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[Shanlei91]

In okc if I get a notification that someone liked me, I don't see them on my visitors. Did they do it anonymously somehow?

They could've used Quickmatch. Which is weird, I feel like half the time they stay anonymous and the other half of the time I get an email letting me know who liked me.

Sigh. Talking with older women on OkCupid has proven sorta frustrating so far. I've had two women who I was really hitting it off with over text cancel dates because their work lives were so hectic.

(Before anyone says it - I know that's a common excuse used to let people down gently, but I'm fairly sure both women were genuine about this? The first one actually deleted her account and took herself out of the dating game completely, and the second assured me multiple times that she hadn't lost interest and would hit me up when things calmed down)

That's why I try to get a date in as soon as possible. If I schedule a date more than a few days in advance, the chance of a cancellation increases. There's a good chance they met someone else in between that time, hit it off, and want to focus on that or see where it goes.

When I know I'm going to be busy I just stop using the apps so as to not send the wrong message if I can't meet for a week or two / have a hectic schedule.

 

[TangerineCloud]

That's why I try to get a date in as soon as possible. If I schedule a date more than a few days in advance, the chance of a cancellation increases. There's a good chance they met someone else in between that time, hit it off, and want to focus on that or see where it goes.

When I know I'm going to be busy I just stop using the apps so as to not send the wrong message if I can't meet for a week or two / have a hectic schedule.

That's actually exactly what I attempted to do. Unfortunately, in both cases, the dates had to be scheduled more than a week out specifically because of their schedules (and because one sorta had trust issues when it came to meeting guys from online). ¯\_(&#12484_/¯

I suppose the bolded is entirely possible, but I'll go with my more flattering interpretation of events to avoid making myself feel worse when I'm already in a fragile state, lmao.

 

[Shanlei91]

That's actually exactly what I attempted to do. Unfortunately, in both cases, the dates had to be scheduled more than a week out specifically because of their schedules (and because one sorta had trust issues when it came to meeting guys from online). ¯\_(&#12484_/¯

Ooph, those are the worst.

 

[Jhoan]

I think A-List is only worth it if you're looking for something very specific because you can filter people by the answers they give to questions. Only want to date a gamer - filter by people who answered "yes" to "Have you ever spent a ton of hours playing a game in one sitting". My brother got it to filter women who answered "no" to "do you care if a guy is shorter than you" - he's 5'3 so that's super useful for him. It even allows you to filter their answers if they're not public.

I tried it for a month last year to expand my inbox which worked out great because when I didn't renew my inbox didn't shrink back down. Thinking of getting it again because at my age I want to find a woman who wants a family. Something you can't really get an answer from via Tinder / Bumble / CMB's ui. And searching for "wants kids" isn't super accurate because a lot of people don't mark that on their profile but answered yes to it as a question. (I guess to not scare guys away into thinking they wanted to get married asap?)

That's a damn good point you make about wanting to filter for specific types of girls as a shorter guy or otherwise. Although I find it hilarious that it's cheaper to pay for a 3/6 month subscription than it is to pay for a one month subscription. I might give it a try one of these days because I'm looking to filter out shorter women that keep "Liking" my profile. I'm on the other side of that where I'm not looking to settle down at my age until I have my fun being a late bloomer so I'm going with the flow. I already have two (spoiled) nieces despite my mom hinting that she wants more grandchildren from my oldest brother and I. I feel like many women around my age are looking for something super serious when I'm not into that.

I'm at a point where I'm going to take a small break from dating after this week because my finances took a bit of hit these past two weeks.

In okc if I get a notification that someone liked me, I don't see them on my visitors. Did they do it anonymously somehow?

Sigh. Talking with older women on OkCupid has proven sorta frustrating so far. I've had two women who I was really hitting it off with over text cancel dates because their work lives were so hectic.

(Before anyone says it - I know that's a common excuse used to let people down gently, but I'm fairly sure both women were genuine about this? The first one actually deleted her account and took herself out of the dating game completely, and the second assured me multiple times that she hadn't lost interest and would hit me up when things calmed down)



They could be browsing invisibly with A-List, or they may just have visitors turned off.

