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[BobbyRobby]

Last New Years, My friends and I were driving home from Philadelphia. We came to a tollbooth, and my friend pulled up too far. He started trying to give me the money in the backseat to give to the tollperson, though I was out cold. I finally woke up, and brought down the window. I then begin puking out the window as I'm handing the woman the change, all over the car and the tollbooth. Everyone started yelling and freaking out.

It was a great way to end the night.

 

[CajoleJuice]

My friend took a shit on a car.

Sober.

 

[BlackNMild2k1]

Heres another one...

New Years eve 1998 up in Lake Tahoe, we started out at a house party, drinking of course. At about 11pm we decide to head out to the stip (inbetween the casinos), so we stop at the liquor store just before the strip. I pick up a big flask of cuervo and begin hitting it straight out of the bottle(I can drink with the best of them). Right about 11:45 my homeboy walks up up to me and ask how I'm doing. I was fine, had a good drunk going and i still had about 3 shots left in the bottle. So he decides to hand me a little blue asprin with a picture on it and tells me to take it before it start to desolve in my hands. So I pop it and wash it down with the last 3 shots of tequila.

~INSTA F#CKED UP~

it seriously hit me in under 30 seconds. So i turn to him and tell him not to lose me in the crowd, that s right when we ran into his parents. I had to try my best not to be crossed eyed, cause I couldn't see straight and my stomach was starting to hurt. I tell him I had to puke and he walked mt to the edge of Ceasars, where I puked strong and quick. I turn to him popped some gum and said "DO NOT LOSE ME IN THE CROWD!!". So were walking through the crowd, and its about 11:58, when a huge line of people separate us.

"10, 9, 8, 7" I'm frantically looking for my friends and can't find them....
"6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 - HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!"

(remind yourself I just threw up) THis girl just grabs me and start makin out for like 15 seconds, I have no idea whats goin on, I'm just going with the flow. I start walking again and another girl does the same, then another and another. I think they were all friends. I keep wandering through the crowd when 2 girls stop me and start singing a song to me, I am so twisted and discombobulated at this point in time I don't know what to do other than stand there and just try and stare in their direction. Right afterwards they both start making out with me at the same time, then tell me to meet them up in their room up in Harrahs later tonite. Me being as gone as I was of couse, didn't remember the room #.

the girls left, and thats right when my boys walked up, all saying "where ahve you been? We've been looking all over for you"
the only thing I replied with is "Do me a favor and........... lose me again"

well they didn't and that was pretty much the end of that night as far as I remember, but it was fun while it lasted.

 

[Jewbacca]

I call bullshit... What really happened is you accidently walked into a gay club and it was drag queen night. So they started making out with you because you were, of course, fresh meat. Then they made you do them in the butt all night and they dropped you back off the next morning/

 

[BlackNMild2k1]

I don't know how old you are, Jewbacca, but one day you'll learn that ONLY the jealous HATE.....

A real man would congratulate. I got no reason to lie, that was one good night almost 7 years ago, and I'll never forget it.

Maybe if you stop being a hater and start being a player, the coach will put you in the game, if you know what I'm sayin

besides I got too many stories to remember them all off the top of my head.
They range from hookin up, throwing up, fighting, violence, stupid acts, to running from and getting pulled over by the cops, trust me when I say that we drank alot.

 

[BlackNMild2k1]

here is another one before i goto bed. This one has pretty much scarred me for life, even though its barely noticable now.

It was about 10:30pm and I was goin to a local bar w/ some friends, one that we always goto to play pool, so we do what anyone that doesn't want to spend money at a bar would do, we buy a bottle at the liquor store and sneak it into the bar and make our own drinks.
Well me & my boy went in on a bottle of Jack D and put a nice dent into that during the first hour. My other boy gave me a tiny flask of Hennessey and I killed that quickly. Thats when some more of my boys came into the bar and brought a bottle of Gentelman Jack. By this time I'm all ready sh!t faced and don't know why I was still drinking, but I helped them out with that bottle while I still helped my other boy w/ the Jack Daniels.

Now fast forward about an hour to right around 1:30 -cause I don't rememer anything between Gentelman Jack and now- It was time to leave, so I go up these stairs to tell folks that I was 'bout to be out. No win between me and the door is a hand rail that goes with the stairs I just went up. I decided I was gonna jump over this bar using the 'one hand down, kick the legs over' jump. Next thing I know the bar gives way and I end up face first on the ramp on the other side. I immediately hopped to my feet and walk out the door, not rememvbering at all what had just happened(small concusion?) and got into my boys car.

I woke up in the morning with 1 huge rug burn on my forehead and and one on the bridge of nose with no idea how it happened. I had to wear a do-rag w/ a bandage underneath for about a month until it healed. It was embarrasing, but luckily it happened so fast that almost no one saw it, or atleast they never said anything about it.

 

[Wafflecopter]

cough*nope*cough

Ive done this multiple times. Once with a drunk driver. You could say I have little respect for life.

I fucking hate drunk drivers. Anyways, I got so blitzed once I got in a verbal fight with my X-Men poster about my girlfriend........

