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[Cyframe]

I'm sorry to hear this OP.

I'm actually a foster child myself. My older siblings are all adopted as well. Before my parents got me, they had another child they wanted to adopt, a white child but they were ruled ineligible due to their age (late 40's). When they got me though, they sought adoption options as quickly as possible and even that was a hurdle due to their age again and the fact that the adoption was a transracial one. (I'm Black both of my parents are white).

Now that I'm older looking at adoption practices Black children, in particular, aren't as valuable (it's terrible that we talk about children like this) so it was easier for them to adopt me.

The state really questioned if a foster home was better than two stable parents. It's ridiculous.

My parents fostered a lot of kids, I've seen kids from a horrible background that got sent back to their parents and sent back to mine again. They were beaten with extension cords, diapers filled with maggots, yep. They could still get their kids back even if they neglected and abused them.

Adoption and fostering practices haven't changed since forever. We live in a country that gives parental rights to rapists as well.

Fostering is thankless work. And it takes a certain type to spirit to do it. You'll deal with heartache but there is so much value to being a foster parent. I hope to one day pay it forward as well and foster.

Take care OP.

 

[gcubed]

the fact that a kid who obviously needs a stable environment to help him grow up on the right path is going to be robbed of it due to homophobia of said parent who is in jail and obviously not one to know whats best for the child is just a sad microcosm of what this country is going through.

 

[openrob]

With Fostering - just know that whatever the circumstance you will most likely have to deal with having children come in and then out of your lives. Sucks, but just do what you can for a child whilst they live with you.

 

[Mango Positive]

That sucks. My wife is doing a surrogacy and is currently pregnant (probably with twins) for a gay couple in Israel. We have a strange family. We tried for 10 years and finally in vitro fertilization worked. Now we have a two year old boy. We donated our embryos to a couple who had several miscarriages over the last two years. That biological child is due any day now (and we'll get to know him!). So we don't want any more children, but my wife really wanted to help another couple going through what we went through. My mother, a Trump supporter, has a problem with this for some reason. She's dangerously close to losing all three of her liberal children.

 

[Future]

It’s hard to describe that feeling of pure discrimination based on factors you cannot control. People seeking to hurt you or deprive you simply because of something that has nothing to do with how decent of a human being you might be.

You are feeling it now OP and I am sorry. This is the reason the political landscape is the way it is. There are still so many people out there that harbor ill views. Even if they have been discriminated against themselves, It often doesn’t stop them from discriminating against others in similar ways

Best advice I can give is just think of the children and not their idiot parents. You will still be doing the world a favor by fostering an abandoned child and providing security and direction so that they can become a happy adult.

 

[Frozenprince]

You're still doing a good thing. This is an awful experience, but you're determined to still do a good thing and be good people. That's the important part.

 

[Buckle]

Dumbass lands herself in jail and yet think she's more of a moral authority than two loving harmless people who happen to be the same gender.

Hopefully they look into the family friend. I'd be more worried about the people associating with an actual criminal than I would you.

 

[Keri]

I'm actually a foster child myself. My older siblings are all adopted as well. Before my parents got me, they had another child they wanted to adopt, a white child but they were ruled ineligible due to their age (late 40's). When they got me though, they sought adoption options as quickly as possible and even that was a hurdle due to their age again and the fact that the adoption was a transracial one. (I'm Black both of my parents are white).

Wow, I had no idea that age was such an important factor in fostering. I mean, I suppose I see the logic in not accepting 75+ year old parents, who are at risk of dying, but late 40's really isn't old...I also didn't think there was such a large demand to foster, that agencies could afford to be so particular.

I'm really happy it worked out for you, though, although it's a shame your race influenced their ability to adopt.

 

[Zeus Molecules]

Please don't let this discourage you from being Foster parents. There are many Children who need good foster parents and shouldn't be denied that due to homophobic assholes.

 

[alternade]

This world is so shit. How both parents can be in jail but still have claim to know what's best for their child is beyond me.

Sorry OP, it takes an extremely open heart to take on adoption/foster kids. Your child will find you when it's time.

