That's fantastic Jamie, a really interesting read and it sounds like it couldn't have gone better! It's fantastic that you found such a supportive employer. I work in a very small company and I can see it being a bit of a pain here. There's nothing resembling HR here.
Yeah the fear is a big part of it. Just today I'm walking through the city and catch my reflection in tinted glass on a city building and I'm like 'oh my god what am I doing I look awful'.
Yeah the fear is a big part of it. Just today I'm walking through the city and catch my reflection in tinted glass on a city building and I'm like 'oh my god what am I doing I look awful'.
I forgot to say thanks for sharing Jamie. That must have taken a while to type up, but I quite like awesome long posts. Speaking of which shouldn't shidoshi be back soon?
Alright, I'm gonna take you two's word on this, but I'm not gonna lie. I really have no idea how soon tomorrow is, in relation to me, when talking to Australians :/
Glad to hear it went so smoothly. I know all companies with equal op policies have to adhere to them or else risk getting sued, but it sounds like they were as supportive as they could be for you which is really great to hear.
Lexi, did you hear back about the interview yet? Also, grats on the ma'am!
@Jamie: I freakin' love your stories. The detail is so extraordinary, and all the little tidbits, put me right in your shoes and it becomes 100x easier to understand your line of thinking and how you see things.
@NewGamePlus: I hate needles, too. I'm not as deathly afraid, but I am nowhere near a fan of them. You've got such courage for prodding yourself, I bow to you. I don't even know how you do it but dammit you're badass for it.
@Lexi: Is it okay if I use your blog to post bills of random images and derail every page with idiocy?
@Wendi: No panic attacks for you! Well... unless it's related to LOST. Those are the good kinds of panic attacks.
Gender tests aren't really a measure of anything since, like I said, a transwoman could develop a perfectly fine male persona pre-transition. That being said, they can be entertaining, and I was kind of obsessed with them when I was younger. Every test I've ever taken (including that one) has placed me directly in the center between both genders. That actually used to annoy me before. Oh, how times change. :lol
I'm wondering, what do you do when you're horny? Say you got blue balls, do you relieve yourselves or maybe get frisky with a significant other? I know it's silly to ask, but if you don't like the genitals you currently have, maybe you'd be trying to avoid using them altogether.
If not, then what about apprehension with whatever operation you would get down there in the future could jeopardize your sexual pleasure?
*high five* Maybe I can do some quizzes later and post my odd results. My favorite is when it doesn't even account for people in the middle, "We're 0% certain you're a girl?" :lol
My results breakdown seems more male orientated but it still has me at 0%
Part 1
Angles
This task tested your ability to identify the angle of a line by matching it with its twin. This is a spatial task, which looks at how you picture space.
Your score: 18 out of 20
Average score for men: 15.1 out of 20
Average score for women: 13.3 out of 20
What does your result suggest?
If you scored 0 - 12: You have more of a female brain. Scientists believe that people with a female brain find it more difficult to judge the slope of a line because they're not wired for spatial tasks. In past studies, 65 per cent of people who scored in this range were women.
If you scored 13 - 17: You found this test neither hard nor easy. This suggests your brain has male and female traits when it comes to spatial ability.
If you scored 18 - 20: You have more of a male brain. On average, men outperform women in this task and those with more mathematical knowledge tend to score quite high as well. In past studies, 60 per cent of the people in this range were men.
Interestingly, men's testosterone levels fluctuate through the seasons and studies have shown that men's scores are lower in the spring, when their testosterone levels are at their lowest.
Do our cave dwelling ancestors offer us any clues about why men and women score differently on this task? Find out more.
Spot the difference
This task tested your ability to identify which objects changed position. You lost points, if you incorrectly identified objects.
Your score: 50%
Average score for men: 39%
Average score for women: 46%
What does your score suggest?
If you scored between 0 - 33%: You may have more of a male brain. Scientists say men tend to under perform in this task. The corpus callosum, the part of the brain that links the right and left hemispheres, is a fifth larger in women. This means women can process visual and other signals at the same time more easily than men. There is also a theory that oestrogen levels in women give them an added advantage in spatial memory.
If you scored between 34 - 66%: You may have a balanced female-male brain.
If you scored between 67 - 100%: Those with a female-type brain generally score in this range. Your ability to remember where objects are may serve as an advantage to you when you're trying to find your way around places. You're more capable of recalling landmarks to get from one place to another.
