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[thesoapster]

It happens. I remember being super hyped up for my first OKC date. Like, embarrassingly so. It was about 9 years ago and I had just lost 80lbs, going from overweight to fit. Had previously never been on a traditional date so I was nervous. Was killing time in my office after work until the date by practicing what I would say, writing down different topics I could talk about if the conversation died, etc. I get there and see it - she weighs about 100lbs more than what I would have thought. I still have a fun time drinking and chatting but that was the moment I realized I should drop any sense of expectation or romantic mystique when it came to online dating. I looked at her profile and realized all her pics were only of her face and made it a rule to not go on a date unless a body shot was present. I definitely understand why someone would feel self-conscious and not post a body shot but I still felt it was misleading. Began to treat reading a dating profile like if it was a puzzle game - picking up on patterns that are potential red flags, etc.

So basically what I'm saying is, it happens!

Yeah, I suppose. I've been on a few dates, so I wasn't really nervous. I actually kind of expected it to happen, but I at least thought her face would look more like her photo lol. I need to get more photos up on OKC/Tinder. My ones up now aren't misleading, but at most it's showing chest up - I should get a decent quality body shot photo taken.

 

[Shanlei91]

Aaand a cute girl I matched with today on Tinder wants to meet up downtown right now. I feel like my luck on the app accelerated once I said I was going to uninstall it.

 

[True Savior]

The misleading photos seems like a natural occurrence for anyone that uses online dating and goes on several dates. Happened twice (girl packing a bit more weight than expected). First one was pure ingenuity from me (was just starting) as she only showed her pretty face. The other one was a master of illusion. She showed her body but it was like dark clothes in perfectly contrasting photos. That one I felt completely mislead. She knew what she was doing. Both dates were more than fine though.

 

[Haloid1177]

How many pics are good for a profile? I am absolutely not a picture person, have always hated it, but I guess I need to get past that. I know pets are good. Starting with OKC but this is so weird to me lol

 

[Salamando]

How many pics are good for a profile? I am absolutely not a picture person, have always hated it, but I guess I need to get past that. I know pets are good. Starting with OKC but this is so weird to me lol

Three pics, max of one selfie. Clearly show off your face and (clothed) body. It takes a few instants to look at your pics, so make sure they say something about you...I love to travel, I love my family, I love my dog, I love adventure, I love cooking, I love running...all easily photographed, and says more than the text alone would.

 

[Shanlei91]

A Bumble match texts me saying that we should push our date tonight to 6 because of the rain. Following that she then says she has to leave at 7 for spin class. Following that she then says we should cancel tonight's date due to weather.

Is it bad I don't even want to reschedule?

How many pics are good for a profile? I am absolutely not a picture person, have always hated it, but I guess I need to get past that. I know pets are good. Starting with OKC but this is so weird to me lol

I think 4 or 5 should be the minimum. I'm not sure what's the consensus but I don't trust any profiles I come across with 1-3 photos. My logic: 1 means you're not taking it seriously and 3 means you're probably a bot. The selfie, the body shot, the "social" pic are the core items you want included.

 

[Makonero]

A Bumble match texts me saying that we should push our date tonight to 6 because of the rain. Following that she then says she has to leave at 7 for spin class. Following that she then says we should cancel tonight's date due to weather.

Is it bad I don't even want to reschedule?

Nope, I certainly wouldn't. Find someone more interested in hanging out and hang with her.

 

[Jhoan]

How many pics are good for a profile? I am absolutely not a picture person, have always hated it, but I guess I need to get past that. I know pets are good. Starting with OKC but this is so weird to me lol

I think at least 5-8 pictures is the sweet spot. Preferably doing different things/a variety of shots. If you have access to an animal, then yes, it would help but also doing activities. Here's my OKC profile for reference. It's not perfect as I tweak it from time time to time but I get unsolicited messages every now and then: www.okcupid.com/profile/heightsartist

A Bumble match texts me saying that we should push our date tonight to 6 because of the rain. Following that she then says she has to leave at 7 for spin class. Following that she then says we should cancel tonight's date due to weather.

Is it bad I don't even want to reschedule?



I think 4 or 5 should be the minimum. I'm not sure what's the consensus but I don't trust any profiles I come across with 1-3 photos. My logic: 1 means you're not taking it seriously and 3 means you're probably a bot. The selfie, the body shot, the "social" pic are the core items you want included.

I've canned or flaked on dates because of the weather and vice versa. Last year there was a girl who kept procrastinating on me (she went on vacation, made excuses) and I kept procrastinating on her (I lost interest over time). She wanted to meet after 9pm because she had classes in the evening which I thought was ridiculous. In the end, I never met up with her and moved on.

I don't blame you for not wanting to reschedule because her constant postponement was a telling sign that she would have made excuses in the future. I think the rain wasn't that bad last night since I had a big umbrella but many people tend to be fair weather friendly.

I think a profile with 3 photos at least on OKC is fine in my opinion as long as there's a solid amount of content in their profile. However, it's usually a case where the person is self-conscious about their body so I'm wary of it. If the quality of pictures looks kind of crappy and it's a mirror shot, my bot senses start tingling so I'll reverse Google Image search it to see if I get any hits.

Man the CMB wave is hitting me like a truck! I'm closing in on a date with the 20 year old for next Sunday. She's one of those peeps who prefers to use Whatsapp so no Snapchat thankfully. However, I don't really like using messaging clients to talk since they're data drainers but I'll have to play ball and comply. =/ It looks like I have to do a mandatory update since the current version I have on my phone will be obsolete in 12 days. I think I'm going to have to upgrade to a 128GB microSD.

