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[legacyzero]

I need your help, GAF. May be a long read, so I'll try and bullet point it.

CONS:

• My boss called me yesterday. Asked me if I wanted to move to Phoenix, AZ. They want to promote me and have me work out there, because I'm "the best man for the job" (I'm working for one of the top American Telecoms.) I live in Wisconsin now.
• I don't know if the climate of my life right now is exactly great for a move across the country.
• I've been having a lot of personal struggle as well, mainly with Religion, and nobody that I can talk to to help me with it other than "Just have faith".
• My wife and I are on the verge of divorce because the concept of compromise at any level is completely foreign to her. She doesn't seem to be excited about us anymore.
• I don't know ANYTHING about Phoenix other than what Google can tell me. If somehow my wife and I can smooth this over, and just say FUCK IT and do it, what would life be like versus where we are now? AND with a 5 year old Daughter.
• I've had to start over so much in my life. I'm 33, and I'm FINALLY in a place that I want to be personally (aside from the biggest struggle of my life: Religion, which some tell me is a good struggle to have) and professionally.
• If I DO move, I don't have a safety net or a guaranteed way back.

PROS:

• I absolutely LOVE my job. I'm great at it, and I'm steadily moving up at an alarming rate. I jump into challenges head-first, I'm hungry for victory, and I'm able to learn when I don't achieve it, and adapt.
• Company wants to pay for the move.
• With that said, Phoenix will be a HUGE place for me to be with those skills, because the right eyes will be there to observe it. I can make a real difference, and I know I would absolutely be right for the job.
• My co-workers said that this may just be what we need, but I feel like this is kind of a gamble.
• My boss tells me that I shouldn't be afraid to say no. And that if I do, I am a solid fixture where I'm at. But my mind fills up with implications, some reasonable, some not.

He picked the worst fucking time to ask me this. I'm not even sure if I'm compatible for that area. No day light savings time, It's always hot. No Winter. Who-the-fuck-knows what else.

Sell this to me, GAF. Or help me stay where I am. Why should I do this? Or why shouldn't I? What is Phoenix like?

TL;DR - My Boss wants to promote me, pay to move me across the country, with a LOT of opportunity. But the gravity of my life right now just doesn't seem to support the idea.

 

[tanooki27]

defy that gravity brah

 

[DOWN]

Take that money and move on up. You can do it and it will change your life in good ways without it having to always be where you live if you someday want to relocate.

 

[Artanisix]

I think the daughter is the most complicated gear to deal with here. If she didn't exist, I'd say the move would be 100% clear cut.

 

[Zoned]

Accept it or else you'll regret it later.

 

[elfinke]

I need your help, GAF. May be a long read, so I'll try and bullet point it.

PROS:

• . I jump into challenges head-first, I'm hungry for victory, and I'm able to learn when I don't achieve it, and adapt.
  

Can't advise or help much with the rest. But this line really jumped out at me - it sounds like you'd love the challenge of the big move, and would likely land on your feet immediately. In many ways, it may be the clean break you and your family need, or in a somewhat different timeline, you need. Don't be afraid to sit with one and paper and really nail down a thorough pros and cons list. It's amazing how that can clarify and crystalise your thoughts and decisions.

Good luck with your decision making in all things OP.

 

[Lace]

I live in Phoenix, it is a wonderful state. No natural disasters and close to Cali without the costs. It is definitely hotter then balls 4 months of the year but every other month.

 

[Summer Haze]

Go with whichever option feels right to you the most. Sounds like generic advice, I know, but it never fails. Weigh each option against each other and really think about what you want, then as long as you go with the option that feels right the most to you, you won't have any regrets and will feel content with your choice and your life.

Good luck.

Oh, you have a kid? Well that complicates things a little. Lol.

 

[Gnome]

Phoenix is so ugly though, plus it's hot as fuck.

 

[captive]

I was recently in Phoenix for a week. Didn't seem that bad.

Disclaimer I came from Houston, where it is also insanely hot and add in humidity. Though while I was there they were having great weather. The scenery was actually quite nice. People say its a desert and it is, but its not a barren wasteland.


Sounds like you need to work it out with your wife first. I wouldn't want to move away from my wife and do a divorce at the same time and have a kid in the mix. Does she work? If so can she move and keep the same job?

 

[Roulette]

Daylight savings time? Come on, man. Half that post is a list of excuses. You should at least talk to your wife about it. And religion won't change with your zip code. You can work that out wherever you are.

If it's a legitimate offer with actual opportunities for advancement you owe it to yourself to try. If there are no real reasons to stay where you are (and I don't see anything that can't be overcome in your post), I say go for it.

