The BDSM Thread
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RadioHeadAche
Member
I watched a documentary on this sort of thing a while ago and found it to be rather fascinating. Though I've never had any experience myself due to being a virgin, I'd say that I probably would be the dominant one.
Reading this reply with your professor avatar in his voice makes me smile.
Jenga said:
Reading this reply with your professor avatar in his voice makes me smile.
I figured there was a difference between tendencies and between being a full blow masochist.LCGeek said:
I just needed to hear someone else say it, because everyone else thinks i'm a straight up masochist, and I figured what you said was more along the correct lines of things.
Anticitizen One
Banned
This thread reminds me of that episode of Arrested Development where that guy became a leather daddy
Smiles and Cries
Member
shit... forget the Kink and Sex for a minute, I often wondered if I would be happy with a submissive woman in 24/7 D/s relationship. I've been thinking of this for many years now.
After all the relationships I've had playing the role of equal partner to strong-minded 'modern' women, whom I've had to fight just to get a word in for my own standing to keep up the 'equal' thing.
I've found I don't like to be controlled, I don't like to be pushed around or bullied by anyone. But that is really all I've seen from my relationships = the volatile drama of two people fighting for control and dominance. So after all the warlike relationships I've had I wonder if it would be much more peaceful to be in relationship where the structure was laid out ahead of time where each person had a role, rules, and understanding. Relationships on a very solid framework ahead of time is fascinating to me.
Still I have to question my own mind right now, do I really want a submissive or a slave? There is a huge difference. And society does not support a male having either one them these days. Sub-cultures are not easy to understand its not easy to learn of something where things are a little bit different from person to person and city to city.
In truth this world seems too far out of my everyday reality no matter how I feel it is not as easy as changing your religion and joining a group of like-minded people and learning your role in that life, or is it?
After all the relationships I've had playing the role of equal partner to strong-minded 'modern' women, whom I've had to fight just to get a word in for my own standing to keep up the 'equal' thing.
I've found I don't like to be controlled, I don't like to be pushed around or bullied by anyone. But that is really all I've seen from my relationships = the volatile drama of two people fighting for control and dominance. So after all the warlike relationships I've had I wonder if it would be much more peaceful to be in relationship where the structure was laid out ahead of time where each person had a role, rules, and understanding. Relationships on a very solid framework ahead of time is fascinating to me.
Still I have to question my own mind right now, do I really want a submissive or a slave? There is a huge difference. And society does not support a male having either one them these days. Sub-cultures are not easy to understand its not easy to learn of something where things are a little bit different from person to person and city to city.
In truth this world seems too far out of my everyday reality no matter how I feel it is not as easy as changing your religion and joining a group of like-minded people and learning your role in that life, or is it?
sublime085 said:
Actually, this could be an actual helpful discussion for this thread... I joined fetlife a few weeks ago (again, under a different username...), but I'm having trouble wrapping my head around the place. I'm trying to use it to find like-minded girls in my area, but it doesn't really seem to be a dating site... What would you recommend to get the most out of the place?
BaronLundi
Member
Now this is an interesting thread.
Are you guys sticking to an exclusive role, or does it happen that you switch position from Dom to Sub whether with a single or different partners ?
While I'm not into heavy stuff and don't find bondage, discipline or pain appealing at all I could be equally drawn to a domination or submissive stance. I've always find odd, for example, that most (heterosexual) men seem to treat their partner as a sexual object but wouldn't contemplate being one for them.
Oh, and this thread reminds me of the old joke :
Masochist : Hurt me ! Make me feel pain !
Sadist : NO !
Masochist : Thank you
Are you guys sticking to an exclusive role, or does it happen that you switch position from Dom to Sub whether with a single or different partners ?
While I'm not into heavy stuff and don't find bondage, discipline or pain appealing at all I could be equally drawn to a domination or submissive stance. I've always find odd, for example, that most (heterosexual) men seem to treat their partner as a sexual object but wouldn't contemplate being one for them.
