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[Mully]

So, in the past few years a number of high school classmates and old soccer teammates have died. The most recent being a teammate and family friend. I knew he was in bad shape, but we never ran in the same crowd. He went to a rehab center out west for a while, but from what I understand he went back to his old ways when he returned. He died earlier this morning according to some of the stuff I've seen on Facebook.

As I said earlier I've had a number of classmates, high school friends, and teammates pass on in recent years. Most of them were suicides or ODs. After the suicide of a high school best friend who I started to get close to again and work with weeks before his death, I became desensitized to it all. Death does not bother me like it used to. In fact when I learned of the news this morning, I simply shrugged, said, "wow," underneath my breath and moved on with my day. I was more worried how my mom whose best friends with the teammate's mom will take it. I'm currently waiting for her to pull into the driveway to tell her the news.

With that said, I was also pretty angry at some of my classmates' reactions. Most of them weren't friends with him yet here they were telling the Facebook world how, "heaven was getting another angel." They were romanticizing their encounters with a high school drug dealer. Suddenly he was the funniest and most genuine person they knew. Overnight, flowery words were used to describe a hookup for late night activities.

I know writing those statements are likely cathartic for them. It's their way with dealing death. Specifically the unexpected death of a person they knew. For some this was the first time they ever had to deal with it outside of the expected deaths of close family members.

With that said, it still feels wrong that they are using someone's death and sympathy to (subconsciously) get attention and Facebook likes.

Has anyone had similar experiences? Is death used as a way to get attention from others?

 

[theaface]

Reminds me very much of 'World's Greatest Dad' which I watched for the first time the other day.

Also, it's something you see a lot on British news when victims of gang-related violence are being referenced. They always seem to be sweet kids who fell in with the wrong crowd, rather than remarkably similar in nature to their aggressor, which tends to be closer to the truth.

 

[Ties]

idk about you

but when i die i certainly hope I'm remembered for the good I've done in my life over the shitty decisions I've made

 

[Anoregon]

When I was in Highschool, some idiot asshole killed himself by crashing his car while illegally drag racing and all of a sudden everyone was acting like he was the pinnacle of humanity. That shit was so weird to me.

 

[Mully]

idk about you

but when i die i certainly hope I'm remembered for the good I've done in my life over the shitty decisions I've made

When I was in Highschool, some idiot asshole killed himself by crashing his car while illegally drag racing and all of a sudden everyone was acting like he was the pinnacle of humanity. That shit was so weird to me.

I probably didn't word that correctly.

I'm not trying to shit on my former teammate.I'm saying that people who rarely knew him for more than minutes at a time are now suddenly his best friends after his death. That whole notion seems fake. I know it's a coping mechanism, but at the same time, it feels wrong.

 

[.GqueB.]

I read "romancing" and got a little nervous.

But how people deal with death is one of those things that should be off-limits for criticism IMO. Not sure what there is to be gained from over-analyzing what someone may be thinking subconsciously when someone passes and they decide to post something "flowery" on facebook.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

I'm saying that people who rarely knew him for more than minutes at a time are now suddenly his best friends.

This is true in many situations. People get really self-serving.

 

[Kano on the Phone]

I probably didn't word that correctly.

I'm not trying to shit on my former teammate. He was sparky, quick-witted, and extremely charismatic. I'm saying that people who rarely knew him for more than minutes at a time are now suddenly his best friends.

People like attention and there's no attention like the attention you get when someone close to you dies.

 

[Ferrio]

Reminds me very much of 'World's Greatest Dad' which I watched for the first time the other day.

Also, it's something you see a lot on British news when victims of gang-related violence are being referenced. They always seem to be sweet kids who fell in with the wrong crowd, rather than remarkably similar in nature to their aggressor, which tends to be closer to the truth.

Having watched that movie a few months before William's death made reading all the reactions very weird.

 

[Volimar]

I read "romancing" and got a little nervous.

Same here. I was hoping for a more interesting thread than what it turned out to be.

 

[Salamando]

Reminds me very much of 'World's Greatest Dad' which I watched for the first time the other day.

That's where my mind went.

I like to think people do this to comfort the friends and family of the deceased. To say nothing is akin to them being forgotten, and to say something negative would be putting someone down when they're already down. If someone can find solace in a few flowery words, let people have their flowery words.

 

[Brakke]

With that said, it still feels wrong that they are using someone's death and sympathy to (subconsciously) get attention and Facebook likes.

