MIA @ BUF
GB @ DET - Upset special. Suh is going to discount double check Rogers upside the chin, taking him out for the game. Cancer patients everywhere will erupt into applause as he struggles to gain composure, and walks to the wrong sideline.
ARI @ ATL
TB @ CAR
CLE @ DAL - Upset Special # 2 - All of the pundits are jumping back onto the Cowboys bandwagon in prototypical fashion. Apparently it only takes one win to erase an entire seasons worth of fuckups for these analysts. Not only do the Browns play teams tough, but as we all know, once the Cowboys have the analysts on their side, they self destruct in spectacular fashion. I expect no less this weekend.
PHI @ WAS - Foles is trash. I expect Eagles fans everywhere to slit their wrists in a nation wide suicide attempt as they come to the conclusion that with a ridiculous Vick contract, Foles as a backup and no QBs worth a shit in the upcoming draft, that they are effectively fucked for years to come.
NYJ @ STL - I'm reluctant to pick the Rams since they struggled to beat a team as godawful as the 49ers (To be fair, they beat them twice, but the refs wouldn't accept anything less than 3 times on Sunday), but as bad as Bipolarbaugh and his midget handed QB are, the incredible shrinking man and his QB, shit and holy shit, edge them out.
CIN @ KC
JAC @ HOU
NO @ OAK
SD @ DEN
IND @ NE - The only thing I hate more than the Patriots and Ravens is the media overrating of a QB. Luck is shit, and will always be shit. I mean, he'll probably look like Dan Marino considering he's playing the Pats defense, which is about as intimidating as Tom Brady cussing someone out. (And speaking of Tom Brady, I fear for his kid's upbringing. A father needs to be able to put the fear of God into their child from time to time, and no self respecting child is going to be intimidated by Tom Brady, The Man with the Golden Ugg Boots. Drug addict, man whore, Jets QB? These are all likely outcomes for his son Benjamin, and it's sad to think about) But to get back onto topic, Luck will suck one too many times for the Colts to come out with the victory.
BAL @ PIT - Upset Special # 3 - The Steelers are going to systematically destroy the Ravens. We're going to run all over them, and in between meal breaks, Sandwhich is going to make the Jaguars envious one horrible looking throwing motion at a time. I know our defense made Cassel look like a legitimate Pop Warner QB in the final minute of regulation yesterday, but not even our defense is shitty enough to make Bert look like anything but the antithesis of elite. And besides, with the recent revelations on Sesame street, his mind is surely occupied by the fact that his life is about to go down in flames with the rest of the pedophile ring. Elmo was just the beginning.
CHI @ SF - Even if Cutler doesn't play the Bears are going to win. The 49ers will try and take the game out of Infant Hands' microscopic hands as much as they can, bringing game management to a new level with his total of 5 pass attempts, but the Bears aren't going to have it. The only downside of this game will be the beating that Harbaugh puts on his wife, kids and dog after losing the game that night.