Oh, and this thread reminds me of the old joke :
Masochist : Hurt me ! Make me feel pain !
Sadist : NO !
Masochist : Thank you
There's a documentary i watched about one of the more extreme websites that eventually got shut down by the CIA (they pressured the CC companies to not deal with them). The guy would use only numbers for the girls not names, there was all sorts of electrocution and drowning, locking them in boxes etc. He paid them quite a lot and then started to get them to do off camera stuff and blackmailed them into doing it or not being called back. It was pretty interesting, it shows some of the footage and interviews some of the girls but i can't remember what it was called.
I'm pretty dom as I get older. I've been trying to roll that shit out on the wife nice and slow because she didn't sign up for it. I'm definitely interested in doing some name calling, and roughish stuff that I don't think she's ready for. She's pretty game, but I don't want to freak her out.
Bondage doesn't interest me at all though.
SOMETIMES, I can appreciate a peg. I'm not sure what that says in conjunction with the rest.
Anyway, now you guys know me better.
Bondage doesn't interest me at all though.
SOMETIMES, I can appreciate a peg. I'm not sure what that says in conjunction with the rest.
Anyway, now you guys know me better.
Captain_Spanky
Member
I'm very, very submissive, but I'll freely admit to getting off on teasing, torment and making women beg.
I've been curious about the whole BDSM scene and lifestyle recently, mainly because I'm still naive and can't comprehend how bondage or masochism could ever be sexy or even just pleasurable. Since being a kid I've had problems with my pain threshold and grew up to ignore pain or at least to pretend I can. So I don't think I could ever harm a partner like with whips or scratching and stuff.
Again I can see the appeal of certain dress...but the chains and domination are just completely alien to me.
Again I can see the appeal of certain dress...but the chains and domination are just completely alien to me.
Captain_Spanky
Member
Thnikkaman said:
Let it not be said that pain doesn't hurt. It does. What the appeal is can be looked at in many ways. Firstly it's the plain submission, of allowing someone to hurt you as a sign of respect, or because you've displeased them and deserve the punishment. The psychological bond and thrill of that is great.
Secondly you have the endorphin high and eventually subspace. If you slowly build up the intensity of the pain the brain releases hormones to cope with it in ever increasing levels, eventually causing a natural, but very addictive high. The feeling is akin to flying in a dream, of complete contentment and disconnect, the Domme needs to be careful as the sub is very vulnerable in this position so needs proper aftercare for the comedown.
ThoseDeafMutes
Member
I was helping to clear out my sister's room last year and I found handcuffs in one of the drawers. Awkward.
Darias
Member
As is frequent with this lifestyle in general, there is a lot more going on than appears at first observation. There's a change that happens in the mind of a sub when under duress, usually referred to as subspace, or flying. It's something very difficult for me to describe, at least thoroughly. I can only speak from my own experiances as a sub here.
The sensation of pain is actually very similar to other sensations your brain receives, it is just interpreted a certain way. As a scene progresses, usually, especially a scene involving impacts such as whips, floggers, paddles, crops, hands, etc... the top will usually start gently, warming the skin, then increase the strength of their swing until they either approach the limits of their sub, or the sub flies.
I think the best way to describe the sensation of flying is similar to a runners' high, but much much more powerful. As a scene with her progresses I fall into a meditative endorphin induced high; it's a feeling unlike any other. Though I apparently am suggestable in this state, I frequently don't notice her words , and the passage of time is a bit off... Usually when I come back the scene's ended, and I'm laying against her.
I can say that this morning, with no coffee I absolutely am not doing this subject justice at all. I would like to have expressed that there is a dimension to this specific area of play far different than just abuse, discipline, sadism, and surely masochism. I generally do not process pain into pleasure; however my Mistress is absolutely a sadist... She takes pleasure from hurting me. When I fly though, it's usually at her intent... She knows how to send me off, and she's there when I get back. It's nice.
