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[The Smoking Bun]

I wanted to quote but I think the post would be too long but thank you everyone for your suggestions for improvements. I think my lack of confidence and depressed state is really showing here. A special thank you to stn as well for the detailed critique.

More humour, less games and self loathing, got it.

Less negative. Maybe downplay the videogame stuff. The chances of meeting some pixie videogame nerd girl are probably on the low %. I mean be yourself, but people like people who are well rounded.

Well some of the profiles that caught my eye are one of those "smart/nerd" types with a +80% match rating. Still, I get your point.
I kind of hate writing about myself.

 

[EloquentM]

Well...about last night. Some talking did occur.

 

[Sylas]

I wanted to quote but I think the post would be too long but thank you everyone for your suggestions for improvements. I think my lack of confidence and depressed state is really showing here. A special thank you to stn as well for the detailed critique.

More humour, less games and self loathing, got it.



Well some of the profiles that caught my eye are one of those "smart/nerd" types with a +80% match rating. Still, I get your point.
I kind of hate writing about myself.

Try and have some fun with it! Dating should be fun and weird and silly. Taking yourself, and life, so seriously is one of the things that can be a major turn-off for online dating. Let the parts of your personality that you like shine through!


I promise you that those "nerd/smart" types are absolutely swamped with guys that like vidya and other related goodies constantly hanging off of them, talking about how much their life sucks or is in a rut. Don't be that guy. Be a guy that's relaxing, fun and witty. Mentally stimulating without, y'know, being a fedora about it.

...that said, I updated my profile and I'm just kinda waiting to see what happens. Tossing out a few messages, but not in a huge rush for things.

 

[Septimius]

...intense? I've never noticed anyone being intense in their silence. If you're just incredibly quiet, or if you're a good listener, write that!

I agree. "My ability to understand and listen" is a way more appealing thing to write than basically saying "I will be so quiet it'll be fucking awkward".

Okay, I would run if I saw this, honestly. Do you want to know why? (I'm going to tell you anyway.)

Because, while I agree with what you are saying, I find the people that say things like that in this manner on these websites are really... full of themselves? Slightly bitter? Conceited?

I am turned off by a person that thinks other people that don't share his/her values are automatically inferior.

Also, "looking good" and building muscle is an incredibly difficult, disciplined process. Sure, you may not value it, so you could have just left it at "you value intelligence and personality." Adding in the end really betrays an attitude that is pretty unattractive to me.

Again, I completely agree. If you could fix your (seemingly admittedly) inferior looks (at least inferior to your intelligence, and inferior to what it would be if you worked out), why aren't you doing that? You're basically saying you're good to settle with the way you are. You're also, as backslashbunny points out, completely writing off those who actually do put a lot of effort into working out, as if it is the simplest thing in the world, and that their achievements mean nothing.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Funnily enough I've had first dates where we silently agree that there's nothing there and don't contact each other at all after the date.

 

[The Smoking Bun]

Well I tried to fix my profile to the best of my ability but may have gotten bit overboard.
Still, I think it leaves a better impression than the "I need a therapist" type profile from before

 

[dan2026]

Well I tried to fix my profile to the best of my ability but may have gotten bit overboard.
Still, I think it leaves a better impression than the "I need a therapist" type profile from before

I have gone almost full humour on my profile and to its credit someone has complimented me on it.

Can it actually get me a date? I can but try.

 

[The Smoking Bun]

I have gone almost full humour on my profile and to its credit someone has complimented me on it.

Can it actually get me a date? I can but try.

I think having humour, even too much can be kind of a good thing. It implies a certain degree of sincerity or "aim to please" type rather than a profile that talks about how awesome the profile creator is

 

[Windam]

Why reply to messages if you're not interested in even being friends? I can only be the one asking questions for so long. It would be nice to be asked something back, or just ignored, to be honest. Courtesy be damned for online dating.

 

[The Smoking Bun]

What's your profile again?



Depends on what kind of humor. Too much self-deprecating humor is a meh to me.

I like profiles that make me laugh.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/aganguly4

Tried to be more, "fun"
To be honest most of it does represent my actual personality. No lies but slight exaggeration

 

[dan2026]

Depends on what kind of humor. Too much self-deprecating humor is a meh to me.