I've also been talking to a 26 year old Indian girl who's quite tall at 5'10'' just how I like them and I'm closing in on a date with her; I started talking to a 29 year old Jewish girl who does freelance theatre work; I just got matched up with a girl I had been eyeing for a while. Oh and the 33 year old on OKC replied since we're getting a back and forth going. Oh boy! I'm in for a ride! /s

 

[Jhoan]

Welp and just like that a date has been set for Sunday, another is to be tomorrow morning or evening once the time is ironed out, and at least two more dates lined up next week. This excludes the outcomes of this week's dates that could turn into second dates. I'm concerned that the 20 year old might get attached which is not what I want. I guess I'm back in the dating pool for this year. As long as I space them out, keep it cheap, and give myself time to process them, I'll be fine. Cuffing season is in full swing.

 

[Shanlei91]

Nope, I certainly wouldn't. Find someone more interested in hanging out and hang with her.

I don't blame you for not wanting to reschedule because her constant postponement was a telling sign that she would have made excuses in the future. I think the rain wasn't that bad last night since I had a big umbrella but many people tend to be fair weather friendly.

I normally have a no tolerance policy on flakers because either they'll continue to flake or when I do finally meet they end up being duds. Like not even an interesting story to tell, just a traditional boring date. Anyway, gave her a second chance and she bailed again.

Welp and just like that a date has been set for Sunday, another is to be tomorrow morning or evening once the time is ironed out, and at least two more dates lined up next week. This excludes the outcomes of this week's dates that could turn into second dates. I'm concerned that the 20 year old might get attached which is not what I want. I guess I'm back in the dating pool for this year. As long as I space them out, keep it cheap, and give myself time to process them, I'll be fine. Cuffing season is in full swing.

Haha sounds like you've got a full schedule. I think Cuffing Season gets more intense the closer it is to Valentine's day. Five girls messaged me first on OkCupid yesterday, that never happens.

 

[Haloid1177]

Don't wanna jinx anything but one of the girls I exchanged maybe 10 messages with said if her friend's wedding doesn't interfere she'll take me up on our brunch date. Talk about nervous lol I haven't been on a date in three years.

 

[Jhoan]

I normally have a no tolerance policy on flakers because either they'll continue to flake or when I do finally meet they end up being duds. Like not even an interesting story to tell, just a traditional boring date. Anyway, gave her a second chance and she bailed again.



Haha sounds like you've got a full schedule. I think Cuffing Season gets more intense the closer it is to Valentine's day. Five girls messaged me first on OkCupid yesterday, that never happens.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. You were right to trust your gut in the first place since it's never wrong. Speaking of flakers, l guess who got flaked today? That's right, me. At 7:36am, I got a wall of text on CMB with the following:

Hey, Jhoan. Sorry to do this last minute but I think I might have to cancel our coffee. I just met with another person on CMB that I get along with really well. Didn't want to be rude and cancel, especially since its still so early to tell but I think I need to see how this pans out. You seem to have cool creative vibes. I'm sorry to not get to know you a bit better.

Online dating™ I was in front of the coffee shop and saw this message after the meeting initial time. It was 5 minutes away from my place so I didn't waste any money and went off to the gym but I was disappointed. I'm not going to bother replying since it sounds like an excuse. Two girls have given me excuses this year. I'm off to a great start since it improves my BS radar. Remember guys, it helps to be cynical. At least I have the date with 20 year old to look forward to but who knows what excuse she'll make at the last minute.

What do you have written on your profile that you got 5 messages out of the blue?

Don't wanna jinx anything but one of the girls I exchanged maybe 10 messages with said if her friend's wedding doesn't interfere she'll take me up on our brunch date. Talk about nervous lol I haven't been on a date in three years.

IF her friend's wedding doesn't interfere. I wouldn't hold my breath on it happening because who would schedule a date when an important social engagement is coming up? I certainly wouldn't set up a date the same weekend I'm working/volunteering at an event since it would stress me out. That being said, if it does happen, then good luck and get there early to relax ahead of time.

 

[Shanlei91]

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. You were right to trust your gut in the first place since it's never wrong. Speaking of flakers, l guess who got flaked today? That's right, me. At 7:36am, I got a wall of text on CMB with the following:


Online dating™ I was in front of the coffee shop and saw this message after the meeting initial time. It was 5 minutes away from my place so I didn't waste any money and went off to the gym but I was disappointed. I'm not going to bother replying since it sounds like an excuse. Two girls have given me excuses this year. I'm off to a great start since it improves my BS radar. Remember guys, it helps to be cynical. At least I have the date with 20 year old to look forward to but who knows what excuse she'll make at the last minute.

Yup, my friends who are married always tell me to ignore my gut on those type of things and I've yet to be pleasantly surprised when I listen to them.

Brutal, especially since you were already there. It really does help to be cynical.

Don't wanna jinx anything but one of the girls I exchanged maybe 10 messages with said if her friend's wedding doesn't interfere she'll take me up on our brunch date. Talk about nervous lol I haven't been on a date in three years.

Planning a date around a friend's wedding seems like trying to juggle a bit much - but hopefully it works out for you!

 

[Jhoan]

Yup, my friends who are married always tell me to ignore my gut on those type of things and I've yet to be pleasantly surprised when I listen to them.

Brutal, especially since you were already there. It really does help to be cynical.



