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[MetalGuardian]

god damn nig, I'm rockin' 3 pics

No one aspect of a profile is a magical trump card -- the little things definitely add up, but not capitalizing on every advantage is far from a death knell. Again, most girls will probably only see those three pictures, but for the ones who bother to click your photo section (which will also be the ones more likely to respond to your messages because they are interested enough to expend the effort navigating your page), having fewer photos can immediately trigger an alarm, regardless of how irrational or irrelevant that alarm may be. "He is probably [insert boring, ugly, fat, friendless, any other negative adjective here], otherwise he'd have more pictures!" That certainly isn't something EVERY girl will think, but again -- before a conversation actually starts, you are being evaluated in a very superficial and rapid manner.

A related aside - I've also found that humorous captions are a sterling way to make your photo section more engaging and robust. All ten of my photos are captioned, because I'd far rather have ME control the mindset of the girl seeing the picture by giving her my own context than by leaving it open-ended and up to her personal interpretation, because her interpretation is maybe (understandably) colored by all of the creepy messages girls get on a regular basis. I know this is me making a generalized assumption about the audience, but I feel like it's a safe one. You can see this borne out in the myriad of profiles where girls will explicitly add in their self-summary section warnings against guys sending messages "only looking for sex" or "only saying 'hey whats up'". The general creepers of OKCupid make a lot of girls instinctively more cautious, so capitalize on that and use it to your advantage.

Max those stats, gentlemen!

 

[TangerineCloud]

Problem is I have an awesome, engaging, playful photo but the resolution is from a smartphone and its kind of grainy so I'm hesitant to use it. Its decent as a regular profile photo but when you crop it down to my face the graininess is really evident :/

I actually really dig that photo. Does the site make you crop it all the way down to your face? Would it be possible to just focus on your upper body (starting from your pockets) without zooming in all the way?

 

[UFRA]

Quoting this again because it can't be stressed enough.

If you don't have animal pics or showing your muscles (whatever that's supposed to entail, I don't know...) then at the very least make it a pic of you doing something interesting. DON'T make your primary pic just a simple selfie of you at home.

I'm taking a break from online dating right now, but when I was doing it actively, I originally had a nice pic of myself sitting in my office at work for my primary pic. It was a great pic with my smile and what not and I thought it was awesome.

Then OKCupid suggested I used a different pic from my profile as my primary instead. This one was me stopped at an intersection on a bicycle with the US Capitol building in the background at Washington DC. I switched to it and instantly got more likes, and message responses. That pic had a little everything. It showed I was active, I have an interesting life, I travel, and I'm fit. It's much better than a pic of me at work and you don't know if I'm some boring dude or not.

 

[SRG01]

Holy shit, there's barely anyone in my area on Tinder. I just went through all of the women in my area and age range.

edit: Hm, guess not. It just gave me more choices.

edit2: oh it just did it again!

 

[stn]

I've also been using Tinder and found myself swiping "no" a lot. I also recognized some girls from OKC, lol. Always fun. Also, regarding the pic: do whatever pic makes you look best. My pic is a selfie of me doing a thinking pose. I even state under the pic that I'm the king of selfies. I get messaged enough and complimented on it.

Do what works, just make sure your pic is clear and shows your face.

 

[Fisticuffs]

Hurray, got another date tomorrow night! This will be my second tinder date. The first one texted me that she didn't feel a connection, afterwards. Let's try this again!

 

[potam]

some fuckin' theorycrafting going on up in here

 

[Halo 2]

All you need is a cat in your pic

 

[stn]

People say "don't message if you have shirtless selfies" to make it look like they aren't easy. In reality, mostly everyone is easy. Also, the whole "don't message me if..." crap is just a way for people to make themselves seem important since they're giving up ego by *gasp* doing online dating.

 

[SRG01]

I like the second one better, personally. First one looks too posed.

I got a lot of messages on POF with that one. Unfortunately, it went stale so I had to upload more photos.

 

[Az987]

A guy named pay2suckyou visited my OkCupid profile. He looks albino.

 

[potam]

A guy named pay2suckyou visited my OkCupid profile. He looks albino.

BJ + $$$? Do it

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Well I'll be darned, I went on a nice date with a girl from OKC.

Moreover, we seemed to have a pretty damned good chemistry in our banter. Color me unjaded!

 

[SRG01]

Well I'll be darned, I went on a nice date with a girl from OKC.

Moreover, we seemed to have a pretty damned good chemistry in our banter. Color me unjaded!

Yay! Just keep the momentum going and you'll be fine

 

[freshair]

Just got a "don't think it's going to work out text". Womp womp

But hey, honesty is nice. Up and onwards!

 

[Smiley90]

Just got a "don't think it's going to work out text". Womp womp

But hey, honesty is nice. Up and onwards!

I actually appreciate those texts so much. Sooooo much better than just getting ignored/faded.