Even the busiest people find time to meet up. If I know I'm going to be busy, I'll let the person know ahead of time. Almost always it's usually the case where I meet up on a weekday because women already have plans or would rather not spend one day of their weekend on a date.

To add to how the "Likes" work, the app shows some invisible users that "Liked" you.

 

[TangerineCloud]

Even the busiest people find time to meet up. If I know I'm going to be busy, I'll let the person know ahead of time. Almost always it's usually the case where I meet up on a weekday because women already have plans or would rather not spend one day of their weekend on a date.

 

[Jhoan]

Hahaha, no need to worry about it man. At the same time, you also have to realize that your time is valuable as well because there's only so much time before your interest starts waning. I've dealt with women who had intense jobs and kept putting off meeting up so I deleted their number and moved on. If it's been more than a month without a date, it's easier to cut your losses and move on. Being "busy" is often an excuse that even friends use on me for going silent and ignoring my texts.

Since you're still in college, I think you should join some clubs if you want an easy way to meet people while keeping a student-life balance. When I was in undergrad, I was involved with my college's comic book publication and was worked for the student government for several months. The perks included having a place where I could hang out at between my classes and after my classes, attended meetings, making some kind of impact on the student body, doing behind the scenes stuff in addition to meeting new people.

 

[Hidden One]

I love opening with goofy-ass messages like this, but they make me feel super awkward when the person doesn't respond lmao.

lol I'm gonna use that one and see the response I get >_>.

 

[Field]

I haven't been able to log into tinder for last couple hours. Is it just mine? Or more having trouble?

 

[Shanlei91]

CMB added the ability to reopen an expired chat for beans, first one is free. Got excited that I could finally reopen the chat that expired last month from the girl who wanted to go out but the app didn't notify me that she had sent a message. So I went ahead and updated the app.

...and the feature doesn't. I click "reopen" and the app just freezes. Womp womp

 

[Jhoan]

Neither the girl nor I confirmed for today so I'm pretty much chilling in the meet up place waiting for a TV to free up. I should have gone with my gut instinct and gone to volunteer for an event to get free food. I don't have much of an interest in following up with her either. I'm feeling grumpy for whatever reason may be that I don't want to date this week. I suppose I let last week's date sour me a bit. At least I have this weekend's event that I'm volunteering at to look forward to. It would be cool to meet a cool chick there.

By some dumb coincidence I've scheduled a date for next Tuesday. The girl made a joke about agreeing to meet up that day on the condition that we don't acknowledge the day. I honestly don't care about the occasion and even if I was in a relationship, I wouldn't put any emphasis on it either. It's just another day for me. The cynicism is strong in this one.

 

[TangerineCloud]

Hahaha, no need to worry about it man. At the same time, you also have to realize that your time is valuable as well because there's only so much time before your interest starts waning. I've dealt with women who had intense jobs and kept putting off meeting up so I deleted their number and moved on. If it's been more than a month without a date, it's easier to cut your losses and move on. Being "busy" is often an excuse that even friends use on me for going silent and ignoring my texts.

Since you're still in college, I think you should join some clubs if you want an easy way to meet people while keeping a student-life balance. When I was in undergrad, I was involved with my college's comic book publication and was worked for the student government for several months. The perks included having a place where I could hang out at between my classes and after my classes, attended meetings, making some kind of impact on the student body, doing behind the scenes stuff in addition to meeting new people.

Hm, I'll look into this. Due to my schedule, I'd been checking out various internet meetups in my area instead, but I wasn't particularly blown away by the selection. May need to make some time for school clubs after all.

lol I'm gonna use that one and see the response I get >_>.

I'm glad someone appreciated this. Let me know how it goes lol.

 

[Kyne]

Neither the girl nor I confirmed for today so I'm pretty much chilling in the meet up place waiting for a TV to free up. I should have gone with my gut instinct and gone to volunteer for an event to get free food. I don't have much of an interest in following up with her either. I'm feeling grumpy for whatever reason may be that I don't want to date this week. I suppose I let last week's date sour me a bit. At least I have this weekend's event that I'm volunteering at to look forward to. It would be cool to meet a cool chick there.

