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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
n64coder
Member
Wow, that really surprises me. Everyone should masturbate. It's part of understanding your sexuality and knowing what you like/dislike. As parents, my wife & I have spoken to our kids about it and said that it's perfectly natural and part of knowing about yourself.
Funny. Never had a doctor ask me that.
Anyway, good luck. Make sure you go down her and get her off. In fact, do it several times before penetration.
The reason I've never fapped is because I used to go to a Christian church during my early teenage years with my bros that still has its grip engrained into my head. The ideologies the church preached warped our thinking of the world and made us reserved. We were taught that adultery and lust were " not of God." We didn't curse for a period of time; we were the kids who sang church songs and never grinded on girls at patties. Then one day my bros got an issue of Maxim magazine and they started tapping like regular teens. One day we discovered a website ppointmentm called becomeaplayer.com after my oldest brother Googled how to talk to girls. That day my brothers and I were in awe by what we read; it would be the day we changed for good. We eventually left and stopped going to church determined to live our own lives without any religiion dictating our actions.
Unfortunately for me, the ideologies of masturbing as a sin/shameful activity stuck with me hence I why I've never fapped. It feels weird. Still need to get it out of my head.
And thanks for the advice/well wishes.
DoktorEvil
Banned
If you plan to become the sex god you sold this girl on, you're gonna have to learn how to work your own plumbing.
You also might've gone to a more fundamentalist church then, because at my ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH when I was in Catholic School in 7th and 8th grade, we were being taught the birds and the bees and taught that masturbation wasn't a mortal sin IIRC. Rather, we were told to save our urges until marriage and if we decide to fap, ask God for forgiveness. No harm no foul.
Masturbation is normal and healthy for keeping your urges in check, despite what any church might tell you. Lest not forget that organized religion is always backwards with the times.
Start doing it and find your pace and timing. If you want your sex to last a while, you want to be able to last. You don't want to be a minuteman. If you've never done it, you'll be all super sensitive to the touch and like Sonic Sez "THAT'S NO GOOD!".
Categorically going down on girls isn't really the best outset. Also, are you saying he should lick her to orgasm several times before penetration? Girls are majorly different. Some girls will lose their lust after getting off. Others will want it even more. Some don't get off that well from someone going down on them, while others will.
The less categorically you approach this, the better it'll go. Go with the flow of the moment.
stn
Member
@Jipan
Try not to drink, it can make getting a boner harder. Also, do practice fapping at least once just to get a feel for...you know. Let the girl take charge and go with the flow, though definitely try to go down on her. Also, go nice and slow with everything. Try to get her off through foreplay. Good luck!
Try not to drink, it can make getting a boner harder. Also, do practice fapping at least once just to get a feel for...you know. Let the girl take charge and go with the flow, though definitely try to go down on her. Also, go nice and slow with everything. Try to get her off through foreplay. Good luck!
j0hnnix
Member
Ok, So this isnt Jipan's update, lol, which im still scratching my head on how backed up you are man at 26..
I digress.
This is going pretty good. I Texted her some more last night then we called each other around midnight which went into the late ours. She wants to meet before i go down to Florida this weekend.. I feel like its moving at a good pace she takes my jokes, although at times are crude, which shows she has a great sense of humor. I am avoiding things moving any faster tbh, recently divorced and just got back to dating.. she sets boundaries when working which is awesome because i don't like to be bothered while i'm at work, she plays sports, I'm pretty excited that i'm ignoring others on tinder. Any comments, Ideas ?
Are we still posting links to OKC profiles and asking for feedback?
Recently single, not necessarily in a position where I feel like going to bars all the time so I'm trying out having an online profile.
Not taking it incredibly seriously but would love some feedback on the profile itself.
Okcupid.com/profile/orlyowlo
Thaaaaanks!
Recently single, not necessarily in a position where I feel like going to bars all the time so I'm trying out having an online profile.
Not taking it incredibly seriously but would love some feedback on the profile itself.
Okcupid.com/profile/orlyowlo
Thaaaaanks!
No, not yet. lol
Thanks! I'm updating it throughout the day (or morning in this case) as snippets come to me. I'm a little wary of putting a ton of time and effort into it because it can seem desperate when I look at a profile that has paragraph after paragraph written. I'll definitely flesh it out some more, though!
Ok, So this isnt Jipan's update, lol, which im still scratching my head on how backed up you are man at 26..
I digress.
This is going pretty good. I Texted her some more last night then we called each other around midnight which went into the late ours. She wants to meet before i go down to Florida this weekend.. I feel like its moving at a good pace she takes my jokes, although at times are crude, which shows she has a great sense of humor. I am avoiding things moving any faster tbh, recently divorced and just got back to dating.. she sets boundaries when working which is awesome because i don't like to be bothered while i'm at work, she plays sports, I'm pretty excited that i'm ignoring others on tinder. Any comments, Ideas ?
