I need help guys...kinda long so cliffs are at the bottom
So a little back story, I met this girl about a year and half ago at work(lets call her Susan). We hit it off and after a few months we started seeing each other more and more. Slowly we became friends with benefits but over time it definitely evolved into an actual relationship. Now Ill be the first to admit that weve always had a strange relationship. For a long time I was trying to get over my ex of 5 years, and a lot of the time it wasnt so fun for Susan. But she stuck around, and no matter what I was still with her almost every day. I want to just say that it wasnt always easy for us, but for the vast majority of the time it was really good.
Now heres where things get squirrely. After having been together for about 8 months, she goes out to party in November and meets this guy(Well call him Bill). At first its no big deal, at this point in time were seeing each other maybe 5 days a week and shes spending the night almost every night. So the next day she tells me what happened and I was cool with it. I told her it was good she had a nice time and maybe next time we can all go out together. She agrees and we dont really talk much about it after that. So as time goes on Im still seeing her daily but I notice shes texting a lot, and a few time I catch her taking photos to snapchat. At this point its been about a month and I still havent met this person, and it didnt really bug me to much but over time the texting felt like it was getting excessive. Not to mention rude, that shes chatting with someone else while shes spending time with me. I tell her about this, and she tells me she didnt realize what she was doing and apologized. After that she kind of stopped but I knew she was still friends with the guy.
This happens for the rest of December, and after about two months of having been going through this I tell her that its annoying that I still havent met him and its starting to bug me. She tells me shes sorry and we make up, but still nothing really changes. At this point Ive learned that shes been hanging out with him and some of his other friends when shes not with me. It naturally makes me nervous.
In January, she goes through a meltdown. She told me that when she visited her parents they got on her for being a disappointment. She tells me this and then vanishes for two weeks, and when she returns she tells me about her plan. Her plan is nothing major and all it involves is her eating well, exercising, getting a new job, and going back to school. All really normal stuff, so I was happy for her. But then she tells me that because of this new plan she cant see me as much. It hurt, but I trusted her and wanted the best for her so I told her I understood and that even though we would see each other less, we would still be together. So that went on for a bit until I started to notice that on the days she said she couldnt see me, she was spending it with him. To her defense it was rarely just him, it was usually a group of people, but still it didnt make me feel good. I confront her about it and I tell her that what shes doing isnt cool, I tell her I love her and I want to be with her but what shes doing is putting me in bad place. She again says shes sorry and agrees to work on it and so we make up and make plans for future dates.
The dates however are different, and things dont feel the same as before. Its also getting harder to see her, as every time I ask she has plans to do something. This only gets worse when I realize that shes again spending more time with others. I confront her about it and ask her if something is going on. She tells me no, that theyre just friends. she gets really mad at me for accusing her and barely speaks to me for two weeks. So things are not well. and two weeks later she comes over to talk. Were trying to figure out whats going on, I tell her all sorts of things but eventually we agree that were still dating. We kiss and makeup and go on our way.
Things are still weird though, and its hard to talk her now. Everything starts to feel very tense but we both hold on. I make plans to see her the day after valentines day(because she hates valentines day. In her defense this was true the year before too), I even get her flowers, which she really likes and then she starts telling me about her week. Shes talking like she has nothing to hide and starts telling me about how her friend spent the night the day before valentines day(they had a party and he slept downstairs) and that she woke up to the smell of burning waffles. So they have waffles in the morning and then he leaves, but a few hours later he comes back and literally picks her up over his shoulder and made her go to the grocery store with him. It turns out he leaves again to spend the day with another girl, but it still makes me uncomfortable. Not wanting to ruin the day just as it started, we leave to go to Austin for our date. On the way I ask again to meet her friends, they sound nice and it can be a lot of fun. But this makes her angry and she bottles up and tells me weve talked about this before.
If I didnt mention it before, shes flat out refused to let me meet her friends. Sometimes its a weak excuse and then sometimes its just a flat out no. She tells me its for two reasons, the first is because shes worried how I might react because she has a flirty relationship with him and others, and the second is because in her past relationships their friends always sided with her ex, leaving her alone. So she didnt feel comfortable mixing her romantic relationship, with her platonic ones.
