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[Solid SOAP]

I've heard Tinder is awesome from a few of my friends who just recently started using it, I'm considering getting one myself. I don't really know what I want, I just wanna meet people, hang out, hook up with someone, etc. It'd be fun

 

[bobbyrawlins]

What the hell do you say to someone who has a bare bones profile and doesn't give you anything to play off of? I wanna message this girl, but I don't want come off as dull or unoriginal.

 

[Lulubop]

Welp, guessing I won't get a reply back. Pretty bummed about this one.

 

[GK86]

What the hell do you say to someone who has a bare bones profile and doesn't give you anything to play off of? I wanna message this girl, but I don't want come off as dull or unoriginal.

I usually make up a "out of left field" type of question.

Could always go with the GAF classic; "pizza or sushi?"

 

[bobbyrawlins]

I usually make up a "out of left field" type of question.

Could always go with the GAF classic; "pizza or sushi?"

May go with the "left field" approach. May try to glean something from photos.

Think I'll sleep on it, though.

 

[Salamando]

I asked a few things earlier, but scratch that. Well, some of that. I have just two quick OKC questions this time:

1. So, can I sign up for an OKC account and not have it be immediately active? So, like, I can fiddle with it a bit before other people see it?
2. Is there any disadvantage to using my Facebook account to sign up? How much information does it pull besides my name, birthdate, and where I live? Will it use the e-mail that's connected to my Facebook for OKC? That last bit is mainly something I don't want.

1) Not that I know of. If you don't want people looking at your profile, just upload a picture last. No one pays attention to accounts that lack a picture. Alternatively, you can "Disable" your account under settings. Your account will still exist, but no one can see it until you logon again.

2) No clue.

 

[Subpar Spatula]

How long after a successful first date do you wait until pursuing another one? Girl at my work thinks it's attractive if men are keen; my brother, a serial womaniser, thinks that at least two days is the "golden rule" (because "nobody likes a keeny").

Most girls I've dated wanted to meet ASAP after the first date. Rarely would I meet one that would say, "How about next week?"

People in general aren't THAT busy.

 

[Makonero]

So things have taken a turn for the worse with the girl who was incredible. Saturday she cancelled at the last minute due to a truly terrible day at work (and it was late, so I understood) but at least she called me to tell me. Then Sunday we texted a bit and then I asked her out for yesterday. No reply. I just continued to text as if nothing was wrong (a total of four texts) and tried to chalk it up to another bad day at work (she works weekends). Monday is her day off so I figured she'd get back to me then. At lunch time she still hadn't got in touch, so I called her and accidentally woke her up (11:30am) and she laughed it off. I apologized, she said no big deal, she needed to get up, and I asked about hanging out. She said she didn't know and would let me know later. I asked about Sunday and she said she had a terrible day and didn't feel like talking to anyone. After the call, I texted to apologize for waking her up again and she said, "Haha, no problem, have a great day!" A few hours later I asked about dinner again, and no response. At this point I was getting quite anxious and talked to my friend, who told me to give her space. I of course, like many a gaffer asking for advice, ignored this. I texted her when I was off work and then called closer to dinner time. She didn't pick up. Then I texted to explain that I was just trying to make sure we didn't have dinner plans because I was hungry.The final nail in the coffin was about a half hour later when I texted to see if everything was okay and whether she was avoiding me. Again, as per the usual in the last two days, no reply.

At this point I'm resigned to believe that she's ignoring me and not interested anymore, which is bizarre considering that our last date was out of this world fantastic. It could be that she's just stressed with work and didn't want to talk to anybody Sunday or yesterday, even if it meant ignoring me, but I don't want to get my hopes up. My dad is insistent that I need to give girls more space, which I try to do, but when I like someone I like to communicate. I dunno. I really just wish I hadn't gotten attached to this girl so quickly because then I wouldn't have texted so much. Ugh.

Anybody have any good ideas on how to work through anxiety when someone doesn't respond? I mean this girl never even mentioned that she wanted or needed space, never gave any indication that I was overwhelming her or anything and I just am at a loss.