I'm trying not to text the girls I'm planning second/third dates too much but man it's hard not to lol. (By "not too much" I mean letting 2/3 days go by because I don't wanna always be the one to initiate conversation)

 

[SRG01]

I actually appreciate those texts so much. Sooooo much better than just getting ignored/faded.

I'm trying not to text the girls I'm planning second/third dates too much but man it's hard not to lol. (By "not too much" I mean letting 2/3 days go by because I don't wanna always be the one to initiate conversation)

Agreed. Just let me know and no hard feelings, eh?

Question... would you feel better or worse if they stopped talking to you after that?

Well, stop talking right away or at the end of that conversation? I think if it's left to it's logical end -- that is, everyone says their thanks and byes properly -- then it's okay. But if it's more along the lines of NOPE BLOCK, then that's a little iffy.

edit: I'll just add my most recent experience from the other day: she had the courtesy to phone me and say she "just wanted to be friends." I said alright, and we said our goodbyes and that was that. I mean, that's the way dating worked before text messages and the internet, right?

Oh and hilariously, I ended up sending a short text to her this morning because she's new to the city and I meant to give her recommendations of places to go... and she ended up replying me with a text meant for someone else It was painful to read because the other guy wasn't taking it so well. Anyhow, we had a good laugh once I told her of her mistake :lol

 

[freshair]

Question... would you feel better or worse if they stopped talking to you after that?

After they sent the rejection text? Indifferent, I suppose. If they were cool and offered to be friends, I might take them up on that offer, but I'm fine with ending the line of communication after the exchange.

 

[Smiley90]

After they sent the rejection text? Indifferent, I suppose. If they were cool and offered to be friends, I might take them up on that offer, but I'm fine with ending the line of communication after the exchange.

Same. I usually just send back like a "thanks for letting me know, good luck in the future" or so text and then that's it. Unless THEY bring up "want to be friends instead" and I can see myself being friends, no more contact after that or most likely you'd just be annoying them/creeping them out.


Fun story though - After a first date one girl told me she wasn't ready for more right now but she'd like to remain friends. I was like sure, I don't mind, I had other dates lined up and it doesn't hurt to have more friends/people to talk to. That was... 2 weeks ago. Last weekend she apparently changed her mind and backpedaled and now we're having a second date on Wednesday. :lol Apparently me not freaking out about her "not ready" and "just friends" part and the way I talked to her afterwards convinced here to try it. who knows!

... that's definitely not the norm though, pretty sure.

 

[SRG01]

Same. I usually just send back like a "thanks for letting me know, good luck in the future" or so text and then that's it. Unless THEY bring up "want to be friends instead" and I can see myself being friends, no more contact after that or most likely you'd just be annoying them/creeping them out.


Fun story though - After a first date one girl told me she wasn't ready for more right now but she'd like to remain friends. I was like sure, I don't mind, I had other dates lined up and it doesn't hurt to have more friends/people to talk to. That was... 2 weeks ago. Last weekend she apparently changed her mind and backpedaled and now we're having a second date on Wednesday. :lol Apparently me not freaking out about her "not ready" and "just friends" part and the way I talked to her afterwards convinced here to try it. who knows!

... that's definitely not the norm though, pretty sure.

If there was any latent attraction, that's definitely the norm. People always have the option to change their mind about others, given new information, experiences, and impressions.

 

[Smiley90]

If there was any latent attraction, that's definitely the norm. People always have the option to change their mind about others, given new information, experiences, and impressions.

it is? Well see I don't usually try and "be friends" with other people once they turn me down, so maybe. I figure her saying "i'm not ready but let's be friends" was some kind of subconscious "test" on her part, who knows man. Maybe she's now more comfortable with me -shrugs-

 

[stn]

Fun story though - After a first date one girl told me she wasn't ready for more right now but she'd like to remain friends. I was like sure, I don't mind, I had other dates lined up and it doesn't hurt to have more friends/people to talk to. That was... 2 weeks ago. Last weekend she apparently changed her mind and backpedaled and now we're having a second date on Wednesday. :lol Apparently me not freaking out about her "not ready" and "just friends" part and the way I talked to her afterwards convinced here to try it. who knows!

Its possible she had a legitimate change of heart. Or her ego took a hit because you were so okay with it and she figured she was hot enough that you would panic. Or she was just testing you to make sure you weren't/aren't clingy.

Enjoy the date! And ignore my dissection of every minor detail, lol (I can't help it sometimes).

 

[Smiley90]

Its possible she had a legitimate change of heart. Or her ego took a hit because you were so okay with it and she figured she was hot enough that you would panic. Or she was just testing you to make sure you weren't/aren't clingy.

Enjoy the date! And ignore my dissection of every minor detail, lol (I can't help it sometimes).

