this week has been shit and it's not even over yet. i've managed to do fuck all except get out of bed, go to work, and go back to bed. just been scrolling through the same shit on the internet over and over again. i could go read a book, play a game, or watch netflix but i don't have the energy. all i want to do is sleep and when i wake up everything either comes right back to me or i think "what am i meant to be worrying or sad about?" and then it does. yey depression.
last night i got a bit of bad news. it's bad in that it
could be FUCKING BAD and i mean like life changing bad. Or it could be absolutely nothing at all.... so yeah my anxiety is through the fucking roof right now while I wait. I woke up at ~1:30am this morning (usually up at about 4am) which isn't that odd but I couldn't get back to sleep. All day i've just been feeling anxious and frustrated. Now i'm at home drinking to try feel happy/calm. Since I woke up I've been longing for that moment I got home and could open a beer. Fuck alcohol.
It's roasting outside and I should probably be sitting out in the garden relaxing but I'm sitting here trying to hide from everything. That's what I do best it seems