You've owned an iPad for like two weeks and already you're an elitist little shit. Not to mention the fact that all the things you mentioned are all useless. Customizing the UI? Who cares.
I've owned an iPad for 2 weeks? Huh?
Well, if every single feature is useless to you I suppose you were still using Internet Explorer back when it was absolutely owned by Firefox. Who cares about options right? Why would I want the tabs to be displayed when I can just as easily have absolutely no choice in how I organize my browser? Why would I want text reflow? Why would I want to assign specific gestures to a certain action?
Why wouldn't I want the option to do these things if I want to? Why would I chooe a browser who restricts my experience and whose only advantage is speed. And a barely noticeable advantage, at that.
If all you care about is speed just go with Opera, then. It's pretty much tied with Safari for features and it's 3 times faster... And it's also free.
The thing is, I've actually been using iOS devices for more than 3 years and I've pretty much tried all the browsers extensively (except for Mercury, which I only used for a few days before realising it was pretty much like Atomic). And you're calling me an elitist for trying to show you something better.
I'm not saying Safari sucks... it doesn't, it's very competent and efficient, but it's very lacking in comparison to other browsers available on the platform.
As for the whole janky scrollingate, the "what in the hell" wasn't about me feeling insulted, I'm actually curious as to what you mean by it, as the scrolling is just as responsive as scrolling on safari.