By some dumb coincidence I've scheduled a date for next Tuesday. The girl made a joke about agreeing to meet up that day on the condition that we don't acknowledge the day. I honestly don't care about the occasion and even if I was in a relationship, I wouldn't put any emphasis on it either. It's just another day for me. The cynicism is strong in this one.

 

[Shanlei91]

By some dumb coincidence I've scheduled a date for next Tuesday. The girl made a joke about agreeing to meet up that day on the condition that we don't acknowledge the day. I honestly don't care about the occasion and even if I was in a relationship, I wouldn't put any emphasis on it either. It's just another day for me. The cynicism is strong in this one.

Make sure to bail if she starts to try and convince you to join a blood cult.

 

[Jhoan]

Hahaha, sorry I should have clarified since I wrote that post from my phone and meant to say that as long as "we don't acknowledge that it's a Valentines Day date" to quote her.

Make sure to bail if she starts to try and convince you to join a blood cult.

Funny enough, I finally replied to her and stole this. I mentioned that if she tries to make me join a blood cult, I'll know for sure that it's just another day in the city.

I downloaded the CMB update and it's a fine compromise between spending beans on renewing chats as well as being able to use it to like someone. The UI tweaks are cool. Unfortunately, I lost a 6'0'' teacher that I wanted to spend beans on and like after tweaking my preferences but c'est la vie. I wouldn't imagine seeing a woman who is 8'11'' on my match rotation my since that's the maximum height limit.

 

[The Power Of Snap]

I'm pretty new to Tinder and Bumble. I made an account (and reset my bumble account) on Sunday and got some matches on both of them. I even got super likes on tinder.

I even have a date tomorrow with a tinder girl.

On bumble, i got 2 girls talking and 1 of them i think ghosted after i asked her if next monday was fine to go to a bar.

But, since Sunday, i don't have anything on both apps. Nothing lol

I'm thinking my profile is now at the end of the list....

 

[Syphon Filter]

dammit, I got like 5 likes and a visit from someone I messaged. Was hyped thinking the girl I messaged was one of the likes.

 

[Jhoan]

I'm pretty new to Tinder and Bumble. I made an account (and reset my bumble account) on Sunday and got some matches on both of them. I even got super likes on tinder.

I even have a date tomorrow with a tinder girl.

On bumble, i got 2 girls talking and 1 of them i think ghosted after i asked her if next monday was fine to go to a bar.

But, since Sunday, i don't have anything on both apps. Nothing lol

I'm thinking my profile is now at the end of the list....

Getting ghosted is pretty normal and comes with the territory. I've done it to chicks as well because I get bored and lose interest in meeting up or if I get a one sentence reply in addition to when I wasn't feeling it on a date. When in doubt, send a second message and if she still doesn't reply, then move on for good.

Also women come in waves. Sometimes you'll go days and weeks without getting any matches, sometimes you'll be juggling multiple messages and dates and feel overwhelmed. The Valentine's Day rush is on. I imagine all the online dating services are going to be going into overdrive on that day because it's also "Single Awareness Day." Good luck on the date.

 

[Shanlei91]

Snowstorm five days before Valentines. My phone is blowing up from dating apps.

 

[SOLDIER]

What has generally been the best site to search for people based on their hobbies? I've often been suggested to find someone who shares a lot of my personal likes (videogames, anime) as it would help me open up easier, not to mention never running out of things to talk about.

I've heard once or twice about people finding significant others through a Final Fantasy XIV facebook group, for example. Something like that, or a dating site with detailed search filters, would be something I would really want to look into.

 

[Shanlei91]

What has generally been the best site to search for people based on their hobbies? I've often been suggested to find someone who shares a lot of my personal likes (videogames, anime) as it would help me open up easier, not to mention never running out of things to talk about.

I've heard once or twice about people finding significant others through a Final Fantasy XIV facebook group, for example. Something like that, or a dating site with detailed search filters, would be something I would really want to look into.

OkCupid is probably the best for that. You can search based on interests - previously you could do so without restraint (i.e. "Final fantasy IV") but now it's based on categories generated by the site. So certain phrases won't work but popular phrases will. Alternatively you could just use Google search and be creative with use of search strings and limit it to results of the search of your choice, but that might be too complicated so I'll just say OkCupid.

