Damn it you guys, I think these things but it's really nice to hear other people say it. I have to go to therapy today, and I know I shouldn't but I really want to go To the dance.
Its probably not going to change anything, but I want to see it with my own eyes. I want to meet this dude and see what he's all about. I'm angry, sometimes I want to fight.
Don't do this to yourself. Please believe me in this one. Meeting the guy won't solve anything and definitely won't make you feel better. My situation was not exactly the same as yours, but it was pretty similar, and when "friends" enter the picture, and when she spends quite some time talking about them, then you know something's up.
I was also in the business of sending her messages and receiving no response most of the time. I gave up and decided to have some respect for myself.
Move on, pal. You WILL find someone else, believe me. I did, and I couldn't be happier that I moved on.
Damn it you guys, I think these things but it's really nice to hear other people say it. I have to go to therapy today, and I know I shouldn't but I really want to go To the dance.
Its probably not going to change anything, but I want to see it with my own eyes. I want to meet this dude and see what he's all about. I'm angry, sometimes I want to fight.
Don't go breh, you'll just make a fool of yourself, even more than you already did.
Just leave her be.
Here's something a friend of mine told me a few years ago while I was going through a similar situation, and I always remember it when going through break-ups, it cheers me up:
"Just look at it this way, at least you got laid."
A) Sounds like she's torn and doesn't know what to do, or
B) That she wants to be with "Bill" but doesn't want to be the one to break up with you (for her own ego / self-pity), and is doing what she can to get you to break up with her, so she can have a "clear conscience" with a healthy does of denial.
She met a guy.
She likes guy more than you.
She's a coward, so she doesn't want to tell you.
She wants to have you as some sort of "reserve" just in case things with the other guy don't go well.
Eventually she wants YOU to get tired of it all, so that YOU break up with her. She doesn't have the courage to end it herself, or she doesn't want to end up as the villain.
She met a guy.
She likes guy more than you.
She's a coward, so she doesn't want to tell you.
She wants to have you as some sort of "reserve" just in case things with the other guy don't go well.
Eventually she wants YOU to get tired of it all, so that YOU break up with her. She doesn't have the courage to end it herself, or she doesn't want to end up as the villain.
There isn't a girl on this planet worth fighting some dude over, especially after the fact. The factors of why she picked him and not you are probably random and don't mean anything.
Let other idiots fight over girls, walk away and find a girl that doesn't act this way, there are plenty.
Well I don't really think I would fight. I just really want to see who this person is. I know everyone is telling me not to go, and I know deep down I shouldnt. But goddammit Im feeling stupid.
If nothing else I want her to confront her two lives at once. I want to know if she can handle it.
She met a guy.
She likes guy more than you.
She's a coward, so she doesn't want to tell you.
She wants to have you as some sort of "reserve" just in case things with the other guy don't go well.
Eventually she wants YOU to get tired of it all, so that YOU break up with her. She doesn't have the courage to end it herself, or she doesn't want to end up as the villain.
Well I don't really think I would fight. I just really want to see who this person is. I know everyone is telling me not to go, and I know deep down I shouldnt. But goddammit Im feeling stupid.
If nothing else I want her to confront her two lives at once. I want to know if she can handle it.
Don't even try. Stop investing time, energy and thought on that girl. Don't try to "teach her a lesson". Leave her be, and you give yourself a chance to be happy.
I know, sometimes you cannot imagine life without a certain person, but believe me, once you find another one, the bad moments of the past truly go away.
My guess is that she wants OP as the "reserve guy", the one that "is waiting for her". So if things go wrong with the new guy, she can always fall back on the cushion that is OP.
Damn it you guys, I think these things but it's really nice to hear other people say it. I have to go to therapy today, and I know I shouldn't but I really want to go To the dance.
Its probably not going to change anything, but I want to see it with my own eyes. I want to meet this dude and see what he's all about. I'm angry, sometimes I want to fight.
Why would you fight him? He didn't force your girlfriend to cheat. I've never understood attacking the person your significant other is cheating with, they haven't been the ones hurting you and she might have been lying to him too. If you're going to take your anger out on anyone - and you shouldn't physically - it should be the girl.
PS even if she isn't cheating she's clearly crashing and you need to run away before she explodes
she waited forever for you and you didnt commit, now shes gone. you werent sure if you wanted her, now you decide you do, its way too late. thats it in a nutshell.
