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Should I move out?

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Otaking

Member
Before anyone asks why I'm asking a forum full of gamers for advice on this subject, I'll tell you why. I trust these people like I trust my friends. They always give good advice.

When my father left my mother, my mom went into a deep depression because she is having trouble adapting to functioning independently. This started about this time last year. Since then I decided I would try and take care of my mom at home, since I had a year of highschool left at the time I figured I could handle it and by the time I graduated things would be better. I was doing good, trying to break her out of her depression. But now it's a year later, and I have graduated.

Things are still the same. No change has occurred whatsoever. Sure, she won her cases for alimony money....but she's still depressed because she doesn't have a husband anymore. So I'm still here, helping out. But recently, her moods have changed. She's now always in a sour mood when she gets home and seems to take it out on me. I get yelled at for trivial things, and she doesn't listen to any of my attempts at breaking the depression. It's like she's ignoring all logic. But in the morning she's all nice and apologizes for the previous evening's antics. So it's back to square one, and I get 8 hours by myself until she's done with work.

She's on an anti-depressant but it doesn't work at all. She's actually tried ALL the anti-depressants and they do didly-shit. Not to mention she said she would kill herself before she'd go back to a hospital for help, because she was there before and absolutely hated it. So I'm basically stuck. She says she couldn't function without me being here and that she needs me here, but I just don't get that feeling in the evening. Truth of the matter is, if I wasn't here she'd probably have killed herself by now.

I'm 18 years old now, and I'm kinda anxious to get out on my own. I'd like to get a job and have my own place shared with my one friend who said he'd go for the idea. I feel guilty when I go out with my friends and have a good time because I know when I get home, the happiness won't last, and I'll be back to dealing with her depression. I'm actually afraid I've been up here on the computer too long typing this message out and when I go back downstairs she'll be upset about it and go with the depression stuff again.

Is there something I'm not doing right to fix this depression? I want out and on my own. This is partly the reason my father left us, because of the depression. But she WASN'T depressed when he left. She was fine and actually on top of things. She was set to become manager where she works. But when he left for whatever his reasons were, the depression started (moreso when she found out about the other woman). I wish my grandparents could help, but they already said it's my job here at home to help make her better. But I don't know how much longer I can go like this before I snap myself. So I feel like I'm stuck here, and if I leave on my own, I'll be an outcast in my family. Of course I wouldn't break off total contact, but I'd have my own place and run things my way, in a preferrably less-stressful environment. What should I do?
 

Socreges

Banned
Ideally, you could be totally honest with her. Tell her how she wants you to stick around, but treats you like shit. That you don't deserve to be miserable, just because she is. That you're not responsible in making her happy, and that SHE is.

Is that possible? How would she respond?

Can you encourage her to do certain things that would make her happy? Like, start working out?
 

Otaking

Member
Socreges said:
Ideally, you could be totally honest with her. Tell her how she wants you to stick around, but treats you like shit. That you don't deserve to be miserable, just because she is. That you're not responsible in making her happy, and that SHE is.

Is that possible? How would she respond?

Can you encourage her to do certain things that would make her happy? Like, start working out?
Possible and most likely scenario, she'd go upstairs, lock herself in the restroom and bawl for probably an hour while I stand outside the door feeling like a dickhead for even starting it.

I'm trying to figure activities for her to do, but she won't even go into the breakroom at her work (granted, it's a Wal-Mart breakroom and they're shit by default and I wouldn't even go in). She's afraid she'll bring her friends down with her into the depression if she's around them. I really think she needs to spend time with her sister. They were close as children, and that could help bigtime. But their scedules always conflict. Sometimes, like now after reading that, it seems so simple and I get a glimmer of hope. But then something like last night happens when she gets depressed cause she realizes again that she's hurting me by me being here. Maybe I should discuss this with my grandparents and see what happens.

And for the record, I should correct what I said in the previous post. I did just go down stairs and check on her and tonight seems to be one of her better moods. So I might actually get a break. I'm literally feeling tears of joy from this....

I know I can't fix depression...but I can atleast try and make it less severe...
 

White Man

Member
You've got to get your priorities straight. This is your life, and if you let this hold you back, you'll likely end up spiraling into depression. Live for yourself. . .maybe you not being there will force your mom snap back into shape.
 

suaveric

Member
While this board does have a lot of good answers some times, I don't know that this is really one of them. You're best talking to a shrink about this. They'll have a lot more knowledge abut what to do in this situation.
 
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