The BDSM Thread

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So I'm not understanding your relationship. If this is your all the time partner do you enjoy being dominated by them outside of the bedroom as well? Excuse me if I sound crass, but does it come down to her "raising the eyebrow" if you disagree with where you two will go out for dinner?

No, you don't sound crass at all. I think what I was trying to describe was that outwardly, especially in public or while entertaining company, it would not at all be obvious to people that we are involved in the lifestyle. We have disagreements as any couple does. However, in your example if we were disagreeing about where to go out to dinner, her raising her eyebrow would comes across to me as clearly as if she were to say "I am your Mistress and you're not paying nearly enough attention to the way you wish to behave. "
 
Darias said:
For example, some people on reading this post would be struck and shocked that I didn't capitalize Her and She. Frequently any reference to any dom is capitalized. Neither I nor my partner have much use for the capitals, as they seem rather silly in writing, yet if I were writing to or about someone else, or their top, I would absolutely capitalize so as not to offend"
I dislike this rule and none of my subs ever had to use such protocol with me.

In french it even goes further, subs have to be formal and extremely polite, extending submissivemess to other doms. I always forbade my sib to treat other so called "masters" as above her unless I specifically allow them to play with her, they'e equal as far as I'm concerned and the D/s relationship is strictly between us.

Edit

I can't remember where I found the statistic, but I read that the most prevalent group was male subs, followed by female sub, male dom, and femdom.

I'm positive there are more so called "male doms" than real fem subs in the scene, at least in Québec city. It's as if most male doms are just trying to find an easy girl to bang (thus completely disregarding the real meaning of a D/s relationship)
 
Fularu said:
I'm positive there are more so called "male doms" than real fem subs in the scene, at least in Québec city. It's as if most male doms are just trying to find an easy girl to bang (thus completely disregarding the real meaning of a D/s relationship)
Based on my (admittedly very very limited exposure) to people with BDSM interests (a certain segment of high-schoolers and young college students) I'd agree with that sentiment. That or they're hopeless romantics filled with urges to be "dark".

I wouldn't say I'm into BDSM, but I do find aspects of it interesting. The sexual aspects don't intrigue me that much, but I'm fascinated by anything to do with power dynamics and trust and leadership. In general I have a fascination with subcultures though, this is just one of many.
 
Fularu, what would be proper? Standard formal politeness? As a side note, what is the correct terminology in French? I have been consigned to learning the language, but at the end of a crop... It's slow painful going. :-P
 
Darias said:
No, you don't sound crass at all. I think what I was trying to describe was that outwardly, especially in public or while entertaining company, it would not at all be obvious to people that we are involved in the lifestyle. We have disagreements as any couple does. However, in your example if we were disagreeing about where to go out to dinner, her raising her eyebrow would comes across to me as clearly as if she were to say "I am your Mistress and you're not paying nearly enough attention to the way you wish to behave. "
From the outside looking in that sounds abusive, even knowing that you're a willing participant. I guess I can understand it but it seems much more extreme to me than D/S play in the bedroom.
 
MMmmmm shit's hot yo. I still have this contraption set up under my bed

ReIL0.jpg


It's not as extreme as some stuff can get, but it's makes a for a nice time :)
 
From the outside looking in that sounds abusive, even knowing that you're a willing participant. I guess I can understand it but it seems much more extreme to me than D/S play in the bedroom.

the funny thing is, I can't even imagine these behaviors as abusive; for they seem to very natural to me. I think something I'd like the least of all would be to lose her attention. : )
 
^^ I think I'd be afraid of the rings breaking... Had that happen once and tore a beautiful set of silk sheets. :(
 
Don't have one.

I am hers to do with what she will. I trust her completely. She actually knows my body, my limits, and what I can tolerate better than I do.
 
Darias said:
^^ I think I'd be afraid of the rings breaking... Had that happen once and tore a beautiful set of silk sheets. :(

Nah, this has gone through about 2 years of use now and it holds up well. Unless you're doing something incredibly crazy or physical the chances of it breaking are slim.
 
Darias said:
Don't have one.

I am hers to do with what she will. I trust her completely. She actually knows my body, my limits, and what I can tolerate better than I do.

Darias said:
the funny thing is, I can't even imagine these behaviors as abusive; for they seem to very natural to me. I think something I'd like the least of all would be to lose her attention. : )
If you were talking about this relationship anywhere but this thread it would come off as extremely abusive, that's what freaks me out. What you're saying comes across as "She can do anything she wants so long as she loves me." That's not healthy.
 
wenis said:
MMmmmm shit's hot yo. I still have this contraption set up under my bed

http://i.imgur.com/ReIL0.jpg[/IMG

It's not as extreme as some stuff can get, but it's makes a for a nice time :)[/QUOTE]

Hey, it works. I know :)
 
I'm absolutely definitely positively a Dom. There's nothing better than taking a naughty, bratty, arrogant, mouthy, disobedient, rude, obnoxious guy and breaking their will.

