Welp, I am pretty sure my device needs to be sent in for repair after me owning it for 4 hours.
,
The N3DS internet worked fine until I did the system transfer. Now, with the new SD card in and my Nintendo ID associated with it, the system cannot find access points anymore.
I wanted to take the SD card out to troubleshoot it, but, I managed to strip the backplate screws even using the correct screwdriver after only taking the faceplate off once.
I spent 2+ hours with Nintendo on the phone trying to resolve it and there was no idea what the issue was, and my call was dropped/transferred over 7 times. I don't blame them for not having the answer since it's a new system and all, but it's still frustrating.
Really killing the game this go around Ninty. Well done.