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Parent GAF - how to toughen up my son?
- Thread starter OZ9000
- Start date
Ailynn
Faith - Hope - Love
Really, though...he'll most likely grow out of it. My youngest nephew was like that until he was about 5 years old (cried very often and clung to his mom), and now he's kinda totally the opposite and prefers his dad's company. I wouldn't worry, O OZ9000 - Love him and he'll be just fine.
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GeekyDad
Member
Try loving him. Seems to strengthen everyone.
BlackTron
Member
I was thinking about this some more while driving around today and wanted to add some more. It didn't occur to me when I posted earlier, but when I was a kid I was considered very sensitive by my mom. It's something I didn't learn until over 20 years later. In fact she told me that when I was around 6 she was "worried" I was gay (I'm not). I was somewhat oblivious as my mom left the household and my dad never gave me shit for anything so. I mean, in hindsight it makes sense, but I was clueless.
Here's the funny thing. I was the "overly sensitive" one, yet in modern times I have to bail my mom out of her own bullshit all the time. Had I actually lived with her as a kid, I'd probably be too ineffective and inept today to actually do anything to help her (or be in jail lol), because she always had some issue with me and it was damaging just the extent I was exposed to it on odd weekends. The seeming issues that irked her, are exactly the traits that manifested into being the most competent person in my family. She feels like a dumbass about it now, but most kids aren't going to give you a freebie on it, or take the damage in stride, as readily as I did.
Now I DID go through a phase I was a people-pleaser and overly scared of consequences, however, the solution for that is a lot easier to administer and fill in yourself than the epic shit ton of passive abilities I got "for free" just by being allowed to do my own thing. In my case I was "sensitive" in that I didn't like to be bothered, but also in a sensory way -I was so overloaded from the senses that I often felt overloaded and paralyzed with too much information, and felt a need to focus. Games and lego helped me do that, while being intellectually stimulating. When I was really little, I feel that's where being so "sensitive" came from -you feel more, so you react with higher highs and lower lows. You never know what's really going on in a kids brain and it's a jump to call it a "problem" or even to even assume he needs toughening at all. In my case I learned to focus/channel this into emotional intelligence and artistic ability which, paired with being a hardass, is deadly. Anyone can be a hardass, if you're sensitive maybe you're into to something special.
Here's the funny thing. I was the "overly sensitive" one, yet in modern times I have to bail my mom out of her own bullshit all the time. Had I actually lived with her as a kid, I'd probably be too ineffective and inept today to actually do anything to help her (or be in jail lol), because she always had some issue with me and it was damaging just the extent I was exposed to it on odd weekends. The seeming issues that irked her, are exactly the traits that manifested into being the most competent person in my family. She feels like a dumbass about it now, but most kids aren't going to give you a freebie on it, or take the damage in stride, as readily as I did.
Now I DID go through a phase I was a people-pleaser and overly scared of consequences, however, the solution for that is a lot easier to administer and fill in yourself than the epic shit ton of passive abilities I got "for free" just by being allowed to do my own thing. In my case I was "sensitive" in that I didn't like to be bothered, but also in a sensory way -I was so overloaded from the senses that I often felt overloaded and paralyzed with too much information, and felt a need to focus. Games and lego helped me do that, while being intellectually stimulating. When I was really little, I feel that's where being so "sensitive" came from -you feel more, so you react with higher highs and lower lows. You never know what's really going on in a kids brain and it's a jump to call it a "problem" or even to even assume he needs toughening at all. In my case I learned to focus/channel this into emotional intelligence and artistic ability which, paired with being a hardass, is deadly. Anyone can be a hardass, if you're sensitive maybe you're into to something special.
Catphish
Member
Punished Miku
Human Rights Subscription Service
I think kids are born tough or sweet. I was nice to everyone from birth. My little brother on the other hand fought with us nonstop, broke everyone's toys, kicked kids in the balls at school and had a mohawk in 4th grade.
You can't alter their entire personality. You can promote anyone to be a little tougher though when they're older. Start with physical playing, riding bikes, basics. Then sports. Then martial arts. Then weight training when they're like 14 or so.
You may not see them ever show any signs of being tougher until they're like 16-18. Somewhere it will sink in a bit. But you're not going to change someone's entire nature and personality.
You can't alter their entire personality. You can promote anyone to be a little tougher though when they're older. Start with physical playing, riding bikes, basics. Then sports. Then martial arts. Then weight training when they're like 14 or so.
You may not see them ever show any signs of being tougher until they're like 16-18. Somewhere it will sink in a bit. But you're not going to change someone's entire nature and personality.
newtypepilot
Member
if you are asian you know what I'm talking about.
chromhound
Member
tommib
Banned
You need to spend as much time with him as possible and be a cool dad. Show him music, sports, whatever you like, but you guys need to do stuff together. Be a cool dad.
Truer words have never been spoken. I am a certified sociopath.
I've been teaching him how to punch and kick now.
I also am trying to teach him how to do pushups and pull-ups (assisted).
I won't push him but if he's happy to do it then great.
Have never play fighted with him - wife does not like it. She thinks I am instilling bad habits in him. Nevertheless I will take him kickboxing or boxing when he's a bit older.