I like profiles that make me laugh.

It isn't self deprecating at all really.
More random sillyness.

If anything I've tried to put on a slight air of over confidence. But in any obviously humourous way.

I'm basically starting over again. And its more how I am in real life I suppose.

 

[The Smoking Bun]

I remember your profile now. I think I looked at it earlier.

Just wanted to say yes, I have a much better sense of you now. Personally, I like that it's in your voice now.

edit- Also, I NOTICE YOUR KINK HIDING THERE. Haha. I just wanted to let you know, you might consider Fetlife for exploring that venue. I didn't find my kinky partner on there but it's a great resource to look into play parties, BDSM, etc.

Thanks, glad to know it's better.

And as far as kink is concerned, I need someone who is a bit adventurous anyway
Someone who becomes frumpy in the bedroom is one I would not be able to tolerate
In India such stuff is rather hush hush but people do privately engage in such things just like everywhere else

 

[SRG01]

So I got two matches on Tinder. One of them has a mutual friend -- and posing with a Durian no less! -- and the other doesn't have much. Do I just say hi to the second one?

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Would appreciate any feedback on my OKC profile. I'm going to embed it in a quote, so if you respond don't quote my profile (and keep it a bit vague-ish) or PM me directly. Sorry about all the secrecy!

So I got two matches on Tinder. One of them has a mutual friend -- and posing with a Durian no less! -- and the other doesn't have much. Do I just say hi to the second one?

Try something a little more original, like "you meant to swipe left didn't you" (this is a bit self-deprecating though). Never hurts to message someone though.

 

[Halcyon]

Would appreciate any feedback on my OKC profile.

Welp, what I learned from looking is that we are a 92% match. So lets get our gay on.


I can't fault it because it seems like my profile mostly.

 

[Smiley90]

I deleted my Tinder account, re-opened one and used a different picture.

One day later I already have more matches than I had in my time before all together.

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

 

[The Smoking Bun]

If I pay $1 on OKC to message someone with a full inbox will they know and think less of me for it?

 

[Smiley90]

If I pay $1 on OKC to message someone with a full inbox will they know and think less of me for it?

Don't do it man. Just... don't do it.

 

[Wreck-It Ralph]

I've officially messaged 200 girls on OKC with no success.

Pretty sure there's just something horribly wrong with me.

 

[davepoobond]

If I pay $1 on OKC to message someone with a full inbox will they know and think less of me for it?

They do that? Haha

 

[Smiley90]

I've officially messaged 200 girls on OKC with no success.

Pretty sure there's just something horribly wrong with me.

What do you message them, give us some examples. I'm betting money that it's the messages you sent.

 

[Halcyon]

I've officially messaged 200 girls on OKC with no success.

Pretty sure there's just something horribly wrong with me.

Is success a response at all, or a date which leads to a relationship.

If it's the latter then i mean that's just dating.

If it's the former, you may need to rethink the strategy.

 

[The Smoking Bun]

Don't do it man. Just... don't do it.

Of course not, self respect is a thing. Her loss after all.

 

[E92 M3]

Well...about last night. Some talking did occur.

Moaning and groaning is a valid form of talking.

 

[Wreck-It Ralph]

What do you message them, give us some examples. I'm betting money that it's the messages you sent.

I try to comment on something in their profile. Like, "Hey, I see you like Marvel movies. Are you excited for Guardians of the Galaxy next week?"

I'm curious to see your profile now.

Also, who are you messaging?

I don't really wanna share my profile on here.

And I'm messaging basically everyone with a high match % who have interesting profiles and I find at all attractive.

Basically I search by Online in the Last Day, ordered by Match %, then go down the list. If I message someone and they don't reply (so the bar under their picture is gray instead of red), then I hide their profile.

I have almost completely exhausted the girls in my area with a 90+% match doing this.

I don't even get a reply in the best case scenarios. Okay, so a 95% match, 0% enemy, and we have a bunch of shared interests? Surely I'll at least get a reply, right? Nope!

Is success a response at all, or a date which leads to a relationship.

If it's the latter then i mean that's just dating.

If it's the former, you may need to rethink the strategy.