Really sorry about your dog man, that sounds awful.
I'm also sorry about the girl, but I'm sorry for you, not her. Sounds harsh but I have to agree with everyone else, just drop her and move on, she's not worth even a thought from the sounds of it.
Wake up OP. You've totally been letting yourself get taken for a ride. You weren't in a meaningful relationship with that girl as soon as she started preferring the other dude over you. You're the second string. Take the lead on this shit and break it off before you let yourself get hurt further.
Here's the thing with real healthy relationships: any thread you would make about a problem in it wouldn't have to be more detailed than two paragraphs. Yours just went on and on, and I kept thinking why you were putting up with any of it. Serious doormat stuff going on here, and I hope you find a way out. We've all been where you are now, so I understand how hard it is to just pull the bandage, but this lady does not give a fuck about you past the validation you give her.
Please don't go to the dance session. She's just trying to keep you placated by righting all her wrongs at the last possible moment or way, wayyyyy to late. She's not bluffing, and you're not gonna blow her mind by showing up. It'll do no good for you. She's clueless and just says stuff she thinks you want to hear, then she figures it all out as she goes. She can do that all day every day until you burn out and leave.
Never before on Relationship-GAF has there ever been a case like this... OP, do you even realize what kind of position you're in? Do you truly comprehend the fateful opportunity that has been so freely handed to you by her?
Listen, harken to mine words, Agent!
Do you see all these spineless millennial-enablers above and around us, OP? Look at them post, predictably scurrying away like the drive-by rats they are. They got no investment in you! Asking you to back down with no style, when destiny, cosmically-aligned salvation, beckons at the threshold of your abode amour! LIKE SWARMING FLIES DEMENTING OUT THE TEARS OF YOUR RAPPORT GAME WITH THEIR INSECT STRAWS. Dragging your affectionate hopes and dreams down into that amateurs' abyss with them!
IGNORE THEM, OP. YOU'RE DIFFERENT THAN THE REST OF THEM, THE REST OF US. YOU WANNA KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE YOU'RE INVITED TO A DANCE.
IT'S FUCKING DANCE-OFF TIME.
THIS. IS. IT. KIMBO, NO GAME.
THE RAISON D'ETRE OF THE PRIMAL ASPECT: MATING STRUT.
THE FINAL HOE-DOWN.
I'll tell you what's gonna happen, OP; you will saunter into that establishment, locate that mysterious stranger Bill who is your rival-in-love, ensure that the lady is watching, then Ghost Rider the literal fuck out of him.
With every muscular actuation, with every tremor of loaded skeletal superstructure, with every calcium ion that traverses each and every one of your millions and millions of neural synapses; you will swaggee cock-whip this interloper into the no dimension. With dance.
You will dance him off, OP, off and away, and then, you will turn on your heel to your girl and privately whisk her aside. Then, you will inform her fully of the situation, and straight-up ask her what this 'Bill' really means to her. What he is to her, are her and him an item? Gaze into her eyes, emphasize the finality of this relationship choice that you wish her to make.
Then, and only then, after finally eliciting the worded response from her quivering lips so shocked by your recent display of acrobatic floor prowess, will you accept whatever reality she states that she wants for herself and your future together; be it together, or not.
For practicality; if need be, give her a few days at the most to dwell on her final decision that you have so outlined, but ensure, ensure that you emphasize the finality of the choice to her.
This isn't bootstraps, OP. This is velcro step-laser light.
This is gonna be yet another thread where a guy asks for relationship advice and then ignores all of it, right? Its happened so often that Revoh's name sticks out in my head since he's the only one that actually took GAF's advice (that I know of).
This is gonna be yet another thread where a guy asks for relationship advice and then ignores all of it, right? Its happened so often that Revoh's name sticks out in my head since he's the only one that actually took GAF's advice (that I know of).
I listened, and very happy that I did. I really did forget to thank Neogaf for that. So thanks GAF for the advice a few years ago!
Mine was a very minor thing though. It was a couple of years ago at another job. GAF told me not to get involved with someone at work. At first I didn't listen, but I'm also a wait and see kind of guy, and in the end, I decided to listen to GAF and left it at that. Couldn't be happier.
She's mentally and emotionally abusive, I have no sympathy for pieces of shit like her. Let her be with the guy, let them auck the joy out of life from each other. Life is too short to put up with someone so selfish.
she waited forever for you and you didnt commit, now shes gone. you werent sure if you wanted her, now you decide you do, its way too late. thats it in a nutshell.
