The excitement starts here! Here at Enemies of Reason we'll be bringing you the latest election GE10 (yeah!) updates AS THEY HAPPEN.
5.01am Yes, I'm here IN THE OFFICE. See, look at the time. LOOK AT THE TIME. I am WORKING on my election updates. Yeah! Just look at the time, yes? See, you can see how good this is going to be by the fact I've started EARLY IN THE MORNING to get the very best updates to you about what's going to happen with the election.
7.13am OK, so not much has happened yet, but it's still early doors. The cleaner gave me that sad little shake of the head about an hour ago. Not quite sure why. Anyway! Look, GORDON BROWN IS GOING TO SEE THE QUEEN today and we'll be here to cover it when he does.
7.33am Sky News are interviewing some people about some things. I read something on a blog earlier that seemed quite important. And then there are the papers, which I imagine are covering this as well, writing about it and so on, and so forth. So yes, you really get the sense that something spectacularly interesting is going to happen today. Yeah!
7.58am BBC News 24 have cut to a shot of a man standing in front of some buildings. No sign of Iain Dale on television yet. Is he all right?
8.03am Apparently someone else was being interviewed on Sky News, but I'd drifted off to sleep while watching the sports roundup on BBC News 24. I'll have to try and rectify that kind of thing as this LIVE AS IT HAPPENS coverage carries on. Otherwise it's not going to look good on me. Perhaps, in hindsight, it wasn't such a good idea to come in at 5am to start all this. But LOOK AT THE TIME!
8.24am So what will happen is this. Gordon Brown will go to the Buckingham Palace, and then he'll go through some doors, walking over some carpet, using his feet to propel himself forwards. Then he will go into a room - we're not sure at this stage whether he will have to open the door himself or whether someone will open the door for him - and then he will talk to the Queen. She is a nice old lady who shoots things. Then he will ask her to dissolve parliament, or they may talk about general chit-chat first, and then he'll ask. But at some point he'll ask, and then she'll say yes, and then IT'S GENERAL ELECTION TIME BABY! Yeah.
8.32am Apparently not showing the correct gravity for this occasion. Will try to moderate excitement. Another man is being interviewed on Sky News. I can see his face.
8.44am The Lib Dems' Battle Bus has been spotted somewhere, apparently. It is yellow and it has pictures of men on the side. That's all we know at this stage. I wish I could tell you more but I'm kind of in here, trapped. I feel a bit guilty when I go for a toilet break in case I miss some man being interviewed on Sky News. (May have to improvise desk-toilet system involving empty Volvic bottles.)
8.57am No sign of Gordon yet!
9.01am This election is going to be the most closely fought in history, probably, and the first election where the internet will play a big role, of course, somehow. I think, anyway. David Cameron is going to speak to a classroom full of children, at a school, at some point during the day. No sign of anyone wearing a hat to visit a bakery yet, so that's a disappointment.
9.06am Nick Clegg is going to visit a lard factory in Lincolnshire, I'm being told. Perhaps you wear one of those hats there? I hope so.
9.09am Of course there's going to be a lot of speculation over the polls. The latest polls we have show the Conservatives in the lead, just like every other poll for the past few months. More on this as we get it.
9.12am A man is being interviewd on BBC News 24. I can see it happening. The two men are talking about things.
9.22am Haven't had time to read the papers yet - been too busy looking at News 24 and Sky News on the screens in front of me. It feels like I'm slipping away into a dreamscape of men in suits, talking to each other and nodding, with the occasional helicopter shot of the "Westminster Village". I wish I could fly. Wouldn't it be great to fly? I'd love to have wings, and then I'd fly right out of the window...
9.37am Slight accident with Volvic bottle. No-one saw it though.
9.43am Two men are talking to each other on Sky News. They are talking about things and although they might disagree, they are being quite cordial about it.
9.47am Someone was interviewing someone on the radio just now. This just goes to show, I think, where the battle lines are going to be drawn in this campaign.
9.51am Have been called into editor's office. Ominous.
