Every word of this story is completely true. Names have been changed for privacy reasons.
So I went up to Seoul on Saturday with a few of my waegook (foreigner) friends. In the lineup we had Gary, a ridiculously good-looking, collar-popping Canadian whose motto is "white chicks are for quitters" and is also a borderline Korea-phile nymphomaniac, Mo, a very large, slightly chubby Honduran gay man who shares every detail about his sexual encounters, Trisha, a 30 year old Canadian chick who is getting frustrated about the fact that she hasn't gotten laid in awhile and is also extremely gullible, and Donna, a somewhat good-looking east coast chick who seems to be suffering from delayed-onset freshman 15, and is also an extreme bullshitter. Along the way, we met up with my American friend Shawn., who is leaving the country today, and his girlfriend Sue, who was constantly trying not to cry about this.
At the bar and grill, ridiculous conversations ensued. Donna convinced Trisha that she had been up into space. T protested this, saying that shed heard that a space-flight costs an extreme amount of money. Donna told her that her father is a chief at NASA and so he hooked it up. She proceeded to tell a really detailed, spontaneous story about what weightlessness was like. I asked what would happen if an astronaut had to throw a beat while he was up there. We agreed that were all going up into space this summer to experiment. Donna agreed to let Gary and I bust zero-g loads on her face in the name of science.
Eventually we headed down to Seoul City Hall to watch the Korea-Greece match, which was being shown on massive screens to a crowd of 200,000 passionate Koreans. These people love their national teams so much. I was here in 2008 when they won Olympic baseball, and it was nuts then. It was nuts again on Saturday night. The first goal was kind of a fluke, but still got a good reaction. When Park-Jisung scored the second goal, the crowd was absolutely insane. So much joy and pride and patriotism (nationalism?) in that crowd. The only downside was that one dude somewhere close to us in the crowd smelled like fucking duck butter all night.
Towards the end of the game, I met an American girl who was standing in front of us with a friend. We got to talking, and I invited them to come party with us in Itaewon after the game. Somehow her friend vanished, but she still came along. We were having a pretty good conversation, and I thought I might get somewhere, but I wasnt sure. The clincher came in a cowboy bar on Hooker Hill, when we were sitting together at a table, and I rested my hand on hers and let it linger. This led to us playing with each others hands. I wasnt digging the music, so I suggested we head to another bar. She agreed. We got one drink, and then she suggested we go out to the balcony. It was on. Hour-long makeout session ensued. Unfortunately, Gary had the room key, and he wasnt answering his phone. We went to the hotel to try to get another room, but they were completely booked at this point. So we went to another bar that had a patio and just messed around out there for a few hours. It was great, and I found myself really liking this girl, but I was also blue-balling like crazy.
Finally, we came across Gary staggering up Hooker Hill, complaining about how he was out of cash and couldnt find his ATM card or phone and how he just wanted to stick his dick into something. I took the room key from him, and we went in. Ten minutes later, he burst into the room and plopped down on the bed and started snoring almost immediately. Since he was asleep, we thought we were good to go, but then he started rolling over, and it wasnt the biggest bed in the world. So we laid down some blankets on the floor and had our party there. Great success.
The next day, I walked Girlie to the subway, getting propositioned by every naked hooker on the hill along the way. As I came back to the hotel, a bunch of British dudes were outside, still drunk as fuck, complaining loudly about their 1-1 tie with America and pondering whether to go pay for some blowjobs or not. I asked one of them for a cigarette. He heard my accent and told me to shove a cigarette up my arse.
When I got the crew together, everyone was hungover as fuck except me. Turns out that Mo went to a gay bathhouse. Apparently, a bunch of people were having sex, and one dude was jerking off another guy right in front of him. Apparently, he went right up to the guy who was getting jerked, pushed the other dude out of the way, and just started blowing him. I dont party that way, but I have to admit that it sounded fun. Gary managed to lose his phone at a bar and then went and fucked a hooker. He had been going back for another round when I had come across him earlier.
We headed to the Hamilton hotel, where there was a rooftop pool party going on. Gary and I were checking out the Korean girls in swimsuits. Mo was checking out the Korean dudes in speedos. There were a lot of speedos. And these Korean dudes spend A LOT of time at the gym. So Mo was having a blast. Everyone was constantly getting thrown into the pool. At one point, Gary was standing right by the edge, so I suddenly yelled out This is Sparta! and kicked him in. That got a round of applause from the entire party. As the party was winding down, Trisha changed back into her nighttime dress, and when she came back, Mo grabbed her in a bear-hug and just dropped with her into the water. She was pissed, but then we all laughed about it.
