Oh my, another year another Rumble. By far the best WWE Pay-Per-View of the year, the Rumble this year seems pretty predictable to a lot of you and that means either one of two things. Its either going to be really fucking predictable and boring or they SWERVE and we get a PPV that everyone either FUCKING LOVES TO DEATH or FUCKING HATES WITH EVERY FIBER OF THEIR BEING! Regardless, its a PPV and that means it is
PREDICTION TIME FOR THE ROYA RUMBO TWENTYFOURTEEN! YAY!
WWE Tag Team Championship: Cody Rhodes & Goldust (C) vs. The New Age Outlaws (Kickoff Match)
Can we talk about how old Mr. Ass looks with his hair down? He should keep it tied behind his head or they should replace him with Ziggler, because GAWD MAN YOU LOOK ANCIENT like this. Regardless, the New Age Outlaws have a chance of becoming the tag-team champions again, which is weird enough as it is, I can see why theyre around though with the network coming up and focusing so heavily on the Attitude Era. In that light I can also see them taking the belts from Cody and Goldust. But they really shouldnt. Of course they dont need the belts and more over Goldust and Cody are nowhere near done yet, let them hold on to the titles for a bit longer, just so I can watch some more Goldust, who is evidently in his wrestling prime, even though hes been around as long as the NAO themselves. Besides, the E finally has a proper tag-team division, why ruin it by putting the belt on part-time old guys?
Rhodes Brothers retain.
Daniel Bryan vs. Bray Wyatt
Its weird theyre having this match after that moment on Raw last week. That moment with Bryan on the cage leading the loudest YES-chants in a long time (and thats saying something for sure) seemed as much of a blow-off to a feud as any. But here we are, for the Bryan vs. Bray match and Im not even sure its the blow-off to the feud or if it will continue for Elimination Chamber. If the feud is continuing, Bray wins this one and Bryan gets beat up, if its not, Bryan wins this match. Im gonna assume Bryan is in the EC match next month and this is the end of this feud,
Bryan wins.
Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar
As fucking awful as Big Show is, I do enjoy a good Brock Lesnar pounding and who better to pound on then a big fat crybaby like Show? I hope they go ten minutes and Lesnar is every bit as brutal as hes been in recent times. Besides, theres no way this match can be worse than any of the HHH vs. Lesnar bouts right?
Lesnar beats Show bloody to a DQ
WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Randy Orton (c) vs. John Cena
If you went out and polled outside the arena of a WWE event on the match people would least likely want to watch there would be three top contenders. One would be Kane vs The Big Show, number two would be The Miz vs anyone else on the roster and number three would be Randy Orton vs. John Cena. The boringest of boring matches between two people who already had way too many boring matches between eachother. These two guys suck together and they have always sucked together. Stip matches are literally the only thing the WWE can do to make bouts between the two seem at least somewhat interesting so theyve provided this time by announcing this as a match that HAS NO STIPS, NO INTERFERENCE, NO COUNT-OUTS AND NO-DQ WINS. Pinfall or submission wins only. (please dont point out that NO-DQ and NO-INTERFERENCE are mutually exclusive, logic has never been the WWEs strongest point). Anyway, the result doesnt really matter, it depends on who wins the Rumble, if Batista wins,
Orton retains, which seems most likely. Expect this match to go on last.
The 30-Superstar Royal Rumble Match
God I love this match to death, if there is a heaven, its Royal Rumble time every month.
Person that lasts the longest in the match
This really depends on if and when Bryan comes out, if Bryan comes out at #2 at the start of the Rumble, hell go on to win the whole thing (more on that later), so he would be the longest. If not, I expect CM Punk who comes in at number one to last until the final four and as such lasting the longest of all of them.
Person that eliminates the most people
This has to be Roman Reigns. Theyre pushing hard for this guy to be the breakout star of the The Shield (though I doubt the other two wont break out on their own), so it is assumed they are gonna have him match or break the 11-elimination record held by Kane. I can see that happening, especially now that Kane is semi-retired from in-ring action. And why not, Roman Reigns has a lot of potential to be huge, especially in the mainstream media, so lets have it, Roman Reigns gets 12-eliminations. I hope one of them is Santino when Reigns does his Superman-punch and knocks him over the top rope that way.
