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One of my ex's is going to die tonight and I can't handle it.

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S

Subpar Scrub

Banned
To be honest, I feel you've already done a lot for him. Talking to him for hours to keep him engaged and such.

If he's barely keeping his eyes open and can't speak, I don't know what condition he would be in by the time you got there.

It's really hard, but I have to suggest that you don't lose your career for this. You need to look after yourself, too.
 
Z

zbarron

Member
ColdPizza said:
Please don't do this.
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This.
RhynoTheStriker said:
It's really hard, but I have to suggest that you don't lose your career for this. You need to look after yourself, too.
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And this.

If you lost your career over this, your memory of him would be tied to that. That's not what either of you want.

I know it's hard, and I know it hurts. This is a shitty situation, but staying where you are is the right move. Call him again if you can't skype and say your goodbyes. Your voice is all he can get at the moment regardless. You're still taking the time out of your day to be there for him. You're just not sacrificing your career.

Stay strong.
 
A

afreaknamedpete

Member
InfiniteBento said:
Hospice allows all visitors. His mothers been posting on his facebook keeping us all updated. She's been texting me through his phone being extremely kind. If I was allowed to be there I could see him. I dont know if I can ask to skype. He cant stare. His eyes are barely open and he cant speak.
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Generally if you have the permission of the family there's no problem going to visit. Most hospices are very good at being accommodating, it sounds like you're friendly with the parents and if they have a computer that can skype I highly doubt the hospice will forbid it.

That being said, it's a terrible situation to be forced to choose between loved ones and one's livelihood. Be there for him, whether it be skype or through the phone, but please try to clear or negotiate with your boss before doing something drastic like impromptu travel. I don't think your friend would want to ruin your life, however indirectly, and I don't think the family wants that as well. Whatever happens, if he passes without you being able to see him, please don't feel like you were obligated to go. He's surrounded by family, and apparently by friends too, in spirit if not in physical location. It's more important that you care, than that you were physically present.
 
I

InfiniteBento

Member
Jack Remington said:
So organ transplants are not an option?
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He consumed alcohol on an empty stomach to the point of it destroying his tissue. No part of his liver could be saved and his liver as well as kidneys are gone. Transplanting wasn't an option.

zbarron said:
This.

And this.

If you lost your career over this, your memory of him would be tied to that. That's not what either of you want.

I know it's hard, and I know it hurts. This is a shitty situation, but staying where you are is the right move. Call him again if you can't skype and say your goodbyes. Your voice is all he can get at the moment regardless. You're still taking the time out of your day to be there for him. You're just not sacrificing your career.

Stay strong.
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I know. I want to be there but as I sit here soaking everything in, I know that if I go I can't do anything. He wont be able to see me and it would just make this far harder to cope with. I'm doing my best to stay strong but this is both the first person I ever loved and the first person I've ever lost.

I'm a fucking disaster if truth be told.
 
Z

zbarron

Member
InfiniteBento said:
He consumed alcohol on an empty stomach to the point of it destroying his tissue. No part of his liver could be saved and his liver as well as kidneys are gone. Transplanting wasn't an option.




I know. I want to be there but as I sit here soaking everything in, I know that if I go I can't do anything. He wont be able to see me and it would just make this far harder to cope with. I'm doing my best to stay strong but this is both the first person I ever loved and the first person I've ever lost.

I'm a fucking disaster if truth be told.
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You're making the right choice. I can't repeat that enough because I know what it's like to second guess myself. You can do this.

It's ok to be a disaster. If not now, when? You care about him. It's healthy to feel what you are feeling. Just don't let it ruin the life you've worked so hard to build. You are doing great.
 
I

InfiniteBento

Member
zbarron said:
You're making the right choice. I can't repeat that enough because I know what it's like to second guess myself. You can do this.

It's ok to be a disaster. If not now, when? You care about him. It's healthy to feel what you are feeling. Just don't let it ruin the life you've worked so hard to build. You are doing great.
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The hardest part is going to be functioning in that kitchen tomorrow without crying. I haven't been able to stop sobbing for the past 3 days and its not getting any easier. I feel like I'm suffocating.

edit: I'm going to call one more time. His blood pressure is low so he wont be here much longer. Although I've called once already today, I have to do it once more. I cant bare the thought of not doing it. Its all I can do. Its all I have left.
 