In truth I spend most of my week working. I work 60 hours a week. I hardly see my son.
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Lmao
if you are asian you know what I'm talking about.
My dad used to beat the shit out of me as a kid.
I was a terrible kid - used to fight my brother's and cousins on a regular basis
But I also want to see that violent streak in my son. My niece hits other kids. If she hits my son he starts crying immediately and runs to mommy. I want him to hit her back; he needs to have some sense of self defense.
Leyasu
Banned
You need to start boosting his self confidence.
My boy was a little cry baby. To make matters worse, at 4 he started coming home from school with bruises all over him. He turned out he was getting picked on by the little bully and his pals. I could have easily sorted it out with their dickhead dads but that wasn't going to help him at all. He had to do it himself.
The first thing I did was buy him some boxing gloves and me some sparring pads and trained him how to hit/fight. He is a quick learner (that was why he was moved up a year at school, and one of the reasons for why he was getting picked on), and within a couple of months could hit hard with his weight behind his punches and could move relatively well (for someone his age) too. Yet the bruises remained..
This would go on until he was 6. I had been training him for well over 18 months and could he have smashed them way before but he didn't. Because he was still lacking the self confidence needed.
Anyway, when he turned 6 (my partner wouldn't let me send him boxing), I signed him up for MMA classes. After about a month he was doing some light sparring with a kid who was 10 and nearly twice his size. My boy got stuck in and landed a nice combo and hurt the him. Afterwards, the kid said to him that he hit hard and they trained together for the rest of the class.
In the car on the way home I complemented him on his training and told him that did well against the big kid earlier. He then told me that kid said that he hit hard etc. I said to that that kid was twice the size of the kid picking on him, and that if he hurt the kid tonight, imagine what he could do to the one at school.
The next day the kid and two of mates trapped my boy behind a little plastic house in the playground, my boy sorted out all three of em lol. The bruises stopped over night, and the littlle kid who was bullying most of the class lost his mojo, and within a couple of weeks went from the bully, to all of the other kids exacting their revenge on him. Now that kid is the class joke, and doesn't bother anyone anymore.
Not only is having self confidence good for that sort of thing, it has also helped my son climb to the top of the class with his grades (not forgetting that he already skipped a class), it has also toughened him up, but has not turned him into a bully either. He doesn't need to pick on other kids to feel good. He starts secondary/middle school in september and is looking forward to it without fear. I am also sending him and my 8yr old daughter boxing in september. My missus has come round to it.
Anyway, all that wall of text just to say that you don't really need to toughen him up so to speak, you just need to give him self confidence. Never talk down to him or call him a sissy because that is what he will think that he is. Encourage him, and then get him into boxing classes as soon as he is old enough. Having self confidence will be something that will help him in nearly every part of his life
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RoboFu
One of the green rats
You better start puberty blockers now!
I have twins both now 6 and my son is a natural athlete .. baseball, swimming, soccer, takes a ninja warrior class. He is tops in all, but is scared shitless of roller coasters, bugs and is a bit shy.
Where as my little girl is fearless .. loves roller coasters, snorkeling with massive fish, will touch any bug or animal, has no fear of performing in front of a crowd.. takes dance and gymnastics but is not a natural athlete.
Point being .. being tough is relative
I have twins both now 6 and my son is a natural athlete .. baseball, swimming, soccer, takes a ninja warrior class. He is tops in all, but is scared shitless of roller coasters, bugs and is a bit shy.
Where as my little girl is fearless .. loves roller coasters, snorkeling with massive fish, will touch any bug or animal, has no fear of performing in front of a crowd.. takes dance and gymnastics but is not a natural athlete.
Point being .. being tough is relative
dr_octagon
Banned
K2D
Banned
Three years old and you judge him as a sissy. Sounds like you have deep interpersonal issues and will have son that will grow up to recent you.
I have a son that's two, and I shower him with love every opportunity I get. I let him explore even if it means he ends up with a bruce or a scrape - and he seems encouraged enough.
I have a son that's two, and I shower him with love every opportunity I get. I let him explore even if it means he ends up with a bruce or a scrape - and he seems encouraged enough.
Kilau
Member
if you are asian you know what I'm talking about.
Zeroing
Banned
well the problem is the parent already wanting a 3 year old son to be something he wants! Like the kid is an extension of himself. That is already troubling.
Second problem, why does the kid chooses only his mom for protection? Clearly he doesn’t see his dad as someone who can protect him!
I hope this is trolling, if not the OP should look at what I wrote and think about it! Being a parent is not an easy job! We humans fail, learn, take lessons from experiences, that goes to parents and children as well!
Second problem, why does the kid chooses only his mom for protection? Clearly he doesn’t see his dad as someone who can protect him!
I hope this is trolling, if not the OP should look at what I wrote and think about it! Being a parent is not an easy job! We humans fail, learn, take lessons from experiences, that goes to parents and children as well!
Jsisto
Member
According to the movie 300, a great film and 100 percent factual historical documentary, weak or undesirable newborns were thrown into ravines. You just need to settle with having a wuss of a son now, OP. Strong men do not make weak sons, so essentially this is your fault. You big wuss.
