Through 12 weeks, we know that the NFC has four good teams: Philly, Green Bay, Minnesota and Atlanta. That's Round 2 of the playoffs. We just don't know the matchups yet.
Unfortunately, we still need to have a Round 1.
And that's the problem. The NFC has six playoff spots. You can't trade any of these spots. You can't auction them off on eBay. You can't roll them over until next year. Because the No. 1 and 2 seeds get a bye in Round 1, the No. 3 and 4 seeds need someone to play, and only because we need two more games that weekend for gambling purposes. In fact, there's a decent chance that one or more of the following QBs -- Joey Harrington, Shaun King, Vinny Testaverde, Eli Manning, Chad Hutchinson, John Navarre, Brian Griese, Aaron Brooks -- could be making an appearance as a starter in Round 1. If this happens, you might never hear from me again after that week -- I'll be parking my new yacht in Greece next to the Onassis family.
(Note: When I handed in this column, I had John Navarre's name as "Josh Cezanne" until my editors alerted me otherwise. I'm not making this up. Either this is the most obscure starting QB in history, or I'm turning into my Mom.)
The good news for Vinny, his AARP card is ready for pickup.
Here's how wide-open those final two spots are:
# The 6-5 Seahawks are leading the West by one game. They have lost five of their last eight. They lost to a 4-6 Bills team at home last week by 29 points. They have Jerry Rice starting at WR, wearing Steve Largent's number and running fly patterns with a pitchfork sticking out his back. They are being routinely outscored on Sundays by Rashard Lewis, Ray Allen and even Vlad Radmanovic. On the bright side, it's only Year 6 of Mike Holmgren's five-year plan.
# The 5-6 Rams are trailing the West by one game. They have lost four of their last five games by a total of 82 points. Their fans aren't just booing during games; they're doing everything short of throwing their own feces. Their coach has become such a punchline, a reader e-mailed me this week and asked if I could start using the word "Martzian" in columns, as in, "When I locked my keys in the car, that was pretty Martzian of me." Their collapse in Green Bay was almost a cry for help, like when little kids need attention and start breaking soda bottles on a sidewalk.
# The 5-6 Giants are tied with the Rams for the final playoff spot. They have lost four straight games and five of their last six. Their best defensive player is out for the year. Their rookie QB looked so atrocious last week, Babe Laufenberg called to congratulate him. Their second-string QB is Kurt Warner, who fumbled the clipboard 13 times on the sidelines last week. Their third-string QB is Jesse Palmer, who has to leave this Sunday's game early because he's going to Maxim's Christmas party. On the bright side, they hate their coach.
# Seven 4-7 teams are trailing the final playoff spot by one game: The Bucs, Panthers, Bears, Saints, Cowboys, Cardinals and Lions. You could describe five of those seven as "truly terrible." As for the Bucs and Panthers, they're probably better than anyone else in the NFC other than the Big Four ... but neither of them would crack the Top 12 in the AFC.