You are doing pretty good. Barring any huge catastrophes, continue doing what you're doing right now.
Hell, I wish some of my dating experiences went as yours.
One thing you have to keep in mind is that all of that may change during the first or first few times you meet. That is when the true test of chemistry comes along.
Edit: I'll post my own experiences later in the day. Have to get to the office today and it's my vacation.
j0hnnix
Member
I dislike getting called into the office on my time off.. Thanks for the feedback. I'll keep updating how it goes, unless she murders me with an AXE then i wont be able too..
That makes sense! Thanks again. Trying to find the balance between effort and rambling is going to be the difficult part, I think. I tend to get rambly if I let myself type too much.
Passive Assassin
Member
j0hnnix
Member
If it's OKC I caught on to their trick. When you first sign up you are pretty much being what they called "promoted" after a few days you will need to pay to put yourself back out there. I don't like that and just went over to Tinder it's simple, free and quick. Avoid the profile time and actually get to know a person right when you are matched. It's an opinion... I might just cancel the Okc account.
I find that I typically get less replies during the summer for some reason. Either that, or women get way more messages and hence are more selective about their choices.
Anyhow, the promised post about my experiences and views about online dating:
- Your opening message matters a lot more than your actual profile. Many times it's getting the right mix of interesting and playfulness. And, believe it or not, many people will simply stop replying if a question is not asked, which I find to be wholly incomprehensible in the real world. If you do find a person that can follow a conversation without further questions, that person definitely has potential not only because of their conversational skills but also shows interest on their part.
- Catfishing happens a lot more often than you think. Be prepared for it. Always reverse image search and be skeptical of profiles that are 'too perfect' or 'too good to be true'.
- Don't be offended if you get stood up. Actually, you should be offended but don't act out on it.
- The first date, in my experience, is not a "real date" for both parties. It's more of a sanity/catfish check to see if the other person is the real deal. Of course, if the date is going really well then treat it as a real date, but don't get your expectations up on that first meet.
- To paraphrase Randy Pausch: Pay no attention to what they say, but on what they do. Talk is cheap with online dating. Unless you get a good feel for the other person, treat everything they say with a healthy dose of skepticism. I recently got back into online dating and, to my utter dismay, somehow forgot this one lesson.
- To borrow something from The Upside of Irrationality: meeting people online is the exact reverse of meeting offline, whereby you know about a person first before you know them. Knowing whether he or she likes Italian food or their favorite band matters a lot less than knowing their personality and temperaments.
Oh, and for those of us that use paysites: I found eHarmony's Guided Conversations feature to be absolutely amazing at times. It sounds like a gimmick, but you'd be surprised at how it's a great equalizer when your opening line doesn't matter anymore.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Well the person I actually got a message from last week seems to not be responding anymore, and randomly someone I messaged 2 weeks ago replied to me yesterday.
But it doesn't seem like she's really looking for an immediate relationship and even though we have a high match percentage on okcupid a few questions she answered that pertain to me quite a bit she is apparently against.
Eh. She seemed interested from the message but I didnt see a visit on my profile from her. Kind of iffy. Hopefully it's not a scammer at least. That's the most I can hope for.
But it doesn't seem like she's really looking for an immediate relationship and even though we have a high match percentage on okcupid a few questions she answered that pertain to me quite a bit she is apparently against.
Eh. She seemed interested from the message but I didnt see a visit on my profile from her. Kind of iffy. Hopefully it's not a scammer at least. That's the most I can hope for.
j0hnnix
Member
So on point and mostly on the first date. I always tend to go into it with checkout mentality and not a real date, I take it as hanging out with a friend then if it leads to chemistry ,perfect! if it doesn't..oh well, no harm no foul at least you had a good night and not stuck at home.
The not asking a question is something to use when someone messages me I'm not that into and don't want to seem rude. I should probably just not worry so much about that.
j0hnnix
Member
Just honesty. I wouldn't want to lead someone on that I'm not interested in.. Eventually they will get the point unless they are obsessed.
Well, here's the thing: it's more effective for a person to simply not reply or say 'not interested'.
mekes
Member
I think its a really solid profile, you're coming across as genuine and interesting throughout which is great. Its factual which is good, but you can sense your personality coming through in your writing. The only thing I would change is the very bottom section as it dampens your profile a little. Always leave the gates open for anybody to message, its the best way.
Oh, and, change your profile picture. You have some good candidates for profile pic, 4th pic down is a good candidate imo. The back of your head isn't a hook for those browsing who might see a face that they half like next to the back of your head. Face I think would win every time.
