I do not get people like this, at all. At all. I can't imagine what they do when they're alone. Do they just... shut down? Stare at walls?
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
I do not get people like this, at all. At all. I can't imagine what they do when they're alone. Do they just... shut down? Stare at walls?
Thinking it through logically, her getting a ride would mean one of the following...
- She takes public transportation, which could easily turn her half hour trip in an hour.
- Her ride kills time whereever you are, which wastes their time...if your date lasts just an hour, her ride will lose more time than you saved by meeting halfway.
- Her ride just drops her off, leaving you to drive her home. You spend the two hour round trip anyway. And if the date goes bad, she's stranded.
None of those options makes a girl weak in the knees. If you really like the girl, suck it up and do the two hour round trip.
Completely unrelated...got a message from a girl on OKC. I take notice. She speaks english and mentions details from my profile. I'm excited now. She's damn attractive. Heart's racing. Then I notice she's from Eastern Europe. Dammit!
What's stopping you from hitting her up? If you're following so called rules on talking to girls such as wait x days to keep her in anticipation, then you're doing it wrong. Ask her about how she's holding up with the snow outside or sarcastically remark about the lovely weather we're having today to be outside making snowmen.
Got matched up with a girl but she unmatched me way before I ever checked it. Feels bad man but c'est la vie. On the plus side, a girl who I hit up about 2 weeks ago responded to my message today. The interest is there so we'll see what happens. I'm actually content to take a break from going out with girls for a month or two to save money. It's fun juggling multiple girls when it happens but it becomes a bit financially and mentally overwhelming.
Exactly what I'm going to do. I usually don't care enough to invest in someone aside from keeping up appearances.
Some cute girl wanted to come by yesterday, after previously telling me she's not the usually girl on Tinder looking for a hookup. Unfortunately I had to work, and even if I didn't I live with family anyway. I guess she was pretty hammered. Still pretty weird, I'll try and see what's up another day.
Some cute girl wanted to come by yesterday, after previously telling me she's not the usually girl on Tinder looking for a hookup. Unfortunately I had to work, and even if I didn't I live with family anyway. I guess she was pretty hammered. Still pretty weird, I'll try and see what's up another day.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I'm not a recovering alcoholic, lol.
New profile pic for all social medias and such. Someone at some point is gonna find me attractive, right?
User 479360
Banned
I'd go for a more neutral shirt tbh.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
I hid my profile on POF. Having no luck on there for the past month plus. No responses and meet me's from the most random of profiles imaginable. It's time to take a break from that site.
Match on the other hand has been working out better. Communication and actual interest is being shown on there. My focus is going to stay squarely there until further notice.
Match on the other hand has been working out better. Communication and actual interest is being shown on there. My focus is going to stay squarely there until further notice.
User 479360
Banned
If Match didn't almost require me to pay, I'd join it.
I agree, but I lost a lot of weight recently and I'm straight up wearing the smallest clothes I own in this pic.
Fuck Star Trek
it's my hands isn't it
please tell me how I might be better judged on the internet for my ability to pose rather than my character
I'm still dressed for this, I might even change my shirt and make an album so you can pick your favorite.
send me a list of cool guy poses
A more neutral shirt would help. The design is full of action and dead-center; It's where my attention immediately goes. So in those first micro-seconds that I'm forming an opinion, I'm thinking "Star Wars Geek".
Crop the picture to remove some of your legs. Unless there's something noteworthy going on there, like a cool pose or a pegleg, all it says is "I'm capable of wearing pants".
Leave a little space above your head. Try to establish your chest as the middle area of the shot.
Regarding your hands...the four main ones should be in the pocket. Thumb's optional. What you're currently doing with your hands pulls out the pockets.
Play around with lighting. A strong lighting source at ~1:30 creates nice dynamic shadows on your face. Or maybe ~3:00 works better for you. Experiment!
Alternatively, wear a suit. Everyone looks good in a suit. And you have no shortage of places to put your hands. You could be buttoning up, adjusting cufflinks, straightening out a tie...
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
i personally think the pose is fine, just get the shirt changed and work on a background that isnt 100% negative space.
i guess you can crop off the legs a little bit to give more room to above the head so the shot looks better framed, but unless you're going for some photographer no one will really notice your lack of adhering to the rule of thirds
Got a second date tonight with an incredible girl. Great looking, amazing chemistry and quite a bit in common. We seem to be looking for the same things too. We'll see how things go! She's coming over to my place for a pancake dinner (her idea!) and then we're playing it by ear. Activities we've discussed doing: playing Monopoly (she's never played and because I play without house rules, the game can be fun and provide plenty of time for conversation), watching terrible restaurant shows, Mario Kart, or simply cuddling up and watching a movie.