Although, to be honest I can enjoy breaking a lot of people's wills. For example, I was talking to a certain particular gaffer and I ended up having a friend of theirs spanked by their husband. Strange how that works out sometimes, huh?
 
wenis said:
Nah, this has gone through about 2 years of use now and it holds up well. Unless you're doing something incredibly crazy or physical the chances of it breaking are slim.

How much was it?
 
Door2Dawn said:
What are you guys safety words?

Mine is banana.
Ours has always been "Pause". We stop for a while and resume or discuss why she felt the need to use it in the first place.

Safe words are essential when both are learning new... entertaining activities.

Darias said:
Fularu, what would be proper? Standard formal politeness? As a side note, what is the correct terminology in French? I have been consigned to learning the language, but at the end of a crop... It's slow painful going. :-P

It would be infinitely easier to explain it in french, since I'm at work, I can't exactly look up some definitions now, I'll try to come back and give you a few examples later on.
 
There are some really cool people in the BDSM community. I'm not sure if GAF is mature enough to handle it though.

fetlife.com is a really good community/resource btw. Everyone should check it out. Even if you're not into the scene.
 
wenis said:
MMmmmm shit's hot yo. I still have this contraption set up under my bed


It's not as extreme as some stuff can get, but it's makes a for a nice time :)
LOL for some reason I thought this strapped you face up UNDER THE BED at first.

I was like "uhh.. so I guess thats coo.."
 
This thread will be very interesting. Will probably be filled with people asking lots of questions and people not understanding how a relationship works.

The main thing a dom/sub relationship is built on is trust. Even in relationships where bdsm only plays a small role the biggest factor is trust.

You might see a relationship where someone controls the majority of situations as abusive, but as long as everyone is happy in the situation it isn't abuse at all. Abuse usually comes from being forced to do something you do not want to do. Subs may act like they don't want something but in reality they do. That is part of the trust factor and knowing each other. You know the boundaries of each other and accept those. That is what safe words are for. As a last resort on case things get too out of hand.

I have came out of a session where my back is completely torn apart from whips and crops. I have also been on the giving end. If someone who did not know what happened would have seen my back they would have thought that I was attacked. But I actually enjoyed every bit of it.

I'm what you would call a switch. I can play either role of dom or sub. It just depends on the situation. I have a suspension rig set up in our bedroom. For those that don't know, a suspension rig is a series of ropes anchored into the ceiling in which a person is tied into.

If anyone has any questions I'm sure everyone who has any knowledge will be willing to help out. Myself included.

Also, I knew you would make an appearance in this thread wenis.
 
I always thought it was taboo to talk about, but I sure as hell know there's alot of people who do this kind of shit. I've talked to a lady friend about it and she thinks it's not as popular as I think it is.
 
Wario64 said:
I always thought it was taboo to talk about, but I sure as hell know there's alot of people who do this kind of shit. I've talked to a lady friend about it and she thinks it's not as popular as I think it is.
Its not popular in the sense of it being mainstream. Most people turn their head in embarassment when it is brought up in social situations. But as far as more people being involved with it, that is definitely true.
 
JambiBum said:
This thread will be very interesting. Will probably be filled with people asking lots of questions and people not understanding how a relationship works.

The main thing a dom/sub relationship is built on is trust. Even in relationships where bdsm only plays a small role the biggest factor is trust.

You might see a relationship where someone controls the majority of situations as abusive, but as long as everyone is happy in the situation it isn't abuse at all. Abuse usually comes from being forced to do something you do not want to do. Subs may act like they don't want something but in reality they do. That is part of the trust factor and knowing each other. You know the boundaries of each other and accept those. That is what safe words are for. As a last resort on case things get too out of hand.

I have came out of a session where my back is completely torn apart from whips and crops. I have also been on the giving end. If someone who did not know what happened would have seen my back they would have thought that I was attacked. But I actually enjoyed every bit of it.

I'm what you would call a switch. I can play either role of dom or sub. It just depends on the situation. I have a suspension rig set up in our bedroom. For those that don't know, a suspension rig is a series of ropes anchored into the ceiling in which a person is tied into.

If anyone has any questions I'm sure everyone who has any knowledge will be willing to help out. Myself included.

Also, I knew you would make an appearance in this thread wenis.

Good post. The thing that has always fascinated me about subs is the sort of backwards mindset you really have to take when dealing with them. I mean, ok, for example, as you said if someone had seen your back they would have thought you were attacked - but you enjoyed it. In another case of backwards logic "sub" is somewhat of a misnomer.