I can count the number of responses I've gotten on my fingers, only two of those have led to conversations, only one of those led to a date, and I didn't get a second date.

 

[Halcyon]

I can count the number of responses I've gotten on my fingers, only two of those have led to conversations, only one of those led to a date, and I didn't get a second date.

It's probably a physical thing then? I don't know since I don't know what you look like.

 

[Drensch]

I've decided that the flakiness is the worst. Not the fake profiles, not the tubs of messages with no response. Not the imbalances.
Flakiness.
Everything is going good, conversation is flowing and then nothing. Happens all the time, and drives me nuts.

 

[Smiley90]

I try to comment on something in their profile. Like, "Hey, I see you like Marvel movies. Are you excited for Guardians of the Galaxy next week?"



I don't really wanna share my profile on here.

And I'm messaging basically everyone with a high match % who have interesting profiles and I find at all attractive.

Basically I search by Online in the Last Day, ordered by Match %, then go down the list. If I message someone and they don't reply (so the bar under their picture is gray instead of red), then I hide their profile.

I have almost completely exhausted the girls in my area with a 90+% match doing this.

I don't even get a reply in the best case scenarios. Okay, so a 95% match, 0% enemy, and we have a bunch of shared interests? Surely I'll at least get a reply, right? Nope!



I can count the number of responses I've gotten on my fingers, only two of those have led to conversations, only one of those led to a date, and I didn't get a second date.

...maybe you're not attractive to them.

Or maybe something in your profile turns them off. I'm not sure.

mhmm yeah that message seems fine. Next bet would be your profile, yeah. Do you get visits or do you have them turned off? That'd be some kind of indication

 

[Kyne]

*nudges backslashbunny to her inbox*

 

[Halcyon]

My problem with OKCupid is that I'd say a good majority of the attractive women that I talk to and get traffic with live outside my city, and worse live in Canada which is across a lake and international border from me.

There's maybe 15-20 women with profiles from my city and i'm not overly enthusiastic about those options.

The activity feed is 99% from Toronto. I met one of them in Buffalo once but it was such a pain in the ass that I just stopped being tempted by those sweet canadian sirens and won't even converse with them.

You can't seem to show a 'range' with the mobile app. Is this something the desktop site will let you configure?

 

[stn]

@Wreck-It Ralph

Willing to help you fix your profile if you want, PM me it if interested.

 

[Kyne]

My inbox is empty .


Unless you mean the OKC one?

No... it should have been the gaf one. Who the hell did I message o_o

 

[davepoobond]

No... it should have been the gaf one. Who the hell did I message o_o

Lol. Uh oh.

 

[Smiley90]

Lol. Uh oh.

lawl

 

[Floex]

I think having humour, even too much can be kind of a good thing. It implies a certain degree of sincerity or "aim to please" type rather than a profile that talks about how awesome the profile creator is

Dude, get rid of the 'review' in the what you like sections. To put it bluntly, no one gives a shit. No one is reading that going, 'well, I agree with his points'. Just put your likes, and maybe one line if you have too. If they want to find out more, they will ask you.

You're whole profile is like reading a novel, it's too much information. You need to just insinuate what you like.

 

[freshair]

The majority of your replies are going to be based on your pictures. If you have bad pictures, you're not going to get as many replies as you're "capable of", even if you have the greatest profile / opening message.

 

[SRG01]

I've officially messaged 200 girls on OKC with no success.

Pretty sure there's just something horribly wrong with me.

Most of the time, it has nothing to do with the sender but circumstances beyond your control. For instance:

- Location. Your city may have overly active users, which means it's harder for the typical user to stand out.

- Attractiveness of the other. Chances are that your message may get lost in the background noise because of the sheer number of messages.

- Time of day. For some girls, there's a magic period where sending messages have a higher reply rate. Messaging during daytime hours may work for some, while others may ignore it because of work or whatever. Sending a message when others are less likely to send a message -- and if she happens to check her messages at that time -- works too. Anecdotally, I find that lots of girls will check their messages during their breaks or lunch... just don't expect them to be glued to their phones while they're eating.



Of course, your message should be interesting enough to catch her attention and yet easy enough to reply to. Keep it brief, light, and show evidence that you've actually read her profile!

