Yeah, you're probably right.
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Just...don't consider time spent texting as time spent in a relationship. Texting is easy and requires zero commitment. You spent four dates together. A good start, but nothing that indicates "there has to be something here to drive two people to stick with this for months like we did despite everything holding it back from working"
ZackieChan
Member
Pretty much. The sooner you realize it, the better. You'll be free!
Also, don't text so damn much. Fill your life with awesome things, so that you can't be texting all the time!
Also, don't text so damn much. Fill your life with awesome things, so that you can't be texting all the time!
Just continue to put yourself out there and date around, building both experience and also allowing yourself to become desensitized to the whole experience. By the latter I mean, you don't get obsessed with a girl after just a few dates.
Also you say you want to end it but you can still be in contact with her, just you know, not in a romantic or "we're exclusive" kind of way. She can still be a friend who when she visits might want sex. And maybe you'll be dating someone and won't need it and just ignored her or, maybe you'll have gotten out of a two year relationship and she just so happens to be coming to visit that weekend acting as a great pick-me-up.
Started texting with this girl on tinder. There was a pretty frequent exchange at first (first two days) but the last two days she has only texted me at like 7am. What kind of time to write someone is that? I don't get it and it's annoying me.
Not everyone is as thirsty as me but come on. Oh well, guess I'll have something nice to wake up to.
Not everyone is as thirsty as me but come on. Oh well, guess I'll have something nice to wake up to.
ZackieChan
Member
Get a grip, dude. Maybe she woke up and replied/sent messages? If you want a date, ask her on a date. Stop making small talk.
J
Jpop
Unconfirmed Member
So, I met up with this girl that seems super into me on Tinder.
Now I had seen her Instagram and we are snapchat friends, but for some reason I was expecting her to somehow not be as attractive in person. She was actually more attractive in person and seemed super normal.
She is just really forward about how attracted to me she is I guess, it is weird?
Edit:
Right now though both are phones are useless. Mine was stolen and hers dies randomly, but we made plans again for tomorrow. We're gonna take a walk through CP and nap on the green.
She also said she bought a new skin tight dress today that she could wear for me anytime.
Now I had seen her Instagram and we are snapchat friends, but for some reason I was expecting her to somehow not be as attractive in person. She was actually more attractive in person and seemed super normal.
She is just really forward about how attracted to me she is I guess, it is weird?
Edit:
Right now though both are phones are useless. Mine was stolen and hers dies randomly, but we made plans again for tomorrow. We're gonna take a walk through CP and nap on the green.
She also said she bought a new skin tight dress today that she could wear for me anytime.
I don't know if I want a date or not because right now I don't know that much about her. Only one pic, we exchanged like 5 messages each. Is getting to know eachother considered small talk?
edit: actually it's more like 10 each but it still feels super early. I'm not stalling I'll happily ask her.
ZackieChan
Member
You do that on the date. Otherwise you're wasting time talking with someone that you may not even like when you finally meet up.
The whole point of all of this is to meet face to face to see if there's attraction and chemistry. Texting is 100% different and not indicative of what an irl meetup will be like. Better to hasten the meetup, and spend all that texting time setting up meets with other girls concurrently. Or doing things to lead an interesting and attractive life. That, in turn, leads to more dates, and even meeting people offline.
This...makes sense. What have I been doing so far. Fuck. Thanks dude.
J
Jpop
Unconfirmed Member
Eh, I disagree. You can build a great verbal rapport over text with a girl that lays a foundation for an awesome date with no awkwardness ECT.. .
It is all a matter of what and hoe you text them.
ZackieChan
Member
I've had a number of amazing texting experiences that ended up falling totally flat when meeting in person. My dates aren't awkward at all. Not sure why they would be.
J
Jpop
Unconfirmed Member
I never said they were. I'm just saying that for some people getting to know the other person over text first isnt a horrible idea.
J
Jpop
Unconfirmed Member
Hopefully she'll tell me her interests tomorrow (which is pretty important to me), then that might give me an incentive to ask her out.