In my experience subs often can take a lot of "control" in terms of attitude, essentially "asking" to be punished, almost begging for it indirectly. When people hear the term "submissive" they generally think of the demure, quiet, shy type, but that's not what I see at all. That's what they usually BECOME after you start disciplining them but usually a sub is active, talkative, bright, happy... and bratty, almost childish, or taking on the mannerisms of a rebellious teen.

Also it seems that if you're with a sub and you start getting them used to a routine of discipline if you DON'T punish them rather than being grateful for the respite they start acting out in ways to push the Dom's buttons not even necessarily on a a conscious level, but because they need that sense that they're not in control, that they're being taken in hand as it were.

To an outsider it must be very bizarre but ultimately it's the same as any type of relationship, you're trying to meet the person you're with's needs and desires as much as your own. It just happens they need to be subjected to discipline of various sorts.
 
Excellent posts! I'm also hoping this thread goes places - definitely one of my favorite topics.

I'd also be willing to answer any questions people have. Though I am mostly a sub, I do switch from time to time.

Probably only a matter of time before my better half appears, as well. Hehe.
 
Gaborn said:
Good post. The thing that has always fascinated me about subs is the sort of backwards mindset you really have to take when dealing with them. I mean, ok, for example, as you said if someone had seen your back they would have thought you were attacked - but you enjoyed it. In another case of backwards logic "sub" is somewhat of a misnomer.

In my experience subs often can take a lot of "control" in terms of attitude, essentially "asking" to be punished, almost begging for it indirectly. When people hear the term "submissive" they generally think of the demure, quiet, shy type, but that's not what I see at all. That's what they usually BECOME after you start disciplining them but usually a sub is active, talkative, bright, happy... and bratty, almost childish, or taking on the mannerisms of a rebellious teen.

Also it seems that if you're with a sub and you start getting them used to a routine of discipline if you DON'T punish them rather than being grateful for the respite they start acting out in ways to push the Dom's buttons not even necessarily on a a conscious level, but because they need that sense that they're not in control, that they're being taken in hand as it were.

To an outsider it must be very bizarre but ultimately it's the same as any type of relationship, you're trying to meet the person you're with's needs and desires as much as your own. It just happens they need to be subjected to discipline of various sorts.
That is definitely the case in most situations. Subs have a lot more control than most people would think. A dom always has to be mindful of a subs limits. A sub is the one that says enough is enough. Not the dom. A dom is a sub's tool to get the pleasure they seek in a a way that they can't provide themselves. Doms enjoy their role just as much. Which is why the dynamic works. I like experiencing both ends of the spectrum. That is why I am a switch.
 
Gaborn said:
I'm absolutely definitely positively a Dom. There's nothing better than taking a naughty, bratty, arrogant, mouthy, disobedient, rude, obnoxious guy and breaking their will.

That's my favourite position to be in, but in the receiving position. I tend to not sub easily anyway, so being broken and "forced" to do things is great.


Gaborn said:
In my experience subs often can take a lot of "control" in terms of attitude, essentially "asking" to be punished, almost begging for it indirectly. When people hear the term "submissive" they generally think of the demure, quiet, shy type, but that's not what I see at all. That's what they usually BECOME after you start disciplining them but usually a sub is active, talkative, bright, happy... and bratty, almost childish, or taking on the mannerisms of a rebellious teen.
ts.


Exactly, I was having this conversation recently. A domme friend of mine was saying she expected this, that and the other automatically, basically deciding on a set of rules and trying to force people in to them. A BDSM relationship is ultimately like any other though, each couple has their own dynamics and what worked with someone in the past isn't necessarily going to be what works in the present with a new partner. It's why I brought up the term power exchange, although the Domme is in charge, they only have as much power as the sub gives them willingly. It's a wonderful dynamic, so much about trust and passion.
 
Gaborn said:
In my experience subs often can take a lot of "control" in terms of attitude, essentially "asking" to be punished, almost begging for it indirectly. When people hear the term "submissive" they generally think of the demure, quiet, shy type, but that's not what I see at all. That's what they usually BECOME after you start disciplining them but usually a sub is active, talkative, bright, happy... and bratty, almost childish, or taking on the mannerisms of a rebellious teen.

This is definitely true. What nags me is the fact that people associate subs with "will do anything and easy to bang" when most of the time, they'll be the hardest women to seduce.
 
Captain_Spanky said:
That's my favourite position to be in, but in the receiving position. I tend to not sub easily anyway, so being broken and "forced" to do things is great.





