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[demon]

lol, two seperate topics here. firstly:

this has to be my first drunk post in a while, but I think I can make this pretty comprehensible. I just spent the evening/late night with a friend of mine, and she's a damn good friend (at least compared to what else I have). Honestly the first girl I've ever known, aside from my sister, whom I feel really comfortable around and can have a lot of fun just hanging out with. Thing is, I think I really like her, and she has a boyfriend. Even though our relationship (i use that term loosely) started off kind of in 'that' direction until she informed me of said boyfriend.

We;re really comfortable around each other I'm not like the guy friend she's had who act all needy and shit, so I don't think she sees me as some "just friends" loser who she has no attraction for. There was definitely an attraction between us, at least at the beginning. Now, I don't know. She brought up her boyfriend just two or three weeks after she met, and since then really no mention of us being any more than friends.

I dunno, I really haven't gotten close to any girls in the past, but this girl, I really, really like. I mean, it's not like I'm just feigning friendship with her in hopes that I'll eventually get some ass or something. She genuinely is a truly interesting and unique person who I really enjoy being friends with. But underneith it all is this "crush" I have on her. Yet she has this boyfriend of at least 10-11 months or so. Emotionally I just don't know how to handle this. And in a year or so she'll be moving to another country to teach English or 3-5 years, and just the thought of that really depresses me.

But, as for my 'interest' in her, like I said, I really dont' have a lot of experience with girls. I can't even tell if this is just some lust I have over a friend, or if there's some deeper romantic interest or what. How do you tell? This is such a frustrating, confusing situation for me.



On another note, anyone know anything about how perfumes/fragrances work with body chemistry? For months I've wondered what her perfume is, because after a month or so of knowing her it really grew on me and became somewhat of, I suppose, an aphrodesiac. I mean it seems like a smell that normally would seem a bit odd, but it really turns me on in a way that a scent usually wouldn't. So all this time I've been wondering what it is, and in our drunken state tonight as we hung out, the topic finally came up and I asked her. Turns out she has at least ten different perfumes. Yet, all this time it has seemed as though she has this one fragrance, this one smell that turns me on. At one point during the night she insisted that she "stinks" so she wanted to wear one of my colonges. She put a bit on, and a while later I smelled it and it pretty much smelled like the way she normally smells.

Can people have their own unique scents that are brought out by fragrances or something? It just seems weird that no matter what fragrance she wears, she always smells the same, and it fuckin turns me on like no smell ever has. Basically, is there a reaosn why no matter what pefume she wears she smells the same to me, and it's a smell that always turns me on?

 

[miyuru]

Sucks such a great girl is already taken. Just imagine if you were going out with her and some guy felt the same way, you wouldn't want him to take her away or cause any complications right? So I wouldn't do the same, though if you eventually admitted to her how you felt, it'd probably be a good thing as long as you respect her current relationship totally.

I can't help you with the perfume question, I'm not high enough to answer.

 

[demon]

Yeah, i met the guy a few times and he seems like a decent guy. Ever since she told me about him, that's kept me from making any kind of move on her, aside from subtle flirtation that I can't hlep. Basically, yeah, I'm not going to be "that guy". It probably wouldn't end well anyways.

But shit, I've never felt this way about a girl before though. Everything from her looks to her personality to her cute demeanor to her scent is just intoxicating to me. Yet I really do enjoy being friends with her. Dubya Tee Eff do I do?

 

[miyuru]

:-\

I actually feel the same way about this girl I worked with all summer, but not as much. She's 23 and I'm 18 (almost 19), so it wouldn't work, but yeah I know how you feel dude. Well, the longer you know her, the better the chances you'll end up telling her, just don't rush it, and when that time comes, we'll see another thread ^_^

Sorry I'm not much help...

 

[Leon]

Dubya Tee Eff do I do?

Do not be "that" guy.

Aside from that, here's what you should do.

1)You sound like you're very comfortable around her already. Stay this close, don't try to get closer, it will only make things awkward, and ultimately worse.

2) Second, you said there's a mutual attraction there, and there was, at least at one point, some flirting. What you should do then is pay her compliments. Throw one in, very casually, during one of your conversations. Don't overdo it, that's the biggest mistake you could make. Another time, throw another in. And another, and another.

Use the second advice in conjunction to the 3rd one, which is :

Talk to her about your sexual/romantic escapades too. In other words, get it through her head that you're not interested in her that way either, ALL THE WHILE paying her compliments here and there. Make her feel exactly the way you feel. IT WILL TAKE TIME. But even though half the satisfaction lies in the destination, the other half lies in the ride. Play and enjoy the game, don't let the game play you. You've got nothing to lose here.

An example :

Girl : "This guy at school today asked me what the time is, then tripped, fell, and broke his teeth, it was hilarious"
You : "Haha, flirting gone wrong"
Girl : "Why do you think every single guy who talks to me is flirting?"
You : "Well, you're a gorgeous girl. So I'm assuming. As a guy, I can guarantee that any guy who isn't gay would love to get to know you. Obviously. But that guy...poor guy...did you at least help him up?"