 

[Toa TAK]

You are being handed an opportunity to advance in your profession, gain more ca$h, and venture into a new place.

DO IT.

People obviously want you to be there. It sounds like you love your job and apparently, people love you and your work.

DO IT.

All those people that are telling you to "have faith"? THIS is what they're talking about. You've got a new path set for you, it would be sad to see someone like you not take it.

Do it do it do it do it

 

[kswiston]

I think the daughter is the most complicated gear to deal with here. If she didn't exist, I'd say the move would be 100% clear cut.

5 year olds are pretty adaptable. Now, if his wife does want a divorce and has no plans on going herself, that would be a firm no go. You can't really be an involved dad if you are half way across the country. If his wife is on board though, this is probably the best time to move. His daughter is either going into Kindergarten or Grade 1. Either is an easy transition.

 

[JetBlackPanda]

I was born and raised in the valley. I left in 2004 and would never fucking go back. It's hot and misserable.

I did really love growing up there and some stuff I still miss but the urban sprawl and highways that make up Phoenix, Mesa etc is just too much for me.

I had a choice of course, if the money is right do it.

 

[Wreav]

Every kidless person in this thread will just wave the hand to the gravity of abandoning your child. That's something that can dictate almost every decision of your life.

 

[smurfx]

make sure you have air conditioning. i would never live in arizona.

 

[legacyzero]

Every kidless person in this thread will just wave the hand to the gravity of abandoning your child. That's something that can dictate almost every decision of your life.

That's a big one. And if we do divorce, people are still telling me I should go.

I can just see the conversation 15 years from now with my daughter, having to explain it all, and hoping she doesn't hate me for it.

I was born and raised in the valley. I left in 2004 and would never fucking go back. It's hot and misserable.

I did really love growing up there and some stuff I still miss but the urban sprawl and highways that make up Phoenix, Mesa etc is just too much for me.

I had a choice of course, if the money is right do it.

make sure you have air conditioning. i would never live in arizona.

I live in Wisconsin. It's basically 5 months of Winter. So leaving that seems to be the biggest awesome thing.

Just how hot does it get down there?

 

[Kallor]

Do it. Sounds like you need something to shakeup your life.

 

[ErnieMcCracken]

If you do make the move make sure to get a place near where you're working. The commute ain't no joke out there. Lived out there for a couple years (in Chandler) and luckily it wasn't too bad for me (early hours) but my wife had to make some ridiculous commutes in rush hour that took her an hour to get home. I enjoyed it when we were there and you'll get used to the heat.

 

[kswiston]

Every kidless person in this thread will just wave the hand to the gravity of abandoning your child. That's something that can dictate almost every decision of your life.

Yeah. If his daughter would be staying behind, I would strongly be in the "Don't do it" camp.

That's a big one. And if we do divorce, people are still telling me I should go.

I can just see the conversation 15 years from now with my daughter, having to explain it all, and hoping she doesn't hate me for it.

I don't know many people who are on good terms with absentee parents without having to struggle through a lot of resentment. You shouldn't delude yourself into thinking your case will be different if you decide to make that decision. Keep both eyes open, whatever you decide.

 

[DasRaven]

This is really simple, do what is best for your daughter.

If it is your preferred choice or not...
If that includes the promotion and move or not..,
If that excludes your current wife or includes her...

We have one legacy, our children. Act in their best interest.


If you do decide to come to PHX, start a new thread and we'll give you all the details. I love it here.

 

[antonz]

The Phoenix Metropolitan Area really isn't too bad. The only thing you really have to adjust to is the Summers.

There is no lack of things to do and you can even take trips upstate to get away from the heat. I mean when its 115 in Phoenix its in the 80s near flagstaff and such.
East Valley is where all the major goings on occur simply because no real reason. It can be obnoxious if you live in the west valley but you get used to it. Cost of living isn't so bad either.

Have to make the choices though with best regard to family.

 

[legacyzero]

There is also an option to move to Salt Lake City, but it's not the one he was specifically requesting. Although, I could consider that one too.

 

[Lace]

That's a big one. And if we do divorce, people are still telling me I should go.

I can just see the conversation 15 years from now with my daughter, having to explain it all, and hoping she doesn't hate me for it.





I live in Wisconsin. It's basically 5 months of Winter. So leaving that seems to be the biggest awesome thing.

Just how hot does it get down there?

http://www.currentresults.com/Weather/Arizona/Places/phoenix-temperatures-by-month-average.php

Here is a temperature chart for each month down here. You will never see snow here unless you drive an hour north.