Solid job tho, its a good read.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Don't rush in. Take your time teasing her. Be sure to wrap it up.
Guys, there are some real videos from porn pros teaching you about sex. Watch it. It's very informative. I'd link you Jipan, but I'm at work.
You put in what you get out of it. A lot of girls I know met a SO on there. You just have to field the mutual results and take it from there.
I suppose I'll have to give it a try later tonight. I have to use my FB account right? Does it post anything onto my wall? And does it use my profile pics?
That's the general consensus, yes. OKC or Match.com is probably better for something more significant.
It doesn't. No wall posts or notifications. It only uses it for pictures and any mutual friends of matches.
Passive Assassin
Member
Mutual friends of matches as in...?
I've used both and mostly misses. I've used OkC since it first came out back in the 00s, and, to be honest, Match occupies a weird spot for me. I mean, it's good that it explicitly lists the preferences of each person, but after a while it got fairly uncomfortable seeing the vast majority of users, even Asian women, preferring Caucasian men.
I know that I can filter out OkC users for the interracial dating answers, but having that knowledge so out in the open is just disconcerting to me.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
It just shows you which friends you have that are mutual between you and the match as a list.
"Oh, sandy knows this random girl"
"Oh, sandy knows this random girl"
When swiping through matches you'll see a little orange person light up and it'll tell you if you have any mutual friends between you and them.
Perhaps a conversation starter when sending the first message if you two 'matched' each other.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
They do want shirtless pics but only of people they find attractive.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Alright, might as well ask for help here. Looking for a new profile pic but I really don't think I photograph well. What do you guys think of this? Too creepy?
MetalGuardian
Banned
Not too creepy, but definitely too dull.
That chart is far from a hard and fast rule, but it at least gives some guidelines -- your profile picture absolutely needs to have something engaging about it. Unfortunately snapshot first impressions are a big part of online dating, especially for women whose attention is pulled in so many directions by the bombardment of messages they get on a daily basis, so standing out right away is a pretty crucial aspect.
I personally like your steely gaze, but I'm also presumably not the crowd you are trying to attract
TangerineCloud
Banned
I like the angle and the lighting. If I'm being honest, the complete absence of emotion on your face is slightly unsettling, but I think it's an okay photo overall. I'd use it.
Cheesecakebobby
Banned
I've met quite a few girls now from OKC but most of them, while really nice and people I would be happy to have as my friends, are not girls I would be interested in dating. Never having been in this situation before, should I just flat out tell them I'm not interested or should I ask if they want to hang out as friends, and make it clear that's really all I want? It's tough enough when their English is good, some of them I use my second language which is ok for non-serious topics but I'm worried I'm gonna give them the wrong idea... sorry if this seems like a stealth brag!
Don't use the word 'average' and try and get some fun quips in there to show your sense of humour. I get lots of messages complimenting my quirky jokes.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Problem is I have an awesome, engaging, playful photo but the resolution is from a smartphone and its kind of grainy so I'm hesitant to use it. Its decent as a regular profile photo but when you crop it down to my face the graininess is really evident :/Not too creepy, but definitely too dull.
That chart is far from a hard and fast rule, but it at least gives some guidelines -- your profile picture absolutely needs to have something engaging about it. Unfortunately snapshot first impressions are a big part of online dating, especially for women whose attention is pulled in so many directions by the bombardment of messages they get on a daily basis, so standing out right away is a pretty crucial aspect.
I personally like your steely gaze, but I'm also presumably not the crowd you are trying to attract
(I wouldn't block their faces on the site but I'm wary of posting them here)
MetalGuardian
Banned
"unsettling" and just "okay" are not the hallmarks of a good profile picture.
Technomancer, I think the photo would be fine to use as one of your ten photographs, but it should probably be placed near the end (spot six or downward), to maximize the chances of the viewer having a better context for you when she sees it.
That applies to everybody -- the ordering of your photos is also something that needs to be considered. The first three photos in particular need to be both interesting and synergetic when viewed as a trio (as that is the extent of what most girls who hover over your profile picture will see)
It might seem silly to think about these things, but the deck is so astronomically stacked against guys on dating websites that if you aren't completely maxing every aspect under your control like an RPG character, you are setting yourself up for exponentially more failures. Why would Crono take on Lavos at level 10 when he knows the only way to win in that circumstance is through a divine act of the RNGod?
EDIT: Just saw the second photo you posted. Grainy isn't ideal, but that is still a much better profile picture candidate if your choice is between those two.
Good to hear.
Here's the grading scale I use: "If I were sitting at home bored, and this girl randomly messaged me wanting to fuck, would I say yes or no?" I still probably end up swiping left 50+% of the time
god damn nig, I'm rockin' 3 pics