Planning a date around a friend's wedding seems like trying to juggle a bit much - but hopefully it works out for you!

In the end of the day, if a person makes excuses, they the don't respect your time. There's always going to be other people who will respect your time.

I roll with the punches. I've been through enough rejections where stuff like that doesn't faze me at all but damn if it isn't pulling the rug from underneath someone at the last minute. I suppose it's karma for standing a girl up two years ago since I never showed up. That being said, I feel a lot better after finishing my workout since the endorphins have kicked in. I'm going to sketch some peeps in the plaza near my way for a bit before I head home and get some writing done.

My silver lining is that I'm volunteering at Best of Brooklyn this Saturday which I'm looking forward to, the 29 year old Jewish girl that I've been talking comics with is down to meet any day next week, and the 33 year old responded for a date that I'm closing in on. For anyone who hasn't read it, I would highly recommend reading Mark Manson's "The Art To Not Giving A Fuck" article to get a good head on the shoulders.

 

[Lulubop]

I think at least 5-8 pictures is the sweet spot. Preferably doing different things/a variety of shots. If you have access to an animal, then yes, it would help but also doing activities. Here's my OKC profile for reference. It's not perfect as I tweak it from time time to time but I get unsolicited messages every now and then: www.okcupid.com/profile/heightsartist


I've canned or flaked on dates because of the weather and vice versa. Last year there was a girl who kept procrastinating on me (she went on vacation, made excuses) and I kept procrastinating on her (I lost interest over time). She wanted to meet after 9pm because she had classes in the evening which I thought was ridiculous. In the end, I never met up with her and moved on.

I don't blame you for not wanting to reschedule because her constant postponement was a telling sign that she would have made excuses in the future. I think the rain wasn't that bad last night since I had a big umbrella but many people tend to be fair weather friendly.

I think a profile with 3 photos at least on OKC is fine in my opinion as long as there's a solid amount of content in their profile. However, it's usually a case where the person is self-conscious about their body so I'm wary of it. If the quality of pictures looks kind of crappy and it's a mirror shot, my bot senses start tingling so I'll reverse Google Image search it to see if I get any hits.

Man the CMB wave is hitting me like a truck! I'm closing in on a date with the 20 year old for next Sunday. She's one of those peeps who prefers to use Whatsapp so no Snapchat thankfully. However, I don't really like using messaging clients to talk since they're data drainers but I'll have to play ball and comply. =/ It looks like I have to do a mandatory update since the current version I have on my phone will be obsolete in 12 days. I think I'm going to have to upgrade to a 128GB microSD.

I've also been talking to a 26 year old Indian girl who's quite tall at 5'10'' just how I like them and I'm closing in on a date with her; I started talking to a 29 year old Jewish girl who does freelance theatre work; I just got matched up with a girl I had been eyeing for a while. Oh and the 33 year old on OKC replied since we're getting a back and forth going. Oh boy! I'm in for a ride! /s

91% bro

 

[Shanlei91]

My silver lining is that I'm volunteering at Best of Brooklyn this Saturday which I'm looking forward to, the 29 year old Jewish girl that I've been talking comics with is down to meet any day next week, and the 33 year old responded for a date that I'm closing in on. For anyone who hasn't read it, I would highly recommend reading Mark Manson's "The Art To Not Giving A Fuck" article to get a good head on the shoulders.

Any idea how that Best of Brooklyn will be? Was thinking of going but have never really paid for a street fair / tasting kind of event.

Matched with a girl on Bumble and having the best convo I've had in a while. Online dating is so cyclical.

 

[Jhoan]

91% bro

It must be a match made in heaven. Only I'm not much of a PC gamer/avid fighting game fan. I also prefer to go Dutch.

Any idea how that Best of Brooklyn will be? Was thinking of going but have never really paid for a street fair / tasting kind of event.

Matched with a girl on Bumble and having the best convo I've had in a while. Online dating is so cyclical.

There was some discussion in the NYC GAF thread about it. There are three sessions; one in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one in the evening. Penguin and Gazelle are going to attend the afternoon session. Honestly IMHO, paid tasting events are a waste of money which is why I always volunteer. I would never pay for such an experience. If you have money to blow, then you should give it a try and go for the after party package. I'll be pouring beer in the afternoon and would hook a brother up with extra alcohol if I can. I'll be sticking around to enjoy the evening session so I'll be there for a while. I'm not looking forward to that trip though.=/

Happn has been a dry well for me. I don't know how "charming" works. It seems like it's a Super Like and I've crossed paths with a bunch of girls in my area more than 3 times. I might just muster up the courage to do it since. It might be time for me activate Bumble again and jump into the strange world that is Feeld.

 

[Bleepey]

How do you get tinder for cheap. Do i need a new account? I was grandfathered into the old price but i lost my card and my payment was cancelled. Any way i can not pay £10 a month?

 

[True Savior]

How do you get tinder for cheap. Do i need a new account? I was grandfathered into the old price but i lost my card and my payment was cancelled. Any way i can not pay £10 a month?

Use a facebook with a younger age (i think the spike is at 28-29), pay, change back the age and wait like 2 days before it gets updated on tinder.

 

[Bleepey]

Use a facebook with a younger age (i think the spike is at 28-29), pay, change back the age and wait like 2 days before it gets updated on tinder.

i changed my age but i didn't realise it takes as couple days to be updated. the site said you have to delete the account.

 

[True Savior]

i changed my age but i didn't realise it takes as couple days to be updated. the site said you have to delete the account.