Find out more about our spatial abilities.
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Part 2
Hands
You said your right thumb was on top when you clasped your hands together.
Right thumb on top: This suggests the left half of your brain is dominant. Many studies have tried to establish whether there is a relationship between handedness and brain dominance. Some scientists believe that if you are left brain dominant, you would be more verbal and analytical.
Left thumb on top: This suggests the right half of your brain is dominant. Some studies theorise that as a right brain dominant person, you may excel in visual, spatial and intuitive processes.
However, these theories are debatable and leave much to be said about the small percentage of people who are ambidextrous.
Find out why right-brained people may be better fighters and artists.
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Part 3
Emotions and Systems
This task looked at whether you prefer to empathise or systemise.
Empathising
Your empathy score is: 7 out of 20
Average score for men: 7.9 out of 20
Average score for women: 10.6 out of 20
What does your result suggest?
Empathisers are better at accurately judging other people's emotions and responding appropriately. If you scored 15 and above, you are very empathic and would be an ideal person to comfort people in a time of crisis. Women in general are better at empathising.
Systemising
Your systemising score is: 10 out of 20
Average score for men: 12.5 out of 20
Average score for women: 8.0 out of 20
What does your result suggest?
Systemisers prefer to investigate how systems work. A system can be a road map, flat pack furniture, or a mathematical equation anything that follows a set of rules. A score of 15 and above suggests you're good at analysing or building systems. Men in general are better at systemising.
Scientists are keen to learn more about people who score high or low on both tests. They want to find out whether or not empathising and systemising are linked. Is a possible to make yourself more empathic?
Some scientists claim that our empathy and systemising abilities can be traced all the way back to prehistoric times. Find out more.
Eyes
This task tested your ability to judge people's emotions.
Your score: 9 out of 10
Average score for men: 6.6 out of 10
Average score for women: 6.6 out of 10
What does your result suggest?
If you scored 0 - 3: Do you think you're good at judging how another person is feeling? Your score suggests this doesn't come to you quite so naturally.
If you scored 4 - 6: Your result suggests you have a balanced female-male brain and find it neither easy nor difficult to judge people's emotions.
If you scored 7 - 10: Your result suggests you are a good empathiser, sensitive to other people's emotions. Women generally fall into this category.
Professor Baron-Cohen at the University of Cambridge says that people usually perform better than they expect to on this test.
Men often think a person's eyes are sending signals of desire when that's not the case at all. Find out more.
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Part 4
Fingers
We asked you to measure your ring and index fingers. Your ratios came to:
Right Hand: 0.98
Left Hand: 0.98
Average ratio for men: 0.982
Average ratio for women: 0.991
It's thought that your ratio is governed by the amount of testosterone you were exposed to in your mother's womb. The ratio of the length of your index finger to the length of your ring finger is set for life by as early as three months after conception. Even during puberty, when we experience intensive hormonal changes, the ratio stays the same.
Men generally have a ring finger that is longer than their index finger, which gives them a lower ratio than women, whose ring and index fingers are usually of equal length.
Studies have found that men and women with lots of brothers generally have more masculine finger ratios. Find out what other things scientists think our ratios may tell us.
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Part 5
Faces
This task looked at how you rate the attractiveness of a series of faces. The images you looked at were digitally altered to create slight differences in masculinity.
Your choices suggest you prefer more feminine faces.
Highly masculinised male faces possess more extreme testosterone markers such as a long, broad and lower jaw, as well as more pronounced brow ridges and cheekbones.
Interestingly, women's preferences are said to vary across the menstrual phase. A more masculine face is preferred during the 9 days prior to ovulation, when conception is most likely.
A typical 'attractive' female face possesses features such as a shorter, narrower, lower jaw, fuller lips and larger eyes than an average face.
Are you surprised at what researchers think they can learn from your answers? Find out more.
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Part 6
3D shapes
This task tested your ability to mentally rotate 3D shapes.
Your score: 8 out of 12
Average score for men: 8.2 out of 12
Average score for women: 7.1 out of 12
What does your result suggest?
If you scored 0 - 6: Do you find yourself having to physically rotate a map to point in the direction in which you're travelling? This might explain why you scored in the lower range in the 3D shapes test. Twice as many women as men score in this category. Previous studies suggest that those with a female-type brain or with an arts background fall into this range.
