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[Laughing Banana]

I looked through the window from outside and there I am, myself. playing with my wife and beautiful daughter inside our warm house.

He met me in the eyes, smiled knowingly, and before I know it, I simply vani

 

[Air Zombie Meat]

"A fish that swims up the stream of your piss and lodges itself in your dickhole? Don't be so ridiculaaaarggggghhhh!"

 

[Alienous]

The joy was quickly submerged by the feeling that the very essence of my soul was being clawed from my body. I nutted, but she still suckin'.

 

[hertog]

Don't be scared of the monsters, just look for them. Look to your left, to your right, under your bed, behind your dresser, in your closet but never look up, she hates being seen.

 

[OASIS]

Jennie tried her best to hide the body of her husband, and while doing so,She began remembering the blood on her hands from her husband head, and how the blood streamed down from underneath his brown hair, and that's when it struck her. Her husband had black hair.

 

[Raist]

Waking up in the middle of the night to your pet licking your toes is a funny feeling. It becomes a bit uncomfortable when it starts biting, even moreso when you're awake enough to remember that you don't own a pet.

 

[MoonsaultSlayer]

Don't be scared of the monsters, just look for them. Look to your left, to your right, under your bed, behind your dresser, in your closet but never look up, she hates being seen.

My wife read this one to me.

Another from me:

One friend quickened his pace in search for the two others as he had lost track of them during their exploration of an abandoned hospital. As he entered a room full of occupied gurneys, the door slammed behind him and he could hear the muffled laughter of his two friends as he was being placed down on a gurney himself.

 

[StayDead]

So ur with ur honey and yur making out wen the phone rigns, U anser it n the vioce is "wut r u doing wit my daughter?" U tell ur girl n she say "my dad is ded". THEN WHO WAS PHONE?

 

[Mascot]

“Count backwards from ten” the anaesthetist said “and the next thing you know you’ll be waking up and this will all be over. Nurse, tell the surgeon his next victim is ready”.

 

[Alienous]

I tried the door to the house, but it was locked. It was then that I heard a shrill voice breathe those words down the back of my neck. "Would you like ... help, with that?"

 

[Ainsz]

Legend had it, that ghosts haunted the lake in which their bodies were thrown in. The killer asks his friend who's body they were throwing in this time, he replies "It's your's."

Despite all odds, he had returned to finally see his kids again. He opens his arms as they run towards him with glee and pass him without noticing, he was still dreaming.

Firing his gun out on the frontline, an explosion throws him through the air and against a brick wall. Curiously, the wall felt soft, almost padded.

The scientist tried and tried to bring order to the room, but all attempts were futile. Finally, a stoke of genius crossed him and he exclaimed "Pi is exactly 3!"

 

[QuantumDerp]

I found my child lying on the floor, blood everywhere. I turned around, I saw the killer and said "Honey?"

 

[Boss Riovane]

Crash! Uninsured.

 

[glaurung]

I was banned from NeoGAF.

My NeoGAF ban expired.

 

[MoonsaultSlayer]

I saw my neighbor's kids swinging on the tree branch in their backyard. Not sure why he was measuring the distance from their chin to hands, though.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Legend had it, that ghosts haunted the lake in which their bodies were thrown in. The killer asks his friend who's body they were throwing in this time, he replies "It's your's."

Despite all odds, he had returned to finally see his kids again. He opens his arms as they run towards him with glee and pass him without noticing, he was still dreaming.

Firing his gun out on the frontline, an explosion throws him through the air and against a brick wall. Curiously, the wall felt soft, almost padded.

The scientist tried and tried to bring order to the room, but all attempts were futile. Finally, a stoke of genius crossed him and he exclaimed "Pi is exactly 3!"

Wat.

 

[Sephzilla]

I went to the store. I bought Aliens: Colonial Marines.

 

[Alienous]

Wat.

Maybe you have to be a mathematician to find that concept horrific.

 

[Pickman]

I always thought eternal torture in Hell was just a lie told to keep the poor from killing the rich.

I was so terribly wrong.

 

[Cronee]

There's been an I-131 leak in the lab.

You should probably take this pill and go get your thyroid checked.

(I was 5 feet from the leak and ended with a 18000+ count over background, which was in the 50s for some perspective. Later found out this was an acceptable amount. Still scared the crap out of me.)

 

[Earendil]

I just bought a new house. And then my in-laws moved in.