 

[BIGWORM]

So things have taken a turn for the worse with the girl who was incredible. Saturday she cancelled at the last minute due to a truly terrible day at work (and it was late, so I understood) but at least she called me to tell me. Then Sunday we texted a bit and then I asked her out for yesterday. No reply. I just continued to text as if nothing was wrong (a total of four texts) and tried to chalk it up to another bad day at work (she works weekends). Monday is her day off so I figured she'd get back to me then. At lunch time she still hadn't got in touch, so I called her and accidentally woke her up (11:30am) and she laughed it off. I apologized, she said no big deal, she needed to get up, and I asked about hanging out. She said she didn't know and would let me know later. I asked about Sunday and she said she had a terrible day and didn't feel like talking to anyone. After the call, I texted to apologize for waking her up again and she said, "Haha, no problem, have a great day!" A few hours later I asked about dinner again, and no response. At this point I was getting quite anxious and talked to my friend, who told me to give her space. I of course, like many a gaffer asking for advice, ignored this. I texted her when I was off work and then called closer to dinner time. She didn't pick up. Then I texted to explain that I was just trying to make sure we didn't have dinner plans because I was hungry.The final nail in the coffin was about a half hour later when I texted to see if everything was okay and whether she was avoiding me. Again, as per the usual in the last two days, no reply.

At this point I'm resigned to believe that she's ignoring me and not interested anymore, which is bizarre considering that our last date was out of this world fantastic. It could be that she's just stressed with work and didn't want to talk to anybody Sunday or yesterday, even if it meant ignoring me, but I don't want to get my hopes up. My dad is insistent that I need to give girls more space, which I try to do, but when I like someone I like to communicate. I dunno. I really just wish I hadn't gotten attached to this girl so quickly because then I wouldn't have texted so much. Ugh.

Anybody have any good ideas on how to work through anxiety when someone doesn't respond? I mean this girl never even mentioned that she wanted or needed space, never gave any indication that I was overwhelming her or anything and I just am at a loss.

One of two things:

1. Either she needed some space, and didn't communicate

2. She's taken interest in someone else.

whynotboth.jpg =/ We've all been anxious and excited when dates go great and continue to do so, and our anxiety tends to cloud our intuition to calm the fuck down with the texting/calling. It's a battle, man. You do your best to stand out from the sea of guys vying for the same woman's attention, but in the end, they lose interest and move on to the next one. At least, that's all my experience with online dating as of late. My solution? Even if dating a particular person is going great, don't put all your eggs in one basket. Keep your options open. Continue messaging other people. If, for whatever reason, they fade, at least you've already started conversation with other people. I used to have my heart on a sleeve, but OKC/POF has seen it grown callous as of late.

 

[Makonero]

One of two things:

1. Either she needed some space, and didn't communicate

2. She's taken interest in someone else.

whynotboth.jpg =/ We've all been anxious and excited when dates go great and continue to do so, and our anxiety tends to cloud our intuition to calm the fuck down with the texting/calling. It's a battle, man. You do your best to stand out from the sea of guys vying for the same woman's attention, but in the end, they lose interest and move on to the next one. At least, that's all my experience with online dating as of late. My solution? Even if dating a particular person is going great, don't put all your eggs in one basket. Keep your options open. Continue messaging other people. If, for whatever reason, they fade, at least you've already started conversation with other people. I used to have my heart on a sleeve, but OKC/POF has seen it grown callus as of late.

That's the weird thing. She mentioned that I'm her first tinder date and no other guy struck her interest. It's just weird that she faded so quickly. I can't wrap my mind around how well everything went on Friday and how she hasn't been responsive since Saturday. I'm just tired. I'll take a few days off and then try finding someone new. But this girl...she was something special.

 

[BIGWORM]

That's the weird thing. She mentioned that I'm her first tinder date and no other guy struck her interest. It's just weird that she faded so quickly. I can't wrap my mind around how well everything went on Friday and how she hasn't been responsive since Saturday. I'm just tired. I'll take a few days off and then try finding someone new. But this girl...she was something special.

There's a pretty good chance that you weren't her first tinder date or that any other guy struck her interest. Again, my experience and perception.

 

[User 479360]

I have a date scheduled with the girl I mentioned above, who's eight years older. She didn't contact me that one day because she thought I was working late then sleeping and didn't want to bother me, but said she missed talking to me. I should've contacted her.