If you scored 7 - 9: In past studies, 50 per cent of the people who scored in this range were women and 50 per cent were men.
If you scored 10 - 12: Are you an engineer or do you have a science background? People with these skills tend to score in this range. Past studies have concluded that people in this range have a more male brain.
Nearly a third of men who took this test got full marks, whereas less than 10 per cent of women managed the same. Find out why.
Words
This task looked at your verbal fluency.
Your score: you associated 15 word(s) with grey and you named 5 word(s) that mean happy. We are assuming that all the words you entered are correct.
Average score for men: 11.4 words total
Average score for women: 12.4 words total
What does your result suggest?
If you produced 1 - 5 words: You are more of the strong, silent type with a male brain. You probably find it easier to express yourself in non-verbal ways, preferring action rather than words.
If you produced 6 - 10 words: Most people in this range have a female-type brain.
Women are said to use both sides of the brain when doing verbal tasks while men mainly use their left side. Studies have shown that girls develop vocabulary faster than boys. This difference in brain power is caused by levels of pre-natal testosterone. Find out more .
Ultimatum
This task asked you how you would divide money.
If you had to split £50 with someone, you said you would demand £25
So far on the Sex ID test, men have demanded 51.6% (£25.80) of the pot and women have demanded 51.0% (£25.50), on average.
What does your response suggest?
Sex differences are small in this task. Demanding less than 60% of the pot (ie £30) is more typically female. Demanding more than 65% of the pot (ie £32.50) is more typically male.
Scientists believe that people with lower testosterone levels tend to take fewer risks so they are probably more willing to keep less for themselves. Those with higher testosterone levels tend to drive a harder bargain and are less compromising.
Men's testosterone levels fluctuate over the seasons and are at their lowest levels during the springtime. This is said to influence their bargaining power. Find out more about the role of testosterone.
I can't figure out how to copy and paste it like Alfarif has done, but I got 50% male :lol.
It's because I'm ace at rotating objects and recognizing angles. I scored really high on the verbal test, facial recognition, empathy, and the finger thing though! Not fair! Spatial recognition has always been my problem with these tests - I just can't remember where objects are when you mix them around. I have NO idea how people do that. Maybe this is why I get lost all the time. I once had a 3 hour jog that was supposed to be 45 minutes because I couldn't find my way home :lol (true story).
If anyone's questioning their gender please remember these tests are just for fun, they are not used by gender psychs to determine your gender and are mostly based on theories and stereotypes. The idea that all men have a low vocabulary, or that all women cannot rotate objects in 3D space, is contradicted by every male English Lit student and every female engineer in the world.
I used Skitch for Mac. I love that program so much. It's a screenshot, uploading, cam program all in one and works beautifully for all kinds of things.
I thought I would do poorly on remembering all the objects, but I surprised even myself. I don't have any problem with seeing details in real life, especially landmarks and such. That test was pretty cool just to see what things I do and don't excel at.
I'm horrible at the spatial stuff, but I was good at the angles.
It obviously means nothing though. Also, I got 86% on the memory test... But I'm horrible at directions and maps. I need to have been to the same place like at least 5 times before I can reliably get there all the time, and even then, If I take a wrong turn I'm screwed :lol
I used Skitch for Mac. I love that program so much. It's a screenshot, uploading, cam program all in one and works beautifully for all kinds of things.
I thought I would do poorly on remembering all the objects, but I surprised even myself. I don't have any problem with seeing details in real life, especially landmarks and such. That test was pretty cool just to see what things I do and don't excel at.
I'm wondering, what do you do when you're horny? Say you got blue balls, do you relieve yourselves or maybe get frisky with a significant other? I know it's silly to ask, but if you don't like the genitals you currently have, maybe you'd be trying to avoid using them altogether.
If not, then what about apprehension with whatever operation you would get down there in the future could jeopardize your sexual pleasure?
I didn't really want to respond to this, I feel a little icky talking about it, but anyway.
I don't know if this is exactly how it is for everyone but I don't really 'have' urges since starting HRT. I still get aroused however (much, much less frequently) but it's not the same and it feels very different. I feel warm and tingly all over, but there's no real way for me to 'release' that, so to speak. Edit: Jamie describes it MUCH better.
I'm wondering, what do you do when you're horny? Say you got blue balls, do you relieve yourselves or maybe get frisky with a significant other? I know it's silly to ask, but if you don't like the genitals you currently have, maybe you'd be trying to avoid using them altogether.