You could delete the account and I think you could still reactivate the tinder plus in the new one. I'm not sure though. But yeah the info ends up being updated. It takes a while though.

 

[Jhoan]

You gotta love it when you're talking to women and they have the same common name. It's annoying have to temporarily store it on my contacts but that's why I give them at least two adjectives plus the affiliation e.g. Jane Teacher CMB and Jane Nerdy Girl CMB. Good thing my name is not common so I would think that it stands out in people's contacts. I really wish that CMB would fix the message notification issue because it's annoying.

Today's date with the 20 year old is confirmed so I won't be getting flaked. She sent me the link to a blog that she had to keep for her freshman English class and I got some good insight as to what she's about. If Another girl with the same name wants to meet up tomorrow but I might postpone it to Tuesday and set up another date for Wednesday or Thursday with the 33 year old. I'm trying to avoid setting back to back dates.=/ I don't know if I find it worse to date an undergrad/grad school student, a freelancer/9-5 person, or someone who's doing both. In the end of the day, all of them say the same: "I'm busy and like to socialize."

By the way has anyone on Bumble encountered this weird issue where you swipe right to the same matches three times before it gives you a new set of matches? I swear either the Android version of Bumble sucks or I'm going to download an older version of it. There's a ton of super attractive women there but it's dry as sin for me aside from matching with this one girl who said "Hi" but I ignored it and let the 24 hours expire. I might delete it in a few days and stick with CMB, Tinder account resets, and OKC. Maybe even join the POF fray again after a couple of years out of it. I'm starting to get bored of OKC after answering endless survey questions with explanations. Then again, I barely send out messages these days unless the person seriously interests me.

 

[Jhoan]

Wonderful! I got another case of the flaky date when I'm already down in the area. Girl basically sent me a big block of text explaining that she can't come out because she's still busy with a homework assignment that's due tomorrow and apologized. I don't know how to respond to that but I will say that it's not cool that I wasted my time. I'm mád because I got my hopes up for nothing although she hinted earlier that she was doing a homework assignment and was considering rescheduling. Can I make it three in a row where the girl flakes on me?

 

[TangerineCloud]

So lately a bunch of women who are a bit older than I am (just in the range of 2-5 years older) have been taking interest in me on OkCupid. And that's swell and I'm actually super into that. But now I have my first date scheduled with one woman who's four years older than I am, and I'm starting to fully comprehend what our age difference means, and it's sort of intimidating, tbh. Due to life happening, I'm still pursuing my undergrad degree at 23, but she's 27 and totally has, like, an actual career. And hearing her talk about it just made me realize that we seem to be in completely different stages of our lives. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I guess I just feel slightly weird about it since I've never been super confident in dating to begin with, and now I'm going from being in my first relationship with a college girl who was two years my junior to scheduling dates with women who are out of school and independent and getting their lives together. I find it simultaneously exciting and a bit scary.

EDIT: Like, fuck, this morning I got Liked by a woman who's currently pursuing a PhD in infectious diseases or some really important-sounding shit like that. But here I am still at home and attending college, tweeting about Overwatch while I sit next to my limited edition Avatar: The Last Airbender prints and have a Steven Universe t-shirt hanging in my closet. Life is wild.

 

[Kyne]

So lately a bunch of women who are a bit older than I am (just in the range of 2-5 years older) have been taking interest in me on OkCupid. And that's swell and I'm actually super into that. But now I have my first date scheduled with one woman who's four years older than I am, and I'm starting to fully comprehend what our age difference means, and it's sort of intimidating, tbh. Due to life happening, I'm still pursuing my undergrad degree at 23, but she's 27 and totally has, like, an actual career. And hearing her talk about it just made me realize that we seem to be in completely different stages of our lives. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I guess I just feel slightly weird about it since I've never been super confident in dating to begin with, and now I'm going from being in my first relationship with a college girl who was two years my junior to scheduling dates with women who are out of school and independent and getting their lives together. I find it simultaneously exciting and a bit scary.

EDIT: Like, fuck, this morning I got Liked by a woman who's currently pursuing a PhD in infectious diseases or some really important-sounding shit like that. But here I am still at home and attending college, tweeting about Overwatch while I sit next to my limited edition Avatar: The Last Airbender prints and have a Steven Universe t-shirt hanging in my closet. Life is wild.

As someone who is 27 and starting his career, I feel the same way about dating 23 year-olds.

I'm afraid that our life experience will be too different and it'll affect the relationship. I'm stuck debating on what I should place my "age slider" at on sites like OkCupid.

When I was 23 I was in the worst relationship of my life, at the worst job of my life, with my body in the worst condition of its life. Hopefully you're doing better than I was at that time.

 

[Bleepey]

Use a facebook with a younger age (i think the spike is at 28-29), pay, change back the age and wait like 2 days before it gets updated on tinder.

My date has changed on my FB but it is still presenting it at the expensive price. Anyone ever successfully done this.

 

[Shanlei91]

It must be a match made in heaven. Only I'm not much of a PC gamer/avid fighting game fan. I also prefer to go Dutch.

There was some discussion in the NYC GAF thread about it. There are three sessions; one in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one in the evening. Penguin and Gazelle are going to attend the afternoon session. Honestly IMHO, paid tasting events are a waste of money which is why I always volunteer. I would never pay for such an experience. If you have money to blow, then you should give it a try and go for the after party package. I'll be pouring beer in the afternoon and would hook a brother up with extra alcohol if I can. I'll be sticking around to enjoy the evening session so I'll be there for a while. I'm not looking forward to that trip though.=/

Happn has been a dry well for me. I don't know how "charming" works. It seems like it's a Super Like and I've crossed paths with a bunch of girls in my area more than 3 times. I might just muster up the courage to do it since. It might be time for me activate Bumble again and jump into the strange world that is Feeld.