We went to another bar, and Mo was looking extremely drunk, staggering all over the place. I got drawn into an extended conversation with a 55 year old military contractor about Afghanistan and Hitler's Russian campaign, when suddenly I realized that Mo had disappeared. We tried calling him before realizing that Gary was carrying his phone. We tried unsuccessfully to look for him, but he was nowhere to be found. But he theoretically knew where we were and where we were planning to head next, so we assumed he would make his way back eventually.
Trisha got a phonecall from Gary's (Korean) girlfriend. Apparently, she had been calling his phone all day, and finally the female bartender at the place where he lost it picked up. The girlfriend was pissed. But now we knew where his phone was, so we went back and retrieved it.
We went to a rooftop party at a bar. Someone put on Dont Look Back in Anger, and we got the whole crowd singing along in epic fashion. Mo didnt show up. At one point, Gary said Ill be back in 45 minutes. According to him, he went and fucked another hooker. He asked if he could take a picture of her after he blew his load on her face, and she said no. Apparently, he tried to take a picture anway, and she yelled, and he almost got his ass kicked by Madame and like four of the other working women all while his wang was out and flopping around. He deleted the picture and ran back to the bar. I don't approve of some (a lot) of this guy's actions, but he's always been a good buddy to me, so I don't judge.
Finally, it was getting time to go, so we all said our goodbyes to Shawn and Sue, and Gary, Trisha, Donna and I all headed to Seoul Station, intending to catch the KTX (Korean bullet-train) back to our town. We got there around 10:40. Unfortunately, we were unaware of the fact that the last train left at 10:30. So we were stranded. We went outside to smoke cigarettes and ponder our options. Gary called his girlfriend, and a ridiculous conversation ensued. A homeless guy came up to me and asked for a cigarette. I gave him one and assumed he would take it and go, but instead he stayed and tried to have a conversation. Seeing that I had given out a cigarette, three other homeless guys showed up. One of them came up to me and said You are going to die today. I wont lie; that was a little creepy.
We ended up buying more soju and cigarettes and heading out to Hongdae to go clubbing. There were some ridiculous dancers out there. I kinda got something going with Donna for a little bit, but nothing could really happen due to the circumstances. Finally, we headed back to Seoul Station around 4am, dodged the same homeless guys from before, passed out on a bench for awhile, then took the 5:30am train home. I got to my apartment at 8:00, showered and made it to school by 8:30. Then I cranked out the best goddamn lesson Ive ever written and taught four classes in a row.
We still dont know where Mo is.
So I went up to Seoul on Saturday with a few of my waegook (foreigner) friends. In the lineup we had Gary, a ridiculously good-looking, collar-popping Canadian whose motto is "white chicks are for quitters" and is also a borderline Korea-phile nymphomaniac, Mo, a very large, slightly chubby Honduran gay man who shares every detail about his sexual encounters, Trisha, a 30 year old Canadian chick who is getting frustrated about the fact that she hasn't gotten laid in awhile and is also extremely gullible, and Donna, a somewhat good-looking east coast chick who seems to be suffering from delayed-onset freshman 15, and is also an extreme bullshitter. Along the way, we met up with my American friend Shawn., who is leaving the country today, and his girlfriend Sue, who was constantly trying not to cry about this.
At the bar and grill, ridiculous conversations ensued. Donna convinced Trisha that she had been up into space. T protested this, saying that shed heard that a space-flight costs an extreme amount of money. Donna told her that her father is a chief at NASA and so he hooked it up. She proceeded to tell a really detailed, spontaneous story about what weightlessness was like. I asked what would happen if an astronaut had to throw a beat while he was up there. We agreed that were all going up into space this summer to experiment. Donna agreed to let Gary and I bust zero-g loads on her face in the name of science.
Eventually we headed down to Seoul City Hall to watch the Korea-Greece match, which was being shown on massive screens to a crowd of 200,000 passionate Koreans. These people love their national teams so much. I was here in 2008 when they won Olympic baseball, and it was nuts then. It was nuts again on Saturday night. The first goal was kind of a fluke, but still got a good reaction. When Park-Jisung scored the second goal, the crowd was absolutely insane. So much joy and pride and patriotism (nationalism?) in that crowd. The only downside was that one dude somewhere close to us in the crowd smelled like fucking duck butter all night.
Towards the end of the game, I met an American girl who was standing in front of us with a friend. We got to talking, and I invited them to come party with us in Itaewon after the game. Somehow her friend vanished, but she still came along. We were having a pretty good conversation, and I thought I might get somewhere, but I wasnt sure. The clincher came in a cowboy bar on Hooker Hill, when we were sitting together at a table, and I rested my hand on hers and let it linger. This led to us playing with each others hands. I wasnt digging the music, so I suggested we head to another bar. She agreed. We got one drink, and then she suggested we go out to the balcony. It was on. Hour-long makeout session ensued. Unfortunately, Gary had the room key, and he wasnt answering his phone. We went to the hotel to try to get another room, but they were completely booked at this point. So we went to another bar that had a patio and just messed around out there for a few hours. It was great, and I found myself really liking this girl, but I was also blue-balling like crazy.
