This motherfucking franchise. This isn't a good team but here are 5 things that really shouldn't be fucking happening.
Chris Tanev has been our best defenseman for years. The entire team relies on Tanev to not have them embarassed by a slew of goals. But now? Now he has to be our best fucking forward too! He now leads Canucks in goals with Horvat. Not only that, but his goal had to motivate the whole fucking team into actually giving a damn.
We should just start every fucking game with a goal against the Canucks. That way, the other team keeps the handicap without me having to see the cringe of Markstrom letting in the first shot every game or Del Dumbfuck kicking a goal in. Speaking of which:
Why the fuck is he always on the ice? Brought in to be a PP specialist. Not a fucking top pairing defender. Even when Edler was healthy (that didn't take very long) he still played a shit ton. Have your defenders play the fucking defense. If I wanted to watch someone have no fucking clue what they're doing in their own end, we should just call up Jordan Subban. And Hutton and Stecher? You're starting to make Gudbranson look good. Think about that for a minute.
Our top line. What is it? Well if it's Horvat's line, Sven Baertschi needs to keep up. If you aren't going to play like a top-line winger then get off Horvat's line. Horvat, your bullrushes are fun but they work like 2% of the time. Try... literally anything else sometimes. But oh wait, is our top line Sutter's line? Him and Dorsett lead for even strength time on ice. "Well Sutter is a shutdown guy" said some troglodyte with less brain cells than Jim Benning. If he's a shutdown centre, don't play him in the offensive zone. Horvat's face-off percentage last year was almost as good. And if Horvat is a 2-way centre "in the mold of Towes and Bergeron" than shouldn't he be playing top-line minutes against their top-lines so he knows how to play defense? As for everyone's favourite top line winger Derek Dorsett, Jake Virtanen is faster,hits just as hard and has been fantastic defensively (fantastic being relative to Dorsett and Burmistrov, the bar is low). PLAY THE FUCKING KID OR SEND HIM DOWN!
Finally, THE NET ISN'T MOVING YOU MYOPIC MORONS! The Sedins' eyesight may be going but that's no excuse for the rest of you to always miss the damn thing.
Edit: Nope, not done with Lol Shitto just yet. 1 minute of 6 on 5 since Sutter's line couldn't keep possession. Who do we throw out? Not Chris Tanev, our best defenceman, puck mover, and higgest scorer. We send out PP specialist Head Inasso who lets the puck come out of the zone. TWICE! And then came the empty netter. Say what you will about Hutton who has made some mistakes but the kid is having to work really hard with all this shitty play around him. He was basically the only person at the point for that last minute.