Ya, I feel like paid tasting events are not cost efficient.

Happn is weird. Only have about 10 matches on there after 3 months of being on it. Two of which live on my block. It's probably much more efficient in a place less condensed than NYC. I take two steps in any direction and my "crossed paths" listing gets flooded. I imagine most people aren't sitting there hitting like on everyone...that would be more intense finger pressing than a round of Fruit Ninja.

 

[Jhoan]

So lately a bunch of women who are a bit older than I am (just in the range of 2-5 years older) have been taking interest in me on OkCupid. And that's swell and I'm actually super into that. But now I have my first date scheduled with one woman who's four years older than I am, and I'm starting to fully comprehend what our age difference means, and it's sort of intimidating, tbh. Due to life happening, I'm still pursuing my undergrad degree at 23, but she's 27 and totally has, like, an actual career. And hearing her talk about it just made me realize that we seem to be in completely different stages of our lives. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I guess I just feel slightly weird about it since I've never been super confident in dating to begin with, and now I'm going from being in my first relationship with a college girl who was two years my junior to scheduling dates with women who are out of school and independent and getting their lives together. I find it simultaneously exciting and a bit scary.

EDIT: Like, fuck, this morning I got Liked by a woman who's currently pursuing a PhD in infectious diseases or some really important-sounding shit like that. But here I am still at home and attending college, tweeting about Overwatch while I sit next to my limited edition Avatar: The Last Airbender prints and have a Steven Universe t-shirt hanging in my closet. Life is wild.

I'm 28, live with family, and don't have a "career" yet since I'm still figuring it out. I graduated from college three years ago and know friends who got their Associates at the age of 29/30s as well as a friend who's 28 and is going for his Bachelors. I write for free and work for a company for free while I do freelance and volunteer work. I agree that can be intimidating to go out with women who have a stable job, are living on their own, who've traveled to x amount of countries, have an active social life, etc. To be quite honest I think the aforementioned stuff is a bit superficial if you think about it. I've gone out with plenty of women my age or older with occupations such as work for non-profits, professors, teachers, an engineer, etc. While it was hard to relate to many of them since it didn't work out beyond a first date. the small handful of women that gave me a chance for an additional date or two saw that I'm passionate about most of the things I do.

That being said, the best advice anyone has given me is to live life on your lane and don't be intimidated by that stuff. Life isn't a horse race. You're only control of what you can do, not what others do. So what if the 27 has a career? So what if the woman who Liked you on OKC is pursuing her PhD on infectious diseases? In the end of the day, everyone is human and if a woman likes you to be able to see past that stuff, then that's all that matters. If you really feel like your nerdy interests are holding you back, then you can change them but be prepared to ostracize some people who shared your love of them. Dan Ryckert recommended me a book called 10% Happier by Dan Harris that I still need to check out admittedly since I told him the same thing you're posting about now. He said if a woman doesn't like you, then she can take a hike.

The occupations of the women I've been talking to now are a 29 Freelance stage manager, a 29 year old urban planner, a 20 year old student, and there was a 34 year old librarian who lurked on my profile last night. I'm meeting up with the actress tonight and we share a common interest in comics even though she's originally from the suburbs versus me growing up in the city and graduated from Harvard versus me graduating from a public college, and presumably lives with roommates or alone in the next neighborhood over. I'm not intimidated in the slightest.

Ya, I feel like paid tasting events are not cost efficient.

Happn is weird. Only have about 10 matches on there after 3 months of being on it. Two of which live on my block. It's probably much more efficient in a place less condensed than NYC. I take two steps in any direction and my "crossed paths" listing gets flooded. I imagine most people aren't sitting there hitting like on everyone...that would be more intense finger pressing than a round of Fruit Ninja.

I'm not going to lie, there were a ton of attractive women there. If you were go to go with a group of single male friends, it would probably more fun. Heck, the volunteers were attractive as well but I don't volunteer for these events with the intention of flirting with women and even then, I'm oblivious to when women hit on me. Most people usually continue drinking after it's said and done.

Hahaha, that's a good way of putting it. I like every single person but only update it once a day. It seems pretty useless so far unless a blizzard hits and the fish start biting like crazy. Otherwise, I'm not holding my breath.

So I ended up expressing my disappointment to the 20 year old girl and told her that what she did wasn't cool. She sent me another big block of text sincerely apologizing and explaining that it was a stressful week for her. I left the ball in her court and told her to let know for sure when she's super free and doesn't have any looming deadlines. I ended up meeting with a friend and went to go watch the Royal Rumble at bar where Dan Ryckert was doing a raffle for predictions as to who would win it so I managed to salvage it in the end.

 

[True Savior]

My date has changed on my FB but it is still presenting it at the expensive price. Anyone ever successfully done this.

I tried with a new facebook.

New, created the account. Paid the price, changed the age on facebook and waited 2 days. It worked.

 

[TangerineCloud]

As someone who is 27 and starting his career, I feel the same way about dating 23 year-olds.

I'm afraid that our life experience will be too different and it'll affect the relationship. I'm stuck debating on what I should place my "age slider" at on sites like OkCupid.

