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[={<SMOKE>}=]

we've been talking for about a month and a half. things were going really well. i was at her place this past saturday, had a few drinks, and we both expressed how much we enjoyed the other being in our life.

the thing is she had a boyfriend of 5 months and that relationship ended back in september. tonight she tells me that she just can't do it--she has nothing to give to anyone...

anybody have any suggestions? it's going to be hard not having her in my life anymore. i feel like i've got to find somebody else now. i hate the hunt...

 

[Star Power]

Suicide is the only option.

 

[kumanoki]

Oh my god, man. I read the thread title and the first thing I thought was, "Glue it back on! Glue it back on!"

Seriously, though, give her the space she wants. You can both be civil about it. Nothing will make her detest you more than being mopey about it in her presence.

I'm sorry that it's come to this. Perhaps in time she'll change her mind, but you can't let her decision hang on you forever. Mourn, and then move on. It's for the best.

 

[Mama Smurf]

tonight she tells me that she just can't do it--she has nothing to give to anyone...

God, don't get involved. Been there, it's going to turn into drama queen, self-pity appeasing hell.

 

[Dilbert]

Oh my god, man. I read the thread title and the first thing I thought was, "Glue it back on! Glue it back on!"

:lol :lol :lol

 

[Grizzlyjin]

Well you've only been talking to her for a month and a half, it shouldn't be that hard to say goodbye.

That little speech of her's sounds like she wants attention. I've heard that same line before, they just want you to tell them how special they are and how things can work...blah blah blah. Just a scared little girl wanting to be loved. :lol

Your other option is suicide, like mentioned before.

 

[Drozmight]

Why do you feel you have to find someone else?

Just give her some time to get over whatever she's trying to get over.

Edit: If you do decide to end yourself: http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=manly_suicide

 

[Cubsfan23]

uh, detail this "expressing how much" thing, doesn't sound good.

Anyway, you only knew her for a month and a half, no big deal.

i feel like i've got to find somebody else now

This part of your post stuck out to me the most. Before you can be successful in this area, you have to fall in love with yourself After you do that, you won't be needy.

 

[={<SMOKE>}=]

i know it's only been a month, but i've really enjoyed my time with this girl. add that to the fact that i haven't been involved with anyone in a while and it's bad news.

i considered the drama queen thing, but she's been honest and upfront the whole time. she made this situation clear from the jump, but things seemed to be going really well and i figured that she broke up with her ex in september...

i don't know. none of my friends are around and i need to vent. thanks guys.

and suicide is not an option... dicks.

edit: i've gotta find somebody else because i'm lonely. and the "expressing" was verbal with some kissing and touching...

 

[ChumsGum]

It's all about the hunt.

 

[Kuro Madoushi]

Love to help, need a lot more details than you're providing

Seems to me you're just rationalizing things...but again, need details

 

[={<SMOKE>}=]

okay, we started talking in the beginning of december. from the first night we talked, we talked every night after. she works about an hour and a half away at store in the mall where she is the manager, so she doesn't have a ton of free time and is tired a lot.

the whole time we were talking she expressed that she wasn't sure if she could get involved with anyone. she also put off getting together in person. however, she showered me with compliments the whole time we talked. she was extremely impressed by the person i am and apparently, i'm not what she expected at all.

this past saturday, i went over to her place and we had a great time. made a couple of drinks, cuddled, kissed. she told me how happy she is i'm in her life and so on. i spent the night, but no sex (i didn't want to push the boundaries so i wasn't that aggressive).

i wake-up and she gets out of bed. i tell her not to leave and ask her to lay with me. she says she is getting freaked out and that she's not getting a boyfriend ever.

i talked to her everyday since then and things have been normal. now, tonight, she calls and lays this shit on me...

honestly, i think that some of the previous posters are right about her being a drama queen. i also think she's trying to get her claws in me...

in talking i had already explained that i don't really have girls who are just friends, so she was like, "i'm assuming then that this is it." she told me she still wants me to be in her life and that she loves hanging out with me and talking to me. i told her she was right...

i guess i'll see. i won't be surprised if she calls in the next couple of days, but i won't be surprised if she doesn't. at this point, i don't see any reason for taking it any further unless it is for some casual sex.

and so, the hunt continues...

 

[NLB2]

i feel like i've got to find somebody else now

I used to be like this. I had the misconception that self-worth could only be derived through other's feelings towards you. YOU DON'T NEED ANYONE ELSE! Ever! Anybody who tells you otherwise just hates themselves and calls it "selfish" to not hate yourself.

 

[Kuro Madoushi]

Well, first of all, stop talking to her so much...

she was extremely impressed by the person i am and apparently, i'm not what she expected at all.