 

[Wreck-It Ralph]

...maybe you're not attractive to them.

Or maybe something in your profile turns them off. I'm not sure.

It's probably a physical thing then? I don't know since I don't know what you look like.

That's pretty much it, as far as I can figure. I'm just ugly.

 

[Kilrogg]

Is there a non-smartphone equivalent to Tinder that doesn't use your Facebook account?

 

[Floex]

That's mean .

Also, not always true. I read it, and I liked it. I prefer the ones when people actually explain WHY they like something.

If I didn't care, I would skim over it, but it's not a detraction unless it's literally 1000 words per item.

I'm not saying you're wrong for thinking the way you do, I'm just saying that I disagree with your perspective, because I personally like all those things.

I say more tough love But seriously, tha's where I think online dating is such a bland experience at times, you want to be finding this stuff out when you meet someone, face to face. Typing it out all in text on a dating website, it just means nothing. Tha's a great thing about dating someone new, finding out their passions, their interests, I don't want to feel by the first date I know someone inside out.

But hey, tha's just me.

 

[y2dvd]

Why reply to messages if you're not interested in even being friends? I can only be the one asking questions for so long. It would be nice to be asked something back, or just ignored, to be honest. Courtesy be damned for online dating.

This drives me crazy. I hate having to carry a conversation. If they don't engage back, just take it as a sign they aren't really interested and move on. If they were interested, they would ask you things in return. This is why I try to close a date as soon as I think the conversation is going stale.

I've officially messaged 200 girls on OKC with no success.

Pretty sure there's just something horribly wrong with me.

Could be a cold period. I'm sure I've sent that many messages before with no response lol.

I've decided that the flakiness is the worst. Not the fake profiles, not the tubs of messages with no response. Not the imbalances.
Flakiness.
Everything is going good, conversation is flowing and then nothing. Happens all the time, and drives me nuts.

I'm paranoid about flakiness now. I already had it happen to me twice and now I will just shoot a text before heading out to make sure they are still game. Better safe than sorry and waste my time. Flaking happens to everyone though. My buddy had it happen to him the other night and dude is a hunk.

The majority of your replies are going to be based on your pictures. If you have bad pictures, you're not going to get as many replies as you're "capable of", even if you have the greatest profile / opening message.

Totally agree with this. First step is to attract with your pics. Second step is the profile.

 

[Maddocks]

I once send out 100 messages a day and got 1 reply back. Over the course of my account I have sent out 600 messages and only had success twice. Don't even worry about the message count, just keep on keepin' on.

Message everyone and everything, if you think you don't have a chance then you are already setting yourself up for failure.

 

[TheApatheticOne]

So the last two girls Ive met after a almost year hiatus from OKC....

Girl #1 - We talk and text for a week, plan for date on Saturday. Added each other on FB, snapchat, etc. Talked on the phone twice for over 2 hours each time. Same time of humor, etc. Tells me she is so excited for Satuday on Friday night. Last time I heard from her. Closed her OKC account, ignored my two text - "Good morning!" and "So whats the plan for this evening?" hours later, and dropped me from FB. Picture of her FB changed to her and another guy.

Girl #2 - Talk on the phone for 2 hours. Go out to eat yesterday and stayed for 3 hours, very talkative, laughing, etc. Has blown me off completely.

Welp. Lol

 

[Smiley90]

So the last two girls Ive met after a almost year hiatus from OKC....

Girl #1 - We talk and text for a week, plan for date on Saturday. Added each other on FB, snapchat, etc. Talked on the phone twice for over 2 hours each time. Same time of humor, etc. Tells me she is so excited for Satuday on Friday night. Last time I heard from her. Closed her OKC account, ignored my two text - "Good morning!" and "So whats the plan for this evening?" hours later, and dropped me from FB. Picture of her FB changed to her and another guy.

Girl #2 - Talk on the phone for 2 hours. Go out to eat yesterday and stayed for 3 hours, very talkative, laughing, etc. Has blown me off completely.

Welp. Lol

... wait, why did you add each other on facebook already oO

 

[Kilrogg]

I once send out 100 messages a day and got 1 reply back. Over the course of my account I have sent out 600 messages and only had success twice. Don't even worry about the message count, just keep on keepin' on.