When I was 23 I was in the worst relationship of my life, at the worst job of my life, with my body in the worst condition of its life. Hopefully you're doing better than I was at that time.

Honestly, if we're speaking generally, I could see a 23-year-old paired with a 27-year-old working out okay. Especially since many people have already graduated by 23 and gotten a chance to dip their toes in the real world even if they've not yet fully situated themselves in a career. I'd definitely share your concerns about anyone younger than that, though.

To speak to your last point, while things did take a turn for the worse in relationship department recently, I'm otherwise not doing too bad at 23, all things considered. I work out, have a decent job outside of school, etc.

I'm 28, live with family, and don't have a "career" yet since I'm still figuring it out. I graduated from college three years ago and know friends who got their Associates at the age of 29/30s as well as a friend who's 28 and is going for his Bachelors. I write for free and work for a company for free while I do freelance and volunteer work. I agree that can be intimidating to go out with women who have a stable job, are living on their own, who've traveled to x amount of countries, have an active social life, etc. To be quite honest I think the aforementioned stuff is a bit superficial if you think about it. I've gone out with plenty of women my age or older with occupations such as work for non-profits, professors, teachers, an engineer, etc. While it was hard to relate to many of them since it didn't work out beyond a first date. the small handful of women that gave me a chance for an additional date or two saw that I'm passionate about most of the things I do.

That being said, the best advice anyone has given me is to live life on your lane and don't be intimidated by that stuff. Life isn't a horse race. You're only control of what you can do, not what others do. So what if the 27 has a career? So what if the woman who Liked you on OKC is pursuing her PhD on infectious diseases? In the end of the day, everyone is human and if a woman likes you to be able to see past that stuff, then that's all that matters. If you really feel like your nerdy interests are holding you back, then you can change them but be prepared to ostracize some people who shared your love of them. Dan Ryckert recommended me a book called 10% Happier by Dan Harris that I still need to check out admittedly since I told him the same thing you're posting about now. He said if a woman doesn't like you, then she can take a hike.

The occupations of the women I've been talking to now are a 29 Freelance stage manager, a 29 year old urban planner, a 20 year old student, and there was a 34 year old librarian who lurked on my profile last night. I'm meeting up with the actress tonight and we share a common interest in comics even though she's originally from the suburbs versus me growing up in the city and graduated from Harvard versus me graduating from a public college, and presumably lives with roommates or alone in the next neighborhood over. I'm not intimidated in the slightest.

This was really helpful to read. Thanks, man. A while back, I made a conscious choice to stop comparing my own progress in life against the people around me, but now that I'm single again and feel the urge to "prove my worth" (I try not to look at dating in that way, but I occasionally slip up) to women that I'm interested in, I guess I've suddenly begun feeling a bit insecure about falling behind schedule with my life plans. My anxiety about this definitely isn't gonna disappear, but I'll do my best to take what you've said to heart. And best of luck to you on your date!

 

[Jhoan]

This was really helpful to read. Thanks, man. A while back, I made a conscious choice to stop comparing my own progress in life against the people around me, but now that I'm single again and feel the urge to "prove my worth" (I try not to look at dating in that way, but I occasionally slip up) to women that I'm interested in, I guess I've suddenly begun feeling a bit insecure about falling behind schedule with my life plans. My anxiety about this definitely isn't gonna disappear, but I'll do my best to take what you've said to heart. And best of luck to you on your date!

My pleasure! My point was that you should be commended for putting yourself out there. That in and of itself is a feat. I don't have a ton of money and socialize once in a while but I have my share of friends and days when I go out. I feel a bit insecure about telling women what I do since I mostly work from home when I'm not doing events and volunteering.

That being said, the date went pretty solid. It sucks that it's a bit of the chilly side so we stayed in the bar the whole time chatting. She was pretty cool and super chatty which was good. Her face was all right as she's got Dat Jew nose but she's got some nice curves which I'm sucker for. Her being a red head is a bonus. I'll follow up with her for another date because we had a lot in common and there was definitely some chemistry. I'm noticing a pattern where I seem to hit it off really well with Jewish women; the first woman I ever made out with was Jewish; the last woman I had sex with was Jewish for reference. As for other dates, there are none planned for the rest of the week so I get to chill.

 

[Bleepey]

I tried with a new facebook.

New, created the account. Paid the price, changed the age on facebook and waited 2 days. It worked.

I am trying it with a old Facebook that previously was subscribed to tinder. It still charges me the expensive price. I am gonna be mildly annoyed. Swapping out tinder profiles.

 

[Terrorblot]

Well. I'm in over my head, met a girl on OKC.

I'm transgender, she's transgender. We like the same stuff, had a bar date that turned into a dinner date that turned into a second dinner date the next day. Currently two days in and we both want to see each other again today. We're both very awkward and shy, but both seem to be very into it. She's in an open relationship and I'm OK with that, but I have no experience with anything poly. There was a make-out session and a some lewd texting. I want to bring her to my place but my roommates are freaking out about me bringing a "stranger" home. I don't want to rush things and ruin it so I guess that's a good thing but also this whole debacle has me pretty sexually frustrated, lol. Also to top things off, and I'm not trying to be be self deprecating or anything, but she is MUCH MUCH more attractive than me which has me VERY nervous. I know I shouldn't count myself out so quickly, but it's hard not to feel like I'm coming up short, she's very beautiful.

All in all very excited and scared. I wonder if things are going too fast, they probably are but I don't want to slow down. I thought I was going to be single for the rest of my life GAF, this is pretty insane for me. Even if it doesn't work out (really really hope it does though) this has been a huge confidence boost

 

[TangerineCloud]

I love opening with goofy-ass messages like this, but they make me feel super awkward when the person doesn't respond lmao.