Should be a fun night, whatever happens.
Update: The night was simply incredible. Mostly talking and then kissing and then making out for six hours. I'm fighting hard not to get my hopes up. She's really into me and vice versa. We're hanging out tonight again.
Anyone else have a string of failures and then feel like something new is too good to be true? I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and find out some insane secret or something. Because seriously, she's everything I've been looking for. No rationalizations or compromises needed. She makes me look back on the past few girls I've dated and laugh, since none of them even compare.
Well unfortunately I don't have anyone around here to go around taking pictures of me. I was standing on my bed and used a timed snapshot with my webcam.
Plus, if I held everyone to the standards you're holding me to, I wouldn't bother talking to any of them at all since every single person okc shows me uses a lazy selfie or webcam shot as their prof pic
Plus, if I held everyone to the standards you're holding me to, I wouldn't bother talking to any of them at all since every single person okc shows me uses a lazy selfie or webcam shot as their prof pic
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
just use it. if it doesnt work, get another one and try that. don't say that we didnt tell you how to improve that specific one, though.
Looks like I've popped in here during the perfect time, with everyone talking about pictures and all.
So I'm going to jump into online dating in a couple weeks (not doing it right now because I'm starting a new job and will have a financial lapse for a bit, making it hard to spend money on dates), and I think I understand most of what I must do... but the pictures. I'm really not sure what kind of pictures to take. Most people say to make it seem natural, but I'm really not sure. I'm not the outdoorsy type, and I'm very much a homebody, so I don't think taking pictures outdoors will do me many favors unless it's the right type of scenery. But that leads to another problem: I don't really have anyone that could take pictures of me. I have friends that theoretically could, but... well, let's leave it at that.
Anyway, since I'm not outdoorsy and don't have any pets, what exactly should I take a picture of me doing? I mean, my major's accounting, and that's boring as all get-up, and there's not much along the lines of that for photo ops. I mainly play video games and browse the internet, but... yeah. That's no good either. EDIT: I have other hobbies, but they're mostly along same lines of 'I can't take a picture doing that'.
Also, I feel I'm bad at taking pictures. I've only had one picture in the last year that I've really liked, and most 'spontaneous' pictures of me that others have taken I find quite lame. I dunno.
I don't know what to do, Online Dating GAF!
Also, more random, can I sign up for an OKC account and have it, like, be inactive or private or something? I want to sign up and tweak my profile over the next couple weeks, but I don't want anyone to really see it or get matched with me until it's ready... basically, I don't want to miss out on potential matches because my profile wasn't complete.
So I'm going to jump into online dating in a couple weeks (not doing it right now because I'm starting a new job and will have a financial lapse for a bit, making it hard to spend money on dates), and I think I understand most of what I must do... but the pictures. I'm really not sure what kind of pictures to take. Most people say to make it seem natural, but I'm really not sure. I'm not the outdoorsy type, and I'm very much a homebody, so I don't think taking pictures outdoors will do me many favors unless it's the right type of scenery. But that leads to another problem: I don't really have anyone that could take pictures of me. I have friends that theoretically could, but... well, let's leave it at that.
Anyway, since I'm not outdoorsy and don't have any pets, what exactly should I take a picture of me doing? I mean, my major's accounting, and that's boring as all get-up, and there's not much along the lines of that for photo ops. I mainly play video games and browse the internet, but... yeah. That's no good either. EDIT: I have other hobbies, but they're mostly along same lines of 'I can't take a picture doing that'.
Also, I feel I'm bad at taking pictures. I've only had one picture in the last year that I've really liked, and most 'spontaneous' pictures of me that others have taken I find quite lame. I dunno.
I don't know what to do, Online Dating GAF!
I thought Grizz's picture looked nice btw, other than the black shirt on black pants, but I'm just weird about that. Judging the reactions, I might need a lot of help? ._.
Also, more random, can I sign up for an OKC account and have it, like, be inactive or private or something? I want to sign up and tweak my profile over the next couple weeks, but I don't want anyone to really see it or get matched with me until it's ready... basically, I don't want to miss out on potential matches because my profile wasn't complete.