We've talked a lot since, and if she's feeling better (seemed like she maybe was coming down with the flu), we're going out bowling tonight.

 

[GK86]

That's the weird thing. She mentioned that I'm her first tinder date and no other guy struck her interest. It's just weird that she faded so quickly. I can't wrap my mind around how well everything went on Friday and how she hasn't been responsive since Saturday. I'm just tired. I'll take a few days off and then try finding someone new. But this girl...she was something special.

Stop thinking of a person as "special" or "not like the others". I think it tends to make us make more mistakes than usual.

 

[User 479360]

I have a date scheduled with the girl I mentioned above, who's eight years older. She didn't contact me that one day because she thought I was working late then sleeping and didn't want to bother me, but said she missed talking to me. I should've contacted her.

We've talked a lot since, and if she's feeling better (seemed like she maybe was coming down with the flu), we're going out bowling tonight.

Damn. It is the flu. We've had to postpone.

Ah well.

 

[davepoobond]

That's the weird thing. She mentioned that I'm her first tinder date and no other guy struck her interest. It's just weird that she faded so quickly. I can't wrap my mind around how well everything went on Friday and how she hasn't been responsive since Saturday. I'm just tired. I'll take a few days off and then try finding someone new. But this girl...she was something special.

If someone cancels a date and doesn't offer a reschedule then they aren't interested enough to care about pursuing the relationship further. That was your telltale sign before you texted her 10 more times and called her 5 more. Now she just thinks you're a clingy creepo on top of it all. Not that it matters I suppose since she didnt seem to want to pursue anymore.

 

[Symphonia]

My Tinder game is strong this week.

 

[DeathoftheEndless]

Girl views and likes my profile on POF. We talk a little bit until she stops responding.

Couple weeks later same girl views and likes my profile on OKC. Huh.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

So things have taken a turn for the worse with the girl who was incredible. Saturday she cancelled at the last minute due to a truly terrible day at work (and it was late, so I understood) but at least she called me to tell me. Then Sunday we texted a bit and then I asked her out for yesterday. No reply. I just continued to text as if nothing was wrong (a total of four texts) and tried to chalk it up to another bad day at work (she works weekends). Monday is her day off so I figured she'd get back to me then. At lunch time she still hadn't got in touch, so I called her and accidentally woke her up (11:30am) and she laughed it off. I apologized, she said no big deal, she needed to get up, and I asked about hanging out. She said she didn't know and would let me know later. I asked about Sunday and she said she had a terrible day and didn't feel like talking to anyone. After the call, I texted to apologize for waking her up again and she said, "Haha, no problem, have a great day!" A few hours later I asked about dinner again, and no response. At this point I was getting quite anxious and talked to my friend, who told me to give her space. I of course, like many a gaffer asking for advice, ignored this. I texted her when I was off work and then called closer to dinner time. She didn't pick up. Then I texted to explain that I was just trying to make sure we didn't have dinner plans because I was hungry.The final nail in the coffin was about a half hour later when I texted to see if everything was okay and whether she was avoiding me. Again, as per the usual in the last two days, no reply.

At this point I'm resigned to believe that she's ignoring me and not interested anymore, which is bizarre considering that our last date was out of this world fantastic. It could be that she's just stressed with work and didn't want to talk to anybody Sunday or yesterday, even if it meant ignoring me, but I don't want to get my hopes up. My dad is insistent that I need to give girls more space, which I try to do, but when I like someone I like to communicate. I dunno. I really just wish I hadn't gotten attached to this girl so quickly because then I wouldn't have texted so much. Ugh.

Anybody have any good ideas on how to work through anxiety when someone doesn't respond? I mean this girl never even mentioned that she wanted or needed space, never gave any indication that I was overwhelming her or anything and I just am at a loss.

I'll be honest with you, people usually won't tell you they need space they'll just start ignoring you to create their own space. If a girl did that to me if probably act somewhat similarly. You were pushing her way too much and kept texting her. If someone not responding it's a sign to stop, not to keep texting them. You can't get that attached, especially that early on.