In the future though to prevent this from happening, is there a way to notify the child's parents and/or extended family that you are a gay couple? Yeah that's sounds shitty and you shouldn't have to but this is the world we live in.

 

[Replicant]

Sorry to hear that OP.

They just robbed that kid a chance at good parenting. I'm actually not confident that they will not interfere with other foster parents either once they are out of prison or whatever problem they are in.

 

[Korey]

Just wondering, why foster instead of adopt?

 

[Keri]

Just wondering, why foster instead of adopt?

Fostering to adopt is one of the easier ways to eventually adopt a child. It's actually really difficult to adopt a baby, because the demand for adoption is higher than the amount of babies being placed. It can take years waiting to be selected by a biological parent and it may never happen at all.

Edit to add: I should say "easier" in the sense that, you're more likely to eventually be able to adopt a child. It's not emotionally easier, by any means, because of the risk any individual child will be placed back with their biological parents.

 

[ttimebomb]

That totally sucks. My parents did foster care growing up and it was unfortunately very political behind the scenes with regards to bio-parents. Also placements would come and go on a dime for no reason. Sometimes they would call saying they were bringing us kids and then we would be waiting all night but no one would show.

Some kids did stay though. My parents ended up adopting 9 kids through foster care though.

If i can give advice its just to love any kid that comes through your house. Know that it might be temporary. Know that you might be the first real parental figure that kid has ever had.

 

[ladyluthien]

That sucks. My wife is doing a surrogacy and is currently pregnant (probably with twins) for a gay couple in Israel. We have a strange family. We tried for 10 years and finally in vitro fertilization worked. Now we have a two year old boy. We donated our embryos to a couple who had several miscarriages over the last two years. That biological child is due any day now (and we'll get to know him!). So we don't want any more children, but my wife really wanted to help another couple going through what we went through. My mother, a Trump supporter, has a problem with this for some reason. She's dangerously close to losing all three of her liberal children.

I just want to thank you and your wife for what you're doing. I can't have children myself, and to have those who would spend their time and body and heart to help grow a child for a couple who can't really makes me happy.

 

[Demoskinos]

That sucks I'm sorry.

 

[Tinfoilhatsron]

Fucking disgusting that you lost the kid and the kid lost the chance to a better life. Jesus Christ. The state ruined 3 lives today.

I can't believe this garbage excuse of a parent was allowed this.

 

[Violence Jack]

I’m sorry. That really sucks, but don’t give up. Homophobes will never truly win with such hatred in their hearts, over people with love to give like you and your husband.

 

[Serick]

Thanks to everyone who’s replied so far. I don’t want to quote spam but please be assured I read every response.

You all have definitely helped us retain the courage and motivation to do this. My hubby is reading this thread as well, he’s a lurker though.

We live in Utah and unfortunately, being one of the most conservative states in the country means this is something we have to deal with more often than anyone would like.

I wish I could share pictures of him with you all (can’t by law afaik) to let you all see how happy he was with us. We took him to the aquarium and he ran around with a shark hat on saying “nom nom nom nom” like the sharks in the LEGO movie and every time I see that picture I cry a little lol.

 

[fenners]

Thanks to everyone who's replied so far. I don't want to quote spam but please be assured I read every response.

I wish I could share pictures of him with you all (can't by law afaik) to let you all see how happy he was with us. We took him to the aquarium and he ran around with a shark hat on saying ”nom nom nom nom" like the sharks in the LEGO movie and every time I see that picture I cry a little lol.

My sisters & I are adopted, and throughout my teens, my mum was a registered childminder for "emergency placements", basically at risk kids being pulled out of bad situations & they'd go to our house for a night or two before proper placement... And my dad worked in children's homes as a caregiver. Man, the stories...

One kid, who ended up becoming a re-occuring day-to-day childcare situation so that we could give him stability from a home of addicts, we tried desperately to adopt but got ruled against, despite being his only clue of stability at the time...

You're doing good work. I know from experience it makes a difference.