Exactly, I was having this conversation recently. A domme friend of mine was saying she expected this, that and the other automatically, basically deciding on a set of rules and trying to force people in to them. A BDSM relationship is ultimately like any other though, each couple has their own dynamics and what worked with someone in the past isn't necessarily going to be what works in the present with a new partner. It's why I brought up the term power exchange, although the Domme is in charge, they only have as much power as the sub gives them willingly. It's a wonderful dynamic, so much about trust and passion.

Absolutely, so many people see the "apparent" imbalance and they just completely misjudge everything. It's so easy to misunderstand and make assumptions about subs vs doms and, for example comparing it to domestic abuse or to an overly controlling manipulative ass. That can certainly be a danger for some submissives but a good dom knows how to keep their submissive in line (and in new and inventive ways that push the sub's boundaries and keeps things interesting for both of them) while ALSO making sure that the sub is happy with where the relationship is going. Ultimately everything revolves around what is "best" for the sub from the dom's perspective while the sub is also trying to appeal to the Dom's interests and both are setting (and resetting) their own limits.

Really the biggest problem in a sub/dom relationship is sometimes the Dom isn't being varied and inventive enough, or isn't making darn sure the sub is fully and completely blissfully satisfied with being utterly and totally "forced" to submit to the Dom's authority. Some subs take a while to break, and some subs need their "status" almost constantly reinforced, and to be dealt with differently. Some subs respond to pain, some to embarrassment, some to both.
 
A common misconception of this lifestyle is that a submissive is property, merely broken to the will of the top. While some relationships function like that, it is definitely not the case in ours, and many others. Many will argue that the submissive holds the "power" in a relationship, because a dominant will not and should not cross the lines of what the sub absolutely does not want and will not be able to handle. Every person being brings strengths and weaknesses to any relationship that they enter, BDSM is no different.
 
AniDub_Panty__Stocking_with_Garterbelt_01_RUS_JAP_1280x720_h264_Ancordmp4_snapshot_0922_20101007_012706.jpg


If someone has that screenshot of him from the certain episode, the he deserves to go in the OP. It was the first thing I thought of when I clicked this thread.
 
Captain_Spanky said:
This is probably the only thread I'll ever make. I'm sorry!
Lol, don't take it personally. Im just pissed cos I even started planning out a massive OP for it and everything. Was gonna be my first thread.

JambiBum said:
So contribute :)
Maybe later.
I need to sleep on it so I can calm down, heh.

Edit: It's such bullshit that it's illegal here. Fucking country.
 
A bit of pain helps to regulate my sensors/attention/focus otherwise after a while I drift away in my mind really hard while being with a girl...which is not good...erection wise:P. I might have ADD.
 
Lia said:
A common misconception of this lifestyle is that a submissive is property, merely broken to the will of the top. While some relationships function like that, it is definitely not the case in ours, and many others. Many will argue that the submissive holds the "power" in a relationship, because a dominant will not and should not cross the lines of what the sub absolutely does not want and will not be able to handle. Every person being brings strengths and weaknesses to any relationship that they enter, BDSM is no different.

Yeah, and just to be clear when I'm talking about "breaking" a submissive what I mean is... as Captain_Spanky said as a sub he doesn't "want" to be submissive - but he is. So he "allows" himself to be broken, or pushed to the point where he submits rather than continue being disciplined.

I'm not, for example, talking about taking a guy who isn't into being a submissive and beating the crap out of them, or about forcing someone to do something they don't want to do... but sometimes some subs go through some mental gymnastics where they want to do something... but they want to be "forced" to do it because they enjoy the feeling of being "made" to do what they really want to do even as they act like they don't really want to do it while they're being punished for not doing what they want to do.

I mean, everyone and every relationship is different but on average I've found almost a sharp cognitive dissonance between what a sub wants and what a sub says. Sometimes especially early in a relationship it can be hard to read a sub accurately for that reason but that's why communication is so important in dom/sub relationships.
 
I'm afraid of what to admit to in here :lol
As a sub I have a pretty wild imagination of what I'd wanna have done to me, I just need to find the right man
 
BlazingDarkness said:
I like it rough, and being pushed around and stuff ;)
Shame most guys I attract seem to be bottoms/sub as well :/
double ended dildo machine. get a self assembled harness where you don't need anyone to help you up.
 
DMPrince said:
double ended dildo machine. get a self assembled harness where you don't need anyone to help you up.

Ah what a lovely mental image.

It is amazing this thread isn't more popular though. Dammit gaf, we can have 20 page threads about incest but we can't talk about BDSM? I know SOME of you like to burn/get burned by, spank/get spanked by, whip/get whipped by (all forms assumed from here on) soap the mouth of, have stand in the corner, dildo, use hot wax on, put in a french maid's uniform, etc people.
 
I've had it in the bum before. It was interesting.

I don't think I'd do it again, thankfully my ex girlfriend was small and weak.
 
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