 

[Makonero]

Thanks guys. I just don't know where it came from. We had a wonderful Friday evening together and texted all day Saturday. She had to cancel hanging out Saturday night because she was off work late and had a crappy day. And then ignored me all Sunday and yesterday. I only texted her a few times each day and it was all normal stuff--nothing accusing or needy. But I guess even a few texts can be seen as needy this early in a relationship. I need to get my anxiety under control.

 

[davepoobond]

Thanks guys. I just don't know where it came from. We had a wonderful Friday evening together and texted all day Saturday. She had to cancel hanging out Saturday night because she was off work late and had a crappy day. And then ignored me all Sunday and yesterday. I only texted her a few times each day and it was all normal stuff--nothing accusing or needy. But I guess even a few texts can be seen as needy this early in a relationship. I need to get my anxiety under control.

What was even so crappy about her day? You've been super vague about what that even entails.

It's not like it matters anymore, you can tell us the details if you're still trying to decipher it. My reading is that she was just trying to make you stop texting her by telling you she had a crappy day whether or not she actually did.


Also, you should only text one or two times TOTAL before not getting a response. Texting her 6 times in one day won't elicit a response any faster than your first one and then the "reminder" text. Technology works, brother.

 

[stn]

Thanks guys. I just don't know where it came from. We had a wonderful Friday evening together and texted all day Saturday. She had to cancel hanging out Saturday night because she was off work late and had a crappy day.

If you're dating someone new, keep the texting to a minimum. Especially avoid the "we texted all day" stuff, it doesn't do you any favors. There are some girls that will want to text all day but its better you just play it safe (I doubt the odds would be in your favor, anyway). And yes, you become very needy. Make it a habit not to go crazy with texting.

 

[User 479360]

I've been talking to another local girl, who's younger than me, and we've had a good conversation. I asked her if she'd ever want to hang out or maybe go on a date and she said, "Sure, definitely."

So, hopefully that'll work out well. It'll be weird, though, because her name is exactly the same as my sister's.

 

[stn]

I've been talking to another local girl, who's younger than me, and we've had a good conversation. I asked her if she'd ever want to hang out or maybe go on a date and she said, "Sure, definitely."

I don't think this one is gonna work out. That answer is so... unenthusiastic. Also, you technically already asked her out but don't have a date set in motion. Another potential issue is the fact that she didn't suggest a time after you mentioned the date. I might just chalk that up to her wanting you to plan it, but I'm skeptical anyway. I'd say get a date setup ASAP but be prepared for her to flake/disappear/whatever.

 

[gaiages]

1) Not that I know of. If you don't want people looking at your profile, just upload a picture last. No one pays attention to accounts that lack a picture. Alternatively, you can "Disable" your account under settings. Your account will still exist, but no one can see it until you logon again.

2) No clue.

Thanks

 

[Cronen]

Feeling very down on my luck with online dating. Have tried it on and off for a few months now. I message a couple of girls if they seem nice, and we have common interests. If I am lucky, I get a reply. Sometimes a conversation starts up, but more often than not, it'll end with the girl in question just not responding to my last message. Seems to be a bit of a common trend.

 

[User 479360]

I don't think this one is gonna work out. That answer is so... unenthusiastic. Also, you technically already asked her out but don't have a date set in motion. Another potential issue is the fact that she didn't suggest a time after you mentioned the date. I might just chalk that up to her wanting you to plan it, but I'm skeptical anyway. I'd say get a date setup ASAP but be prepared for her to flake/disappear/whatever.

You might be right, but I got her number for texting so that's a plus.

There's another girl who messaged me, who's 19. She's twenty minutes away in good traffic, with no car, but seems interesting.

 

[Lulubop]

So I had a great second date Saturday night, with someone seemingly veey interested. At least what I thought. Wrote to her setting something up for the weekend but no reply. I doubt she's having some kinda phone trouble either. Pretty bummed about it, was defiently feeling her. Have a date with the girl I was into before I met this girl on Friday, will probably taking her to the same place lol. Maybe UCB. But man, I just don't get it.

 

[AuthenticM]

I cannot login to OKcupid with Chrome as of last night (the phone app still works). Chrome says "This web page has a redirect loop."

Anyone else has this ?