Given my circumstances, it's impossible for me to live up to your standards. I can't ask my roommate to take a picture of me looking casual outside because he's in his room with the door closed 99% of the time and only speaks to me when he needs a ride somewhere. It wouldn't feel right doing something like that. If I lived back at home where my friends all are it'd be simple, but I don't really know anyone here, so I can't pull off something like that.
The vast majority of the women I see online put far less effort into their pictures than you're asking me to, so I take issue with the disparity. Not everyone is going to get someone with a high quality camera to take a picture of them laying in a bed in underwear and make that their profile picture like you do.
Unedited top row right off my browse matches page:
And somehow all these people receive so many messages that they can be very selective about who they reply to. If that's how this is going to be, I want no part of it. I'll just keep fucking working out like I have been and be 100 times more successful visiting the park closest to where I live. The only reason I opted for this online stuff in the first place is because I was stuck in an environment that offered me no free time and had a significant lack of women. That's changing soon.
Oh, and I don't stutter. pls
stn
Member
@GrizzNKev
For what its worth, I don't think backslash was trying to be rude. Its easy to interpret her text as such but she's been around here long enough that I don't think its her intention to insult you. Maybe she could have been slightly gentler but you WERE asking for advice.
And yes, women WILL get messaged no matter what. They could have crappy pics, they could have shitty profiles - some guy WILL come around eventually. Its the nature of online dating. Welcome to lots of horny and desperate men out there. I'd say bail out of online dating if that's not your cup of tea, because its just the shitty reality we have to deal with.
Stick to the gym and try meeting people in real-life. It will do better for you, anyway. Good luck!
For what its worth, I don't think backslash was trying to be rude. Its easy to interpret her text as such but she's been around here long enough that I don't think its her intention to insult you. Maybe she could have been slightly gentler but you WERE asking for advice.
And yes, women WILL get messaged no matter what. They could have crappy pics, they could have shitty profiles - some guy WILL come around eventually. Its the nature of online dating. Welcome to lots of horny and desperate men out there. I'd say bail out of online dating if that's not your cup of tea, because its just the shitty reality we have to deal with.
Stick to the gym and try meeting people in real-life. It will do better for you, anyway. Good luck!
@GrizzNKev
For what its worth, I don't think backslash was trying to be rude. Its easy to interpret her text as such but she's been around here long enough that I don't think its her intention to insult you. Maybe she could have been slightly gentler but you WERE asking for advice.
And yes, women WILL get messaged no matter what. They could have crappy pics, they could have shitty profiles - some guy WILL come around eventually. Its the nature of online dating. Welcome to lots of horny and desperate men out there. I'd say bail out of online dating if that's not your cup of tea, because its just the shitty reality we have to deal with.
Stick to the gym and try meeting people in real-life. It will do better for you, anyway. Good luck!
Yeah. I permanently deleted my account on OKC. Fuck that. I can do wayyyy better without being scrutinized for the way I'm standing, the time of day, or what's behind me.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Irrelevant. You're a man looking for women, you have to do all the work. You see all the guys that come in to this thread complaining about their bad luck? It's because they're doing a lot of work and not getting much out of it. You see all the women talking about all the messages they get? You're the one who has to cut through all of that noise, they're not going to do it for you.
This isn't an issue of fairness or equality, it's a matter of reality. You want women? Do the work.
I am doing the work. I can get what I want without having to jump through a set of extra hoops on the internet. This is over.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
You know, you can say "online dating isn't for me" without sounding like you're too good for it. After all, this is a thread full of people doing it (and having success with it).
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
I don't know, he's listed a number of frustrations over the time he's been coming into this thread. If anyone is qualified to say it's not for them, he's it.
User 479360
Banned
I may have to change my profile text to something like that.
I talked to a woman who's eight years older than me from about Tuesday night to Saturday morning. I think she still wants to talk, but she didn't text me at all yesterday, and I wanted her to make the first move due to previous conversation.
She had told me that she wasn't doing anything yesterday, so it confused me.
Anyways, I don't get this one. I don't get women in general, but this is another case that confuses me. It must just be bad luck, or something about me.
When I messaged her, she replied happily. She was elated to get a message, it seemed, and hadn't really had any luck other than guys who wanted her to bring them to this country and others just looking for sex. I was different, and sent her an actual message with interest in dating.
She's had no experience dating, and I think she may be a virgin. I'm not experienced myself, but am not the latter, though I may as well be. So she's nervous/scared about it.
Our conversations have been great. Lots of flirting, good dialogue and exchanges of emoticons. Also laughing. Though over text.