Pretty sure it's not the second haha. I like to think from talking to her I can tell at least that much. I'm not going in with high expectations, maybe she'll just turn me down after the second date again haha.

 

[EloquentM]

Dang, ol girl is coming over tonight...

 

[davepoobond]

Dang, ol girl is coming over tonight...

Why so late? What does she intend to do?

 

[SRG01]

it is? Well see I don't usually try and "be friends" with other people once they turn me down, so maybe. I figure her saying "i'm not ready but let's be friends" was some kind of subconscious "test" on her part, who knows man. Maybe she's now more comfortable with me -shrugs-

Feelings and attraction aren't as concrete as some people make it out to be. If they were, then how would people fall in and out of love?

Of course, don't deliberately court those girls because of this. A change of heart must be genuine on their part for it to count.

 

[Smiley90]

Why so late? What does she intend to do?

snip

 

[SRG01]

Oh man, that reminds me of a particular story of mine: I was talking to this girl on OkC a few years ago and we said we were going to meet up on so-and-so day. She said she'd give me a text when she's ready. I waited all day and night with no word, so I got pretty fed up and went to bed.

She ends up contacting me fairly late in the evening saying she wants to meet up. Naturally I was kind of terse with her, but I realized about a few weeks or so later that she wanted to hook up.

I guess this is what happens when people have different expectations.

 

[Sketchbag]

I was on Tinder and I found my co-worker on it. I hit yes. She also said yes to me. Tomorrow will be awkward.

 

[Smiley90]

I was on Tinder and I found my co-worker on it. I hit yes. She also said yes to me. Tomorrow will be awkward.

"haha I only swiped right because I wanted to see if you swiped right!!!!!!!"

Calling it.

 

[Sketchbag]

"haha I only swiped right because I wanted to see if you swiped right!!!!!!!"

Calling it.

We haven't really talked that much. Well barely as she's in another department and she'll walk by my desk once every 2 weeks? Maybe she doesn't know I exist.

Interesting. I can make this really awkward now.

 

[davepoobond]

Last post was a joke obvies

I was on Tinder and I found my co-worker on it. I hit yes. She also said yes to me. Tomorrow will be awkward.

Is that better or worse than swiping right to people you know and not getting matched?

 

[Smiley90]

We haven't really talked that much. Well barely as she's in another department and she'll walk by my desk once every 2 weeks? Maybe she doesn't know I exist.

Interesting. I can make this really awkward now.

Is that better or worse than swiping right to people you know and not getting matched?

On the bright side - As a guy you can always pull the "I swipe everyone right, that's how Tinder works for guys" card. Onus is all on her. Sooooooo good luck?

I would SERIOUSLY advice against hooking up with ANYONE from work though.

 

[Sketchbag]

Last post was a joke obvies




Is that better or worse than swiping right to people you know and not getting matched?

I think it's worse if you know them and they don't swipe right.

 

[Sketchbag]

On the bright side - As a guy you can always pull the "I swipe everyone right, that's how Tinder works for guys" card. Onus is all on her. Sooooooo good luck?

I would SERIOUSLY advice against hooking up with ANYONE from work though.

I would rather be upfront with it than beat around the bush. I ain't got time for that.

 

[EloquentM]

Why so late? What does she intend to do?

Talk....lol

 

[potam]

oh so I just remembered this weekend I acted out a scene from an awkward teen sex comedy:

so I'm making out with this girl on my couch, left arm stuck between our bodies (sitting next to each other and just leaned into it), I pull my arm out and swing it around to put around her, elbow her in the face, she looked freaked out, I see some blood on her teeth, so we have to take a timeout to fix the bleed, etc. etc. etc...


sorry for that horrible monster of a sentence

 

[EloquentM]

Wait, really? Why? Is it a "getting to know you" sort of date?

Sarcasm...

 

[potam]

You only cut her lip, right? You didn't like... knock out a tooth or something?

Either way, don't take it so hard . It's possible that you were nurturing and kind, and she saw that you were compassionate and loving!

[think positive]

oh no I thought it was funny

 

[EloquentM]

/wipes egg off face

WAIT WHY ARE YOU ON THE COMPUTER GO ATTEND TO YOUR LADYFRIEND.

(Wash your junk and trim the hair. Get all that smega out.)

The important question though...is she coming back?

Woah woah calm down. She ain't here yet. I always keep my junk clean anyways.

 

[potam]

The important question though...is she coming back?

yeah, but sometimes wolves have to roam

 

[davepoobond]

Woah woah calm down. She ain't here yet. I always keep my junk clean anyways.

take a shower NAO

 

[Passive Assassin]

Don't use the word 'average' and try and get some fun quips in there to show your sense of humour. I get lots of messages complimenting my quirky jokes.

changed it. thanks for the critique.

I like the second one better, personally. First one looks too posed.


I'm not sure palette is the right word here, given that it seems your hobbies fall on one end of the spectrum.