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Looks like Captain_Spanky beat me to it... no pun intended.
Captain_Spanky
Member
ThoseDeafMutes said:
Try having your dad find the clothes you sploshed in.
Darias said:Looks like Captain_Spanky beat me to it... no pun intended.
A thread to watch your figures of speech in.
Not many friends see my bedroom. I'm fine talking about it with sexual partners, but to openly talk about it to friends would be awkward I think. Then maybe who knows, they might be thinking the same about me. Not into crops, but maybe should hang some antique frat paddles up in my living room or something as a conversation starter.Darias said:
Koomaster said:Not many friends see my bedroom. I'm fine talking about it with sexual partners, but to openly talk about it to friends would be awkward I think. Then maybe who knows, they might be thinking the same about me. Not into crops, but maybe should hang some antique frat paddles up in my living room or something as a conversation starter.
Leave a pair of cufs around. I've found they're enough to get a coversation started, but easy enough to explain away as being a joke purchase or something for a costume if people aren't really into it.
Great to have a BDSM thread on here. Finally a thread I can really get into.
Inflammable Slinky
Member
I'm not much for the leather/rope/hardware store type of bondage, but I'm probably pretty extreme as far as doms go.
I was with this one girl who was into play rape. At the time, I was pretty vanilla, but that stuff was mind-blowingly hot and converted me single handedly to BDSM.
I miss her.
I was with this one girl who was into play rape. At the time, I was pretty vanilla, but that stuff was mind-blowingly hot and converted me single handedly to BDSM.
I miss her.
samus i am
Member
BDSM? What does that mean? I'll just click on this thread.....
ViralMarketingDrone
Banned
So how do you approach your girlfriend when it comes to that topic?
"Hey honey... say how would you like if I'd dress you up in a gimp-suit and beat the shit out of you?"
Or how does it work?
Do you seek out people who share your fetish in the first place or do you try to bring it up casually in some random context to not look like a complete pervert?
"Hey honey... say how would you like if I'd dress you up in a gimp-suit and beat the shit out of you?"
Or how does it work?
Do you seek out people who share your fetish in the first place or do you try to bring it up casually in some random context to not look like a complete pervert?
Inflammable Slinky
Member
ViralMarketingDrone said:
Honestly, its super easy, as a guy, to get a girl into fetishes.
Just start experimenting with the more rough stuff during sex, like hair pulling, spanking, a hand on her throat, and if she responds well, go from there!
Alternatively, ask her what she thinks about the movie Secretary lol.
Inflammable Slinky
Member
CHEEZMO said:
Well, that's true. I don't really know how sub guys go about it.
I recently had to get into this, because the wife and I recently found out that she was into this a lot more than she had ever imagined. We've been together for 4 and a half years. We got married after 4. For the first 4 years our sex life was just kind of plain and only really reached "good." Thing is she didn't think about sex and didn't care at all about it really. It frustrated her. She tried to change birth controls and stuff to see if anything changed, but it didn't. After our wedding she just decided to get off birth control, and things completely and utterly changed. As she puts it "shit got real." Her sex drive went up and she started looking at porn and kind of realized she's submissive and really loves this stuff.
Problem is that I'm pretty passive and generally just not dominant at all. Part of it is because that's just how my personality is and the other part is that I'm just not sexually experienced enough to have that kind of confidence.
It's been interesting so far. Our sex has got way better, and more often for one. I've got a bit into the rough stuff. I slap her around a bit and pull her hair and I now know how to tie a knot for this kind of thing correctly.
So, any tips from anyone on how to really get into that dominant headspace? How do I shake the feeling that I should be asking if she's in the mood? I mean she wants me to just up and grab her by the hair and command her into the bedroom, and that's just weird to me.
Problem is that I'm pretty passive and generally just not dominant at all. Part of it is because that's just how my personality is and the other part is that I'm just not sexually experienced enough to have that kind of confidence.