 

[Syphon Filter]

Is there anyway I can communicate with someone else on match.com without paying? I liked a girl there and I see she did too. It would be a shame if I can't do anything, she looks really dam good!

 

[Jhoan]

Is there anyway I can communicate with someone else on match.com without paying? I liked a girl there and I see she did too. It would be a shame if I can't do anything, she looks really dam good!

Unless you can find a trial code, there's nothing you can do about it without paying for a subscription. Match entices people to pay up by allowing users to receive messages. You're better off sticking to other services if you don't want to buy a subscription.

 

[Syphon Filter]

Unless you can find a trial code, there's nothing you can do about it without paying for a subscription. Match entices people to pay up by allowing users to receive messages. You're better off sticking to other services if you don't want to buy a subscription.

Yea, although I think I found a loophole from this chicks profile. She put her email in her summary lol.

 

[TangerineCloud]

Man, I know the dudes on OKCupid in my area must be weak as fuck when two separate women tell me I'm the coolest guy they've talked to on OKCupid. Lol, even I don't like myself that much.

 

[Makonero]

Man, I know the dudes on OKCupid in my area must be weak as fuck when two separate women tell me I'm the coolest guy they've talked to on OKCupid. Lol, even I don't like myself that much.

dude you gotta like yourself

confidence is sexy

 

[Jhoan]

Man, I know the dudes on OKCupid in my area must be weak as fuck when two separate women tell me I'm the coolest guy they've talked to on OKCupid. Lol, even I don't like myself that much.

I take it with a grain of salt but that's a pretty damn good compliment either way man. Like Makonero said, you should own up to it and accept it. Girls giving you compliments is always a damn good sign.

 

[ameratsu]

Sometime in the last few days, Bumble apparently broadened my search range and I have a pile of pending matches from 250+ kilometers away. Search range is set to 30km and hasn't changed since I downloaded the app.

 

[Lulubop]

Bumble has a really strict algorithm thing going on. Immediately after your first swipe it starts working against you, no joke. I've just been getting flakes on their recently too so I'm down with it.
'
Tinder, seems to have improved their algorithm. I still clean up, daily since my last reset.

 

[TangerineCloud]

dude you gotta like yourself

confidence is sexy

I take it with a grain of salt but that's a pretty damn good compliment either way man. Like Makonero said, you should own up to it and accept it. Girls giving you compliments is always a damn good sign.

Yeah, I know you guys are right. Guess I just haven't really been feeling desirable or likable since my break-up. It's hard to put much stock in compliments from women on the internet when I'm not sure if the only woman I actually care about right now still wants me.

Sometimes I don't know if I'm ready to be back in the dating game. But at the same time, pursuing other women is one of the only things that makes me feel like I'm not "waiting" for ex to maybe want to try again with me. Might need to take some time to work on myself some more. I dunno.

 

[Jhoan]

I just saw a movie called La Belle Saison, a French movie about two lesbian lovers in the mid/late 1960.

Spoiler

In the end they both go their own separate ways.

I highly recommend it. I didn't tear up but damn if it didn't remind me of my own short lived romances with a few cool girls. The intimacy, the love, and the fights. Man, it hit me because I miss the intimacy of waking up next to someone. Online Dating is tough but we move on and preservere.

 

[The Power Of Snap]

Don't wanna sound like a stalker, but i did a reset of my bumble account this week and i lost the conversation i had with a girl. She didn't reply to me for 2 days and i wanted to erase my account to boost my matches. Thing is, after thinking about it, she was really cool and good looking. After a quick and easy facebook search, i have found her profile.... should i ask her for a date with a facebook message? Or is it too stalker ish?

 

[Syphon Filter]

I managed to get in contact with a girl from match.com despite being a free member. We had mutual winks and I emailed her yesterday. Today I received an email from her and it is somewhat long, so it should be a real person right? We share similar needs, hopefully this works out.

 

[TangerineCloud]

Juggling three conversations with women who are all my beautiful but terrible at contributing anything to a conversation. Yeah, I think I may be done with online dating for right now.

 

[True Savior]

Don't wanna sound like a stalker, but i did a reset of my bumble account this week and i lost the conversation i had with a girl. She didn't reply to me for 2 days and i wanted to erase my account to boost my matches. Thing is, after thinking about it, she was really cool and good looking. After a quick and easy facebook search, i have found her profile.... should i ask her for a date with a facebook message? Or is it too stalker ish?