This infuriates me because its so shady. We fight on the way to Austin. I ask again, and she tells me that nothing is going on. Anyway things settle for a bit, and I still wanted to make the best of day so we continue the date. But as its going on I feel more and more drained, because all she has to talk about is him. By the end of the date Ive all but given up. Im an emotional wreck and she can see it, so we try to leave. But we end up just sitting in my car for about 3 hours where we just kinda look at each other and talk. Eventually I just explode and just let her have it, I tell her about how shitty shes been, how suspicious this looks, how wrong it is for her to treat me this way it just goes on and on. It gets so bad that I pull out of the parking lot without looking and smash my car on a pillar. It was just cosmetic damage so I drive away pissed. We check it out after a few minutes, and when I see it I just lose it. She ends up telling me that shes really sorry, and that she has been a complete asshole to me the last two months. She says she never should of gotten mad at me before, and that I have every right to hate her.
During the drive back it becomes pretty clear that things are over. Were essentially saying our goodbyes all the way until we pull into her drive way. But before she gets up to leave she grabs my hand and places it on her face and just looks at me. Sad stuff is being said and then we kiss. We kiss for a while and just before she leaves she tells me talk to you tomorrow okay?.
Things are very confusing. I ended going home for the next two days and skip work. I decide to bring my family dog with me to keep me company as Im a wreck. We dont talk all week until the next Saturday when I show up at her work to ask her to meet me on Monday so we can clarify things. She agreed to come.
Over the weekend my friends come to visit me, we go out one night and when we return around 2am I find my dog outside. Somethings wrong, she looks fine but she wont get up. After picking her up and bringing her inside its apparent something happened. I run upstairs and see that the blinds in my window are torn and the window screen has a hole in it. Yes, she fell out of my window. When I took her to the vet they told me her back was broken, and that they needed to wait till the morning to see if anything could be done.
Needless to say I was a fucking mess, I called Susan around 4 in the morning telling her what happened, I asked if I could come over and she said yes. I proceeded to have a panic attack for the next 2 hours before we dozed off for a bit. In the morning I get a call from the vet telling me they had to put her down. Susan had to drive me home that morning but she didnt stick around, as soon as she dropped me off she left. It was a terrible day.
I skip work again, and just drive for hours before returning home. Originally I asked if she would come over that Monday, so I ask again if she still would. So she came over and we talked, I told her about what happened and after sometime talked about what happened the week before. She was just silent and stared at me, after a while I said something along the lines of this is weird. At which point she jumped up next to me and says I dont care if its weird and hugged me which led to her kissing me. We ended up doing that for a long time, so much so that clothes were coming off but we didnt have sex. Eventually she has to leave so I walk her out and she kisses me good night and tells me shell talk to me soon.
It was just nice to have her care about me. The next week passes and not much changes, I text her and she hardly responds, and when I ask to see her she says she has plans. So the next Monday I call her to tell her that Im done, I give up and cant do this anymore. It felt like it took her by surprise and at the end of the call she asks me if she can come over the next day. I was pretty surprised, but GAF you gotta understand that I really love this girl and I really want things to work, so I said yes even though I feel like nothing was going to change.
She comes over and shes acting really sweet, she tells me she misses me and starts being real flirty with me. It made me mad because Ive been going crazy and here she is pretending like nothing is happening. To make a long story short though, we end up sleeping together. It was pretty awesome, and it was the first time we slept together in about 3 months. Soon after she says she has to leave, and around that time she starts getting all sorts of texts. I ask about it and she says that her friends are waiting for her outside her house and no one is there to let them in. It was weird; it felt like I was the other guy at that moment. She asks me to walk her out and before she gets in her car she hugs and kisses me good night.
Its been over two weeks since that night and I havent seen her since. Shes actually texted me way more than before though, but thats not really saying much. I end up getting very, very depressed. A few times I ask to see her but shes busy like always. So this last Monday I call her, I was hoping it would be a good call but it ended up being pretty bad. For her at least, because I proceeded to spend the next 2 hours just bitching at her about how terrible shes been to me, and how confusing shes been. It was pretty bad. But even at the end when I started to run out of things to say she comes back to me with I promise Ill talk to you tomorrow. I didnt ask her to do that, she just did it. And when I told her not to bother she said she was going to do it anyway.
So the next day she tells me she feels terrible for how everythings happened and how shes acted. Im pretty mad so I dont really respond. The day after that I get this idea to give her one more chance, I tell her to skip her weekly swing dance to come visit me. It doesnt sound like much I know, but this is something that she started to do regularly for months now. She goes with that guy and other people and every single time that Ive asked to go, she would refuse. So to me it would mean a lot if she would skip this one thing to see me, which I dont think is asking for much. I told her that if I really mattered to her and if I was really a priority she would have no issue. But she fights back and says that if she sees me all Im going to do is get mad at her and she doesnt want that to happen. hate to admit but that's fair. We talk for a while and I dont even remember what I said when she suddenly asked if I want to go dancing with them.
