Support NeoGAF

[DMczaf]

Because of the greatness of a Bill Simmons, he gets his own thread!

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/040625

Possible No. 1 pick Dwight Howard on his changing fortunes: "I went from an '84 Crown Victoria that only goes up to 84 miles an hour to a new BMW that goes up to 160." Wow. You can almost hear the Orlando front office screaming, "Change of plans! Change of plans! Get Okafor on the phone!"

They go with Howard. Of course they do. He's the third high schooler taken overall in the past four years, as well as the first top pick with braces since Pervis Ellison. Not a good sign. "Praise the Lord!" screams Dwight Howard Sr., who didn't realize that the Lord had Okafor going first in his mock draft.

More importantly, do you realize that the Clippers traded out of the No. 2 spot when there was a future All-Star center that could have been sitting there, just to pick up a second-rounder and dump a salary? Imagine being a Clippers fan? Having Elgin Baylor run your team must be like getting in the car with my mom at night, when she's careening off curbs and saying things like, "I can't believe how bad my eyes have gotten" and "We shouldn't have ordered that bottle of wine." Just constant fear.

Charlotte can't take Okafor fast enough. Seriously, I'm not sure they even started the clock. They borrowed Dwight Howard's car and raced to the podium at 160 mph.

Dick Vitale uses the phrase "flat-out" three times in less than a minute, followed by an life-altering split-screen argument between Vitale and Stephen A. Smith. If you missed it, you can see a continuous replay of this moment on the new ESPN channel, ESPN 666.

LOL ah nothing like The Sports Guy after a NBA Draft

 

[bishoptl]

Bill Simmons is a writing god and you should all bow down.

 

[Bowser]

Yeah, read this earlier today. Definately some good quality thoughts there

 

[AirBrian]

7:50 -- The Bulls take Ben Gordon third. Nice choice. Also sparked the first "Was that his mother or his sister?" debate of the evening. That should definitely be its own game show on ESPN6.

We all love the pick, including House: "Teams are finally getting a clue. Hey, maybe we should take the best players on teams that win an NCAA title! It's not rocket science, people! If you come through at a lower level, odds are, you're coming through at a higher level! What's wrong with these guys?" He's like Stephen A. House right now.

LMAO!

 

[Bowser]

Hey DM, this was on FloridaToday.com earlier today, but it's gone now Did the trade happen or not?

 

[DMczaf]

Hurry up and go through! TMAC!

:11 -- Luol Deng goes seventh to the Suns, who are trading him to the Bulls right after the draft, but he has to wear a Suns hat for now. You figure it out. Another nice move by the Bulls: Two proven commodities now in Gordon and Deng. As far as GM's go, John Paxson has emerged as the Patrick Swayze to his brother's Don Swayze.


(Note: Deng's thumbnail sketch says he's fluent in Dinka, Arabic and English, plus he was "taught basketball by Manute Bol." I'm not sure what to do with this information.)

LMAO

 

[Bowser]

Stu (throwing it back to Tirico): "They compare his personality on the court to Kenyon Martin. Don't front."

Dad (glancing around the room): "What does that mean? What did he just say?"

haha

 

[Archaix]

"I'm not sure what to do with this information" is scarily similar to what I said in #ga when I heard that Luol Deng was trained by Manute Bol.

I should have saved the chat log for those who missed out. Some of the comments in there could have beaten even the Sports Guy's diary.

 

[DMczaf]

"I'm not sure what to do with this information" is scarily similar to what I said in #ga when I heard that Luol Deng was trained by Manute Bol.

I should have saved the chat log for those who missed out. Some of the comments in there could have beaten even the Sports Guy's diary.

Did you just challenge the Sports Guy in front of Bish?!

 

[Archaix]

I did not challenge him. In fact, the only reason I'm on my GAF tab is because I needed a break from the running diary to breathe.


But when Araujo was picked, #ga hit total meltdown. And Sports Guy didn't comment on how the skies in Toronto turned orange mere minutes after the pick was announced. That's worth admission right there.

edit: Also, the Sports Guy can't really say what he wants about Steven A Smith and Dick Vitale.

 

[Ristamar]

Hah, I was just about to post a topic about this. The Stephen A./Vitale comment was fucking hilarious, as was the Elgin Baylor Clippers remark. Some of my other favorites:

Not only is Dick Vitale wearing a blood-red shirt, there's a black and red background behind him. And he's screaming. I keep waiting for him to morph into Beelzebub.

When it comes right down to it, there isn't a more secretly exciting phrase in sports than "The Clippers are on the clock." That's right up there with, "I'm here with Mike Tyson" and "Have you seen these pictures of Latrell Sprewell on his yacht?"

At No. 11, the Warriors take the Latvian Guy -- no relation to the Russian Guy, the Other Russian Guy, The Serbian Guy, the Really Tall Korean Guy, the Slovenian Guy or the Spanish Guy.

I can't even describe what just happened when Stu Scott interviewed the Latvian Guy, as the poor kid kept muttering "I play inside ... inside ... I play inside ... inside" over and over again. They should have brought the fainter from the Spelling Bee to collapse on him. And just when it couldn't get any better, we had the following exchange at the end:


Stu (throwing it back to Tirico): "They compare his personality on the court to Kenyon Martin. Don't front."

Dad (glancing around the room): "What does that mean? What did he just say?"


For the past two minutes, we just had my dad trying to guess what "Don't front" meant. If only there were cameras on hand. At one point, he asked, "How was it used again?", like it was the Spelling Bee or something. We kept waiting for him to ask for the country of origin.

You're not gonna believe this, but the Jazz just took a white guy (Kris Humphries). And you're not gonna believe this, either, but Danny Ainge was ready to take him at No. 15.

 

[Bat]

It sucks that he can't rant about the TERRIBLE ESPN commentators.

Anyways, being the gignormous Bill Simmons fan that I am, I was refreshing his page this morning just waiting for his draft diary. He's written better, but its still golden. Note however, that he is often very, very wrong in his draft observations.

(and the Clippers comment is stupid because they did that trade to allow them to make a max contract offer to Kobe, not to save money)