I mean you don't just go, yo what are you interested in?
I usually get the girl to play a question game and I get her to ask the first question.
Goes pretty smooth and the conversation gendrally evolves pretty naturally based on what you ask.
You also have to hint at sexual questions being open for asking as well.
This should be stickied at the top of every page.
As for only messaging early morning - I do that sometimes when I'm busy at work / have plans throughout the night or with people. Although I'm normally a very good texter, life happens and those few minutes between waking up and getting out of bed is a great time to look through all of my phone's notifications / apps. Recently I was slightly annoyed at how little one woman was texting, went on a date with her, really enjoyed it and have only been going on dates with her since then. I connected more with her than the previous recent dates who were glued to their phone.
Just, whatever you do, don't be this girl:
ZackieChan
Member
That's a lot of work, when you could be talking about all that on an actual date. It gives you a ton of stuff to talk about. But, you do you!
This should be stickied at the top of every page.
As for only messaging early morning - I do that sometimes when I'm busy at work / have plans throughout the night or with people. Although I'm normally a very good texter, life happens and those few minutes between waking up and getting out of bed is a great time to look through all of my phone's notifications / apps. Recently I was slightly annoyed at how little one woman was texting, went on a date with her, really enjoyed it and have only been going on dates with her since then. I connected more with her than the previous recent dates who were glued to their phone.
Just, whatever you do, don't be this girl:
Why he texting at 5am?
ZackieChan
Member
Elaborate on that game? I do hate the "I live here and here, what about you?" back and forth exchange.
J
Jpop
Unconfirmed Member
And I'm telling you some people are more comfortable and natural through text than in person. I don't see why you have trouble understanding that?
I mean it isn't really a game, it is essentially just asking them a question and them asking you something.
But by calling it a game you instill the idea that it is going to be continous and by the girl initiating the game she understands it is going to be multi-questioned.
And by leaving open asking sexual/heated questions you leave a little excitement on the table.
"Feel free to ask me anything, I'm not shy
"So it is basically a game of chicken each question slowly nearing you into a sexual conversation.
ZackieChan
Member
Yes, but that's like practicing basketball in order to prepare for a baseball game. Isn't the ultimate goal to meet up with them in person? Why not move for that ASAP? You'll find that most of the regular posters in here agree. They could be totally different (and often are) when you meet them in person. If you don't like them, you've just wasted all that time texting. Maybe it's a generational thing.
J
Jpop
Unconfirmed Member
Because if you just picked up the ball for the first time and rush out to play a game 99.9% of the time you are gonna lose.
One match legit texted me at 6am a day after we met so I'm not surprised.
And by that, I mean in a pretty socially awkward way too.
RE: Texting before dates, I'm usually a pretty verbose and good texter but at the same time, I like to take my sweet time replying to texts (read: I procrastinate). Sometimes I'll reply an hour or several hours later. Only in one case this year has a girl been super needy that she got angry at me for going silent; I had to take a shower and get changed to head out to meet up with my old English professor that day. I explained this to her and then went silent again. I never met up with her. I usually take as long as the other person took to reply to my text so if it takes several minutes later, to reply, I'll wait several minutes before replying back. I like my space with texting girls during the early dating stages but play it by ear. I get annoyed with girls who like to talk and talk forever via text before meeting up since it never ends.
However, I've only had one instance this year where a girl got frustrated with me since I made regular conversation after she gave me her number with the hint to ask her out. I thought she was being dismissive but eh, that was a lesson learned. A little less conversation, a little more action goes a long way.
Now that I have a moment after hitting the gym here's the long version typed from my phone. I should preface this by saying that we both Liked each other on OKC:
I messaged a girl who very clearly had listed that she was into kinky stuff in the message section and can't live without sex; she would reiterate this later. Any way, she hinted that she was into tall, dark, and handsome dudes since I told her not to expect a certain romance novel mod and would give me her number at the date so a good sign of things to come.