It's been interesting so far. Our sex has got way better, and more often for one. I've got a bit into the rough stuff. I slap her around a bit and pull her hair and I now know how to tie a knot for this kind of thing correctly.
So, any tips from anyone on how to really get into that dominant headspace? How do I shake the feeling that I should be asking if she's in the mood? I mean she wants me to just up and grab her by the hair and command her into the bedroom, and that's just weird to me.
Inflammable Slinky
Member
RDreamer said:
Well, sounds like you know about what she wants. You could try just roleplaying the dom. Like, you could go for 1950s household roleplay if that gets either of you going for it.
It might just be you aren't inclined to be dominant. What do you enjoy about the kinky sex so far?
ViralMarketingDrone
Banned
I can see this going horribly wrong though.Inflammable Slinky said:
("He was trying to kill and rape me officer! Please lock him away!")
Start off slow. Pull her hair, spank her, scratch her, things like that. Thee biggest thing is that if you find yourself not enjoying those things after a while then usually it means it just isn't for you. You can keep trying other things to find something you enjoy but if you can't find anything that you enjoy then don't try to force it. It will just ruin sex all together.RDreamer said:
Inflammable Slinky
Member
ViralMarketingDrone said:
Ummm.
Ok, repeat after me. The most important part of any BDSM relationship is clear and understanding communication.
Seriously, buddy, do you think we just decide to lay into a girl without any thought to what she wants? A dom spends a psychotic amount of time trying to figure out just how much they need to do to keep their sub satisfied.
I mean, doms are fucking obsessed with getting the details of their subs fantasies right.
EDIT: Although there are some "doms" who are basically all around assholes, and just straight up predatory to women. Generally there will be one or two hanging around a club that go for the newbie subs and basically try to force their will on them before they know they can always say no.
It's pretty disgusting, but those types tend to be ostracized right quickly.
Darias
Member
At first glance, it's easy to assume that the Sub has the hard part of the scene. I mean, all a dom has to do is tie and swing, right? The sub has to take it all. However, Inflammable Slinky couldn't be more correct. The juggling act that she maintains just following a scene that she wants is mindblowing. I can only speak to my observation... but there's a good chance she will chime in when she gets up, if she gafs this morning...
Sure, I'm the one that's sore this morning, and all I had to do was stand, bound, and try to keep my composure. She, on the other hand, has the responsibility for everything that occurs; both her actions and mine.
First and easily foremost are the physical safety concerns she has to be constantly aware of. Where is he standing? How is he standing? How is his balance at this moment? What muscles are getting fatigued? How is he bound, and what stresses does that impart? What joints are vulnerable? Are the ropes constricting bloodflow anywhere? What if he loses his balance, and where am I standing to support him? Am I prepared to undo the binds, or cut the ropes if there is an immediate safety concern?
Next comes the mental safety: What is his mindset? How is he reacting? How much more can he physically endure before his body gives in to the sensation? How much more can he take before his mind and self control start to crack? Is he flying, or in subspace? Can I trust his feedback at this particular point? Is he enjoying himself? Does he need water or a break?
Lastly, she's definitely concerned with the scene itself: How is this progressing? Is this the plan I envisioned? Am I enjoying this? Have I made the latticework pattern of bruises across his thighs and back that I wanted? What shall I do next? How long should I take this? Where did I put that damn paddle I forgot to hit him with?
And I'm not even going to attempt to portray the obsession on aesthetics that I know she has regarding how the scene looks as it progresses... let's just say she's particular.
Not only that, but once the scene is over, the sub usually needs aftercare; especially if it's a heavy scene. I had the weirdest sensation in the middle of a scene where I was really enjoying the sensations, and was as thrilled and excited and happy as you can imagine, but at the same time felt like I was about to unexplainably burst into tears. It was delightful, but confusing. By the end of the scene I was vulnerable, as any sub would be. Sore, tired, trembling with adrenaline and endorphins... but also wide awake, extremely content, and desperate for her approval that I met her expectations.
