vas_a_morir
Banned
Totally glossed over most of this stuff since I'm not into sentence correction but I saw this in your last post and instantly knew what you had done without even reading it. I know it's easy to think you can translate something you say in English to Japanese by using the equivalents, but something like "on the other hand" doesn't work like the way you wanted to use it in Japanese. I think that's a major, major mistake a lot of people have when learning this language. There is a lot of shit that is not 1 = 1 but often 1 = 1.52325 or even something further off. Simply put, it doesn't sound natural going word by word from one language to the other. This isn't a criticism, just a friendly tip. You won't know till you try, so that's great.
So, if I were to use "しかし” instead, would it still be fucked up? I'm here to learn with no pretense, so If you wouldn't mind, I'd love for you to elaborate on why "一方" is such a majorly bad mistake in this context. Why is it wrong?
Oh, and thanks for your advice. I'm going to be using this thread a lot from here on, but I promise I won't annoy you guys with sentence corrections.