Message everyone and everything, if you think you don't have a chance then you are already setting yourself up for failure.

Just so we're clear, you message pretty much every girl, regardless of whether you find them cute and/or interesting? Do you just ignore those who reply if you don't like them then?

 

[The Smoking Bun]

Dude, get rid of the 'review' in the what you like sections. To put it bluntly, no one gives a shit. No one is reading that going, 'well, I agree with his points'. Just put your likes, and maybe one line if you have too. If they want to find out more, they will ask you.

You're whole profile is like reading a novel, it's too much information. You need to just insinuate what you like.

It's not a review as much as a clever way of describing myself. Discworld is magical, pure and has a big heart. Like me! Not to mention I kept it as brief as possible. You should see some of the other girl's profiles that read like Rottentomatoes.com

If they don't give a shit then they can skip it.
If they lack that much patience then I don't want anything to do with them.

I once send out 100 messages a day and got 1 reply back. Over the course of my account I have sent out 600 messages and only had success twice. Don't even worry about the message count, just keep on keepin' on.

Message everyone and everything, if you think you don't have a chance then you are already setting yourself up for failure.

It's like real life. Hundreds of people not talking to each other.
Why even join such a website if you won't give anyone the time of day?
Is this ego stroking? Look how many guys wanna talk to me?

 

[SRG01]

I once send out 100 messages a day and got 1 reply back. Over the course of my account I have sent out 600 messages and only had success twice. Don't even worry about the message count, just keep on keepin' on.

Message everyone and everything, if you think you don't have a chance then you are already setting yourself up for failure.

Mmm, personally I would advise against such strategy. I mean, messaging people constantly and not worrying about replies is a good attitude to have, but a low reply rate would warrant a different approach. Just the sheer amount of time to message that many girls would be exhausting.

So the last two girls Ive met after a almost year hiatus from OKC....

Girl #1 - We talk and text for a week, plan for date on Saturday. Added each other on FB, snapchat, etc. Talked on the phone twice for over 2 hours each time. Same time of humor, etc. Tells me she is so excited for Satuday on Friday night. Last time I heard from her. Closed her OKC account, ignored my two text - "Good morning!" and "So whats the plan for this evening?" hours later, and dropped me from FB. Picture of her FB changed to her and another guy.

Girl #2 - Talk on the phone for 2 hours. Go out to eat yesterday and stayed for 3 hours, very talkative, laughing, etc. Has blown me off completely.

Welp. Lol

Ouch, that sucks dude.

 

[bidguy]

ok i made a okcupid account yesterday just for fun without filling out ANYTHING and this girl messages me and tells me she wants to meet gave me her number and everything but the thing is she had no picture whatsoever and her sign date was the one where she messaged me. did she sign up to contact me or what ?

said shes gonna text me some pics later

i fucking hate online dating am i gonna get murdered ? didnt give my number yet and im thinking about deleting my profile

edit : why the fuck cant i view people who liked me ? whats this shit i gotta pay to view that ? how am i gonna text with anyone if i gotta pay for that ?

 

[davepoobond]

A big part about it is the ego stroking. I'll bet there are a lot of girls who are technically unavailable that like to hear their phone going off with messages from salivating men. Not sure now they would hide it, but sometimes you have to wonder.

It probably happens the other way too, but I don't spend time looking at dudes profiles, so I don't really have an opinion.

ok i made a okcupid account yesterday just for fun without filling out ANYTHING and this girl messages me and tells me she wants to meet gave me her number and everything but the thing is she had no picture whatsoever and her sign date was the one where she messaged me. did she sign up to contact me or what ?

said shes gonna text me some pics later

i fucking hate online dating am i gonna get murdered ? didnt give my number yet and im thinking about deleting my profile

Probably a scammer. Google the phone number.

 

[Luigi87]

ok i made a okcupid account yesterday just for fun without filling out ANYTHING and this girl messages me and tells me she wants to meet gave me her number and everything but the thing is she had no picture whatsoever and her sign date was the one where she messaged me. did she sign up to contact me or what ?

said shes gonna text me some pics later

i fucking hate online dating am i gonna get murdered ? didnt give my number yet and im thinking about deleting my profile

That's a phishing bot.