Met up to go to a small Black Lives Matter art exhibition. It was pretty damn fascinating and the artist was cool if nervous. The girl it turns out is an activist and into social justice in her spare time. She asked me how my OKC experience was which I found a bit odd but I said it's been quite the experience.
Fast forward to the park since that's where the heart of this post is without getting super verbose. I noticed that she was smiling a lot and into everything I was saying. There was a point where she looked down at my lips so I went in and made out with her. She then asked me what I was looking for after the sexual tension was broken. I told her the truth and said that I don't know but it's definitely not a hook up since I'm just looking to see where things go. She told me she had a checklist of stuff to which I asked what if a guy doesn't meet all of it. I got that she's willing to make exceptions.
What ensued afterwards was lots of touching of the body, embracing/cuddling, kissing of the neck, arms, and face with the occasional licking. She threw me a ton of sexual inuendos and mentioned that she's had multiple partners because she loves sex (double standards of online dating). There were points where she would occasionally bite my arm or neck lightly with consent and lots of teasing. She couldn't take her hands off of me since she kept rubbing her hand along my leg.
It got to the point where right before I stood up, she stood between my leg looking down at me. As we where walking to the subway, we would occasionally stop to make out or embrace. There was a point where she put my arm between her boobs and another point where I ran my hand along them. All of this was in public. She's a bit nuts but in a good way since she has anxiety and said that she's a massive tease.
I followed up with her and she would be down to do it again so trying to shoot for next Monday. My mind is saying to take it slow but my dong is going insane. She hinted at me that we need to watch Young Frankenstein in bed and wants to help me work out. I'll be a bit cynical until plans are set in stone but this seems promising so I'm looking to enjoy the ride. I'll remain skeptical because again, it's online dating; interest can be gone instantly if not tomorrow. I have options and will keep them open.
However, I've only had one instance this year where a girl got frustrated with me since I made regular conversation after she gave me her number with the hint to ask her out. I thought she was being dismissive but eh, that was a lesson learned. A little less conversation, a little more action goes a long way.
Now that I have a moment after hitting the gym here's the long version typed from my phone. I should preface this by saying that we both Liked each other on OKC:
I messaged a girl who very clearly had listed that she was into kinky stuff in the message section and can't live without sex; she would reiterate this later. Any way, she hinted that she was into tall, dark, and handsome dudes since I told her not to expect a certain romance novel mod and would give me her number at the date so a good sign of things to come.
Met up to go to a small Black Lives Matter art exhibition. It was pretty damn fascinating and the artist was cool if nervous. The girl it turns out is an activist and into social justice in her spare time. She asked me how my OKC experience was which I found a bit odd but I said it's been quite the experience.
Fast forward to the park since that's where the heart of this post is without getting super verbose. I noticed that she was smiling a lot and into everything I was saying. There was a point where she looked down at my lips so I went in and made out with her. She then asked me what I was looking for after the sexual tension was broken. I told her the truth and said that I don't know but it's definitely not a hook up since I'm just looking to see where things go. She told me she had a checklist of stuff to which I asked what if a guy doesn't meet all of it. I got that she's willing to make exceptions.
What ensued afterwards was lots of touching of the body, embracing/cuddling, kissing of the neck, arms, and face with the occasional licking. She threw me a ton of sexual inuendos and mentioned that she's had multiple partners because she loves sex (double standards of online dating). There were points where she would occasionally bite my arm or neck lightly with consent and lots of teasing. She couldn't take her hands off of me since she kept rubbing her hand along my leg.
It got to the point where right before I stood up, she stood between my leg looking down at me. As we where walking to the subway, we would occasionally stop to make out or embrace. There was a point where she put my arm between her boobs and another point where I ran my hand along them. All of this was in public. She's a bit nuts but in a good way since she has anxiety and said that she's a massive tease.