Something like that. It's not a pickup line, and you're not making a move or anything. You're just saying.

Keep doing that, over, and over, and over, and over again. She will start returning the favor. That doesn't mean she'd dump her man for you. It just means that she'll throw in some compliments to you too. That also means she's starting to value your compliments, which would be the first step to having the "more than just friends" feelings.

So that's the trick. She needs to value your compliments. (I know guys who shower the chicks with a compliment every 1.5 seconds. That's called crashing and burning.)
The reason I say to use 2 and 3 together is to achieve that. Do not let your compliments put her on the spot. That would make it awkward. Your initial goal is to give her these veeeerry conceptual thoughts that you and her together wouldn't be such a bad idea when you really think about it. That's far from over though. But you build up that special connection, all the while remaining friends and not being "that guy". You just give her the compliment, then keep talking, change the subject, whatever, basically show that it wasn't planned (and it shouldn't be) and that you're not expecting anything out of it. That will make her much more comfortable around you, she'll love talking to you more, and voila.

Then, one day, whether it's a week, or a year after, she'll break up with her boyfriend. And trust me, you'd be an extremely viable option then. Also, as you said, you love hanging around her anyway, so it's not like it'd KILL you to wait.

 

[demon]

Leon-
That seems to make sense. I've sort of already been trying to do that......believe me, showering her with too many compliments has not been a problem for me. In fact, I cannot recall any overt compimenting (of a flirtatious manner) ever, until tonight. She wore her hair in a pony tail and I mentioned I've never seen her do something like that with her hair. She asked what I thought about it and I said it looked nice. I also, after months of wondering what the hell her intoxicating perfume is, asked about that and said it smells really nice on her. Other little things here and there over the past week.

What sucks, though, is that it seems she's been with this guy for a bit longer than she's been in her past relatinoships. And after she graduates college at the end of next summer, she'll be moving to Japan to teach for 3-5 years, so it's not like I'll be seeing a lot of her after a uear from now. And that in and of itself really depresses me.



Oh yeah, and I'm still baffled about the perfume thing. No matter what fragrance she wears, it eventually always smells the same on her, and it drives me fucking wild. Sometimes I'll even be sitting around or driving my car and for a brief moment it's like I'll imagine or halllucinate her scent, and it instantly reminds me of her. Maybe I actually smell something that smells like her.....I dunno.

Goddamit. Girls. am i rite?

 

[demon]

...and I'll add, she seems to be a cause of a lack of sleep for me after whenever we spend a great deal of time together. :| it's currently 5 am. How can she do this to me!!

 

[Saturnman]

Basically, is there a reaosn why no matter what pefume she wears she smells the same to me, and it's a smell that always turns me on?

Pheromones, obviously.

 

[Boogie]

Talk to her about your sexual/romantic escapades too.

Umm, I think demon's going to have some difficulty with this one

 

[SlickWilly223]

Do not be "that" guy.

Aside from that, here's what you should do.

1)You sound like you're very comfortable around her already. Stay this close, don't try to get closer, it will only make things awkward, and ultimately worse.

2) Second, you said there's a mutual attraction there, and there was, at least at one point, some flirting. What you should do then is pay her compliments. Throw one in, very casually, during one of your conversations. Don't overdo it, that's the biggest mistake you could make. Another time, throw another in. And another, and another.

Use the second advice in conjunction to the 3rd one, which is :

Talk to her about your sexual/romantic escapades too. In other words, get it through her head that you're not interested in her that way either, ALL THE WHILE paying her compliments here and there. Make her feel exactly the way you feel. IT WILL TAKE TIME. But even though half the satisfaction lies in the destination, the other half lies in the ride. Play and enjoy the game, don't let the game play you. You've got nothing to lose here.

An example :

Girl : "This guy at school today asked me what the time is, then tripped, fell, and broke his teeth, it was hilarious"
You : "Haha, flirting gone wrong"
Girl : "Why do you think every single guy who talks to me is flirting?"
You : "Well, you're a gorgeous girl. So I'm assuming. As a guy, I can guarantee that any guy who isn't gay would love to get to know you. Obviously. But that guy...poor guy...did you at least help him up?"

Something like that. It's not a pickup line, and you're not making a move or anything. You're just saying.

Keep doing that, over, and over, and over, and over again. She will start returning the favor. That doesn't mean she'd dump her man for you. It just means that she'll throw in some compliments to you too. That also means she's starting to value your compliments, which would be the first step to having the "more than just friends" feelings.

