My GF let a salesman into our home
- Thread starter fuzzyreactor
- Start date
- Status
fuzzyreactor said:
I completely understand you being concerned with your GFs safety. Until 9 months ago my Fiancee didn't have a license or a car. Now she drives everywhere and is gone for hours at a time and it freaks me out a little inside. You can be concerned and caring and tell her that you feel like it was a bad idea to let some dude in her apartment, but creating this thread asking what you should do with her, belittling her publicly, and expressing your belief that because you make the majority of the money you should be able to tell her what to do, makes me think you're misogynistic.
VelvetMouth
Member
As a woman I'm going to kind of stick up for the OP but OP you have to do a better job at not sounding controlling. Talk to your girlfriend adult to adult. You don't have to deal with her but explain to her why you don't feel comfortable with what she did.
If you can't say no to salesmen a simple solution is to just not open the door. Who in their right fucking mind buys stuff from door to door salesmen in the first place? Same with charities, don't let people try and guilt you into donating. Pick a charity you're really interested instead. I'll only buy from boyscouts and girlscout and I'll also support kids from the neighborhood for something like a sportscamp.
And opening a door for a stranger can be very dangerous. A friend did that and got hit over the head with a bottle. She won't tell the rest of story but I doubt the attacker just turned around and left her lying there unconscious. Just yesterday there was a story about an eldery couple who had their home invaded by 3 people when they opened the door for a woman who asked if she could use their phone. There was a guy standing off to the side who hit the poor old guy in the head with a crowbar.
If you can't say no to salesmen a simple solution is to just not open the door. Who in their right fucking mind buys stuff from door to door salesmen in the first place? Same with charities, don't let people try and guilt you into donating. Pick a charity you're really interested instead. I'll only buy from boyscouts and girlscout and I'll also support kids from the neighborhood for something like a sportscamp.
And opening a door for a stranger can be very dangerous. A friend did that and got hit over the head with a bottle. She won't tell the rest of story but I doubt the attacker just turned around and left her lying there unconscious. Just yesterday there was a story about an eldery couple who had their home invaded by 3 people when they opened the door for a woman who asked if she could use their phone. There was a guy standing off to the side who hit the poor old guy in the head with a crowbar.
marrec said:
I think there's a vein of misogyny that runs through this forum, and definitely some of fuzzy's comments portray his views on their relationship as antiquated. That said, I think that may be partly due to issues articulating his stance.
If my wife does something stupid (and I think letting in some random guy would qualify), I'm likely going to ask her WTF she was thinking. I'd expect the same from her.
outunderthestars
Banned
Davidion said:
I invalidated my stance that he shouldn't be telling her what to do how exactly?
She, as an adult, can let anyone into her apt that she wants to. He misplaced macho aggression, and condescending attitudes don't make her any safer, they just piss her off. That is why the OP is on here right now as she is rightfully mad at him.
fuzzyreactor
Banned
this never happened.marrec said:
wonderkins
Member
Dude. Get it right.3N16MA said:
VelvetMouth
Member
shanshan310 said:
Why do you open the door if you know you can't handle the situation?
Broder Salsa
Banned
wonderkins said:
Well... The "salesman" in the OPs story got a lots of sausage.
I think it's normal for you to get angry. It's more of a concern turned to anger after you visualize all the shit that could've happened if he was looking to do harm. Happens to many of us.
I'm sure she would've done things differently if she had thought about it carefully, but was probably caught off-guard. I also understand your concern, or even fear, about the possibilities of danger in the future with that person.
You should relax, take a deep breath and talk it out with the wife. I'm sure you guys can come to an understanding from that experience on, and I'm sure that dude won't cause any more trouble.
Cheers
I'm sure she would've done things differently if she had thought about it carefully, but was probably caught off-guard. I also understand your concern, or even fear, about the possibilities of danger in the future with that person.
You should relax, take a deep breath and talk it out with the wife. I'm sure you guys can come to an understanding from that experience on, and I'm sure that dude won't cause any more trouble.
Cheers
Devolution
Member
fuzzyreactor said:
fuzzyreactor said:
If this is how you really feel about your finances, get separate accounts, explain to her why, otherwise this just looks like you're being a jerk.