Whaaaaaa....?

i tell her not to leave and ask her to lay with me.

Ummm...you're coming off a little needy here...

i talked to her everyday since then and things have been normal. now, tonight, she calls and lays this shit on me..

You calling her or she calling you? I'm a firm believer that guys should limit their chatting time over the phone. Call to arrange a date and hang up. *Talk* to her in person. (I say this while listening with half an ear to the old gf )

honestly, i think that some of the previous posters are right about her being a drama queen. i also think she's trying to get her claws in me...

Gaffers are smart...except when they're assholes...which is half the time

she told me she still wants me to be in her life and that she loves hanging out with me and talking to me. i told her she was right...

I'd like to be your FRIEND smokey...because it seems you're a good FRIEND to hang around with...maybe that's why she's trying to BEFRIEND you

Sorry, if that's a little harsh, but I know us guys can be a little thick when we're attracted to women.

So here's the advice: she calls = pretend your busy and ignore her like this for 2 weeks. It'll show her you're a challenge and not so available to her.
If you get a chance to nail her = do it! You're likely going to be a transitional pseudo boyfriend
You get a chance to get rid of her = do it...she's got some problems man...there are better girls out there without problems...

 

[={<SMOKE>}=]

I used to be like this. I had the misconception that self-worth could only be derived through other's feelings towards you. YOU DON'T NEED ANYONE ELSE! Ever! Anybody who tells you otherwise just hates themselves and calls it "selfish" to not hate yourself.

no, i think you've got me all wrong. i'm a funny, positive, upbeat guy. i do like myself--more now than i ever have. i feel like in the last year or two i've really grown into the person i'll be the rest of my life (i'm 26).

however, i am lonely and i do want to find a girl i like to spend my time with. i'm through hanging out with my buddies in the bars and clubs. i'm ready to turn it down a couple notches.

it has absolutely nothing to do with how i rate my self-worth. thanks for your input though.

 

[supermonkey]

i also think she's trying to get her claws in me...

Is that a bad thing?

 

[demon]

How come every time somone expresses feelings of loneliness and wanting to find someone they can enjoy, it's always apparantly because they don't like themselves enough?

 

[Azala]

My first reaction is that she's starting to have feelings for you, and it's scary. She's not sure if she's ready to move on. This is a knee jerk reaction to exposing herself to heartache again. It's called cold feet. That's all it is.

 

[={<SMOKE>}=]

Whaaaaaa....?

you'd have to know her. the last thing she wants is some typical guy. she's very idealistic i suppose. she expected me to be some ignorant jerk-off

Ummm...you're coming off a little needy here...

?

You calling her or she calling you? I'm a firm believer that guys should limit their chatting time over the phone. Call to arrange a date and hang up. *Talk* to her in person. (I say this while listening with half an ear to the old gf )

we'd call each other.

Gaffers are smart...except when they're assholes...which is half the time

yeah, it's probably the case

I'd like to be your FRIEND smokey...because it seems you're a good FRIEND to hang around with...maybe that's why she's trying to BEFRIEND you

Sorry, if that's a little harsh, but I know us guys can be a little thick when we're attracted to women.

that's not what i got at all man. it was like, "i felt like i owed it to myself to give this a chance because you're great, but i just can't do it. i wanted it to work, but i'm not ready. i have nothing to give anyone. my heart is empty.

So here's the advice: she calls = pretend your busy and ignore her like this for 2 weeks. It'll show her you're a challenge and not so available to her.
If you get a chance to nail her = do it! You're likely going to be a transitional pseudo boyfriend
You get a chance to get rid of her = do it...she's got some problems man...there are better girls out there without problems...

at this point, ignoring her is just going to send the message that i don't want to be friends. i've already told her that i don't have girls who are friends. and if i get the chance, not only will i nail her, but i might have to break out the donkey punch!

 

[={<SMOKE>}=]

Is that a bad thing?

yeah, because i feel like she's being manipulative...

 

[Cubsfan23]

Smoke you're obviously not going to listen to us, so keep doing what got you in this mess in the first place.

 

[supermonkey]

Women are manipulative. No getting around that.

 

[Tenacious-V]

Just chill dude, smoke a j or 2 and relax. She's nothing to get worked up about, just be calm about the situation. Don't pressure her, and don't call her. I can't stress that enough, don't call. Let her call/come to you, and go into it knowing that you're not looking for anything. Being non-selfconscious (is that a word?), relaxed, and unneedy (word?) when talking to her will definitely confuse her in your favor. You'll peak her interest and she'll come to you, just go with the flow.