On Friday, she was at her friend's watching the local junior hockey team's game, then was bored after that. I didn't bug her during the game, but she texted me afterwards and wanted to talk. Asked questions, and I did the same. Things went well.
There was one question about dating, or something, and I asked her if she truly was interested. Before, she'd said that she expected and had become used to the idea of being alone for her entire life. And when she answered the question, she said she wasn't sure because we don't have a ton in common. That annoyed me, to be honest, and I went a bit quiet, then said that I didn't want to get hurt but wasn't going to push her and all of that.
I don't get it. I think it's fear, but I'm not sure. Things have gone well, I haven't brought up my mental illnesses and she's been very talkative. Even to the point where she's asked for selfies, commented positively and sent some of her own.
It's as if she think that she's going to meet a 100% perfect clone of herself in a male's body, because we do have a lot of shared interests. Hockey (she watches it every night, and much more than me), baseball, movies, animals (cats, specifically), certain restaurants and more.
I sent a couple more messages out tonight, but don't know if I'll get any more replies. These were to other women. There's also one I've talked to off and on, who's slow to respond to messages but seems like my type and said she'd be interested in going out to a movie or something when she gets back home from school at the end of April.
I talked to a woman who's eight years older than me from about Tuesday night to Saturday morning. I think she still wants to talk, but she didn't text me at all yesterday, and I wanted her to make the first move due to previous conversation.
She had told me that she wasn't doing anything yesterday, so it confused me.
Anyways, I don't get this one. I don't get women in general, but this is another case that confuses me. It must just be bad luck, or something about me.
When I messaged her, she replied happily. She was elated to get a message, it seemed, and hadn't really had any luck other than guys who wanted her to bring them to this country and others just looking for sex. I was different, and sent her an actual message with interest in dating.
She's had no experience dating, and I think she may be a virgin. I'm not experienced myself, but am not the latter, though I may as well be. So she's nervous/scared about it.
Our conversations have been great. Lots of flirting, good dialogue and exchanges of emoticons. Also laughing. Though over text.
On Friday, she was at her friend's watching the local junior hockey team's game, then was bored after that. I didn't bug her during the game, but she texted me afterwards and wanted to talk. Asked questions, and I did the same. Things went well.
There was one question about dating, or something, and I asked her if she truly was interested. Before, she'd said that she expected and had become used to the idea of being alone for her entire life. And when she answered the question, she said she wasn't sure because we don't have a ton in common. That annoyed me, to be honest, and I went a bit quiet, then said that I didn't want to get hurt but wasn't going to push her and all of that.
I don't get it. I think it's fear, but I'm not sure. Things have gone well, I haven't brought up my mental illnesses and she's been very talkative. Even to the point where she's asked for selfies, commented positively and sent some of her own.
It's as if she think that she's going to meet a 100% perfect clone of herself in a male's body, because we do have a lot of shared interests. Hockey (she watches it every night, and much more than me), baseball, movies, animals (cats, specifically), certain restaurants and more.
I sent a couple more messages out tonight, but don't know if I'll get any more replies. These were to other women. There's also one I've talked to off and on, who's slow to respond to messages but seems like my type and said she'd be interested in going out to a movie or something when she gets back home from school at the end of April.
I apologize if this doesn't fit into this thread (posted elsewhere with no response), but what do you guys think about messaging people through LinkedIn, given that you have met them and are linked with them but have no other way to contact them? I know it is supposed to be a business tool, but was just curious.
BeatResetsTheWorld
Banned
I'm curious what profile cliches women see on men's profiles, especially on okcupid. I feel like almost every woman has "Curling up with a book/watching netflix with a glass of wine" somewhere in their profile
Don't do this. Relevant LinkedIn messages sometimes seem spammy, and when you add a flirtatious angle to it, it becomes creepy. If you are both on LinkedIn, try and find their FB profile, add them as a friend, and then go from there IMO
Don't do this. Relevant LinkedIn messages sometimes seem spammy, and when you add a flirtatious angle to it, it becomes creepy. If you are both on LinkedIn, try and find their FB profile, add them as a friend, and then go from there IMO
Troubled Bat
Member
Online Dating is just not working for me. I wish I was back in school, it'd make things a whole lot easier. ;_;
My gut says no as well, I was just curious. We do not really work together, just met at a training session. I didn't think to get contact info at the time. Oh well.