You only have the option of shutting the door if they're more than a door-length away. And depending on where you live or the time of day, there may not be any people out on the street at all to see the brief second when he forces his way into your home.NGAMER9 said:
If you were recommending not opening the door at all, I could see your point.
fuzzyreactor
Banned
She can also go fuck every guy in town. Guess i shouldnt tell her that is unacceptable in a relationship though. might come off as controllingCrankyJay said:
wonderkins
Member
WoodenLung said:
outunderthestars
Banned
Codeblue said:
Why would a prison make me feel less safe. At least I know where those criminals are. And if they escape they are going to want to get as far away from the area as possible.
I had to go look it up, but it looks like the closest prison is about 19 miles away. Should I start being scared now?
I've lived in Central Los Angeles, West Atlanta, and Norfolk VA, and felt safe in all of those cities as well. I'm just not going to live in fear based on media driven paranoia.
Atramental
Banned
Angry Fork
Member
That he pays the bills so he decided who comes in and out of the house? Is that not reasonable?marrec said:
If they split the rent that's different, but I'm just going by what he said.
fuzzyreactor
Banned
bad wording and timing.marrec said:
And i think it is disrespectful to throw my money away because she got involved with something and was to afraid to back out of it.
Devolution
Member
fuzzyreactor said:
Sure are helping your cause here.
Angry Fork said:
It's frankly not reasonable if she's living there. That's what abusive boyfriends do.
outunderthestars said:
Bullshit. You live in a goddamn sleepy burg; depending on where he is, even some of the safer portions of more densely populated areas, letting a stranger into your home is one of the most moronic things you can do.
You can dig for misogyny all you want, but if this was a same-sex roommate pulling the same shit with me he'd get ripped a new asshole. Part of adult relationships, romantic or otherwise, also happens to involve not committing acts of mind numbingly stunning stupidity.
That's not the point I was trying to make (I'm not sure if that would even be considered control). I'd do the same too, but a person wanting to inject themselves with heroin can do that without anyone on sight. How are you going to ensure they don't ever inject themselves? Chaining them to a wall? Do you think that would be moral?CrankyJay said:
The point is that a woman, like a man, has full autonomy of their own body. They decide for themselves. As a friend or family, you can and should try your best to prevent a loved one from harming themselves, but ultimately it is their decision to make.
outunderthestars
Banned
CrankyJay said:
That wasn't the basis of his argument though. He uses the word "told" several times.
A rational discussion about safety is one thing. To come home and tell her that she can't do something is another thing all together.
Trent Strong
Banned
outunderthestars said:
Some of us live in cities.
cheststrongwell
my cake, fuck off
Dude, you have no right to tell her she can't fuck every guy in town. You sexist pig!fuzzyreactor said:
indigo-cyclops
Member
Personally, these things worry me at times because you just never know who will come to the door. Both parties should be aware of the possible dangers of letting unknown people into your home. Honestly, no one you don't expect should be allowed in IMO.
For a while my apartment building didn't have a major lock on the main doors (outskirts of town, minimal traffic) - they just recently put a heavy duty one in with codes and everything. I assume part of the reason is because we do often get foot traffic from shady types/religious pushers.
For a while my apartment building didn't have a major lock on the main doors (outskirts of town, minimal traffic) - they just recently put a heavy duty one in with codes and everything. I assume part of the reason is because we do often get foot traffic from shady types/religious pushers.
Just had a discussion about this with my gf:
"If this happens, don't let him in the house. Sound good?"
"No problem."
edit: I've had experience with these guys though and they're convincing, so I can easily see how someone might be hooked unless they've heard about them before.
"If this happens, don't let him in the house. Sound good?"
"No problem."
edit: I've had experience with these guys though and they're convincing, so I can easily see how someone might be hooked unless they've heard about them before.
Angry Fork
Member
It's still his house though if he pays for it though.Devolution said:
I would say the same thing if the female was paying for it. If a guy was living there and not paying he doesn't get to let strangers in.
wonderkins
Member
HOLY SHIT.Davidion said:
That's hot.
Devolution
Member
Angry Fork said:
And if she lives with him in "his house" she can't have company over? That's some controlling bullshit you got goin' on there.
VelvetMouth
Member
Before we destroy the OP here completely, if we take away his shitty phrasing, is his reaction really that bad? If your girlfriend/boyfriend did something that you deemed dangerous and financially irresponsible would you get upset or let it slide?
- Status