Unless you look like Matt Bomer, facebook messages to strangers are always creepy.

 

[Jhoan]

Don't wanna sound like a stalker, but i did a reset of my bumble account this week and i lost the conversation i had with a girl. She didn't reply to me for 2 days and i wanted to erase my account to boost my matches. Thing is, after thinking about it, she was really cool and good looking. After a quick and easy facebook search, i have found her profile.... should i ask her for a date with a facebook message? Or is it too stalker ish?

Maybe you should have gotten the number before deleting it. I would imagine that her Other folder is full of messages from would be suitors so it's not worth it. Personally I would let it go because there's plenty of fish in the sea.

I managed to get in contact with a girl from match.com despite being a free member. We had mutual winks and I emailed her yesterday. Today I received an email from her and it is somewhat long, so it should be a real person right? We share similar needs, hopefully this works out.

If she sent you a wall of text, then you're good to go. Set up a date ASAP. What was the content about in a nutshell?

 

[Syphon Filter]

Maybe you should have gotten the number before deleting it. I would imagine that her Other folder is full of messages from would be suitors so it's not worth it. Personally I would let it go because there's plenty of fish in the sea.

If she sent you a wall of text, then you're good to go. Set up a date ASAP. What was the content about in a nutshell?

It was about her wanting more of a serious relationship and not a one time thing. I am still suspect if it is real. I checked for her profile and it was not there anymore? Although I heard of some doing that for certain reasons. What do you think?

 

[Makonero]

It was about her wanting more of a serious relationship and not a one time thing. I am still suspect if it is real. I checked for her profile and it was not there anymore? Although I heard of some doing that for certain reasons. What do you think?

It's probably fake. I don't trust it when a woman gives you a number or email in her profile. Usually a scam.

 

[Syphon Filter]

It's probably fake. I don't trust it when a woman gives you a number or email in her profile. Usually a scam.

Yea most likely, how can they get away with putting their email in their summary? Doesn't it get approved first by someone?

 

[Jhoan]

Yea most likely, how can they get away with putting their email in their summary? Doesn't it get approved first by someone?

Bullet dodged son. Don't trust Match emails son. Stick to OKC for the most part.

 

[The Technomancer]

Goddamnit I've gotten myself into one of them there "good problems to have". I've been seeing a couple of girls for a couple of dates each, both of whom seem into me.
First girl and I text back and forth like crazy both about shared interests and just how our day is going but when I've been out in person with her I just haven't quite felt the chemistry.
Second girl is a lot busier and we don't talk nearly as much but I think I vibe better with her and she's a bit more fun.

I don't like stringing people along so I need to figure out where I'm going to focus attentions. Maybe one more week with another date with each to really see if there's actually potential with the second girl, maybe a night in or something

 

[Salamando]

First time this has happened to me - girl likes my profile and I recognize her from Facebook (we were both invited to a friend's party). Should I bring this up when I message her?

 

[Kyne]

First time this has happened to me - girl likes my profile and I recognize her from Facebook (we were both invited to a friend's party). Should I bring this up when I message her?

no.

in fact, use that knowledge of her being single/into you at the party to hit her up in person.

 

[Kaelan]

I may just be overthinking here, but wanted to hear what you guys think.

Matched with this girl on tinder about 2 weeks ago and we've been talking for a while and eventually got each other's numbers and started texting a lot. Had a date a few days ago and it was excellent, I learned a lot about her the conversation flowed and we already have plans for a 2nd date.

I was just curious though and went on tinder and found that our older conversation was gone. Not sure if this means she unmatched me or what, but I was wondering if I should be worried about this even though we're like talking daily and already plan to go on another date soon.

 

[Shanlei91]

I may just be overthinking here, but wanted to hear what you guys think.

Matched with this girl on tinder about 2 weeks ago and we've been talking for a while and eventually got each other's numbers and started texting a lot. Had a date a few days ago and it was excellent, I learned a lot about her the conversation flowed and we already have plans for a 2nd date.

