed. Superman then smashed the kid's face into his knee, laughing heartily as onlookers gasped in horror.

--------

"This is Steven Seagal, what's the situation?" And those were his last ever words as Chuck Norris, having just finished counting to infinity for the third time, roundhouse kicked him sending him flying into the horizon.

-------

The president of America's Phillipino eunich drug dealer was missing. The president had checked everywhere - under the bed, behind the fridge, in the garbage - but he was nowhere to be found. "Hello? Hello!?! Damn it, he's gone!" cursed the President.

--------

As fate would have it, Chuck's roundhouse kick sent Mr. Seagal careening for miles and he landed on the headfirst into a soft brown pile of "dirt" on the Island of Elegant Feces. As Steven was blowing out his nose to clear out the "dirt" dug deep in his nostrils, he realized he was finally outmatched against the sexy glistening pecs of Chuck Norris. His only hope out of his current predicament is to play against Chuck's massive ego. Steven challenged Chuck to a match of chess boxing. Chuck feeling victory at hand heartily accepted. As the match went on, Steven and Chuck realized something : They were in love. With themselves. And so they decided to go to the store to buy some toasters. Little did they know that the toaster was watching them.

As soon as Chuck noticed this, and being himself a hebephile, he decided to travel back in time to meet his teenager version and seduce himself. though little did he realize he could not occupy the same space in time, and on entering his younger self, his penis exploded in his younger self's ass and created a black hole. Fortunately, the sucking power of the black hole was enough to bring them both to orgasm repeatedly for the next 10 years. Within the confines of this love ladened vortex, the balance of evolution was toppled to its side. Suddenly a cascade of intoxicated stars emerged from the distant possibly nonexistent horizon as in a nearby cold little planet a pack of wolves danced shouting "Oh listen to them, the children of the night what sweet music they make". This marked a turning point in the love life of Chuck.

--------

At the bottom of the lake, a hand emerged from the mud. Tacgnol, who had previously been banished to the lake by Longcat, had grown strong over time by devouring the souls of the stars which had been drowned and was emerging from the lake. Ready to attack his oppressors once more.

--------

At the fabled volcano of Elegant Feces, Superman realized that all the orphans were actually skrulls in disguise and Lex Luthor had taken all their tears. Because he could cure cancer but he wants people to pay obscene amounts of money for it.

He knew of only one whose tears were even purer than those of orphans. Superman groaned as he knew what he must do, what he HAD to do, and that was...

...to furiously masturbate on their faces.

---------
Meanwhile, back at the volcano, Jessica's cold was getting worse; She began to constantly blow her nose and any man who knew how to use a computer while concerned citizens video taped this symptom to gain better understanding of her illness (and make money on the internetz). Marty, the man dressed as a pirate, whipped out his parachute pants and began to hum the theme song to JAG.
Click to expand...
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Yeah, this had too many branching paths. If more people would have participated, we could have tied up some of the not so good ideas right away. I can only think of one way to tie this story up in one sentence in the remaining hour or so.
 
Also no submissions longer than one, or at the most if absolutely necessary, two sentences. Having each person add one line is what makes it unpredictable. Whenever people would add 3-5 sentences, they just ran away with the story.
 
Hitokage said:
Next attempt should have an established cast of available characters, and no random two-word submissions.
Click to expand...
I agree, though I thought "Iawata laughs" would've been funny as strictly an aside, instead of another sub-plot.
 
Day 3 - Draw Over Something In Your Newspaper And Take A Picture

Alright, this one requires a little more effort than your average tasks, but could yield some awesome results. All you have to do is grab any kind of pen and draw over someone or something in your newspaper. You can draw on someone's face, add speech bubbles, cross out words in headlines.. whatever you want.

All you have to do then is take a picture of it and post it here. Feel free to post as many pictures as you want, there's no limit on this task.

Go!
 
Keru_Shiri said:
I agree, though I thought "Iawata laughs" would've been funny as strictly an aside, instead of another sub-plot.
Click to expand...

'Iwata laughs' would have been awesome because it would've been followed by "All: laugh". With Iwata laughed, it kinda doesn't make sense...
 
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