I followed up with her and she would be down to do it again so trying to shoot for next Monday. My mind is saying to take it slow but my dong is going insane. She hinted at me that we need to watch Young Frankenstein in bed and wants to help me work out. I'll be a bit cynical until plans are set in stone but this seems promising so I'm looking to enjoy the ride. I'll remain skeptical because again, it's online dating; interest can be gone instantly if not tomorrow. I have options and will keep them open.
I'm not sure what's happening here, but I'm getting lots of Tinder matches with women who just say Hello/Hi/Hey (MyName) and nothing else. They don't have anything written in their profile either, so I know they're scammers...
Has this happened to anyone else? I went through an entire two or three months with no scammers and suddenly I'm getting them all the time.
Has this happened to anyone else? I went through an entire two or three months with no scammers and suddenly I'm getting them all the time.
Well you are the one swiping them.
My rule of thumb is if their profile is blank, it's an auto-swipe left.
That's true too.
The thing is that I'm just swiping all to the right because I'm getting so few hits in the first place.
Eh it's basically important to remember that, in the bigger picture, this isn't something to invest yourself more than you should.
I mean, I enjoy being matched with someone as much as the next person and I've had some really great experiences with this one person because of the app. Yet, the swiping part of the entire thing has always been just me wanting to do something with my hands while I wait/procrastinate on something. Hence, I don't mind being picky about my deck.
I've actually had more hits on Bumble than Tinder, which is encouraging. But yeah, I'm not putting too much stock into Tinder these days.
Did I forget to mention how horrible the agony of experiencing blue balls is? I was lying on the floor in pain last night as it took several hours to subside. Now I know why I loathe being teased. I still have a tiny bit of pain now it's gone for the most part.
Oh and of this moment, the chick hasn't responded to the Monday date idea but I'm not sweating it since I'll chalk it up to her going to sleep. If anything, I'll follow up with her in a few days.
Oh and of this moment, the chick hasn't responded to the Monday date idea but I'm not sweating it since I'll chalk it up to her going to sleep. If anything, I'll follow up with her in a few days.
You sure she didn't just want a hookup?
I think she did because my mom was baffled when she asked why I didn't have sex with her after I got home (I'm open about my dating life with her). She kept mentioning sex and sexual inuendos a lot. I might have been captain oblivious in the moment upon thinking about it. I might might have done goof but maybe I can rectify that; she asked me what I'm doing this weekend and I said not much, then mentioned going to the Afropunk Festival. I hope I'm not overthinking this.
Will the Thrill
Banned
I only swipe right when the profile is blank if they have something like an Instagram linked. That and honestly I haven't seen any bots go past 4 pictures in their profile (The ones in my area always have SUPER artifact-ed photos lol), so I tend to give 5+ the benefit of the doubt. A couple of my dates have been from profiles like that where when I asked they just said "Can't think of anything lol"
Yeah, the innuendos, plus the mention of sex and kink on her profile, and her asking "what are you looking for" after your initial makeout seem like she wanted to hookup.
True Savior
Member
I was talking with a girl and she said
"...but I dont take the pill though
"
the hell.
"...but I dont take the pill though
"
the hell.
I was talking with a girl and she said
"...but I dont take the pill though
"
the hell.
Could be sarcasm, which never works over text.
Otherwise run. Run you fool.
True Savior
Member
I have started my backpedaling.
ZackieChan
Member
Maybe we need the conversation context, but any sexually active woman who's going to give a wink about not being on the pill should probably be on the pill.
True Savior
Member
It wouldn't be any other way though. She also told me she was STD's free. It was a bizarre succession of messages ending with the pill remark. It smelled like crazy pussy.
All is well. She's down to meet up on Monday. I'm meeting her at the place where she volunteers at so I was overthinking it. Guaranteed to hit a home run that night since I mentioned the blue balls to her to which she responded favorably to. It sounds a lot like the Mexican girl I messed around with last summer.