 

[Wafflecopter]

Funny, I dont remember say the driver was drunk. And 110 isnt speeding, cunt cheese. The limit was 120. Nice extrapolation though, Einstein.

I will fap to your bannage you cretin.

 

[Solo]

I will fap to your bannage you cretin.

I know insulting wrestling is a bannable offense, from experience :lol . But surely, calling someone "cunt cheese" is hardly bannable?

Also, please drop the faux intellectualism, and just call me an idiot, if you must.

 

[snacknuts]

Let's see... the first time I ever got drunk was during my senior year in HS. I was allowed to take a day off school to go visit the campus of a local college I was interested in attending. A buddy of mine's older sister was attending Franklin College just south of Indy and told us she'd get us into a big frat party that night, so that's where we went. We got to the party and didn't waste any time finding the beer. I've always been sort of a lightweight when it comes to getting drunk, so it didn't take long before I was pretty drunk. I hit on a few girls and was pretty quickly dismissed every time. Note to self: college chicks don't like lanky HS guys with braces. :lol There were a hell of a lot of former students from my HS at this party. I ended up crashing in a chair on someone's loft, but was woken up to the sound of what sounded like a stampede. Turns out there was an arm wrestling contest in another room; some smack was talked, and a HUGE fight broke out. A bunch of cops showed up and were walking around the house, which freaked me and my buddies all out, but the cop walked in the room and said, "We're not here for underage drinking, we're just looking for people who were in the fight." That was all I needed to hear, and I passed out. I woke up the next morning with the top half of me in that chair, and the bottom half stretched out across a coffee table.

Later that summer, me and the same two guys were out and about in town when we passed a car with three cute girls in it. I got them to roll down their windows and after talking for a minute while driving down the road, they asked us to follow them into a gas station. We pulled over and chatted for a few minutes when they told us they were on their way back to their apartment for a party they were having, and that we should come on over. We went, of course, since they were attractive and we didn't have plans. I ended up doing shots with one of the girls (alternating vodka and goldschlager, ugh), whose name escapes me now. We both got drunk pretty quickly, and ended up making out in their kitchen. One of her friends escorted us back into a bedroom, but then this chick started crying and talking about her boyfriend. Swing and a miss. I went back to the party, and then I started feeling ill. I went and threw up in the toilet, my first ever official drinking-induced vomit. Major milestone. Luckily I got it all in the bowl and I felt a little bit better, so I got up, but started feeling sick again. Instead of staying in the bathroom, I went out on the balcony and threw up over the edge onto one of those outdoor heat pump fan things. :lol What happened next probably should have resulted in me getting my ass kicked. I started coming back inside, but being very drunk and as such, having no balance, I leaned against the wall just inside the patio door. As it turns out, it wasn't a wall at all, but a tall and narrow bookcase. It starts to tip over, and everyone inside the party sees it going and starts shouting, "NO!" I started to grab it to try to set it upright, and ended up pulling it away from the wall, and face down onto the floor. Whoops. Someone grabbed me and sat my ass down on the couch. I passed out just after my makeout partner's boyfriend arrived at the party to take her home. I felt like a douchebag the next day for what happened, so I called my buddy to see if he got their number, and then I called them to apologize for my behavior. Not only were the girls not mad at me, but they thought the fact that I called to apologize was so sweet that we got invited to another party they were having the next weekend.

 

[BlackNMild2k1]

as far as shit storied go.....

THere are some punk ass racist assholes that live up the street fom me. They like to leave their cars unlocked for some reason. Well one night me and some friends were walking the neighborhood, drinking of course, and one guy had to pee really bad. Well we happend to be right across the street from the assholes, so I dared him to piss in their car.
He opened the passenger door and just let the stream fly. He covered the dash board, the steering wheel, driver seat (he soaked it) and the shift knob. He got a little on the passenger seat but since spent most of it on the driver side he decided to take a dump in the passenger seat and wipe his ass withthe far edge of the seat and some napkins that were in the glove box. After that he locked the doors, put the windows up, and bouced up out of there. I don't know if they cleaned the car out, but it was HOT as hell the next day, and I saw them drive by my house in that car late that next afternoon.

I didn't actually think he would do all that, but you know the saying, " When you gotta go, you gotta go."

 

[WrathOfOtaibah]

Eh, what the hell. I got time.

It was Fall of 2003. Finals week was closely approaching. I fucked around a lot and was assfucked with a 2.0-2.5 GPA with very little for me to do anything about it, regardless if I failed or passed it (I was a Graphic Design major and my final art projects were pretty much done or were already turned in). So while other people were studying their asses off, I and a few other low achievers decided to drink. I bought myself some Jagermeister, 2 packs of Red Bull, and yes, Arbor Mist. Arbor Mist is like the Retard pack of wines but what the hell.

I started off with a triple shot of Jager with a can of Red Bull. I chased that by drinking 1/4 of the Arbor Mist. Within 5 minutes I'd say, I was feeling it. I wanted the shit to last for the rest of the semester so I figured I'd get a strong buzz and call it a night. Well, the buzz feeling is good and your inhibitions go away. So I told myself, "One more shot of Jager and Red Bull and I'll call it a night." Long story short, 3/4 of the bottle of Jager was gone and so was a bottle of Arbor Mist. I was piss drunk. I took a piss in the urinal but missed and pissed everywhere, including my tan colored shorts. With my piss laden shorts, I stumbled to a guy who was a douche. So I did the honorable thing; humped the hell out of him. My friends (who were almost as drunk as I was) was laughing their asses off as he for some odd reason wasn't fighting it.