I was just curious though and went on tinder and found that our older conversation was gone. Not sure if this means she unmatched me or what, but I was wondering if I should be worried about this even though we're like talking daily and already plan to go on another date soon.

She might have deleted her account (great sign!) or unmatched with you so you can't see her photos change / that she's still active (bad sign!).

Don't put too much thought into it and treat your relationship with her as if it's in a vacuum for now. Only if things get serious should you begin to even ponder about such things, otherwise you risk becoming paranoid and self sabotaging it.

 

[Kaelan]

She might have deleted her account (great sign!) or unmatched with you so you can't see her photos change / that she's still active (bad sign!).

Don't put too much thought into it and treat your relationship with her as if it's in a vacuum for now. Only if things get serious should you begin to even ponder about such things, otherwise you risk becoming paranoid and self sabotaging it.

Very true. Thanks man!

 

[stn]

Is Bumble free? I'm curious now.

 

[Jhoan]

Is Bumble free? I'm curious now.

It's always been free but there's optional premium features that have been thrown in recently. It's nothing on the scale of Tinder's algorithm where there's diminishing returns for people who aren't paying and swipes are unlimited.

 

[plidex]

After reading this thread I decided to see for myself how is OKCupid because I loved the idea of having to answer questions and being matched by the answers.

I knew there would probably be very few women from my country. I was right, there are a handful.

Questions done, I have an 89% match with a girl that in the three pictures she has goes from normal to really cute. And it really looks like we are very alike. I sent her a message and now I'm in "Please respond" mode. She was online a month ago, so I have some hope.

There's another one with an 85% match but she is asexual. :/

And there's one with 91% but she is 18 and I'm 27, and I'm not really feeling her description, she is too artsy for my style. She likes video games though.

 

[Ogodei]

The questions aren't *so* useful i've found, mostly it lets you ferret out dealbreakers fast: conservatives, druggies, or people who are anti-nerd in my case. It doesn't really tell you who's good for you as much as who's not-bad for you.

So i'm in the DC Metro Area, 27-year-old early career professional with no plans to leave the area (probably ever, unless my future wife has a stronger career and needs to move somewhere for said career). Left-wing, nerdy, not into music at all, my ideal relationship right now would be something in the 3-12 month range, but i'm now at the point where i wouldn't say no to someone looking to settle, either. Not ugly (at least when my face is acne-free), but nothing to write home about either, mild case of dad-bod so shirtless photos aren't really an option for profiles, but i'm pretty "fit" otherwise.

I'm on OKCupid and have a Plenty of Fish account that's still set to Pittsburgh because i haven't bothered to update it yet.

So my question is, which other service should i be trying? Should i bother with Plenty Of Fish (which really seemed dominated by country girls and single moms back in Pittsburgh), or try Bumble or Coffee Meets Bagel? I tend not to like the idea of Tinder.

 

[Makonero]

The questions aren't *so* useful i've found, mostly it lets you ferret out dealbreakers fast: conservatives, druggies, or people who are anti-nerd in my case. It doesn't really tell you who's good for you as much as who's not-bad for you.

So i'm in the DC Metro Area, 27-year-old early career professional with no plans to leave the area (probably ever, unless my future wife has a stronger career and needs to move somewhere for said career). Left-wing, nerdy, not into music at all, my ideal relationship right now would be something in the 3-12 month range, but i'm now at the point where i wouldn't say no to someone looking to settle, either. Not ugly (at least when my face is acne-free), but nothing to write home about either, mild case of dad-bod so shirtless photos aren't really an option for profiles, but i'm pretty "fit" otherwise.

I'm on OKCupid and have a Plenty of Fish account that's still set to Pittsburgh because i haven't bothered to update it yet.

So my question is, which other service should i be trying? Should i bother with Plenty Of Fish (which really seemed dominated by country girls and single moms back in Pittsburgh), or try Bumble or Coffee Meets Bagel? I tend not to like the idea of Tinder.

Bumble is pretty great. Tinder is good too, but has way more limits and there's still a stigma around it. Coffee Meets Bagel has too many microtransactions for me to feel comfortable recommending it. You lose nothing by signing up for Bumble, so go do that. Use a few good pics, and make sure to have something written in your bio to help you stand out. Good luck!