It'll be worth the extra subway fare I'm going to spend to see her. It sounds like I'm in for one hell of a ride next week! (pun not intended)
The deed has been done; she confirmed. Never gone out with a girl who's into kinky stuff so it sounds like probably going to learn a lot. Will keep an open mind. I'm a bit scared admittedly but in the words of Ice T: Fuck it (pun not intended again).
Hi GAF I made a tinder account for the first time
I have two questions
first is when is the best time to use the app I guess, have a friend telling me he uses it at night and finds more matches then?
secondly, from what I hear girls mainly just look at pictures of you right, or are there other things I should do to pimp out my profile?
I only have 3 pics and my bio is fairly dry so I'd rather that not inhibit anything.
so far only matches I've gotten has been a bot (or at least I'm pretty sure they're a bot since they messaged me first with "hiya baby") and one girl who I matched with but now isn't showing up on the chat screen
also I'm out of likes now lmao
I have two questions
first is when is the best time to use the app I guess, have a friend telling me he uses it at night and finds more matches then?
secondly, from what I hear girls mainly just look at pictures of you right, or are there other things I should do to pimp out my profile?
I only have 3 pics and my bio is fairly dry so I'd rather that not inhibit anything.
so far only matches I've gotten has been a bot (or at least I'm pretty sure they're a bot since they messaged me first with "hiya baby") and one girl who I matched with but now isn't showing up on the chat screen
also I'm out of likes now lmao
Didn't bother sending another text. Figured that might look needy and kill any chances of something in the future. Heard nothing from her either. Oh well. Been trying everything I can to take my mind off of it. I deleted her texts/pics, unfollowed her on Facebook, and created a Tinder account. I've been avoiding OKC until she officially left town and would no longer appear on the site for me. Then today she shows up on Tinder and ruined all of my progress. I just can't catch a break right now.
The pool on Tinder is huge compared to OKC, but as usual so few that I'm actually interested in. I think I'm too picky or online dating just attracts the kinds of girls I'm not into. I'm 23, have terrible social anxiety, and don't enjoy drinking or partying. I come from a family of heavy drinkers so I've seen the negative effects of it (one of which resulted in death) and I just want nothing to do with it. So practically all of the girls I would match with on these sites are turning legal drinking age and want someone to go out and experience it with them. The few who don't are an incredibly small pool to choose from which is why I've only managed dates with two girls in the two years I've been doing this. Both of which were drinkers themselves, but had enough in common with me to overlook it.
Anyway, thanks for the advice from all who gave it this summer. Listening to it would've made this summer end better, but I don't regret pursuing this because the "what if" would've eaten me alive for a long time. Plus, I got useful experience out of it, and a small confidence boost that I attracted a girl like her.
The pool on Tinder is huge compared to OKC, but as usual so few that I'm actually interested in. I think I'm too picky or online dating just attracts the kinds of girls I'm not into. I'm 23, have terrible social anxiety, and don't enjoy drinking or partying. I come from a family of heavy drinkers so I've seen the negative effects of it (one of which resulted in death) and I just want nothing to do with it. So practically all of the girls I would match with on these sites are turning legal drinking age and want someone to go out and experience it with them. The few who don't are an incredibly small pool to choose from which is why I've only managed dates with two girls in the two years I've been doing this. Both of which were drinkers themselves, but had enough in common with me to overlook it.
Anyway, thanks for the advice from all who gave it this summer. Listening to it would've made this summer end better, but I don't regret pursuing this because the "what if" would've eaten me alive for a long time. Plus, I got useful experience out of it, and a small confidence boost that I attracted a girl like her.
Doesn't matter at all. I'd say writing to girls past 11pm is a bad sign for most, unless it's a late weekend and you're looking for a quickie.
Yeah very few people look at your description honestly. Just put a funny joke on there or something, don't write a long story about yourself on Tinder. That's not what works.
3 pics is fine, it does the job. It's what the pics are of that matters. For 3 pics, I'd say 1) pic of you 2) pic of you doing something cool/activity, etc 3) pic with friends but where it's still easy to pick you out