shidoshi said:Is it weird that I'd feel WAAAY more nervous talking about things publicly in a thread like this than I would the TransGAF thread? *laughs*
Me too. Heh. All I will say for now is that I approve of this thread. ;-)
shidoshi said:Is it weird that I'd feel WAAAY more nervous talking about things publicly in a thread like this than I would the TransGAF thread? *laughs*
Jenga said:we know
Thoraxes said:Does it make me a masochist if I like being bitten, scratched, kicked, and punched while getting intimate?
I mean, I don't like to think I am, but the signs are staring me in the face pretty obviously.
I figured there was a difference between tendencies and between being a full blow masochist.LCGeek said:Tedency yes but a slut for it no.
I'd touch this thread considering my experience as a switch but I've learned from tg gaf only say necessary things.
sublime085 said:There are some really cool people in the BDSM community. I'm not sure if GAF is mature enough to handle it though.
fetlife.com is a really good community/resource btw. Everyone should check it out. Even if you're not into the scene.
Smiles and Cries said:shit... forget the Kink and Sex for a minute, I often wondered if I would be happy with a submissive woman in 24/7 D/s relationship. I've been thinking of this for many years now.
After all the relationships I've had playing the role of equal partner to strong-minded 'modern' women, whom I've had to fight just to get a word in for my own standing to keep up the 'equal' thing.
I've found I don't like to be controlled, I don't like to be pushed around or bullied by anyone. But that is really all I've seen from my relationships = the volatile drama of two people fighting for control and dominance. So after all the warlike relationships I've had I wonder if it would be much more peaceful to be in relationship where the structure was laid out ahead of time where each person had a role, rules, and understanding. Relationships on a very solid framework ahead of time is fascinating to me.
Still I have to question my own mind right now, do I really want a submissive or a slave? There is a huge difference. And society does not support a male having either one them these days. Sub-cultures are not easy to understand its not easy to learn of something where things are a little bit different from person to person and city to city.
In truth this world seems too far out of my everyday reality no matter how I feel it is not as easy as changing your religion and joining a group of like-minded people and learning your role in that life, or is it?
Anticitizen One said:This thread reminds me of that episode of Arrested Development where that guy became a leather daddy
BaronLundi said:Now this is an interesting thread.
Are you guys sticking to an exclusive role, or does it happen that you switch position from Dom to Sub whether with a single or different partners ?
While I'm not into heavy stuff and don't find bondage, discipline or pain appealing at all I could be equally drawn to a domination or submissive stance. I've always find odd, for example, that most (heterosexual) men seem to treat their partner as a sexual object but wouldn't contemplate being one for them.
Oh, and this thread reminds me of the old joke :
Masochist : Hurt me ! Make me feel pain !
Sadist : NO !
Masochist : Thank you
Thnikkaman said:I've been curious about the whole BDSM scene and lifestyle recently, mainly because I'm still naive and can't comprehend how bondage or masochism could ever be sexy or even just pleasurable. Since being a kid I've had problems with my pain threshold and grew up to ignore pain or at least to pretend I can. So I don't think I could ever harm a partner like with whips or scratching and stuff.
I've been curious about the whole BDSM scene and lifestyle recently, mainly because I'm still naive and can't comprehend how bondage or masochism could ever be sexy or even just pleasurable. Since being a kid I've had problems with my pain threshold and grew up to ignore pain or at least to pretend I can. So I don't think I could ever harm a partner like with whips or scratching and stuff.
ThoseDeafMutes said:I was helping to clear out my sister's room last year and I found handcuffs in one of the drawers. Awkward.
Darias said:Looks like Captain_Spanky beat me to it... no pun intended.![]()
Not many friends see my bedroom. I'm fine talking about it with sexual partners, but to openly talk about it to friends would be awkward I think. Then maybe who knows, they might be thinking the same about me. Not into crops, but maybe should hang some antique frat paddles up in my living room or something as a conversation starter.Darias said:Hang a crop on your bedroom wall... That seems to be... subtle enough...
Then again, I am with someone who identifies to being as subtle as a natural disaster.
Koomaster said:Not many friends see my bedroom. I'm fine talking about it with sexual partners, but to openly talk about it to friends would be awkward I think. Then maybe who knows, they might be thinking the same about me. Not into crops, but maybe should hang some antique frat paddles up in my living room or something as a conversation starter.![]()
You're missing out, man!G-Fex said:As much as I like seeing it sometimes in music videos. I don't like it really and will probably never watch a porno of it or anything
CHEEZMO said:You're missing out, man!
Want some links? lolG-Fex said:I know probably.
CHEEZMO said:Want some links? lol
Aww. I had some lined up and everything.G-Fex said:Nah it's ok.
ViralMarketingDrone said:So how do you approach your girlfriend when it comes to that topic?
"Hey honey... say how would you like if I'd dress you up in a gimp-suit and beat the shit out of you?"
Do you seek out people who share your fetish in the first place or do you try to bring it up casually in some random context to not look like a complete pervert?
This is all presuming she is a sub & masochist.Inflammable Slinky said:Honestly, its super easy, as a guy, to get a girl into fetishes.