J

Jacob

Member
It's obvious just from your posts on here how much you care and how much you've done for Brandon. I can't speak for him but I've had somewhat similar experiences and I am sure that it meant a lot to him. You have every right to feel the way you do right now; it would be hard for anyone, no matter what. I hope your co-workers understand that. Please try to take care of yourself as well.
 
I

InfiniteBento

Member
Brandon passed away one hour ago after lingering without his medication these past few days despite what doctors said. My heart has shattered to dust. My best friend for the past 10 years is gone. I cant believe it. Thank you everyone for helping me through this. I am far from okay but your words have helped me despite this.

13092383_1196115820399560_2059004407_n.jpg
 
Z

zbarron

Member
InfiniteBento said:
Brandon passed away one hour ago after lingering without his medication these past few days despite what doctors said. My heart has shattered to dust. My best friend for the past 10 years is gone. I cant believe it. Thank you everyone for helping me through this. I am far from okay but your words have helped me despite this.
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I am so sorry for your loss. At least he is at peace now. We're still here if you need to get more off your chest. You're not alone. Remember to give yourself some slack and take time to grieve. It's going to be ok.
 
B

BaronLundi

Member
This is very sad and I'm sorry for your loss.

This is not your fault though. And from what I can tell you were a good friend to him.

There's only so much you can do as a friend (as anyone really) against mental disorders. You cared and you loved and supported him in the best way you could and didn't let yourself be dragged down by this ordeal which means you made the best possible use of this life he helped save.

Although it's very painful, things will get better. You won't forget but it'll get better.
 
M

Mixolydian

Member
I am so, so sorry. Use whatever support system you have, you'll get through this despite not feeling like it right now.

Rest in peace, Brandon.
 
Patrick S.

Patrick S.

Banned
My heartfelt condolences.

It's shocking how something like this can happen to someone so young as a result of consuming something every teenager can buy in the supermarket :( Really really scary.

And at this point I can't understand how on every pack of cigarettes there's SMOKING KILLS written in huge letters and advertisements for tobacco are banned, but alcohol is still being advertised in every form of media, without big DRINKING KILLS stickers on the bottles, and drinking alcohol is still being perceived as something that makes you a real man.

Again, really sorry for your loss.
 
J

Jacob

Member
Very sorry for your loss, Bento.

zbarron said:
I am so sorry for your loss. At least he is at peace now. We're still here if you need to get more off your chest. You're not alone. Remember to give yourself some slack and take time to grieve. It's going to be ok.
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This.
 
N

No Love

Banned
I'm sorry for your loss, dude. :( He'll always be your best friend, even through time and space and life. Always in your mind and heart. RIP
 
I

InfiniteBento

Member
I made the decision to take time away from my job to get myself in order. Mentally, this loss has taken an extreme toll on me. I am going to attend therapy and give myself time to heal. While I enjoyed my time at my job, I cannot give them the 50 hours a week they require while trying grieve this immense loss. I need time to heal and that is the bottom line. I cannot work efficiently or well under pressure while being surrounded by the heavy fog that has spawned from the death of my best friend.

I appreciate all of you reaching out while I go through this. I've never experienced something like this before and I don't know where to begin to pick up whats left of myself but talking about it as I'm experiencing it has helped me greatly.
 
J

John Kowalski

Banned
Here's to a steady recovery. Don't let go of the impulse to speak to others about it. It helps to reorganize your thoughts and feelings in ways that simply introspecting cannot.
 
E

echoshifting

Banned
InfiniteBento said:
I made the decision to take time away from my job to get myself in order. Mentally, this loss has taken an extreme toll on me. I am going to attend therapy and give myself time to heal. While I enjoyed my time at my job, I cannot give them the 50 hours a week they require while trying grieve this immense loss. I need time to heal and that is the bottom line. I cannot work efficiently or well under pressure while being surrounded by the heavy fog that has spawned from the death of my best friend.

I appreciate all of you reaching out while I go through this. I've never experienced something like this before and I don't know where to begin to pick up whats left of myself but talking about it as I'm experiencing it has helped me greatly.
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Sounds like a good call. My best friend died five years ago and truth be told I still haven't totally gotten over it. Take care of yourself. It does get easier the more you get to talk about it, the more opportunities you have to "unpack it." You're obviously experiencing a lot of complicated and extremely difficult emotions, a therapist is a really good idea. I hope it helps you through this difficult period.
 
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