Has anyone had similar experiences? Is death used as a way to get attention from others?

What if it's not about tryna get attention but about needing/wanting attention because you're grieving / confronting the meaninglessness of life in the face of tragedy?

 

[Mully]

What if it's not about tryna get attention but about needing/wanting attention because you're grieving / confronting the meaninglessness of life in the face of tragedy?

I never thought about it that way. It is likely their first experience with death and it may be the first time they have also had to deal with the possible meaninglessness of life.

 

[DrSlek]

I recall that a girl who used to give me a really hard time in primary school was raped & murdered. Her body was found in a field across the road from the primary school we both attended. Immediately everyone we went to school with harped on about what a sweet young girl she was, and how she left highschool at a young age for a promising modelling career. I couldn't help but ask myself if they were talking about a different person. The girl I knew was spiteful, narcisistic and uncaring.

What happened to her was horrible, but because of the impression she left with me I really couldn't muster the effort to give a shit....which was kind of awkward when I used to hang out with her cousin quite often. But he understood where I was coming from.

 

[Ultima_5]

last year when my best friend commited suicide i kept getting text msgs from random people telling me about how sad it was when all they did was give him shit when they knew him.

sort of a defense mechanism to cope.

 

[Tatsumaki Senpuukyaku!]

George Carlin had a routine about this IIRC

 

[Kodeman]

Maybe most people don't feel right talking shit about dead people, regardless of whether or not they may deserve it. It's the prime scenario for not saying anything if you have nothing good to say.

 

[Valhelm]

I think that the lionization of dead people happens more often than not. Dying is probably the best thing a musician can do for their career.

 

[Ferrio]

My office is filled with a bunch of 50+ year old women. So it's the time period when a lot of their friends/family are passing away. Inevitably a card will wind up on my desk asking me to sign it and say some words to them.

I always refuse to do it, since it seems so hollow. I don't know these people, anything I say feels hollow and just going threw the motions. I've gotton flak in the past for not going through with it, but I ain't budging on this issue. When my father died I also requested that they not give me a card etc.

 

[umop_3pisdn]

The past is like stereotypically rose-tinted.

 

[Brakke]

I never thought about it that way. It is likely their first experience with death and it may be the first time they have also had to deal with the possible meaninglessness of life.

Yeah I mean you presumably know these people better than I do. It's possible they're narcissistic flowerpot heads. But they could also be legit shook, confused about how to incorporate this event

 

[mr jones]

Dude, Hitler was SO kawaii...

From this thread.

 

[B.K.]

Has anyone had similar experiences? Is death used as a way to get attention from others?

Not personally, but I remember people practically sainting Michael Jackson in the thread after his death.

 

[Acorn]

If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all is what I stick to in those situations.

 

[Mully]

Yeah I mean you presumably know these people better than I do. It's possible they're narcissistic flowerpot heads. But they could also be legit shook, confused about how to incorporate this event

Some of them are particularly narcissistic. The same people regularly post long diatribes about how someone told them how nice they are when they held the door open. However, who knows in this situation? They could be dealing with death of a classmate differently than me.

 

[CadetMahoney]

I think they're just saying nice things not to get attention for themselves but not to stand out socially if all their peers are saying something and they're not. Just follow the crowd and then forget about it.

 

[Masquerader]

Well, the reason it happens is because they go at a time that almost everyone would perceive as 'too early'. If they die young, you hardly knew them, and you weren't expecting that. If they die old, you likely thought that they'd be around forever, having accepted them as a part of your life, and so you'd be taken aback, even if it was natural.

The point is that dying is perceived as going 'early' about 9 times out of 10. Put it this way... If someone is awful at their job, and they stay around for as long as possible in order to milk it as long as they can, they'll be loathed upon getting fired, as it had gone beyond the stage of 'That fucker's got to go'. But if they leave early, then people are likely to look back on them with more fondness. 'My, they went pretty quickly, didn't they? I liked them. They weren't all that bad, were they? They were forced out!' You romanticise them, and look more favourably upon them than you would otherwise, even though they were fundamentally shit at their job.

So if someone dies early, you can bet that people will have something of a change of heart about them. Really, it is mainly out of respect. It's probably them being respectful without even knowing it (sometimes it's out of guilt, mind). I doubt that they should be looked down upon for looking back fondly on someone's life, even if it is romanticised.