Well. I'm in over my head, met a girl on OKC.

I'm transgender, she's transgender. We like the same stuff, had a bar date that turned into a dinner date that turned into a second dinner date the next day. Currently two days in and we both want to see each other again today. We're both very awkward and shy, but both seem to be very into it. She's in an open relationship and I'm OK with that, but I have no experience with anything poly. There was a make-out session and a some lewd texting. I want to bring her to my place but my roommates are freaking out about me bringing a "stranger" home. I don't want to rush things and ruin it so I guess that's a good thing but also this whole debacle has me pretty sexually frustrated, lol. Also to top things off, and I'm not trying to be be self deprecating or anything, but she is MUCH MUCH more attractive than me which has me VERY nervous. I know I shouldn't count myself out so quickly, but it's hard not to feel like I'm coming up short, she's very beautiful.

All in all very excited and scared. I wonder if things are going too fast, they probably are but I don't want to slow down. I thought I was going to be single for the rest of my life GAF, this is pretty insane for me. Even if it doesn't work out (really really hope it does though) this has been a huge confidence boost

Aww. Hope everything works out! I managed turn a few dates that "moved too fast" into a relationship that lasted over two years. If you guys like each other enough, you can definitely make things work.

 

[Jhoan]

Last night's girl said that she didn't feel the "right chemistry" so it's on to the next one. I feel like I let my mouth run off too much again. To be honest it didn't sting me one bit since I've been talking to other girls but it's back to the drawing board before the next date tomorrow night. I need to talk way less about myself and not act awkward when it comes to flirting/showing interest since I haven't learned much from my past experiences.

Also act more interested since a lot of times I found myself looking around the place when the chick was talking. I think this is a reason I hate going to bars on dates: there's too many distractions in the background. In retrospect I feel like she threw me a few hints of interest but I didn't take them. But on the flip side, at least I wasn't told that I'm a "nice guy" and found a new bar to go to in the future. If I find myself bombing this next date, I'll shoot a PM to gaiages to get a woman's perspective on things considering that I don't have much if any female friends that I can turn to about my dating life.

 

[Necrovex]

Finished reading an interesting Economist's article on the upswing of political-focused dating sites. Curious if any Gaffers had the chance to experiment with these niche sites yet?

 

[Bleepey]

I tried with a new facebook.

New, created the account. Paid the price, changed the age on facebook and waited 2 days. It worked.

Says my age is 27. I guess I will have to use two accounts on my phone. Sigh

 

[Jhoan]

Finished reading an interesting Economist's article on the upswing of political-focused dating sites. Curious if any Gaffers had the chance to experiment with these niche sites yet?

This was article in question for anyone interested in reading it: http://www.economist.com/news/busin...om-maple-match-political-dating-sites-are-hot

The guy who founded trumpsingles.com is so gonna sent a cease and desist order sooner or later. There's no way he's going to make a clean get away unless he changes it to Make Dating Great Again. That being said, I never heard of any of those websites to be honest. Pretty much every woman I've gone out with has leans left/identifies as a feminist in my neck of the woods any way unless they grew up in a conservative household. CandiDate seems like the most reasonable one of the bunch. I would make a joke account on one of those websites to troll provided it's a free one.

On another note, Wednesday's date with the 33 year old was postponed to next Tuesday night. She had a conference meeting at 6pm which was great because I was hoping she would postpone. I also tentatively have a date set for next Monday which could be postponed to next Thursday depending if the girl is not too busy with work and if I end up backing out of my volunteer shift.

Otherwise, it's back to dry spell. I sent out a few messages on OKC but no replies and I've gotten some likes/lurks from girls I have no interest in messaging. I was looking through my text history with a friend of mines about all the screenshots I sent to him every time a girl flaked on me or was angry and it brought back some memories. Many of the messages were a case of "I don't know when I'll be free" or messages of being disappointed.

Honestly I think I've met a lot more interesting women through events that I volunteer/work at but I've never asked to exchange numbers or anything of the sort because I'm a bit awkward at it. My next volunteering gig is at a women's film festival so I'll keep my ears pricked there and see what happens.

 

[The Power Of Snap]

Tried Bumble, got matches and it's fun but girls don't initiate conversation so they just expire. It's a nice validator thought.

 

[Jhoan]

Tried Bumble, got matches and it's fun but girls don't initiate conversation so they just expire. It's a nice validator thought.

At least you're getting matches. I barely get any matches on my end. I've only gotten one and it was a measly "hi"that I ignored. Most of the women in my area take model style pictures. People will always be picky on every online dating service. On Bumble and Tinder all the swiping feels like diminishing returns.

 

[Syphon Filter]

Dam match.com is greedy, I can't do anything without needing to subscribe. Is okc worth signing up for?

 

[Jhoan]

Dam match.com is greedy, I can't do anything without needing to subscribe. Is okc worth signing up for?

It's solid. A-List isn't worth paying for though since you can get by without it just fine. Avoid the latest app update if you can though since they turned it into Tinder.

Coffee Meets Bagel is also solid but the lack of pop up alerts when one gets a new message is the most infuriating thing about it.

 

[Necrovex]

I'm moving back to the states after being gone for over two years. Has there been any other big players that has entered the field since 2014? Tinder is what I used back then. And I had the opportunity to try Bumble a little (worthless in the third world).