With any luck she will look into this thread this morning, and correct wherever I may be wrong.
Heh... I remember thinking of this thread last night, still trembling, and thinking to myself "If Dave Inc. could feel like I do right now, he'd never think it was abusive anymore!" : )
Darias
Member
Haven't bought a wand yet... Have all the rest. Mistress' flogger she used last night is actually made entirely out of a length of rope; both the woven handle and the trails. It's a work of art! The sewing pinwheel can usually be replaced well with barbecue bamboo skewers... gives greater control and variation. : )
Inflammable Slinky said:
Well, I mean I KNOW I'm not inclined to be dominant. I mean to me the hottest thing in the world is the girl coming up to me saying she wants me now. That kind of stuff. I like the girl to be more dominant (not slapping me around or in a BDSM sort of way), but more in an "I really can't control myself because I want you so much" sort of way.
That said, there is a bit of fun in it. I mean I like just demanding things and having them happen. It may not be my ideal, but it's nice to have that power sometimes. It's just hard trying to switch my mind to be more violent. I'm not really a violent person unless I'm angry. I guess I could see myself really being able to go wild with this stuff if the girl was a total brat that pissed me off once in a while. I've met people like that. The problem for me so far I suppose is that there's really no issues between us. We never argue about anything. I have nothing to really ever be angry at her over. So I have no inspiration to draw upon.
But anyway, each time we go at it like this she's said I've got better, so I'm getting there. It's just taking time. I mean we went through 4 years of normal stuff, and I couldn't even really get a blowjob because she absolutely hated doing it because she was degraded by one of her previous boyfriends doing it. Now I'm just supposed to demand it. It's strange. It's much better than before, but strange.
Inflammable Slinky
Member
RDreamer said:
Not all dominance is violent, you know. Hell, it doesn't even have to be explicitly sexual. What things annoy her? Any chores she hates? Order her to do that. Make her exercise for a certain amount of time each day (for fun, you can have her run on the treadmill and swat her with something if she starts to slow down). Just try to focus on making her servile for a while.
Another thing, how does she respond to orgasm denial? You could try to just restrict when she can engage in sexuality, ie she has to earn the right to have sex.
Count Dookkake
Member
I've had a few such experiences. Not usually my thing, but if a chick is into it, it's cool.
Had this one girlfriend who would do things to aggravate me, so that I would have to "punish" her. One day she asks me what my favorite movie was and if we could watch it. I answered Robocop and put it in the player. Immedately, she starts talking over the film and mocking it. I told her to pipe down and pay attention. She quiets for a bit, then starts up again, calling the movie "stupid" and saying that I had bad taste. She gets up and starts blocking the TV.
At that point, I slapped her, grabbed her by the hair, busted out the cuffs, secured her to the futon and proceeded to FHUTA, all the while she was saying, "I'm sorry, Daddy. I won't be bad,' and stuff like that.
It was pretty awesome. She was a lot of fun, but it only lasted a summer, as she had to go back to school. For added lulz, she mostly identified as a lesbian; being a Smith student it was almost a prerequisite. Met her through some gay friends at a "girl night" at a local gay bar.
Had this one girlfriend who would do things to aggravate me, so that I would have to "punish" her. One day she asks me what my favorite movie was and if we could watch it. I answered Robocop and put it in the player. Immedately, she starts talking over the film and mocking it. I told her to pipe down and pay attention. She quiets for a bit, then starts up again, calling the movie "stupid" and saying that I had bad taste. She gets up and starts blocking the TV.
At that point, I slapped her, grabbed her by the hair, busted out the cuffs, secured her to the futon and proceeded to FHUTA, all the while she was saying, "I'm sorry, Daddy. I won't be bad,' and stuff like that.
It was pretty awesome. She was a lot of fun, but it only lasted a summer, as she had to go back to school. For added lulz, she mostly identified as a lesbian; being a Smith student it was almost a prerequisite. Met her through some gay friends at a "girl night" at a local gay bar.
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