 

[nocturnalis]

Bring your daughter with you. Do it!

 

[Carnby]

I'm career driven too. But when ever an opportunity has presented itself I consider how it will effect my relationship with my son. If it would have effected it negatively, I didn't take the job. Since then, I ended up finding other and better opportunities without sacrificing my relationship with my son.

If you don't take it for your daughter's sake, there will be other opportunities. There's more than one road to a successful career.

 

[lem0n]

Queen Creek, AZ resident here.

I think a move could do you and your family wonders. It will be a totally foreign place, but that could help some things fall into place. You never know. This sounds like an opportunity that you would regret not taking advantage of years from now. That's just me, though.

Let's see... Phoenix. It's a hot, boring city with some interesting culture. People are crazy on the road, rush hour is just madness. Cost of living is low, and there are nice places to live all over the place. I like it out here (50 miles south-east of PHX) because it's quiet and out of the way. Schools aren't great. Lots of good places to eat, but you really have to seek them out as there's chains everywhere.

I have lived here for almost 10 years. My parents dragged me kicking and screaming from MA back in 2006 when I was 15. It ended up being a really good move because I met some great people and am part of some awesome car clubs out here. If you can move away from friends and have your family adapt (I know your wife may not be on board 100%) I say do it.

PM me if you want to chat more in depth

 

[AbsolutBro]

I'm from Arizona. Phoenix is a shit hole, though I admit I'm biased against said shit hole. Still, it sounds like the only real concern leaving where you are right now is your daughter. I know you say it's the worst time for this option, but frankly it sounds like this is exactly what you need right now. I say go for it.

 

[Wreav]

That's a big one. And if we do divorce, people are still telling me I should go.

I can just see the conversation 15 years from now with my daughter, having to explain it all, and hoping she doesn't hate me for it.

Ask yourself this: if that conversation happens, and she does hate you for it, will you be satisfied with your life choices? I certainly wouldn't be, but that's just me.

 

[Savitar]

It sounds like this is what you need to me.

A clean slate.

Not everyone gets a chance. Scary maybe but it's your shot.

Sounds like you could use it.

 

[Flying Toaster]

I am in Phoenix. The weather is... for lack of a better description HOT AS FUCK.

But it is a dry heat. No humidity and with that it is survivable. All this week it has been over 110.

I am a single dad, recently divorced sounds kinda the same no compromise. All I can tell you is my daughter is everything to me and after the divorce I had an amazing opportunity to move to Japan for what I do. I had to turn it down to be able to see my daughter each week. It was a really hard decision but I think I made the right one.

 

[GameAddict411]

you seem to mention religion twice. Can you expand on your struggles and how they really have an effect on your move or life? let me start by saying that there are people who would take this opportunity without a second thought. You should be more worried about your family more than anything.

 

[Irnbru]

I'll tell you this OP, doors like this don't open every day and don't listen to the bullshit people say otherwise.
( I work in a big company too )

 

[AbsolutBro]

I am in Phoenix. The weather is... for lack of a better description HOT AS FUCK.

But it is a dry heat. No humidity and with that it is survivable.

I have never once been to Phoenix and actually had a dry heat. All the fucking golf courses watering their greens makes a fart bubble of humidity that hangs all over the city.

 

[legacyzero]

It sounds like this is what you need to me.

A clean slate.

Not everyone gets a chance. Scary maybe but it's your shot.

Sounds like you could use it.

I'm completely open to clean slate. I've done it quite a few times before. However, I just cant say for sure that my wife is. This lady is just closed to everything. We've been together for close to a decade, and I'm the only one evolving, and changing myself to suit her needs, when she has NEVER done it. And If I were a betting man, and could wager high, I would bet against her ever being able to.

 

[Flying Toaster]

I have never once been to Phoenix and actually had a dry heat. All the fucking golf courses watering their greens makes a fart bubble of humidity that hangs all over the city.

If you compare that to Florida or Austin then yes it is dry.

 

[legacyzero]

you seem to mention religion twice. Can you expand on your struggles and how they really have an effect on your move or life? let me start by saying that there are people who would take this opportunity without a second thought. You should be more worried about your family more than anything.

It's been an emotional roller coaster for me. It adds to the stress and uncertainty of all that's happening now. It's having a HUGE impact.

 

[neogaffer1]

Where would you live in Phoenix if you did come to live here? As someone who's lived in Arizona all my life, there two most negative things I'd say are the heat, and to a lesser extent political standings of most of the people here.

 

[AbsolutBro]

If you compare that to Florida or Austin then yes it is dry.