Finally, we came across Gary staggering up Hooker Hill, complaining about how he was out of cash and couldnt find his ATM card or phone and how he just wanted to stick his dick into something. I took the room key from him, and we went in. Ten minutes later, he burst into the room and plopped down on the bed and started snoring almost immediately. Since he was asleep, we thought we were good to go, but then he started rolling over, and it wasnt the biggest bed in the world. So we laid down some blankets on the floor and had our party there. Great success.
The next day, I walked Girlie to the subway, getting propositioned by every naked hooker on the hill along the way. As I came back to the hotel, a bunch of British dudes were outside, still drunk as fuck, complaining loudly about their 1-1 tie with America and pondering whether to go pay for some blowjobs or not. I asked one of them for a cigarette. He heard my accent and told me to shove a cigarette up my arse.
When I got the crew together, everyone was hungover as fuck except me. Turns out that Mo went to a gay bathhouse. Apparently, a bunch of people were having sex, and one dude was jerking off another guy right in front of him. Apparently, he went right up to the guy who was getting jerked, pushed the other dude out of the way, and just started blowing him. I dont party that way, but I have to admit that it sounded fun. Gary managed to lose his phone at a bar and then went and fucked a hooker. He had been going back for another round when I had come across him earlier.
We headed to the Hamilton hotel, where there was a rooftop pool party going on. Gary and I were checking out the Korean girls in swimsuits. Mo was checking out the Korean dudes in speedos. There were a lot of speedos. And these Korean dudes spend A LOT of time at the gym. So Mo was having a blast. Everyone was constantly getting thrown into the pool. At one point, Gary was standing right by the edge, so I suddenly yelled out This is Sparta! and kicked him in. That got a round of applause from the entire party. As the party was winding down, Trisha changed back into her nighttime dress, and when she came back, Mo grabbed her in a bear-hug and just dropped with her into the water. She was pissed, but then we all laughed about it.
We went to another bar, and Mo was looking extremely drunk, staggering all over the place. I got drawn into an extended conversation with a 55 year old military contractor about Afghanistan and Hitler's Russian campaign, when suddenly I realized that Mo had disappeared. We tried calling him before realizing that Gary was carrying his phone. We tried unsuccessfully to look for him, but he was nowhere to be found. But he theoretically knew where we were and where we were planning to head next, so we assumed he would make his way back eventually.
Trisha got a phonecall from Gary's (Korean) girlfriend. Apparently, she had been calling his phone all day, and finally the female bartender at the place where he lost it picked up. The girlfriend was pissed. But now we knew where his phone was, so we went back and retrieved it.
We went to a rooftop party at a bar. Someone put on Dont Look Back in Anger, and we got the whole crowd singing along in epic fashion. Mo didnt show up. At one point, Gary said Ill be back in 45 minutes. According to him, he went and fucked another hooker. He asked if he could take a picture of her after he blew his load on her face, and she said no. Apparently, he tried to take a picture anway, and she yelled, and he almost got his ass kicked by Madame and like four of the other working women all while his wang was out and flopping around. He deleted the picture and ran back to the bar. I don't approve of some (a lot) of this guy's actions, but he's always been a good buddy to me, so I don't judge.
Finally, it was getting time to go, so we all said our goodbyes to Shawn and Sue, and Gary, Trisha, Donna and I all headed to Seoul Station, intending to catch the KTX (Korean bullet-train) back to our town. We got there around 10:40. Unfortunately, we were unaware of the fact that the last train left at 10:30. So we were stranded. We went outside to smoke cigarettes and ponder our options. Gary called his girlfriend, and a ridiculous conversation ensued. A homeless guy came up to me and asked for a cigarette. I gave him one and assumed he would take it and go, but instead he stayed and tried to have a conversation. Seeing that I had given out a cigarette, three other homeless guys showed up. One of them came up to me and said You are going to die today. I wont lie; that was a little creepy.
We ended up buying more soju and cigarettes and heading out to Hongdae to go clubbing. There were some ridiculous dancers out there. I kinda got something going with Donna for a little bit, but nothing could really happen due to the circumstances. Finally, we headed back to Seoul Station around 4am, dodged the same homeless guys from before, passed out on a bench for awhile, then took the 5:30am train home. I got to my apartment at 8:00, showered and made it to school by 8:30. Then I cranked out the best goddamn lesson Ive ever written and taught four classes in a row.
We still dont know where Mo is.