If not, then what about apprehension with whatever operation you would get down there in the future could jeopardize your sexual pleasure?
I really hate talking about sex, it embarrasses me like crazy, and this is a really personal topic. I'm nervous about giving away too much of myself on an internet forum that anyone can read anytime, but I want to do my bit to help educate people about transwomen, 'cause it's evident in this question that there's a lot of misconceptions, and they bother me.
DISCLAIMER: I can only speak about my own experience. For every transwoman like me there'll be one who feels completely differently about her body and about sex.
As pre-op but post-HRT I have no testosterone in me (OK, a minuscule amount, about 1/3rd the typical female level), so all the things you describe don't apply.
I don't get "horny" the way a guy does. I have an estrogen-driven libido. It's totally different. I don't feel a build up of tension that needs relieving, I don't have any spontaneous "activity" in my pants, and in fact, I don't even know if I can - you know - get physically excited at ALL in that way anymore. I'm not "driven" by testosterone now. The equipment is there, but it's got no gas.
It's WONDERFUL. All that stuff was incredibly hard to cope with pre-HRT.
When I'm intimate with a partner I *feel* open and soft and melting - when that's how you relate to someone sexually, having a part of your body that acts the opposite way is really hard to cope with. REALLY difficult.
Now instead of sexual fantasies I get crushes. If a guy flirts with me I don't get "horny", I get a gooey, excited feeling. My ideas of sex are all about the intimacy of it, not the mechanics, and I think about it when I choose to - it isn't forced on me. Thoughts are more like romantic fantasies, not porn reels.
I have HEARD, but do not know first hand, that when you experience climax (pre-op or post-op, as long as you are on HRT), that instead of a quick release, it's more like waves going through you, like you have no control, and that it lasts for quite a while. It sounds incredible. It sounds way better to me than male climax. So I'm not worried about giving up "sexual pleasure".
My face is burning so much right now.
Also, that type of climax happens without anything necessarily happening with your downstairs parts when you're pre-op. That's probably right, because I don't think my downstairs bits would even work anymore. That's good, because movement down there would really kill things for me - I'd be so ashamed and grossed out by myself.
I imagine some guys, especially gay guys who only relate to male sexuality, would be all like "well how would you "get there" then if you can't touch it?" For me, I'm very sensual (I'm very embarrassed), I'm sure a guy could easily bring me to that climax-feeling without relying on touching my front bits. For me, touching my front bits would just derail me. Of course, I have no problems touching some OTHER guy's front bits (hey, provided I know him really well! :lol). Male anatomy in itself doesn't gross me out - just male anatomy on ME.
So no, I'm not worried about giving up anything with the op. I think it is going to help me to be able to be intimate the way I like to be a whole lot better than I can now. And NOW is a massive improvement on what it was like before because at least now there's no part of me acting like an invader instead of an inviter (not a word, I know).
This has been super-personal and really hard to write, I feel weird talking about this stuff publicly, but like I said, there's a misconception in the question - you're not talking to a guy. You're talking to a girl.
I don't get "horny" the way a guy does. I have an estrogen-driven libido. It's totally different. I don't feel a build up of tension that needs relieving, I don't have any spontaneous "activity" in my pants, and in fact, I don't even know if I can - you know - get physically excited at ALL in that way anymore. I'm not "driven" by testosterone now. The equipment is there, but it's got no gas.
It's WONDERFUL. All that stuff was incredibly hard to cope with pre-HRT.
When I'm intimate with a partner I *feel* open and soft and melting - when that's how you relate to someone sexually, having a part of your body that acts the opposite way is really hard to cope with. REALLY difficult.
Now instead of sexual fantasies I get crushes. If a guy flirts with me I don't get "horny", I get a gooey, excited feeling. My ideas of sex are all about the intimacy of it, not the mechanics, and I think about it when I choose to - it isn't forced on me. Thoughts are more like romantic fantasies, not porn reels.
You ladies are TERRIBLE! It's like every time you and Lexi post, Jamie, it opens up this new window where I go "Oh god, this is the way I feel. What the heck? BUT I LIKE MY BODY!" It's almost as if it's explaining something about myself that I've had trouble explaining TO myself for years. In regards to the above, the "crushes" and the "warmth" are the two biggest ones.
