"Singles: Flirt Up Your Life" may be vaguely familiar to some of you as "that Sims game with full-frontal nudity". Indeed, "Singles" was made by degenerate freedom-hating Europeans who think things like polygonal flaccid dicks are peachy to show to their 9 year old children. In fact, in parts of Scandinavia the ninth birthday is celebrated by visiting the "genitaal breng onder" or "genital lodge". It is an ice encrusted lodge where the youth is presented with a motionless lineup of nude men and women and must stare at them for five minutes without blinking. This is why Europeans are godless heathens - as if you needed any more reasons.
Somehow, the Department of Homeland Security failed once again and allowed copies of "Singles" to make their way to our fair and faithful shores unbidden. Initially my plan had been to buy up every copy that had snuck into the country and destroy it before it managed to corrupt some poor young child whose future would be better served by painting fences or being beaten insensate with a belt. To truly know the deadliness of the moral poison I had to experience it firsthand, so I installed it on my consecrated computer made from the bones of Saint Bartholomew and sat down to write this cautionary review. Oh, and also torture the hell out of these unsuspecting virtual pieces of Eurotrash.