I was stunned; I literally had no idea what to say. I just wanted to see her, but here she is inviting me to do something that Ive never been allowed to do and meet the people that shes refused to let me meet. And yes, he will be there.
So now Im freaking out, the dance is later today and Im really nervous. I have no idea what to expect. On one hand Im worried Ill make a scene or do something since Ive grown to hate that guy out of jealousy. And on the other hand, I cant help but wonder if she is really reaching out to me and trying to prove to me that she willing to try.
Also Im terrible at dancing, and theyve been doing this for months so I cant compete there. I have no idea what to do or expect. Will this even change anything for me? Will it make things better or worse? Should I have just jumped ship ages ago...probably but here I am. She is the most confusing person ever; maybe Im not helping but why even ask me to go if she really doesnt want me around?
Tl;Dr (still long
)
-Met girL over a year ago
-Things are for the most part good. We fall in love with each other
-Meets this guy around November
-Originally no problem, but they start hanging out more and more
-She has mental breakdown, returns with a plan. Feels like Im not a part of it but she still wants me around.
-Things change, its hard to see her or even talk to her. Shes spending more and more time with him and friends she met through him. Shes never lets me meet them, even after months of asking.
- Confront her about, says nothing is going on. No real proof but still so suspicious
- We keep trying to go out, but jealousy is really tough. It seems like shes fallen for the guy but denies it multiple times. We have a really deep heart to heart, and its hard not believe her.
- Pretty much break up, except she kisses me right before she leaves. Took it as a goodbye. Im devastated; went home brought family dog with me to keep me company.
- Dog jumps out of my window for no reason, breaks back and dies.
- Even more of mess, go to her for help. She helps. Week passes, shes at my house and we end up all over each other. Another week passes, at my house again and we sleep together.
- two week pass, shes talking to me more but its not a lot.
- Call her and unload everything that Ive been feeling. She feels bad. Tells me she feels terrible for how shes been acting.
- Decide to give her one final attempt to prove that she cares. Tell her to skip her weekly swing dance, a thing that shes been doing for months and has refused to ever let me go. She ends up inviting me instead, and lets me meet her friends including the guy that Ive had so many suspicions about. This will be the first time Ive ever meet him. Its been months.
Gaf, wtf is going on?
So a little back story, I met this girl about a year and half ago at work(lets call her Susan). We hit it off and after a few months we started seeing each other more and more. Slowly we became friends with benefits but over time it definitely evolved into an actual relationship. Now Ill be the first to admit that weve always had a strange relationship. For a long time I was trying to get over my ex of 5 years, and a lot of the time it wasnt so fun for Susan. But she stuck around, and no matter what I was still with her almost every day. I want to just say that it wasnt always easy for us, but for the vast majority of the time it was really good.
Now heres where things get squirrely. After having been together for about 8 months, she goes out to party in November and meets this guy(Well call him Bill). At first its no big deal, at this point in time were seeing each other maybe 5 days a week and shes spending the night almost every night. So the next day she tells me what happened and I was cool with it. I told her it was good she had a nice time and maybe next time we can all go out together. She agrees and we dont really talk much about it after that. So as time goes on Im still seeing her daily but I notice shes texting a lot, and a few time I catch her taking photos to snapchat. At this point its been about a month and I still havent met this person, and it didnt really bug me to much but over time the texting felt like it was getting excessive. Not to mention rude, that shes chatting with someone else while shes spending time with me. I tell her about this, and she tells me she didnt realize what she was doing and apologized. After that she kind of stopped but I knew she was still friends with the guy.
This happens for the rest of December, and after about two months of having been going through this I tell her that its annoying that I still havent met him and its starting to bug me. She tells me shes sorry and we make up, but still nothing really changes. At this point Ive learned that shes been hanging out with him and some of his other friends when shes not with me. It naturally makes me nervous.
In January, she goes through a meltdown. She told me that when she visited her parents they got on her for being a disappointment. She tells me this and then vanishes for two weeks, and when she returns she tells me about her plan. Her plan is nothing major and all it involves is her eating well, exercising, getting a new job, and going back to school. All really normal stuff, so I was happy for her. But then she tells me that because of this new plan she cant see me as much. It hurt, but I trusted her and wanted the best for her so I told her I understood and that even though we would see each other less, we would still be together. So that went on for a bit until I started to notice that on the days she said she couldnt see me, she was spending it with him. To her defense it was rarely just him, it was usually a group of people, but still it didnt make me feel good. I confront her about it and I tell her that what shes doing isnt cool, I tell her I love her and I want to be with her but what shes doing is putting me in bad place. She again says shes sorry and agrees to work on it and so we make up and make plans for future dates.