I live in Maryland now. I fly into Phoenix every October to see my dad and the humidity there is almost as bad as June here.


Almost.

 

[turtle553]

Make sure you would actually be making more money when you compare the cost of living:
http://www.bestplaces.net/cost-of-living/

 

[Tenck]

Phoenix is so ugly though, plus it's hot as fuck.

Maybe if you never go out, like at all. There's much more to Arizona than Phoenix.

 

[neogaffer1]

Maybe if you never go out, like at all. There's much more to Arizona than Phoenix.

TRUTH. Oak Creek Canyon few hours north is pretty damn amazing.

 

[Deleted member 1159]

I moved to Phoenix last year because my wife got into a graduate program. I grew up in California and lived in Utah most of my adult life.

It's hotter than fuck right now. Like, you just don't go outside when the sun is up from late May to the end of September. The rest of the year it's absolutely gorgeous. After being in Utah winters for so long, wearing shorts in January was some sort of revelation or something.

The area seems pretty affordable, on par with Utah. Much cheaper than California.

There's a lot to do. We've been exploring the state, camping, hiking, checking out wineries and breweries. It has a lot to offer.

It's just hot as fuck right now. If you move down and need a friend, hit me up. I'm always down to meet new people. I've been through the religion thing too man.

 

[Kieli]

It's been an emotional roller coaster for me. It adds to the stress and uncertainty of all that's happening now. It's having a HUGE impact.

Was she like this before you married?

Did you know going in, or was she one of those individuals that "changed" after marriage?

 

[legacyzero]

Where would you live in Phoenix if you did come to live here? As someone who's lived in Arizona all my life, there two most negative things I'd say are the heat, and to a lesser extent political standings of most of the people here.

I dont know where I'll be exactly. Hopefully not full on city.

Make sure you would actually be making more money when you compare the cost of living:
http://www.bestplaces.net/cost-of-living/

Thanks for this. I dunno how accurate it is, but it doesn't seem too bad.

Was she like this before you married?

Did you know going in, or was she one of those individuals that "changed" after marriage?

Yeah, she was quite a bit different. Much more excited about our relationship. A little bit more open. Sex life has gone from 4-5 times a week on average to about once bi-weekly. She's an at-home mom, mostly because we couldn't justify the cost of daycare versus the income. She's been on some strange downward decline, and I've been ever evolving and improving. I'm almost a completely difference person since we got together, all improvements.

 

[Wanace]

Divorce and move.

 

[spawnsniper]

Maybe the change of scenery and location will help with ur marriage?

Whatch that motivational video from Shia.

 

[SwiftDeath]

So a couple of things

• your daughter is only 5 so moving at that age isn't as earth-shattering or problematic as it might be when she's older and has a network of long-time friends. Where is your family located? Wife's family? Are they mostly Wisconsin based? Will your daughter lose out on much family interaction in that way? It's not super absolutely critical imo but it is worthwhile to have extended family nearby
• The situation with your wife seems the largest issue in your life currently [but what do I know?] Have you talked to her at all about the opportunity? Convincing an adult to pick up and move 1000 miles away is hard as they usually have built up friends and local support etc. that would have to be rebuilt
• I have no experience with phoenix so can't help you there
• Moving to a new place can be a wonderful life experience even without the promotion and what comes with that. You'll now be closer to the west coast then the east coast and could take family vacations to california for instance at a lower cost with less travel time.

Forgot to mention but if you do think there is a solid chance of divorce then you have to wonder about child custody and the fact your wife probably would stay in Wisconsin I imagine so shared custody of your daughter would be hard

 

[Tagyhag]

The daughter definitely makes it tough, and ultimately, she will be the biggest reason as to what you'll be doing.

But let's say hypothetically, you did divorce, which is what your relationship sounds like it's headed, your wife will probably keep your daughter, so you won't be able to see her every day either way.

I say you move, and then get your daughter for a few weeks or months out of the year.

That sounds heartless as hell, but you only live once, and if this job could impact your entire career, I say you take it.

 

[freenudemacusers]

Divorce and move.

move then divorce. at least the kid will be near you.

The daughter definitely makes it tough, and ultimately, she will be the biggest reason as to what you'll be doing.

But let's say hypothetically, you did divorce, which is what your relationship sounds like it's headed, your wife will probably keep your daughter, so you won't be able to see her every day either way.

I say you move, and then get your daughter for a few weeks or months out of the year.

That sounds heartless as hell, but you only live once, and if this job could impact your entire career, I say you take it.

I take it you don't have a kid? Seeing my child only 20% of the year would be ... awful.