So that's the trick. She needs to value your compliments. (I know guys who shower the chicks with a compliment every 1.5 seconds. That's called crashing and burning.)
The reason I say to use 2 and 3 together is to achieve that. Do not let your compliments put her on the spot. That would make it awkward. Your initial goal is to give her these veeeerry conceptual thoughts that you and her together wouldn't be such a bad idea when you really think about it. That's far from over though. But you build up that special connection, all the while remaining friends and not being "that guy". You just give her the compliment, then keep talking, change the subject, whatever, basically show that it wasn't planned (and it shouldn't be) and that you're not expecting anything out of it. That will make her much more comfortable around you, she'll love talking to you more, and voila.

Then, one day, whether it's a week, or a year after, she'll break up with her boyfriend. And trust me, you'd be an extremely viable option then. Also, as you said, you love hanging around her anyway, so it's not like it'd KILL you to wait.

This guy's got it. Worked for me back in the day.

 

[ArcadeStickMonk]

Take your exact same situation, but make the girl gay, and that's what I went through a few years ago.

I never thought I'd meet such a great girl with whom I had so much in common, and I don't know if I ever will again. I really thought we had a chance: cute, great sense of humor, a writer like myself, and she even worked in a damn arcade for chissakes. But, she wasn't into guys so I was doomed from the get go. Well, I shouldn't say doomed, because I still got a really good friend out of it.

Some things are hard to accept and even harder to feel okay about, and you're almost certainly heading for both these places. Every day it gets a little easier, and that's all the advice I can give you.

 

[chocoholic]

NEVER EVER make a move on a girl thats taken, trust me, it never works

 

[demon]

NEVER EVER make a move on a girl thats taken, trust me, it never works

I don't believe that, under the right (rare) circumstances. But no, I have no plans on "making a move" on her. Plus, and not to sound like a chick, but I really do value our friendship and I wouldn't want to ruin it.

Pheromones, obviously.

I figured that might have something to do with it. But is that really how it works, and that strongly? Any fragrance she puts on, it eventually turns into the same damn aphrodisiac scent.

 

[Phoenix]

"Listen Demon, I read a book sayin' that women are from Venus, so here's what you get her; thick layers of sulfuric acid, viscous surface rock and corone which seem to be collapsed domes over large magma chambers..."

 

[demon]

"Listen Demon, I read a book sayin' that women are from Venus, so here's what you get her; thick layers of sulfuric acid, viscous surface rock and corone which seem to be collapsed domes over large magma chambers..."

roofles. That from anything in particular?

 

[Koshiro]

roofles. That from anything in particular?

It is but I'm trying to remember what it was from too.

 

[demon]

Why do I picture Bender from Futurama saying it? I dunno....

 

[Phoenix]

Why do I picture Bender from Futurama saying it? I dunno....

Peter Griffin, Family Guy

 

[Malakhov]

Used to be in this situation, just forget it or you'll end up hurting more than anything else. She's a friend, that's all she is bro.

 

[way more]

Per your perfume question: Once solved tell the world, don't let the answer die with you.

 

[SlickWilly223]

Used to be in this situation, just forget it or you'll end up hurting more than anything else. She's a friend, that's all she is bro.

That's not true, though. Tons of friends become couples (or fuckbuddys) if you played your cards right. I mean, if you're already friends, you're obviously someone they can trust and have fun around... so you're pretty much half way there.

Use a few tips from, I don't know, Cubsfan, lift some weights, get yourself a personality and BAM, you'll be frige fucking her in no time.

 

[demon]

That's not true, though. Tons of friends become couples (or fuckbuddys) if you played your cards right. I mean, if you're already friends, you're obviously someone they can trust and have fun around... so you're pretty much half way there.

Just wanted to say.....this is indeed true. According to her, her boyfriend and she have known each other and been friends since at the very least spring of last year, and they decided to start dating last december. So yeah, I don't buy into the school of thought that once you're friends with a girl a relationship down the road is not possible.

 

[Alucard]

Tell them, then they'll tell you that they only like you as a friend. Then wait 6 months to a year as they slowly begin to like you more. Then make out with them on a spur of the moment, random night and when they ask what it meant, say that you only think of them as a friend and want it to stay that way. Worked for me!

 

[Matlock]

You're like the living embodiment of teenage angst, Alex.

 

[Alucard]

Matlock, nah, not really. I make my stories more dramatic than they actually are, strictly for the comedic value. I'm a pretty calm and collected individual most of the time. I was done with angst years ago.

But yeah, this story did actually happen. Last night actually. Made out with a friend (just sort of happened in the car), she said she wouldn't mind seeing what can happen between us, and I said that I just wanted to continue being friends. And yeah, I 'like' liked her about a year ago. So I guess it was kind of a form of ownage? I dunno. The making out was nice though. Ha.

 

[Joe]

i didnt bother reading your post or any replies but DONT DO IT! DO NOT DO IT! it is sure to fuck up the friendship, dont do it. get yourself unattached right this second otherwise be prepared for a TOTAL MINDFUCK.

DONT DO IT