Sorry for the pretty generic advice, but being generally "carefree" and layed back is almost always a turn on for gals.

 

[Eminem]

remember: down the road, not across the street!

 

[Grizzlyjin]

Just chill dude, smoke a j or 2 and relax. She's nothing to get worked up about, just be calm about the situation. Don't pressure her, and don't call her. I can't stress that enough, don't call. Let her call/come to you, and go into it knowing that you're not looking for anything. Being non-selfconscious (is that a word?), relaxed, and unneedy (word?) when talking to her will definitely confuse her in your favor. You'll peak her interest and she'll come to you, just go with the flow.

Sorry for the pretty generic advice, but being generally "carefree" and layed back is almost always a turn on for gals.

I need you to talk to my friend, he has been calling girls like crazy...girls that have zero interest in him. Last week this girl from high school told me that he has been calling her basically everyday, it's gotten to the point where she avoids his calls when she sees the number on her cellphone. I don't know what's going on in his head. She thinks he is annoying (her words to me), they have nothing in common, she never wants to hang out with him, I've personally told him to stop calling her, and yet he still does it. They didn't even talk that much when we were in high school, what makes him think she wants to hang out now?

See, and I think he has been doing this with other girls. I've told him a thousand times, STOP CALLING THEM SO DAMN MUCH! He doesn't even ask them for their numbers, he gets them by some shady ass means. I tell him the same things and he looks at me like I'm crazy, then he wonders why he can't get anyone. And don't even get me started on how he acts when anyone in our group has a girlfriend...green eyed devil in full swing. I fear the Valentine's Day rant I'm going to here very soon. My other friend and I actually had to lie and go behind his back last Valentine's Day so we could get some time in with our girls.

Sorry for derailing the thread, I just had to vent a little. Back on topic. Smokey, just chill. She clearly needs to gets her head on straight. Just take some time and relax. Maybe you can think about what you're going to say when she comes crawling back. But be ready if she doesn't come at all, that's just the way things go sometimes.

 

[={<SMOKE>}=]

remember: down the road, not across the street!

i don't follow you man...

 

[supermonkey]

i don't follow you man...

Think long term not short term.

 

[Fresh Prince]

i don't follow you man...

Along the vein not across the vein ie suicide.
Anyway like everybody else said keep cool and don't worry about her for now. If your friends bore you try to hang around a different 'set' of people as well.

 

[NLB2]

i don't follow you man...

He means when you try to kill yourself, slit your wrists the long way, with the veins, rather than across the veins. This causes you to bleed more and increases the chance of succesful suicide. Haven't you ever read Ordinary People?

 

[={<SMOKE>}=]

yeah, i get it now, unless someone else wants to join in on the suicide fun...

 

[supermonkey]

Along the vein not across the vein ie suicide.
Anyway like everybody else said keep cool and don't worry about her for now. If your friends bore you try to hang around a different 'set' of people as well.

Or it could mean that...

 

[themadcowtipper]

I would say FH...but you get banded for that. I do have a suggestion, ask her does this smell like Chloroform..then you are in.......

 

[Jill Sandwich]

 

[Koshiro]

I would say FH...but you get banded for that. I do have a suggestion, ask her does this smell like Chloroform..then you are in.......

:lol

 

[Kseutron]

God, don't get involved. Been there, it's going to turn into drama queen, self-pity appeasing hell.

this man is right

just forget about her

 

[DarienA]

edit: i've gotta find somebody else because i'm lonely. and the "expressing" was verbal with some kissing and touching...

AH So there's the real reason..... so she gave good handjobs did she?




Find someone else... masturbate in the meantime... next question.

 

[ToxicAdam]

A man only grows stronger after a series of broken hearts and failed relationships.

...and by the way ... you will do the same thing (lead someone on .. then tell them you don't want to be serious) to some other poor girl before it's all said and done.

 

[Kenobi]

Suicide is the only option.

Man that was hilarious. :lol :lol :lol

 

[Azih]

I think you're misunderstanding us Smoke, when we say suicide we don't mean YOURS. We mean make it look like SHE'S commited suicide.

 

[Folder]

Suicide is the only option.

Or stalk her to the ends of the earth...

 

[darscot]

Man do you come of as needed. You got some weird roll reversal thing going on here. When your the one asking the girl to "just lay here with me", you got things backwards. Here's a tidbit for yah, In public the women should always appear as the "prize". When its just the two of you, your the prize. You need to at least appear to be worth keeping. You have to make here think she has to work for you. Your ass should be bouncing out of that bed with shit to do and she should be the one trying to keep you there. It's also a great segway into breakfast. The old you got anything to eat in here. This usually goes two ways. Yes help yourself, in which you respond with "What would you like? I'll at least make you something before I run." This works well and gives the illusion that your sorry your leaving her. But still leaves you in command. Or she will cook for you. If this is the case it quickly thank her and roll. Always exit with the line I'll call you later if I have time. Then DON'T call her for a day or so. When you call always appologise but point out you've been busy. When you interested in a girl but she has fallen yet you have to appear to have other priorities. She should appear to be low on the list.