 

[User 479360]

Since I haven't had much luck in dating, and because the last two girls I got excited about dating didn't feel the same way, I've sent out quite a few messages. I figured, what the hell, given I don't know any of them and it's not like one will tell the other or anything.

Note: I could never cheat. That's not what I mean. I have a very sound conscience.

Anyways, now that I'm trying harder and talking to that one girl in her mid-thirties with things going well, that other girl has given me her number, a 19 year-old has been messaging me and I just received a message from another girl I'd thought about messaging myself. It asked if I liked horror movies.

She didn't reply after I did, and a bit of time passed, so I asked why she'd asked. Apparently she was nervous about coming up with a starter question.

I feel like a bad person; as if I'm cheating. But I know this is normal and need to try to not think that way. It's weird for me, though, as I haven't kissed a girl in 11 years, let alone had sex.

 

[Zelias]

Seem to be getting interest from girls in foreign countries lately. Not sure why.

 

[Lulubop]

So the girl actually replied and said we were on different pages as for what we are looking for. I think I misspoke, probably because of something she implied. I'm down for a casual thing too. I knew asking was a big mistake. Whoops.

She seemed to imply looking for something serious possibly, but hesitant because of her trust for guys. So I was, and am a bit confused.

 

[Jhoan]

Thanks guys. I just don't know where it came from. We had a wonderful Friday evening together and texted all day Saturday. She had to cancel hanging out Saturday night because she was off work late and had a crappy day. And then ignored me all Sunday and yesterday. I only texted her a few times each day and it was all normal stuff--nothing accusing or needy. But I guess even a few texts can be seen as needy this early in a relationship. I need to get my anxiety under control.

Been there before man and it sucks. I scared off a girl I'd hit it off with in person for coming as too needy couple of months ago since I got anxious by the fact that I didn't want to blow it. I didn't hear from her in a few days so I sent her a loaded text asking her out that in retrospect, was a bit desperate. Never heard from her again. I moved on.

In another recent case, I hit up a girl I'd gone out with last month and hit it off with. Only problem was I knew that deep down, I didn't want to see her again that I never suggested meeting up afterwards so when I got back from Boston about 2 weeks ago I hit her up on a whim. Never got a reply back even though the writing was on the wall that she said she claimed she had been super busy. I moved on.

So the moral of my anecdotes is yeah, definitely don't text every day/on a whim. While there are no rules about which way you should go about it, it's good to give people space in the dating stage. Totally know that feel bro so you can do it. It's all about self-control.

Seem to be getting interest from girls in foreign countries lately. Not sure why.

Chances are they probably want that citizenship man. You can ignore them or choose to have them as a pen pal. Your call there.

So I've been speaking to 2 girls on Tinder lately. Both of them seem to have the attention span of a cat that following up with them seems to be like puling teeth.

One of them suggested that we draw together when I messaged her over the weekend but when I asked when she was free she ignored it and went cold until I messaged her again on Monday. She mentioned that she had food poisoning over the weekend. I replied but I haven't heard back from her in a few days. I have a feeling I should suggest exchanging numbers.

The second one I've had a back and forth going since Monday evening. I responded to her message last night so when I got back on Tinder today and saw a "Moment" picture that she had taken of herself in a bathroom mirror with her best duck lips face, I realized that she ignored my message in favor of wanting attention. Dunno whether I should follow up with her or unmatch with her.

I get really annoyed by girls who use Tinder for attention that they like to take mirror shots/and or nudes and post them. I usually unmatch them in a heart beat. Don't really care about how important people think they are but I'm not there to waste my time speaking to attention whores.

 

[OricWindstar]

Surprisingly, the first girl I messaged on OKCupid responded. Didn't see that coming! We've exchanged a couple messages apiece, but now I'm finding it hard to read when I should go for the invite to meet up. What the general consensus on that? Obviously it's situational, but any good common tips on this?

 

[Jhoan]

Surprisingly, the first girl I messaged on OKCupid responded. Didn't see that coming! We've exchanged a couple messages apiece, but now I'm finding it hard to read when I should go for the invite to meet up. What the general consensus on that? Obviously it's situational, but any good common tips on this?