Blargonaut! Holy cap that was one hell of a post. fuck, you had me cracking up in my car. I just got out of my therapy session. I know gaf is totally against it but I really think I'm going to do it. He said that if I can keep and open mind then it might be good for me, but he told me to totally bail if things start going south.
I'm not going to fight him, in a way I'm not even angry at him. I'm jealous, but that's not his fault. It's her fault for putting me through this.
Go to the dance thing tonight, enjoy yourself and have a good time. However, this should be the last time you see this girl.
The relationship started to fail the second she started to say you can't meet my friends. Even if it really is just a friendship, she is still hiding things from you and creating a second life for herself. It will never work for the long term. Its one thing to have separate friends or hobbies then your SO, but its a whole different ball league to keep these things from your SO and say "NO" you can't meet, see or participate in anything.
It wont last and you know it. Just end it now on one last good note and move on.
Blargonaut! Holy cap that was one hell of a post. fuck, you had me cracking up in my car. I just got out of my therapy session. I know gaf is totally against it but I really think I'm going to do it. He said that if I can keep and open mind then it might be good for me, but he told me to totally bail if things start going south.
I'm not going to fight him, in a way I'm not even angry at him. I'm jealous, but that's not his fault. It's her fault for putting me through this.
This does bug me. I've essentially tried to end it Three times. The Sunday after valentine's day was pretty clear, told her she was being an asshole. Told her maybe we could be friends with time that time. The second time when I called her a few weeks after where I told her I give up, you win, we're done. And the third time this last Monday when I told her to go fuck herself. I'll give you this last time since I initiated again. She came back the first two times, but yeah I didn't help
I'll take a stab at answering why she didn't take the chance to break up with you when you initiated it. Simple. People have egos. People want to know that they're wanted, they want attention. She went back to you precisely because she realized you were willing to break up with her. People want to be around those that don't want them because they need to validate their own egos. You know how people always want to be the last to do something, as a way to "win" the war? She didn't want you to be the guy breaking up. Now she's breaking up with you.
I also can't believe your therapist told you it would be good for you to go. Its pretty much all downhill the moment you accept the invite.
Let's put it this way, in the immortal words of Chris Rock, "Ladies, if you have been dating a guy for 6 months, and haven't met any of his friends, you are not his girlfriend." That goes both ways.
As for why she's keeping you around, it's easier to hold onto the known then be alone and forage ahead. It's why people stay in bad relationships. In any case, she doesn't consider you to be important enough to expend the emotional energy upon, and that's poison for a relationship.
It's time to stop worrying about what she's doing and move forward because what you have with her right now is just a loop of hurt feelings and pity sex.
It took me a year to introduce my friends to my gf (her 6 months). I really just wanted to wait and take my time with that(she thought it was a bad sign too lol). Other than that, I adore her.
Anywho, If you're in therapy OP, why are you even in a draining relationship like this? You practically just wrote a 2 page paper on gaf about her repeatedly saying sorry and that things will be different, yet they never are.
you gota make it official though thats what girls want. at the time you probably had doubts about it else you would have done it.
problem is now your brain idealises it, forgets the bad, reminds you of the good. if youd 100% wanted her back then, youd not have let her go off. if you had committed to her at the time even though you werent sure, youd now be in an unhappy relationship wondering if you made the right choice. best you can do is distance yourself, and only get involved with someone youre 100% into.
oh yeah, i'd stop calling her an asshole and stuff, youre both 50/50 responsible for the situation. being negative about someone and expecting them to suffer is like you drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Go to the dance thing tonight, enjoy yourself and have a good time. However, this should be the last time you see this girl.
The relationship started to fail the second she started to say you can't meet my friends. Even if it really is just a friendship, she is still hiding things from you and creating a second life for herself. It will never work for the long term. Its one thing to have separate friends or hobbies then your SO, but its a whole different ball league to keep these things from your SO and say "NO" you can't meet, see or participate in anything.
It wont last and you know it. Just end it now on one last good note and move on.
This is essentially what's going on in my head right now.
My therapist told me that this is what I wanted. Itd the thing that I kept trying to do. Meet her friend, and be included. And me that I got an opportunity I should see it through. He did say to just relax and try to have fun, not to go to get answers or pry or anything. He said the only question he feels I'm okay in asking is what her intention was for inviting me.