Just start experimenting with the more rough stuff during sex, like hair pulling, spanking, a hand on her throat, and if she responds well, go from there!
Alternatively, ask her what she thinks about the movie Secretary lol.
CHEEZMO said:This is all presuming she is a sub & masochist.
Inflammable Slinky said:Alternatively, ask her what she thinks about the movie Secretary lol.
Inflammable Slinky said:Honestly, its super easy, as a guy, to get a girl into fetishes.
Just start experimenting with the more rough stuff during sex, like hair pulling, spanking, a hand on her throat, and if she responds well, go from there!
RDreamer said:I recently had to get into this, because the wife and I recently found out that she was into this a lot more than she had ever imagined. We've been together for 4 and a half years. We got married after 4. For the first 4 years our sex life was just kind of plain and only really reached "good." Thing is she didn't think about sex and didn't care at all about it really. It frustrated her. She tried to change birth controls and stuff to see if anything changed, but it didn't. After our wedding she just decided to get off birth control, and things completely and utterly changed. As she puts it "shit got real." Her sex drive went up and she started looking at porn and kind of realized she's submissive and really loves this stuff.
Problem is that I'm pretty passive and generally just not dominant at all. Part of it is because that's just how my personality is and the other part is that I'm just not sexually experienced enough to have that kind of confidence.
It's been interesting so far. Our sex has got way better, and more often for one. I've got a bit into the rough stuff. I slap her around a bit and pull her hair and I now know how to tie a knot for this kind of thing correctly.
So, any tips from anyone on how to really get into that dominant headspace? How do I shake the feeling that I should be asking if she's in the mood? I mean she wants me to just up and grab her by the hair and command her into the bedroom, and that's just weird to me.
I can see this going horribly wrong though.Inflammable Slinky said:Honestly, its super easy, as a guy, to get a girl into fetishes.
Just start experimenting with the more rough stuff during sex, like hair pulling, spanking, a hand on her throat, and if she responds well, go from there!
Start off slow. Pull her hair, spank her, scratch her, things like that. Thee biggest thing is that if you find yourself not enjoying those things after a while then usually it means it just isn't for you. You can keep trying other things to find something you enjoy but if you can't find anything that you enjoy then don't try to force it. It will just ruin sex all together.RDreamer said:I recently had to get into this, because the wife and I recently found out that she was into this a lot more than she had ever imagined. We've been together for 4 and a half years. We got married after 4. For the first 4 years our sex life was just kind of plain and only really reached "good." Thing is she didn't think about sex and didn't care at all about it really. It frustrated her. She tried to change birth controls and stuff to see if anything changed, but it didn't. After our wedding she just decided to get off birth control, and things completely and utterly changed. As she puts it "shit got real." Her sex drive went up and she started looking at porn and kind of realized she's submissive and really loves this stuff.
Problem is that I'm pretty passive and generally just not dominant at all. Part of it is because that's just how my personality is and the other part is that I'm just not sexually experienced enough to have that kind of confidence.
It's been interesting so far. Our sex has got way better, and more often for one. I've got a bit into the rough stuff. I slap her around a bit and pull her hair and I now know how to tie a knot for this kind of thing correctly.
So, any tips from anyone on how to really get into that dominant headspace? How do I shake the feeling that I should be asking if she's in the mood? I mean she wants me to just up and grab her by the hair and command her into the bedroom, and that's just weird to me.
ViralMarketingDrone said:I can see this going horribly wrong though.
("He was trying to kill and rape me officer! Please lock him away!")
Seriously, buddy, do you think we just decide to lay into a girl without any thought to what she wants? A dom spends a psychotic amount of time trying to figure out just how much they need to do to keep their sub satisfied.
I mean, doms are fucking obsessed with getting the details of their subs fantasies right.
What about the toys? Anyone use stuff like floggers, washpins, violent wands,pinwheels, etc?
Inflammable Slinky said:Well, sounds like you know about what she wants. You could try just roleplaying the dom. Like, you could go for 1950s household roleplay if that gets either of you going for it.
It might just be you aren't inclined to be dominant. What do you enjoy about the kinky sex so far?
RDreamer said:Well, I mean I KNOW I'm not inclined to be dominant. I mean to me the hottest thing in the world is the girl coming up to me saying she wants me now. That kind of stuff. I like the girl to be more dominant (not slapping me around or in a BDSM sort of way), but more in an "I really can't control myself because I want you so much" sort of way.
That said, there is a bit of fun in it. I mean I like just demanding things and having them happen. It may not be my ideal, but it's nice to have that power sometimes. It's just hard trying to switch my mind to be more violent. I'm not really a violent person unless I'm angry. I guess I could see myself really being able to go wild with this stuff if the girl was a total brat that pissed me off once in a while. I've met people like that. The problem for me so far I suppose is that there's really no issues between us. We never argue about anything. I have nothing to really ever be angry at her over. So I have no inspiration to draw upon.
But anyway, each time we go at it like this she's said I've got better, so I'm getting there. It's just taking time. I mean we went through 4 years of normal stuff, and I couldn't even really get a blowjob because she absolutely hated doing it because she was degraded by one of her previous boyfriends doing it. Now I'm just supposed to demand it. It's strange. It's much better than before, but strange.