Most people here will tell you to get it after 4-5 exchanges to get it off the internet ASAP and set up a date. A Simple Pick Up video I saw on Tinder tips (also applies to other online dating services) said the same thing so that you go from just another guy on the internet to a real person.

In my experience, I build a rapport first (anywhere from 4-10 exchange), then suggest hanging out one day when we're both free and we should exchange numbers. If you feel like it's starting to drag, then do exchange numbers because sometimes if you drag it out too long the interest will fizzle fast; it depends on the person's comfort level/experience with online dating.

Generally, signs of interest are if the replies are lengthy and well thought out or in 3 separate blocks of texts with questions; conversely if she isn't asking you any questions and the replies are 1-2 sentences, then that's a bad sign that the other party might get bored and ignore your replies.

 

[bobbyrawlins]

Just got this response from a girl that I don't know what to do with. I'm pretty sure something fishy is going on here. Not sure if it's cool to share it, though?

Edit: Fuck it

Found this cute girl on OKCupid, started chatting her up. She said she's looking for somebody who is up for "her kinda fun." Naturally, I asked what "her kinda fun" entailed. Here is her response:

im actually preparing for my live naughty show online now..im looking for someone who is near here in my area who can watch me and give me nice review on my page..BUT..here is the thing...he should be up for meet up as well.you know..been single for quite a while now and i only have my toys here with me in my bed

Immediate thought? I'm being fucked with.
On the other hand, I kinda want this to be real. I'm down for some kinky shit, lol.

 

[davepoobond]

Just got this response from a girl that I don't know what to do with. I'm pretty sure something fishy is going on here. Not sure if it's cool to share it, though?

Edit: Fuck it, I need some advice on this one.

Found this cute girl on OKCupid, started chatting her up. She said she's looking for somebody who is up for "her kinda fun." Naturally, I asked what "her kinda fun" entailed. Here is her response:


Immediate thought? I'm being fucked with.
On the other hand, I kinda want this to be real. I'm down for some kinky shit, lol.

its spam. not being fucked with, just being spammed.

 

[bobbyrawlins]

its spam. not being fucked with, just being spammed.

Yeah, I played along for a bit. Trying to get me to sign up for some cam site.

It was too good to be true, lol.

 

[OricWindstar]

Most people here will tell you to get it after 4-5 exchanges to get it off the internet ASAP and set up a date. A Simple Pick Up video I saw on Tinder tips (also applies to other online dating services) said the same thing so that you go from just another guy on the internet to a real person.

In my experience, I build a rapport first (anywhere from 4-10 exchange), then suggest hanging out one day when we're both free and we should exchange numbers. If you feel like it's starting to drag, then do exchange numbers because sometimes if you drag it out too long the interest will fizzle fast; it depends on the person's comfort level/experience with online dating.

Generally, signs of interest are if the replies are lengthy and well thought out or in 3 separate blocks of texts with questions; conversely if she isn't asking you any questions and the replies are 1-2 sentences, then that's a bad sign that the other party might get bored and ignore your replies.

All that seems about right, and was honestly more or less my game plan. Haha, this girl has gotten weird though. Seemed like she might be losing interest and all of my response were way longer then hers. But then she mentioned she was on her phone, hence the short messages. She keeps asking about me and responding, so...we'll see!

This seems like more of a chat than the usual OKC exchange, so I'll try and just feel it out. Maybe I'll try and set up a IRL meet up by the end of the night if the responses keep coming quickly.

EDIT: So, I went for it, and she said she'd be down. And then some other girl messaged me...what the fuck?! Haha, last time I used OKCupid shit like this never happened.

 

[Lulubop]

Ok, so the girl replied. She said she was looking for something casual which is totally cool with me, but felt we weren't looking for the same things. She was defiently giving me mixed messages so I tried to play both sides but went a little hard on looking for something serious. I can see in ny head where I fucked up and I'm a little salty. Gonna try and salvage it but it's whatever.

 

[OricWindstar]

Ok, so the girl replied. She said she was looking for something casual which is totally cool with me, but felt we weren't looking for the same things. She was defiently giving me mixed messages so I tried to play both sides but went a little hard on looking for something serious. I can see in ny head where I fucked up and I'm a little salty. Gonna try and salvage it but it's whatever.