Zeroing
Banned
The movie is not 100% accurate! They took out the part where the men engaged in romantic and sexual relationships in a way to bound… meaning if you were fighting next to your lover you would fight even more aggressive to protect him and vise versa
History and Hollywood are not the same! Spartans were like the Greeks expect they took pride in being tougher!
OmegaSupreme
advanced basic bitch
I believe it's called the agoge.
Jsisto
Member
True! So if you want your son to be tougher OP you need to…..ah nevermind I don’t want my satire to be misunderstood.
In summation, he’s 3, chill out.
TheDraconian
Member
Google "Stew-roids".
Literally the first thing that came to my mind when I read OP's and other's posts.
Literally the first thing that came to my mind when I read OP's and other's posts.
Zeroing
Banned
yeah he needs to throw his kid on military camp! 3 years old is a good age lolTrue! So if you want your son to be tougher OP you need to…..ah nevermind I don’t want my satire to be misunderstood.
In summation, he’s 3, chill out.
Now seriously what’s going on with people??
Mistake
Member
Your son being too close with his mother is exactly the problem. I taught one boy with a similar issue, and his mother would do everything for him. This boy cried all the time, and it was bad for independence like getting dressed or class projects. I recommend rough housing with him a bit, and do more activities that require him to figure things out on his own
Aesius
Member
"When you coming home, dad?"
"I don't know when, but we'll get together then. You know we'll have a good time then."
If I remember correctly, there was a study done on young children and boys are typically more sensitive than girls are, though one must remember that each person is their own individual with their own personality. So not every boy will be a crybaby or not every girl will be emotionally stable. Also take into account that it is sometimes said that boys mature slower than girls. Again, this is not an one size fits all model but rather a generalization with exceptions to the rule.
I don't have any children but I clearly remember my younger brother being such a crybaby and running to our mother. Why? Because some children feel the most comfort and safest and nurtured with their mothers than fathers depending on family dynamics. My brother and I are adults now and he's pretty much emotionally stable. His feelings aren't easily hurt and I have rarely ever seen him cry unless something like when our mother passed away or any other sad event.
In any case, children need love and they all have their own personalities regardless of gender. Some are more sensitive than others but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them. That's just what the world force feeds people on how people should be and act and so on. And for those who don't fit the mold of the hive mind, well, become outcasts. But who said being an outcast wasn't one of the best things to happen for those who understand its true implications and benefits.
Also, your son may be the most attached to his mother because he knows and can sense who is looking out for him with his best interests in mind and who is not, specifically mentally and/or emotionally speaking. Children aren't stupid and just like the common sense of anyone else, they too will distance themselves from those they don't feel safe, comforted, nurtured around and so on.
If you want to learn more about normal toddler behavior in a generalized sense, maybe try learning about childhood development. And it wouldn't hurt to do some introspection on why you think it is okay to call your son somewhat of a sissy for wanting basic human necessities. To feel loved, to feel accepted.
wvnative
Member
If it's not a troll, then no wonder the kid prefers to hang with Mommy.
TheDreadBaron
Member
OP it’s probably difficult to take some of the advice about what you’re doing wrong at face value, and there’s lots of jokes and sarcasm mixed in too so the message is a bit muddled, but there seems to be a bit of information that is very important in this matter. You said you work all the time and barely see your son, and also that he prefers and constantly needs the protection of his mom, those things seem related! He doesn’t have his dad to turn to when he’s scared because his dad is never around and reacts negatively to his need for a comforting embrace, so he’s gonna turn to mom every time. It’s been said before but three is very young, not even close to being an independent person who doesn’t need a hug from dad when they are scared, and you already resent him for needing love and comfort? Don’t repeat the mistakes of your father, love your son all the time, even if he’s very sensitive. I myself was a very sensitive child, and my dad always loved me and never made me feel inadequate, took my sister and I to martial arts classes when I was old enough, and supported whatever I wanted to pursue when I was older. Support him and he will grow into the person he’s meant to be, if you try to change him he will always feel inadequate, you know maybe something like your relationship with your father?
GeekyDad
Member
The Pleasure
Member
I imagine this is how you'll treat your son when he hits middle school
Mohonky
Member
I know this video
It's incredibly hard to mould kids.
Trying to do all typical 'manly' activities with him (eg trying to teach him to fight) but he's more interested in playing with his cars and Amazon Kindle.
I'll probably just encourage him at a later date. There is no rush. Let kids be kids I guess.
Trying to do all typical 'manly' activities with him (eg trying to teach him to fight) but he's more interested in playing with his cars and Amazon Kindle.
I'll probably just encourage him at a later date. There is no rush. Let kids be kids I guess.
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Give yourself a pat on the back for the most inaccurate armchair psychoanalysis.
You should try giving our son a pat on the back while you're at it, rather than trying to 'man him up' like you seem intent on.
D
Deleted member 1159
Unconfirmed Member
The most important thing I think is making sure he feels loved and deserves to be loved. Every kid has their own personality and you shouldn’t sweat the supposed shortcomings of a 3 year old. Just let him know you love him no matter what and he’ll come out just fine.