Alright guys well I just got back so..
First I want to say thank you for all the kind words and encouragement. I've been depressed for a very long time now and often times I feel so alone. the sentiment that you guys present isn't foreign to me, but most of the time I just can't help to flip it and put myself at fault. Despite everything that had happens I would often consider myself crazy for thinking anything was going on, or that I was just blowing things out of proportions. So thank you all for being on my side. I haven't felt like anyone's been on my side for a long time.
Anyway, so I went to the dance. It was a pretty cool place, basically a mansion and there was a ton of people. I ended standing around for about 10 mins because I can't find her. Eventually a random girl comes up to me and asks to dance, so I do and it was fun. I'm terrible bUT whatever. After that dance she finds me, and then "susan" and I dance. it's really fun, but after the song we break away so she can dance with other people. It doesn't bug me because I know that's just how these things work. and besides, she's really good and I'm not so I don't want to hold her back.in the meantime I practice for a while. After, she finds me again and introduces me to this guy, umm let's call him jack. Jack actually seems like a really nice guy, we chat for a while and I practice with him for a bit. And then she introduces me to "bill". He also seems like a nice guy, he's all sweaty from dancing. He reaches out to me and shakes my hand and says it's nice to meet me. He asks how I like it and suggests I dance with his friend because she's good to practice with. after, he runs off to dance with someone. This is the only interaction I have with him.
Susan sticks around for a while and we dance again for one song before she goes to dance with people again. So I'm alone but I end up dancing with about 5 different people and it was a lot of fun. The last one in particular was a very sweet girl from Oklahoma. We were both pretty terrible bUT we had fun.
Eventually I got to sit when jack comes by and sits next to me. We're just watching people dance, so I ask how long he's know susan and bill. He tells me hes only known susan for about a week and bill for about a month. And then I ask if they are together and he says he doesn't know. So I just leave it be for a while and continue to dance. I end up dancing with Oklahoma again before taking a break. At this point I spot bill sitting across the room talking to a girl sitting next to him, and then I see susan come up to him. He gestures for her to sit on his lap, and she does. they're just sitting there talking and I can see him kinda rubbing/tapping her back.it goes on for about 3 minutes before she runs off to dance with someone.
After sometime I'm still just sitting there, jack comes back and sits next to me. We're just sitting when susan comes up to us and says "there's my boys". I mostly ignore her, and then Oklahoma comes up behind her and asks me to dance. So I just bypass her and go. She ends up interrupting us though and tells me their going to leave. I ask why aND she says it's cause they want to beat the rush and Yada yada. She wants to know if I want to have one last dance, Oklahoma is cool with it and so we dance.
During it she's talking to me about just random stuff. I look at her and ask why she invited me. She told me she just wanted me to have a fun time. It wasn't really the answer I was looking for. Anyway we finish and Jack comes up next to us. I can see bill leaning against the wall in front of me. She's wrapping things up and ready to say goodbye. Right as she does though, I reach my hand to her face and try to kiss her. She pushes me away, and tells me no. But I try one more time this time just going for the cheek. She tells me no again. I do this because I wanted to see what she would do. Every time we've kissed it happens this same exact way.
Yes I admit it was awkward but I felt like I needed to do it. I don't know, something came over me and I just needed to know what would happen. jack definitely was surprised, he just kinda stood there. After that, she looks at me grabs my hand and says "I'll talk to you later. Okay?". I look at her in the eye and almost without delay I reply "No, you won't". At this point I turn her away and kinda nudge her off.
I see her walk off with Jack towards Bill, and I go back to my seat. looking as they walk off I see her in an opening, she has her hands to her face and it's clear that she's crying...a lot. Bill comes up to her to see whats wrong, but she pushes him away before she disappears behind a door.
I end up leaving soon after that. I end up seeing bill chatting it up with the lobby people alone, so I assume that she ran off on her own. A situation like that happened on the Sunday when my car got smashed. I ended up saying something that really pushed her and she walked off Crying on her own. it looked exactly the same.
A part of me regrets ruining her night like that, but at the same time this girl has Ibeen destroying me daily for the last 3 months. And seriously what she did right in front of me was uncalled for. it's clear she has 0 respect for me. so yes I made a scene, and that's kinda embarrassing. But I feel like I know now more then ever. I'm done.
