Here's one of my stories...
Was driving to my girlfriend's place on a Saturday morning. Traffic was good and I was a bit early - I noticed there was a local school holding some kind of festival/market day, so I figured I'd kill some time there. Parked the car and started walking towards the playground area where all the stalls were set up. I'm walking down a clear pathway. Clean concrete leading straight to the shops, a single steel telegraph pole to the left and a red-brick building running parallel to the pathway to the right. I pass the telegraph pole, then feel a tree-branch brush across my spiked-up hair. Then I think, "wait a minute... there's no tree within 30 yards of here". Then I thought "Oh shit, I've just walked through a spider-web. But where the fu..." and before I could even finish that mental sentence, I could feel wisps of the web floating in the air, back into my face.
"Aww shit", I thought - I didn't care what other people would think looking at me from a distance - I did the spastic-dance-for-one and shook my head about and, bravely, quickly brushed my hand through my hair. No spiders. Weird, I thought. Then I looked over my right shoulder and catch one of them crawling up my back. Long, spindley, shiny legs. Bright yellow and black. Whole thing was about the size of my fist.
I didn't have time to scream like a girly-man - all I could think of was the scene in the opening of Raiders of the Lost Ark where there's, like, a zillion hairy spiders crawling up Alfred Molina's back - I took off my coat and threw it on the ground. There were five of these yellow/black fuckers crawling around on my coat, all of which I stomped to death (while they were still on my coat, unfortunately).
Had a fun time explaining to my girlfriend afterwards why I looked so freaked out and why the coat was covered in spider-muck.
Had another incident a few months later. Moved into a new house and was taking a stroll down the street with my girlfriend. There was a huge tree by the sidewalk that had a giant hole through it for power lines, as though someone had blasted a cannon through the middle of the tree (some things in Australia are just retarded). Anyway, unthinkingly, we walked under it. Hair got caught in a spiderweb, spiders fell on ME. None on her, funnily enough. So anyway, she knows I'm frightened out of my mind of spiders so I wasn't worried about doing the spastic-dance-for-one in front of her. Trouble is, this spider was in my hair. I ended up whipping my head sideways so hard that my glasses came flying off; and, being tiny rimless ones, they literally vanished into the gravelly road. Right. Under. The fucking tree. And all the while, the lady who lives in the house right in front of this tree was watching the whole thing, chuckling to herself with her arms folded in front. I'd never wanted to strangle someone so much in my life.
Anyway, managed to find the glasses undamaged. Have made mental note avoid trees.