The dates however are different, and things dont feel the same as before. Its also getting harder to see her, as every time I ask she has plans to do something. This only gets worse when I realize that shes again spending more time with others. I confront her about it and ask her if something is going on. She tells me no, that theyre just friends. she gets really mad at me for accusing her and barely speaks to me for two weeks. So things are not well. and two weeks later she comes over to talk. Were trying to figure out whats going on, I tell her all sorts of things but eventually we agree that were still dating. We kiss and makeup and go on our way.
Things are still weird though, and its hard to talk her now. Everything starts to feel very tense but we both hold on. I make plans to see her the day after valentines day(because she hates valentines day. In her defense this was true the year before too), I even get her flowers, which she really likes and then she starts telling me about her week. Shes talking like she has nothing to hide and starts telling me about how her friend spent the night the day before valentines day(they had a party and he slept downstairs) and that she woke up to the smell of burning waffles. So they have waffles in the morning and then he leaves, but a few hours later he comes back and literally picks her up over his shoulder and made her go to the grocery store with him. It turns out he leaves again to spend the day with another girl, but it still makes me uncomfortable. Not wanting to ruin the day just as it started, we leave to go to Austin for our date. On the way I ask again to meet her friends, they sound nice and it can be a lot of fun. But this makes her angry and she bottles up and tells me weve talked about this before.
If I didnt mention it before, shes flat out refused to let me meet her friends. Sometimes its a weak excuse and then sometimes its just a flat out no. She tells me its for two reasons, the first is because shes worried how I might react because she has a flirty relationship with him and others, and the second is because in her past relationships their friends always sided with her ex, leaving her alone. So she didnt feel comfortable mixing her romantic relationship, with her platonic ones.
This infuriates me because its so shady. We fight on the way to Austin. I ask again, and she tells me that nothing is going on. Anyway things settle for a bit, and I still wanted to make the best of day so we continue the date. But as its going on I feel more and more drained, because all she has to talk about is him. By the end of the date Ive all but given up. Im an emotional wreck and she can see it, so we try to leave. But we end up just sitting in my car for about 3 hours where we just kinda look at each other and talk. Eventually I just explode and just let her have it, I tell her about how shitty shes been, how suspicious this looks, how wrong it is for her to treat me this way it just goes on and on. It gets so bad that I pull out of the parking lot without looking and smash my car on a pillar. It was just cosmetic damage so I drive away pissed. We check it out after a few minutes, and when I see it I just lose it. She ends up telling me that shes really sorry, and that she has been a complete asshole to me the last two months. She says she never should of gotten mad at me before, and that I have every right to hate her.
During the drive back it becomes pretty clear that things are over. Were essentially saying our goodbyes all the way until we pull into her drive way. But before she gets up to leave she grabs my hand and places it on her face and just looks at me. Sad stuff is being said and then we kiss. We kiss for a while and just before she leaves she tells me talk to you tomorrow okay?.
Things are very confusing. I ended going home for the next two days and skip work. I decide to bring my family dog with me to keep me company as Im a wreck. We dont talk all week until the next Saturday when I show up at her work to ask her to meet me on Monday so we can clarify things. She agreed to come.
Over the weekend my friends come to visit me, we go out one night and when we return around 2am I find my dog outside. Somethings wrong, she looks fine but she wont get up. After picking her up and bringing her inside its apparent something happened. I run upstairs and see that the blinds in my window are torn and the window screen has a hole in it. Yes, she fell out of my window. When I took her to the vet they told me her back was broken, and that they needed to wait till the morning to see if anything could be done.
Needless to say I was a fucking mess, I called Susan around 4 in the morning telling her what happened, I asked if I could come over and she said yes. I proceeded to have a panic attack for the next 2 hours before we dozed off for a bit. In the morning I get a call from the vet telling me they had to put her down. Susan had to drive me home that morning but she didnt stick around, as soon as she dropped me off she left. It was a terrible day.
I skip work again, and just drive for hours before returning home. Originally I asked if she would come over that Monday, so I ask again if she still would. So she came over and we talked, I told her about what happened and after sometime talked about what happened the week before. She was just silent and stared at me, after a while I said something along the lines of this is weird. At which point she jumped up next to me and says I dont care if its weird and hugged me which led to her kissing me. We ended up doing that for a long time, so much so that clothes were coming off but we didnt have sex. Eventually she has to leave so I walk her out and she kisses me good night and tells me shell talk to me soon.