So I had another great date with this girl. Some things though, she doesn't seem to be looking for a relationship actively anyway because she's had guys say things just to sleep with her and never hit her back up. Ok that's fine. She's also not really a good texter, and after she sent a text about getting home ok and having a good time, I told her to sleep well and lets plan something when she gets up. I don't think she's gon text me, but I don't wanna text her again and seem like a thirst.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
2 texts and then nothing more.
If she's really interested she'll get back to you. If not move on. We, and I mean you, me, or anyone else that has experienced this needs to learn that our own time is valuable too. You've put yourself out there in a sense and said you're willing and available to do something. If she isn't willing to reciprocate that feeling, why the hell should you sit around wait. Again, your time is valuable, look elsewhere.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
It's fine to be the one that does the planning. Maybe she doesn't have the time. Or she'd rather see how creative you are.
I'm in the same position this weekend to be honest. Now she hasn't shown as much interest as your situation, but I've asked to hang out for a 2nd date and she said, "that's great" but hasn't gotten back to me yet. End of today is the deadline I've got for her. If I don't hear anything, cya.
OricWindstar
Member
Alrighty, I'm back in the online dating game, so quick question for you guys. I'm mentioning that I spend a lot of my free time working on art. Should I link to some examples of it? A lot of my friends have said it would be a good idea, but something in my gut says I should wait for them to ask in a message to share. Thoughts?
As an aspiring freelance artist myself who hasn't gotten any work (read: I lack discipline), I've put a link to my Tumblr on my Tinder profile in the past but then realized that in the grand scheme of things, it's best to wait until they ask you about it so deleted it. Especially since most girls won't read your profile until you get a back and forth going. Why? Because you don't want to be talking too much about yourself. Less is always more.
Even if they do ask, don't talk about it too much since that gets into "what do you do?" territory which can be an uncomfortable topic depending on your financial/living situation. I learned firsthand from speaking to a few girls in the past that girls have romanticized views on the artist type so they tend to be disappointed when I debunk their views. So I'll say to follow your gut and brag about it right off the bat. You can totally be selective with what you want to reveal about what you do whenever you feel comfortable.
This is suggestion that I suggest rolling with as well. Especially if it's a picture of one with their artwork. For example, I have 2 pictures of myself doing art related things; one in which I'm drawing at an event and another in which I'm standing with my college's president in front of a painting that I did. People can then infer that I'm an artist and ask me questions about it.
On Tinder, a picture of artwork only will fly as well whereas on OKCupid the aforementioned artist with artwork flies. If it's a picture of artwork only, then it's gonna get flagged and reported to mods on OKC.
OricWindstar
Member
All good advice. I didn't know OKC would flag a picture of just art, so good to know. Haha, unfortunately I do pretty much all digital stuff, so it'll just look like I'm on my computer.
I was a moderator before I deactivated my OKC and saw a good load of flagged artwork pictures. It was sad to vote to delete the picture but rules are rules. Hahaha, there's ways to get creative with creating a picture with digital artwork in Photoshop as well as it can serve for a humorous picture. You made that avatar artwork I presume?
OricWindstar
Member
Haha, I cringe whenever I see people that have stuff like in their pictures, so I'll probably pass on that. I actually didn't do my avatar, but if you wanna to check out my stuff you can here.
Not trying to get off topic, though! Appreciate the help. I had an account awhile back, but I ended up meeting my last girlfriend a few weeks after setting it up and never got to use it much. Hoping to get some more mileage out of it this time.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Live music isn't really conducive to conversation (unless you sit far away).
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
There is no rule. If you want to, ask. Some people actually do appreciate the keenness. Or the desire to get something organised rapidly. Others won't but if they like you it won't matter.
Big Papa Husker
Member
Does anyone know if a Coffee Meets Bagel account will reset if you deactivate the account? I've been getting people that are 3 hours away and was hoping I could reset it so I could start getting people in my city.
I asked a few things earlier, but scratch that. Well, some of that. I have just two quick OKC questions this time:
1. So, can I sign up for an OKC account and not have it be immediately active? So, like, I can fiddle with it a bit before other people see it?
2. Is there any disadvantage to using my Facebook account to sign up? How much information does it pull besides my name, birthdate, and where I live? Will it use the e-mail that's connected to my Facebook for OKC? That last bit is mainly something I don't want.
1. So, can I sign up for an OKC account and not have it be immediately active? So, like, I can fiddle with it a bit before other people see it?
2. Is there any disadvantage to using my Facebook account to sign up? How much information does it pull besides my name, birthdate, and where I live? Will it use the e-mail that's connected to my Facebook for OKC? That last bit is mainly something I don't want.