 

[Shanlei91]

Well. I'm in over my head, met a girl on OKC.

I'm transgender, she's transgender. We like the same stuff, had a bar date that turned into a dinner date that turned into a second dinner date the next day. Currently two days in and we both want to see each other again today. We're both very awkward and shy, but both seem to be very into it. She's in an open relationship and I'm OK with that, but I have no experience with anything poly. There was a make-out session and a some lewd texting. I want to bring her to my place but my roommates are freaking out about me bringing a "stranger" home. I don't want to rush things and ruin it so I guess that's a good thing but also this whole debacle has me pretty sexually frustrated, lol. Also to top things off, and I'm not trying to be be self deprecating or anything, but she is MUCH MUCH more attractive than me which has me VERY nervous. I know I shouldn't count myself out so quickly, but it's hard not to feel like I'm coming up short, she's very beautiful.

All in all very excited and scared. I wonder if things are going too fast, they probably are but I don't want to slow down. I thought I was going to be single for the rest of my life GAF, this is pretty insane for me. Even if it doesn't work out (really really hope it does though) this has been a huge confidence boost

Congrats! Haha where are you that people are weirded out by someone you meant online? In New York sometimes people are cray enough to move in with strangers they met online after a month. Don't have any experience with roommates but I wouldn't let them dictate your dating life, especially if it's something that makes you happy. Also have no experience with open relationships and I don't know what you're looking for ultimately but I wouldn't get too attached. Only advice I have is to just roll with it and have fun.

Finished reading an interesting Economist's article on the upswing of political-focused dating sites. Curious if any Gaffers had the chance to experiment with these niche sites yet?

Never tried any of those niche sites but I feel like the standard "I love to travel" on profiles has been replaced with "DONT MESSAGE ME IF YOU VOTED FOR TRUMP".

Tried Bumble, got matches and it's fun but girls don't initiate conversation so they just expire. It's a nice validator thought.

Bumble in a nutshell. Women rarely send me a message to open up the chat.

A minute after the one on the left expired I got another match that will likely not message me.

Even worse is that half of the first messages I get are awful. My two newest favorites I got this morning:

Dam match.com is greedy, I can't do anything without needing to subscribe. Is okc worth signing up for?

OKC is probably my favorite of all the apps/sites. A decent mix of people looking for everything with no gimmicks. Unless someone else has a better experience with Match.com to chime in, I think it's a joke. People can't respond unless they're also a paying member and you can't see who is a paying member. So you could potentially spend hours crafting messages to people with no way of contacting you back.

It's solid. A-List isn't worth paying for though since you can get by without it just fine. Avoid the latest app update if you can though since they turned it into Tinder.

I think A-List is only worth it if you're looking for something very specific because you can filter people by the answers they give to questions. Only want to date a gamer - filter by people who answered "yes" to "Have you ever spent a ton of hours playing a game in one sitting". My brother got it to filter women who answered "no" to "do you care if a guy is shorter than you" - he's 5'3 so that's super useful for him. It even allows you to filter their answers if they're not public.

I tried it for a month last year to expand my inbox which worked out great because when I didn't renew my inbox didn't shrink back down. Thinking of getting it again because at my age I want to find a woman who wants a family. Something you can't really get an answer from via Tinder / Bumble / CMB's ui. And searching for "wants kids" isn't super accurate because a lot of people don't mark that on their profile but answered yes to it as a question. (I guess to not scare guys away into thinking they wanted to get married asap?)

I'm moving back to the states after being gone for over two years. Has there been any other big players that has entered the field since 2014? Tinder is what I used back then. And I had the opportunity to try Bumble a little (worthless in the third world).

Still the same. Tinder / Bumble / OkCupid / Coffee Meets Bagel with a couple of other not so popular ones (Happn which shows you people you walked past, Feeld which is a kinky one, and poor Plenty of Fish which has been flopping for over a decade now.)

 

[The Power Of Snap]

Bumble in a nutshell. Women rarely send me a message to open up the chat.

A minute after the one on the left expired I got another match that will likely not message me.

Even worse is that half of the first messages I get are awful. My two newest favorites I got this morning:

I just don't understand how their business model can survive.

 

[Jawmuncher]

I'm curious what the next breakout app will be. It really does seem like people are getting pretty tired of swiping left or right. I know I am.

 

[True Savior]

I'm curious what the next breakout app will be. It really does seem like people are getting pretty tired of swiping left or right. I know I am.

Tinder pool is only getting bigger though. More acceptance, more profiles.

 

[Shanlei91]

I just don't understand how their business model can survive.

I wouldn't be surprised if with a lot of these competitor apps, they make their money from investors, pitching it as the next big thing. Then the investor just never sees a return. I can't imagine anyone would pay for Bumble.

 

[Syphon Filter]

In okc if I get a notification that someone liked me, I don't see them on my visitors. Did they do it anonymously somehow?

 

[TangerineCloud]

Sigh. Talking with older women on OkCupid has proven sorta frustrating so far. I've had two women who I was really hitting it off with over text cancel dates because their work lives were so hectic.

(Before anyone says it - I know that's a common excuse used to let people down gently, but I'm fairly sure both women were genuine about this? The first one actually deleted her account and took herself out of the dating game completely, and the second assured me multiple times that she hadn't lost interest and would hit me up when things calmed down)

In okc if I get a notification that someone liked me, I don't see them on my visitors. Did they do it anonymously somehow?

They could be browsing invisibly with A-List, or they may just have visitors turned off.