I would add what specific parts of the world you're looking to travel to. Peru? China? etc

Alright. I'm not sure being "chill" is a talent, but whenever I hear that I think of someone that smokes a lot of pot! haha

This is good. Unique. I rarely see people mention actual food or actual useful things (other than the typical FRIENDS FAMILY LOVE.)

.....wat.

i decided to go with something generic for the last part. thanks for the critique!

 

[Cow Mengde]

I hope Jipan is ok. I just saw the other craigslist killer thread and I got worried. I think he'll be fine, but the timing is pretty lousy.

 

[The Smoking Bun]

Requesting a profile critique:

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/aganguly4

Suggestions on how I can improve it?

Spoiler

Plz respond

 

[Cheesecakebobby]

Requesting a profile critique:

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/aganguly4

Suggestions on how I can improve it?

Spoiler

Plz respond

I don't see any reason to be overly humble or to lead with a negative (being stuck in a rut). Everyone here needs to be more positive! You can express the same idea by saying, for example, that you are looking for adventure.

Btw guys you wouldn't believe how easy it is to get dates on okc etc in Japan. I've got one with a hostess on Monday, lol. But I still didn't get a reply from anyone about my issue of not really knowing how to tell a girl they're cool but that I'm not interested in anything romantic, any tips?

 

[Cow Mengde]

Requesting a profile critique:

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/aganguly4

Suggestions on how I can improve it?

Spoiler

Plz respond

You sound overly defensive in a couple of sections. You also mention you're quiet too many times. A lot of women like guys that they can get into a good conversation with. The message me part is especially defensive.

 

[Halcyon]

Requesting a profile critique:

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/aganguly4

Suggestions on how I can improve it?

Spoiler

Plz respond

Less negative. Maybe downplay the videogame stuff. The chances of meeting some pixie videogame nerd girl are probably on the low %. I mean be yourself, but people like people who are well rounded.


I guess it's all a matter of sitting around waiting to catch that big lunker of a fish that you really would like that meets are your compatibility needs, or catch a bunch of fish and see if you can fuck all of them.

 

[j0hnnix]

So we have a date set before I leave to Florida. We had a deep conversation about what we are looking for in a relationship, goals, interests it went into family values, the type of person we are... chemistry from what I can tell is there. And both our interests are in line. She messages me in the morning to say hi and to let me know to have a good day, as I mentioned in the last post we have our boundaries while we work we don't text each and that for me means a lot.. she was shocked that I could cook... how many guys can't cook?? Seriously..

She is Hispanic which puts me in a comfort zone because we have the same values, and I don't have to worry about not speaking Spanish because the other feels uncomfortable. What I enjoy the most is her sense of humor its amazing, she has a great balance between seriousness and playfulness.

 

[stn]

@The Smoking Bun

The following may sound harsh but I'm only trying to give you my best advice! Any questions, please ask. The bolded is what you originally had/have.

I am a rather intense and quiet person who is looking for someone to break me out of my rut and put some excitement into my life.

Translation: I am bored and need someone to excite me. Take this out ASAP. You want to portray that you're exciting from the get-go, not that you need a girl to do this.


What I’m doing with my life
Working with Computer Sciences Corporation since two years, planning on Masters, writing my first novel

This is fine, just throw a witty joke in if you can.

I’m really good at
Conversation, gaming, critical analysis, creative thinking

Erase all of this, replace it with a good joke about something you're good at.

The first things people usually notice about me
My intense quietness

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo. A girl doesn't want to think that her first date with you will be you sitting quietly while she stares at you. Change immediately.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Book: Discworld Series
Movie: Inception
Show: Breaking Bad
Food: Any

Okay.

The six things I could never do without
1. My Internet connection
2. My PS3
3. My Book
4. My friends
5. Certain outfits and shoes
6. My Gym membership

Fine. But try to throw some humor in.

I spend a lot of time thinking about
The novel I am working on and any future stuff I may write

Okay. Again, try to throw humor in.

On a typical Friday night I am
Working at the office since I do Night Shifts for a North American/Offshore account

Translation: you don't go out on weekends. Try to spice this up somehow.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
My claustrophobia

No. Throw a sex joke or something in here, something flirty.

You should message me if
you value intelligence and personality more than looks since the latter can be fixed at the gym

Translation: I am not as confident in my looks as I am in my personality. Erase this all. Don't try to tell a girl what she should like more, just present the whole package and show that you're confident in your looks AND personality.

My general advice to anyone making a profile is to avoid posting lists. Every guy does it. Always throw in humor, you're much more likely to get a response. Everyone can do lists. I've had girls reply to me just because of my humor. Some of them didn't have legitimate interest but the fact is I was able to catch their attention for that split-second. That's good enough for me. You always want to be different than the next guy because you're competing against a swarm of horny men.