I wouldn't sweat it too much. I feel I make this mistake a lot as I'm ideally looking for a relationship, but I'm also totally down for casual hook-ups. I think I sometimes come across as too deep into the commitment side of things.

 

[Lulubop]

I wouldn't sweat it too much. I feel I make this mistake a lot as I'm ideally looking for a relationship, but I'm also totally down for casual hook-ups. I think I sometimes come across as too deep into the commitment side of things.

Pretty much exactly me in this case. She had told me how she's been hurt by guys feigning interest, and how dudes don't call back after hooking up. I thought she was looking for a trust worthy dude for something serious. Guess not, probably would've been in there that night had I kept my mouth shut. She's a real hottie so I'm a little bummed but I have a potentially very fun weekend lined up.

 

[Subpar Spatula]

Surprisingly, the first girl I messaged on OKCupid responded. Didn't see that coming! We've exchanged a couple messages apiece, but now I'm finding it hard to read when I should go for the invite to meet up. What the general consensus on that? Obviously it's situational, but any good common tips on this?

Just ask if she wants to hang out. If she's enjoying the conversation (which should be really simple to tell) then she will most likely say yes.

 

[OricWindstar]

Just ask if she wants to hang out. If she's enjoying the conversation (which should be really simple to tell) then she will most likely say yes.

I ended up doing that and we're meeting early next week. I need to stop overthinking things and kind of just go with it.

 

[Subpar Spatula]

I ended up doing that and we're meeting early next week. I need to stop overthinking things and kind of just go with it.

The problem I see with a lot of people who aren't experienced at dating is they usually receive advice and they think it works. It's trial and error. No one will have a perfect dating record. At first you will be shot down because you're too needy, too flaky, too whatever. Over time the amount of rejections will help you shape how you interact with people.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Deleted all my profiles.

 

[AuthenticM]

I cannot login to OKcupid with Chrome as of last night (the phone app still works). Chrome says "This web page has a redirect loop."

Anyone else has this ?

This is still happening to me. I have to use Firefox to login. Does anyone else have issues going on the site with Chrome ?

 

[nelchaar]

Is there a trick to online dating? I haven't done well at all on Tinder or OKC, and I consider myself to be a relatively handsome guy with a PhD. Not sure I know what I'm doing wrong. Even when I get matches on Tinder or message someone on OKC, the message falls flat. I try to be original, and make sure to mention something in their profile, and ask questions.

Tips?

 

[Salamando]

Is there a trick to online dating? I haven't done well at all on Tinder or OKC, and I consider myself to be a relatively handsome guy with a PhD. Not sure I know what I'm doing wrong. Even when I get matches on Tinder or message someone on OKC, the message falls flat. I try to be original, and make sure to mention something in their profile, and ask questions.

Tips?

What's your metric for "not doing well"? This might just be an issue of unrealistic expectations.

Without seeing your profile, the likely issue is shitty profile pics. You should aim to have at least three...one showing you with other people (so girls know there are other people who willingly put up with you), one showing your body, and one showing you doing something fun. I consider that last one to be pretty important. It instantly shows you're serious enough about your hobby to actually do it and not just talk about it. Just think of the difference between a profile saying "I like to travel" and a picture of "me in Barcelona!"

If you want some better feedback, post your OKC profile. If you don't want everyone to be able to see it, hide it in some email tags. Quote this post for an example.

 

[Rest]

What's your metric for "not doing well"? This might just be an issue of unrealistic expectations.

Just to support this, I've sent out 89 message in the last three months and received 9 responses. Only about half of those women made any attempt to actually engage, and of those only two sent a second reply.

 

[nelchaar]

I'll post my profile when I leave work. Basically my profile pic is me laying on the bed with a guitar (therefore showing my hobby), my second is a selfie (to represent my face), a third is a pic of me with my pets (bunnies! FTW!) and the last one is a full body pic of me at Disney world.

I guess you have a point with unrealistic expectations. What's a realistic expectation in online dating? I think I've "liked matched" with perhaps 4 women on my first day yesterday, and chatted with 3. Sent out like 10+ messages to non-likers and did not hear back.

It would help me if I know what I should expect as a response rate I guess. Pretty new to all of this.