 

[Brakke]

Zalgo. H̛̦͕̜̥̦̖ͨ̈́͛̾̍ͣͩ̅̏e̻̠͍͕̫̮͑̈ͤ̇̓̏ͣ̕͝ c̢̢͖͕͇̲̊ͮ̎ͯ̎̈̿̌̄͆ͯ̎̏͘o̵̰̩̣̝̭̺͕̗͇̱͗̿͗̏̓̀m̵̢̬̘̬̘̭ͨ͒̈́͊ͭ̾ͥͤ̉͆̓ͤ̒̏͌̀e̽ͬ̇̉ͭ̾̎̊͆̌͗̃͒̏̚҉̨͙̬͚̳̲͖͓̝͍͙͚̺͜͢͢s̩̯̙̘̫̱͙̳͎̟̞̗̙̙̝̞̝͕͙͛ͯ̍͋̽̈͌͛ͥ̀͋́͟͝.̧̡̮͍̞̹͈̰͚͎̙̮͓̻̥͙̲̫̥̇̇ͮ̊̇̋ͩ̃̃͋͑̈́͋̃̿ͥ͒ͪ͊͠ͅ

 

[TheLostBigBoss]

I ate her.

Then she ate me.

 

[CadetMahoney]

You have been banned for the following reason.

Reasons.

 

[Talladega Knight]

I reached out to touch my reflection, only to have my reflection pull me in. Darkness.

 

[Dresden]

I sat down and began to watch anime. Then I heard the door open.

 

[Currygan]

A doctor who specializes in skin diseases will dream that he has fallen asleep in front of the television. Later, he will wake up in front of the television, but not remember his dream

 

[Mailbox]

Death has come for me in the gaze of a man not unlike myself. Yet foreign.

I stand in a dark deserted hallway. A footstep is heard.

May we be together again someday, my love. My body.

 

[Troubled Bat]

There I am, looking at myself through the mirror. Staring back with a smirk, and dastardly eyes.

I realize, that the person i'm staring at.. Isn't me. Within the mirror, stuck and forever tormented. There's no escape.

 

[ratcliffja]

I pulled the trigger, killing the man that had been attacking my son in his room. As I looked down at my hands that were now rapidly wrinkling and growing liver spots, my son began to laugh.

 

[gdt]

Nutted. But she still suckin.

Spoiler

prob used already

 

[Pickman]

There I am, looking at myself through the mirror. Staring back with a smirk, and dastardly eyes.

I realize, that the person i'm staring at.. Isn't me. Within the mirror, stuck and forever tormented. There's no escape.

I don't think that's how it works.

 

[Alligatorjandro]

The pig smiled as he felt the sunlight on his pink skin. He didn't have time to scream as the bolt entered his skull.

 

[Troubled Bat]

I don't think that's how it works.

Pickman pls

 

[Anastasia]

Droplets began to fall from the ceiling. I looked outside but it was dry as a bone.

 

[Bread]

The pig smiled as he felt the sunlight on his pink skin. He didn't have time to scream as the bolt entered his skull.

jesus gata

 

[MagnaderAlpha]

I woke up to the sound of the dog scratching at the outside of our bedroom door to be let in. As I got to the doorknob I remembered that our dog's been dead for a year.

You've got the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. They'd look at home with all the other eyes I've collected in a jar, in my basement!

So you only eat organic and stay away from processed foods, huh? Great, it will make you taste so much better than all the others!

I heard a voice talking to me from the bathtub drain. It told me I should really watch more scary movies.

 

[Richie]

Firing his gun out on the frontline, an explosion throws him through the air and against a brick wall. Curiously, the wall felt soft, almost padded.

This one's pretty ingenious!

 

[Mully]

She was considered the cream of the crop in high school as boys constantly chased after her well toned physique. Staring into the mirror with an empty online dating site inbox gleaming at her oily cherubic face, she realized that was a long time ago.

 

[Blargonaut]

Begging for change is hard enough without having to knock on my coffin.

 

[crowphoenix]

You're dying by seconds. Tick, tock; tick, tock; tick...

 

[inm8num2]

The pipes in my house are making noises and keeping me awake all night. At least I can't hear the children anymore.

 

[Link Man]

Decide to take a nap on your day off. You wake up, and the sun is setting.

 

[Ainsz]

Wat.

It's a Simpsons joke I ripped off. Joke being, a mathematician couldn't stand to here that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V98soOyQWKY

The frog sat comfortably, content in his jar of water. He felt perplexed, watching all the other frogs jump out of there jar.

 

[MoonsaultSlayer]

In a moment of reflection, the boy stared out over the water from his dad's boat and asked "so why DID mom not like you going fishing?".
"She died during a fishing trip."

 

[Mascot]

I pulled the trigger, killing the man that had been attacking my son in his room. As I looked down at my hands that were now rapidly wrinkling and growing liver spots, my son began to laugh.

Read three times. Three sets of goosebumps.
Bravo, sir.

 

[Zombine]

He brushed her hair away from her face while gazing in her eyes. "Today is your lucky day my Rose, today you will not die."

 

[Mascot]

The meat, though a little undercooked, was delicious. He had, however, no idea how to stop the bleeding.

 

[Fancy Clown]

He kissed her ruby lips, held her delicate hand, and ran his fingers through her long, brown hair one last time. Then he sighed, got up, and nailed the coffin shut before she came to.

 

[MC Safety]

"It's for you," she said. "It's Rosie O'Donnell."