Which leads me to a random question aimed at the cisgendered: After going through this thread and getting to know all the wonderful people transitioning, did you find out something about yourself that you never knew and/or could never put a finger on? I'd like to think of myself as a pretty open and honest guy, both with myself and the world around me, but it still doesn't stop the fact that there are things that made me feel as if something was "wrong" with me, because they weren't "typical" masucline/male behaviors. With Lexi and Jamie allowing at least parts of their lives to be open books, it's helped me understand quite a bit about myself, and now I'm not ashamed or embarassed by those things anymore. It's pretty nice.
ninj4junpei said:
Being a girl sounds awesome. ;_;
Thanks for sharing that post, Jamie. It was very eye-opening and informative. ^_^
Reading this thread does make me question some things. >_> I really need to get around to reading this whole thread.
Looks like the next Alfarif is incoming. Jess, you better prepare another avatar like mine. Ninj4junpei, why don't you have a seat in the "inbetween" area with me.
The explanations on the sexual stuff makes perfect sense. My personal experience with the girls I've dated is pretty much the same. Mind you its hard to put this into perspective as it seems fundamentally impossible for me to experience. That has to be an "experience" to be able to see both sides of this coin.
Edit: I'm 50% guy on that test. Spacial and angles part were high for me. However, the empathy/eyes was scored high. I imagine thats what bumped me over some.
Thanks for sharing, Jamie. Your stories are always interesting and informative. You're really good at putting thoughts and feelings into words. Perhaps some day you could write a book about your transition.
Um, maybe it's just me but Jaime's explanation sounds like what a stereotypical PG movie's take on what sex is like for a woman.
A LOT of women get horny just like men do, and want nothing but sexual gratfication and to get some wiener inside them instead of this "softly melt into my lover's arms" stuff, although I guess it's not possible for everyone in this thread to actually have that kind of sexual urge.
Um, maybe it's just me but Jaime's explanation sounds like what a stereotypical PG movie's take on what sex is like for a woman.
A LOT of women get horny just like men do, and want nothing but sexual gratfication and to get some wiener inside them instead of this "softly melt into my lover's arms" stuff, although I guess it's not possible for everyone in this thread to actually have that kind of sexual urge.
I don't know, but I started :lol hardcore at this. Should I call my wife and wake her up to tell her that she should get horny like a guy and want some weiner inside her? I'm sorry. I'm still :lol
I don't know, but I started :lol hardcore at this. Should I call my wife and wake her up to tell her that she should get horny like a guy and want some weiner inside her? I'm sorry. I'm still :lol
I didn't take screenshots but I was a 0 for the test.
My results were really strange. I got 8/20 for the angles part, 9/10 for facial recognition, 5/20 for empathy, 17/20 for systemising and 12/12 for shape rotation. I guess that makes me a systematic, socially aware asshole?
The fact I got 40% and 100% for two similar sections is a bit odd, especially considering I'm an engineer by profession >_>
Looks like the next Alfarif is incoming. Jess, you better prepare another avatar like mine. Ninj4junpei, why don't you have a seat in the "inbetween" area with me.
Um, maybe it's just me but Jaime's explanation sounds like what a stereotypical PG movie's take on what sex is like for a woman.
A LOT of women get horny just like men do, and want nothing but sexual gratfication and to get some wiener inside them instead of this "softly melt into my lover's arms" stuff, although I guess it's not possible for everyone in this thread to actually have that kind of sexual urge.
Well what can I say? It's how I feel. Maybe some people are just PG people. It's not a Sex in the City relationship with sex. I never claimed every woman felt like this, or every transwoman. Just me. And... lexi, apparently. There are definitely sexually driven women, and then there are ones like me, and a whole bunch in between. Don't mistake my personal experiences and feelings to be typical of ALL transwomen.
You'd be making a big mistake though if you thought I was the type of girl who wanted nothing but sexual gratification, and that's what a lot of guys think being trans is all about - sex, and that's why I said something.
Well what can I say? It's how I feel. Maybe some people are just PG people. It's not a Sex in the City relationship with sex. I never claimed every woman felt like this, or every transwoman. Just me. And... lexi, apparently. There are definitely sexually driven women, and then there are ones like me, and a whole bunch in between. Don't mistake my personal experiences and feelings to be typical of ALL transwomen.
You'd be making a big mistake though if you thought I was the type of girl who wanted nothing but sexual gratification, and that's what a lot of guys think being trans is all about - sex, and that's why I said something.