He called me a drunk bitch and then I shoved him down on the ground, with head knocked against the wall. I felt like an ass for doing it and the next day I apologized but at the time, it seemed appropriate. I decided to wander back to my dorm (down the hall of the incident) and drank some Arbor Mist. I had two trash cans ready before drinking for puking. I must not have done a good job of putting in the liners because I threw up and the liner slid down. I was too drunk and disgusted at my own vomit to really get the liner back. For some odd reason, I decided to watch the Simpsons so the drunkness could pass. I was feeling lighter than air so I went outside and decided to run to my room mate who was working on an art project. It was a two mile run and was able to run it, completely. I didn't know I had it in me. This seemed to help out with my drunkeness and was back to somewhat cohesion.

Turns out he left to go to a party so I ran back but not before throwing up. Running to the design building was much easier than running back. I felt the urge to pass out so I started bawling. Out loud. I didn't want to pass out on campus and it was a long walk and the temperature had to be below freezing. My steps were getting slower as I was crying like a 3 year old not getting a candy bar at the supermarket. I felt trapped. People had "WTF?" looks on their faces passing by me. Thank the Lord I was able to get back to my room. I made a promise to never get that drunk again. After that, I went to my bed and passed out.

Afterword: Turns out, some of the people that walked past knew me. I explained to them what it was. I didn't drink again for about three months afterwards. I froze the Jager and finished it off months after. There was some Arbor Mist left and it spilled all over the floor. My room mate was cool about it as it was a symbol of a decent drunk story. Was fined $30 for it to get cleaned. It was $15 for each person but I paid for my room mate's half. The kid who I humped understood and we became pretty good friends afterwards.

 

[Comfort_Eagle]

Eh, what the hell. I got time.

It was Fall of 2003. Finals week was closely approaching. I fucked around a lot and was assfucked with a 2.0-2.5 GPA with very little for me to do anything about it, regardless if I failed or passed it (I was a Graphic Design major and my final art projects were pretty much done or were already turned in). So while other people were studying their asses off, I and a few other low achievers decided to drink. I bought myself some Jagermeister, 2 packs of Red Bull, and yes, Arbor Mist. Arbor Mist is like the Retard pack of wines but what the hell.

I started off with a triple shot of Jager with a can of Red Bull. I chased that by drinking 1/4 of the Arbor Mist. Within 5 minutes I'd say, I was feeling it. I wanted the shit to last for the rest of the semester so I figured I'd get a strong buzz and call it a night. Well, the buzz feeling is good and your inhibitions go away. So I told myself, "One more shot of Jager and Red Bull and I'll call it a night." Long story short, 3/4 of the bottle of Jager was gone and so was a bottle of Arbor Mist. I was piss drunk. I took a piss in the urinal but missed and pissed everywhere, including my tan colored shorts. With my piss laden shorts, I stumbled to a guy who was a douche. So I did the honorable thing; humped the hell out of him. My friends (who were almost as drunk as I was) was laughing their asses off as he for some odd reason wasn't fighting it.

He called me a drunk bitch and then I shoved him down on the ground, with head knocked against the wall. I felt like an ass for doing it and the next day I apologized but at the time, it seemed appropriate. I decided to wander back to my dorm (down the hall of the incident) and drank some Arbor Mist. I had two trash cans ready before drinking for puking. I must not have done a good job of putting in the liners because I threw up and the liner slid down. I was too drunk and disgusted at my own vomit to really get the liner back. For some odd reason, I decided to watch the Simpsons so the drunkness could pass. I was feeling lighter than air so I went outside and decided to run to my room mate who was working on an art project. It was a two mile run and was able to run it, completely. I didn't know I had it in me. This seemed to help out with my drunkeness and was back to somewhat cohesion.

Turns out he left to go to a party so I ran back but not before throwing up. Running to the design building was much easier than running back. I felt the urge to pass out so I started bawling. Out loud. I didn't want to pass out on campus and it was a long walk and the temperature had to be below freezing. My steps were getting slower as I was crying like a 3 year old not getting a candy bar at the supermarket. I felt trapped. People had "WTF?" looks on their faces passing by me. Thank the Lord I was able to get back to my room. I made a promise to never get that drunk again. After that, I went to my bed and passed out.

Afterword: Turns out, some of the people that walked past knew me. I explained to them what it was. I didn't drink again for about three months afterwards. I froze the Jager and finished it off months after. There was some Arbor Mist left and it spilled all over the floor. My room mate was cool about it as it was a symbol of a decent drunk story. Was fined $30 for it to get cleaned. It was $15 for each person but I paid for my room mate's half. The kid who I humped understood and we became pretty good friends afterwards.

A good humping always leads to friendship....

 

[ForzaItalia]

Tried knocking out my friend's mother.