Man I rambled but I hope you get the point.

 

[Boogie]

Man do you come of as needed. You got some weird roll reversal thing going on here. When your the one asking the girl to "just lay here with me", you got things backwards. Here's a tidbit for yah, In public the women should always appear as the "prize". When its just the two of you, your the prize. You need to at least appear to be worth keeping. You have to make here think she has to work for you. Your ass should be bouncing out of that bed with shit to do and she should be the one trying to keep you there. It's also a great segway into breakfast. The old you got anything to eat in here. This usually goes two ways. Yes help yourself, in which you respond with "What would you like? I'll at least make you something before I run." This works well and gives the illusion that your sorry your leaving her. But still leaves you in command. Or she will cook for you. If this is the case it quickly thank her and roll. Always exit with the line I'll call you later if I have time. Then DON'T call her for a day or so. When you call always appologise but point out you've been busy. When you interested in a girl but she has fallen yet you have to appear to have other priorities. She should appear to be low on the list.

Man I rambled but I hope you get the point.

Man, f*ck that sh*t.

 

[darscot]

Man, f*ck that sh*t.

What is it you dissagree with? You didn't counter with much.

 

[demon]

...Your ass should be bouncing out of that bed with shit to do and she should be the one trying to keep you there. It's also a great segway into breakfast. The old you got anything to eat in here. This usually goes two ways. Yes help yourself, in which you respond with "What would you like? I'll at least make you something before I run."...

?

 

[darscot]

LOL, Shit did I spell segway wrong. I meant the other kind of segway.

 

[Boogie]

LMAO @ demon :lol

 

[={<SMOKE>}=]

Man do you come of as needed. You got some weird roll reversal thing going on here. When your the one asking the girl to "just lay here with me", you got things backwards. Here's a tidbit for yah, In public the women should always appear as the "prize". When its just the two of you, your the prize. You need to at least appear to be worth keeping. You have to make here think she has to work for you. Your ass should be bouncing out of that bed with shit to do and she should be the one trying to keep you there. It's also a great segway into breakfast. The old you got anything to eat in here. This usually goes two ways. Yes help yourself, in which you respond with "What would you like? I'll at least make you something before I run." This works well and gives the illusion that your sorry your leaving her. But still leaves you in command. Or she will cook for you. If this is the case it quickly thank her and roll. Always exit with the line I'll call you later if I have time. Then DON'T call her for a day or so. When you call always appologise but point out you've been busy. When you interested in a girl but she has fallen yet you have to appear to have other priorities. She should appear to be low on the list.

Man I rambled but I hope you get the point.

yeah, i can't really agree with all of that. i'm not into playing games with someone and making it appear that they are low on my list when i in fact really like them. it's just not my style...

as far as the roll reversal thing, i don't know. i just wanted to lay in bed with her for a while... i'm not looking to be a "playa", i just want to find a good women who likes me for who i am.

also, what exactly is it that makes me come off as "needed"? is it just simply the fact that i asked her to lay down with me?

 

[darscot]

I'm no "playa". There are just things that work and things that don't. It is not wrong to hide the way you feel. You do it everyday with everyone! Why would you think you shouldn't do it to a girl your into. Women want men that are wanted. They want men that have shit to do. Your approach is clearly not working with this girl. So I'm just telling you something that worked for me.

 

[Gorey]

My first reaction is that she's starting to have feelings for you, and it's scary. She's not sure if she's ready to move on. This is a knee jerk reaction to exposing herself to heartache again. It's called cold feet. That's all it is.

Sounds about right to me.
In my experience (yes, IMO time):
1) People are more attracted to self confidence and independance. Calling somebody every day is sending the wrong signals.
2) If what you want is physical contact in your life, then this relationship was going the wrong way from the start. You gotta be clear about your inentions with casual sex. This wasn't a casual kinda thing by a long shot; it's clearly pushing her emotional commitment buttons.
3) Emotional tug-of-war like this sucks. Sucks on fire. Get out while you can; either she'll come running and take the plunge/get involved with you (which I think you'll regret, but anyway), or she'll be out of your life, which is probably not a bad thing for you in the long run.

 

[theo]

BAIL OUT
you don't want this headgame bullshit, trust me!