It was just nice to have her care about me. The next week passes and not much changes, I text her and she hardly responds, and when I ask to see her she says she has plans. So the next Monday I call her to tell her that Im done, I give up and cant do this anymore. It felt like it took her by surprise and at the end of the call she asks me if she can come over the next day. I was pretty surprised, but GAF you gotta understand that I really love this girl and I really want things to work, so I said yes even though I feel like nothing was going to change.
She comes over and shes acting really sweet, she tells me she misses me and starts being real flirty with me. It made me mad because Ive been going crazy and here she is pretending like nothing is happening. To make a long story short though, we end up sleeping together. It was pretty awesome, and it was the first time we slept together in about 3 months. Soon after she says she has to leave, and around that time she starts getting all sorts of texts. I ask about it and she says that her friends are waiting for her outside her house and no one is there to let them in. It was weird; it felt like I was the other guy at that moment. She asks me to walk her out and before she gets in her car she hugs and kisses me good night.
Its been over two weeks since that night and I havent seen her since. Shes actually texted me way more than before though, but thats not really saying much. I end up getting very, very depressed. A few times I ask to see her but shes busy like always. So this last Monday I call her, I was hoping it would be a good call but it ended up being pretty bad. For her at least, because I proceeded to spend the next 2 hours just bitching at her about how terrible shes been to me, and how confusing shes been. It was pretty bad. But even at the end when I started to run out of things to say she comes back to me with I promise Ill talk to you tomorrow. I didnt ask her to do that, she just did it. And when I told her not to bother she said she was going to do it anyway.
So the next day she tells me she feels terrible for how everythings happened and how shes acted. Im pretty mad so I dont really respond. The day after that I get this idea to give her one more chance, I tell her to skip her weekly swing dance to come visit me. It doesnt sound like much I know, but this is something that she started to do regularly for months now. She goes with that guy and other people and every single time that Ive asked to go, she would refuse. So to me it would mean a lot if she would skip this one thing to see me, which I dont think is asking for much. I told her that if I really mattered to her and if I was really a priority she would have no issue. But she fights back and says that if she sees me all Im going to do is get mad at her and she doesnt want that to happen. hate to admit but that's fair. We talk for a while and I dont even remember what I said when she suddenly asked if I want to go dancing with them.
I was stunned; I literally had no idea what to say. I just wanted to see her, but here she is inviting me to do something that Ive never been allowed to do and meet the people that shes refused to let me meet. And yes, he will be there.
So now Im freaking out, the dance is later today and Im really nervous. I have no idea what to expect. On one hand Im worried Ill make a scene or do something since Ive grown to hate that guy out of jealousy. And on the other hand, I cant help but wonder if she is really reaching out to me and trying to prove to me that she willing to try.
Also Im terrible at dancing, and theyve been doing this for months so I cant compete there. I have no idea what to do or expect. Will this even change anything for me? Will it make things better or worse? Should I have just jumped ship ages ago...probably but here I am. She is the most confusing person ever; maybe Im not helping but why even ask me to go if she really doesnt want me around?
Tl;Dr (still long
)-Met girL over a year ago
-Things are for the most part good. We fall in love with each other
-Meets this guy around November
-Originally no problem, but they start hanging out more and more
-She has mental breakdown, returns with a plan. Feels like Im not a part of it but she still wants me around.
-Things change, its hard to see her or even talk to her. Shes spending more and more time with him and friends she met through him. Shes never lets me meet them, even after months of asking.
- Confront her about, says nothing is going on. No real proof but still so suspicious
- We keep trying to go out, but jealousy is really tough. It seems like shes fallen for the guy but denies it multiple times. We have a really deep heart to heart, and its hard not believe her.
- Pretty much break up, except she kisses me right before she leaves. Took it as a goodbye. Im devastated; went home brought family dog with me to keep me company.
- Dog jumps out of my window for no reason, breaks back and dies.
- Even more of mess, go to her for help. She helps. Week passes, shes at my house and we end up all over each other. Another week passes, at my house again and we sleep together.
- two week pass, shes talking to me more but its not a lot.
- Call her and unload everything that Ive been feeling. She feels bad. Tells me she feels terrible for how shes been acting.
- Decide to give her one final attempt to prove that she cares. Tell her to skip her weekly swing dance, a thing that shes been doing for months and has refused to ever let me go. She ends up inviting me instead, and lets me meet her friends including the guy that Ive had so many suspicions about. This will be the first time Ive ever meet him. Its been months.
Gaf, wtf is going on?