Surprise Entries in this years Rumble
1. Daniel Bryan - They havent announced Bryan for the match, because they wanted to swerve us I think. They want that big pop when he enters the Rumble, I expect him to come in early in the Rumble, when the ring is either empty beside of Punk (maybe #2).
2. Jake The Snake Roberts - Come on, that will be great PR if anything else, the door is open after Old School Raw so it would be insane not to do it.
3. Sheamus He was rumored to be cleared by Rumble time and then changed his tune claiming his recovery would probably not be until after the Rumble. So hes in there for sure.
4. Sting His TNA contract is up, hes coming to WWE and I swear to everything that is holy if this doesnt happen I will cry real (but very manly) tears. Give me Crow Sting with lyrical theme. GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
Totally not happening: Hulk Hogan Hes going to be in WWE soon, but he wont be wrestling ever. Guy can barely remain upright and hes apparently not getting cleared to wrestle in WWE. I dont see him doing it even in a protected appearance like a Rumble match. Still, Real American hitting and Hogan strutting down the ring would be fun for one night.
Most likely winning the Rumble (in order of most likely to least likely)
1. Batista It wouldnt make too much sense to have a guy like Batista come in for a meaningless run and WWE has shown theyre not above putting the belt on part-timers like The Rock did last year. However, Batista is no Rock by any stretch of the imagination, although that Marvel movie helps a bit, it is a gimmick Marvel movie with B-rate superheroes and might just not be as big as it could be. Anyways, if WWE wants to go the predictable Batista vs. Orton title bout at Mania route, he will win.
2. Daniel Bryan Could it be that they really did plan a long-term thing for Daniel Bryan after SummerSlam and set him up for that big title match win at Mania 30 that mimics the title win of He Who Shall Not Be Named at Mania 20? It does seem unlikely and as of right now Bryan isnt even in the Rumble. It remains to be seen, but if they do want to do the swerve ending followed by the biggest pop at the end of a Rumble in many years they will have to give it to Bryan.
3. CM Punk One of the final things on CM Punks bucket list is a WrestleMania Main Event match, his contract runs out in July and while I think hes re-signing I wouldnt be at all surprised if one of his crazy demands in 2011 would be a WM Main Event match in his contract. So if he did have that, winning the Rumble would be a good first step. However, Vinny Mac agreeing to those terms seems rather unlikely (but Punk was extremely hot at the time so who knows) and the storyline is leaning to Trips vs. Punk instead. I dont see Trips winning the title from Orton (at least, not this late in the game), so Punk will probably get eliminated via some kind of Authority shenanigans.
4. Roman Reings As said above, the final person that has a shot at winning the Rumble would be Reigns, but I believe its very unlikely. Hes in line for that main event push, but theres no way hes getting a Main Event push at Mania this early in his career, its not exactly a name thats going to sell WrestleMania (on the WWE Network) to anyone, so Id say this is a 1% or less type of choice.
Above four would also be my pick for the final four in the match. Reigns will eliminate Punk, Batista eliminates Punk and the final two will be Batista vs. Bryan. I think its about a 75% chance Batista eliminates Bryan instead of the other way around. I would love to see Bryan vs. Cena for the belt at Mania though. Given how Bryan has already beat Cena clean before, it gives a nice doubt on wether he can do it again or not (Cena was somewhat injured bla bla) and thats a good story to tell. Bryan vs. Orton is boring as fuck and doesnt draw. So if the idea is Orton holding on to the belt (Which it probably is), Batista will win. However, Orton doesnt seem to draw at all, his program with Bryan bombed (due to poor booking), but they diverted that blame to Bryan (it seems). His program with Big Show bombed just as hard (and Big Show took the blame for that) and now hes in a boring program with Cena that nobody is interested for either, so thats bombing (and you know this time theyre not going to blame it on Cena). Maybe their eyes are opened that headlining Mania with an Orton match is not the smartest idea in the world
Who knows, fingers crossed for Bryan.
